Sisters wanting sites

K.G. · 24-10-2018 11:46PM

starting to feel hard done by.my wife came from a farm and got absolutely nothing-.my apoligies she got two cats.now that place is in scenic area and a site there would put a big hole in our two mortages but the thought never crossed our minds and still dosent.

I says · 25-10-2018 12:29AM

What’s fair and moral are two different things here, yes maybe the sisters should get a site each and be done with it as I said in my previous post.
The thing between the ears is a different beast altogether when it comes to land and succession and who gets what. How many here on this thread broke their holes getting calls to help out with the bachelor uncle or the aunt and uncle who had no children of their own in the hope/expectation of getting the place after them only to get nothing as whoever died wanted their surname to continue so a young fella with the surname who did fcuk all around the place got the lot.
Nothing is fair in life the only resolution to this is talk with all parties involved and sort it out whether the get anything at all so nothing festers.
Life is to sort to fall out over three sites on 200acs on smaller farms it would be a non runner.

Cattlepen · 25-10-2018 09:10AM

Alrigghtythen wrote: »

You must be selling sites?

Cheap shot. Never sold one. Ever

Buford T. Justice XIX · 25-10-2018 09:48AM

Alrigghtythen wrote: »

You must be selling sites?

Mod note: Alright folks, we'll have no more of this sniping here. This isn't AH, you're expected to discuss with civility here and, if you can't, you will be asked to move along. Any more posts like this will lead to a thread ban at best.

Any questions on this can be directed to the mods here rather than on the thread.

Buford T. Justice

fergus1001 · 25-10-2018 09:53AM

Buford T. Justice V wrote: »

Mod note: Alright folks, we'll have no more of this sniping here. This isn't AH, you're expected to discuss with civility here and, if you can't, you will be asked to move along. Any more posts like this will lead to a thread ban at best.

Any questions on this can be directed to the mods here rather than on the thread.

Buford T. Justice

fergus1001 · 25-10-2018 10:04AM

My two cents from experience from the generation before me, my family had alot of in fighting over the farm and sites and everything else my father got the farm and his brother got a site, after all the fighting and legal stuff the farm was nearly lost and the two brothers dont talk to each other i dont even know my cousins and they only live up the road

Be carefull what you wish for 3 acres is a small price to pay for a lifetime of good relations with your own family

John_Rambo · 25-10-2018 10:43AM

I didn’t vote cause I don’t have a farm! It’s easy to say yay or nay when you’re not in the position to do so.

But I'd say a LOT of non-farming folk voted anyway! The poll could be skewed.

I disagree with one off housing for non-farming people that have no connection with the land. It’s bad for everyone.

BUT… I’d find it hard refusing my siblings.

John_Rambo · 25-10-2018 10:44AM

Ginger83 wrote: »

You mean rejection.

You could Un-reject them and patch it up dude.

Ginger83 · 25-10-2018 12:25PM

John_Rambo wrote: »

You could Un-reject them and patch it up dude.

Why would we want that?

We've had 7yrs of peace. They'll die miserable and without any care from us. Let their golden boy look after them. We have no regrets.

Muckit · 25-10-2018 12:33PM

John_Rambo wrote: »

Jesus christ. I don't know who's worse. Both parties entrenched, heels dug in, smug in their own self righteousness.

Meanwhile the next generation... (kids) deprived of their own extended family.

All over land.

This is the sad thing. The kids. Innocent in all of this. If anything l hope ginger83 that you and your wife will at least consider the notion of packng the car and heading down with the kids this Christmas for a quick visit. Life is short. And bitterness only does more damage to yourself and your family.

Even if you and your wife believe you
were wronged in the past, do the right thing now in the present, while you still can.

Alrigghtythen · 25-10-2018 01:34PM

Muckit wrote: »

This is the sad thing. The kids. Innocent in all of this. If anything l hope ginger83 that you and your wife will at least consider the notion of packng the car and heading down with the kids this Christmas for a quick visit. Life is short. And bitterness only does more damage to yourself and your family.

Even if you and your wife believe you
were wronged in the past, do the right thing now in the present, while you still can.

"Do the right thing". Isn't it a pity the parents & farming sibling aren't held to the same standard.

whelan2 · 25-10-2018 01:41PM

My kids never got to meet their grandparents on my husbands side as they died young. I often wonder are they missing out. I'd say in ginger83's case there's too much water under the bridge at this stage

Mooooo · 25-10-2018 01:53PM

I've seen it where farms were sold due to fall outs but I've also seen it where the farm was the glue that held everything together. Every situation is different but helping out family is always something to try and do I feel. Older generations may have differing views if they came from a time where keeping hold of the land may have been difficult and also where the farm was providing for extended family as well be it food or work or whatever. As time has moved on farm returns are less able to provide for more than one family so if one successor is farming the lot may have to go to him/ her in order to remain viable. Of course sites would be an option for siblings once they are agreed in terms of location etc. A common route would be a site or help with a deposit elsewhere, dependant on where the sibling would want to live. Again discussion with everyone in the family and a realisation that at the end of the day it's the parents assets which they can do as they please at the end of the day. Going in gunho about what you want is all well and good but like all things in life you have to be able to see it from the other point of view in order to understand everything fully.
Disputes do and will arise. Both sides being stubborn and cutting contact, I dunno at the end of the day someone has to be the bigger person in order to overcome things no matter how big or small.

salmocab · 25-10-2018 02:13PM

I posted earlier in the thread about this, hands up I’m not from a rural background but surely farms can’t keep having bits sliced off for every generation to get a bit for themselves. It seems to me that road frontage is already limited on a lot of farms and that giving a lump of it away every generation is just storing up hassle for future generations.
Its only 3 acres now but presumably the farmer may have 3/4 children in the future all looking for a bit and maybe even nephews and nieces that are growing up in the 3 acres that the sisters currently want will want a bit too. It has to stop somewhere.

Tell me how · 25-10-2018 02:19PM

salmocab wrote:

I posted earlier in the thread about this, hands up Iâ€™m not from a rural background but surely farms canâ€™t keep having bits sliced off for every generation to get a bit for themselves. It seems to me that road frontage is already limited on a lot of farms and that giving a lump of it away every generation is just storing up hassle for future generations. Its only 3 acres now but presumably the farmer may have 3/4 children in the future all looking for a bit and maybe even nephews and nieces that are growing up in the 3 acres that the sisters currently want will want a bit too. It has to stop somewhere.

If each generation had 4 children with 1 getting the farm and the others getting sites if 1 acre each, after 20 generations, the original farm would still be 120 acres.
This would take about 600 years.....

Muckit · 25-10-2018 02:29PM

Alrigghtythen wrote: »

"Do the right thing". Isn't it a pity the parents & farming sibling aren't held to the same standard.

We only have control over our own actions.
I'm not taking sides. Advocating on the childrens behalf if anything.

salmocab · 25-10-2018 02:39PM

Tell me how wrote: »

If each generation had 4 children with 1 getting the farm and the others getting sites if 1 acre each, after 20 generations, the original farm would still be 120 acres.
This would take about 600 years.....

My point was about road frontage, depending on the layout of the farm it may not take long before all the land that would be suitable for putting a house on may soon be gone. The farm has to be a practical business not a place for future generations to live.

Tell me how · 25-10-2018 02:42PM

salmocab wrote:

My point was about road frontage, depending on the layout of the farm it may not take long before all the land that would be suitable for putting a house on may soon be gone. The farm has to be a practical business not a place for future generations to live.

Agree, but considerations should be practical as well.

Potential family disharmony over 1.5% seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

pleas advice · 25-10-2018 02:48PM

Shur what else is road frontage for only building houses?

salmocab · 25-10-2018 02:52PM

Tell me how wrote: »

Agree, but considerations should be practical as well.

Potential family disharmony over 1.5% seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Certainly but it’s possible that the land is in such a way that once the 3 acres they want is gone he may be struggling to find some for his kids.
This farm aside where do you draw the line if they wanted an acre each of a 100 acre farm is that unreasonable?
Like I said I’m very much an urban dweller but I know these things are far more complicated than they sound.

crossman47 · 25-10-2018 02:59PM

Tell me how wrote: »

If each generation had 4 children with 1 getting the farm and the others getting sites if 1 acre each, after 20 generations, the original farm would still be 120 acres.
This would take about 600 years.....

Maybe they would have solved the problems caused by one off housing as they would have created their own small town!

BIGT4464 · 25-10-2018 03:11PM

august12 wrote: »

mayota wrote:

The sites should be gifted by the parents before transfer.

Would agree here, and ensure when selecting the site location, corner sites and as far away as possible from the farming sheds, parlour, milking block etc. And of course not in line of sight of your own house, there is the chance these sites might be sold later on, so take that into consideration and work out the possible implications this might have, so select site locations carefully. I do feel they are entitled to this given the size of farm but hubbie shouldn't have to pay the legal costs for transfer. There is a site gift tax exemption but there is certain criteria to avail of this.

More one-off housing, great. These houses should be in a cluster near the yard or not built at all.

Alrigghtythen · 25-10-2018 03:22PM

salmocab wrote: »

Certainly but it’s possible that the land is in such a way that once the 3 acres they want is gone he may be struggling to find some for his kids.
This farm aside where do you draw the line if they wanted an acre each of a 100 acre farm is that unreasonable?
Like I said I’m very much an urban dweller but I know these things are far more complicated than they sound.

Does the farming sibling expect not only a site for his own house, but also sites for his children? It's a bit odd he would expect to get sites for all his children, yet object when his parents wanted the same thing for their children.

salmocab · 25-10-2018 03:28PM

Alrigghtythen wrote: »

Does the farming sibling expect not only a site for his own house, but also sites for his children? It's a bit odd he would expect to get sites for all his children, yet object when his parents wanted the same thing for their children.

Well obviously I don’t know, my point is we don’t know as we don’t know anything about this particular farm. These 3 acres may inhibit future development that is in his interest. It’s too easy without a lot of particulars to say he’s being greedy or unreasonable when this is probably far more complicated.

ganmo · 25-10-2018 05:35PM

my view on it is as long as the land is in the parents name they can and should do as they please.
in my own family I don't know what my parents want to do with the land, I'm the only 'farmer' among the children, I know where I'd like to build and I'm guessing one of my siblings would build on the farm too if offered.
If I do get the land and if i have kids I don't think I'd be giving them sites

I'd like to also say why the sites are so big in comparison to houses in towns, they have to contain all waste water on site meaning the septic tank/percolation area etc have to be within the boundary of the site and maybe a well too if theres no mains supply

Becks610 · 25-10-2018 10:21PM

Ginger83 wrote: »

Ah land.......the biggest cause of all feuds.

I met my wife 15yrs ago. She wanted to build on the family land so we asked her parents for a site. They said no. We offered to buy it. They said no. The land is being kept for the oldest son. My wife was very upset over it.

We moved to another county and don't speak to them. Its been 7yrs now with no contact, we're married now and they were not invited, we have kids they've never met and a beautiful home they've never set foot in. I was diagnosed with a terminal illness a few yrs ago, they are not involved and will be informed on the day of my funeral that they are not welcome at it.

They have their land, i hope it keeps them happy. It cost them a daughter, son in law and grandkids.

OP if your husbands decides to let greed get the better of him, one day he'll stand in a lonely field and realise....it was a poxy bit of grass.

Oh I really feel for ye. What an awful thing to happen to ye. I am surprised that they didn’t change their mind especially when grandkids came along or even the mother change her mind.

I believe ye were right tho in moving away - there would be no point living close by squabbling or pretending to get on as it would really bug your wife. That would have really annoyed your wife. Ye will be the better for it in the long run and at least ye know that these grandparents don’t get a chance to give unequal treatment to your children if they are of different genders.

No doubt if ye had of stayed your wife would have been the one expected to look after her parents if they got sick etc.

memorystick · 25-10-2018 11:23PM

Becks610 wrote: »

Oh I really feel for ye. What an awful thing to happen to ye. I am surprised that they didn’t change their mind especially when grandkids came along or even the mother change her mind.

I believe ye were right tho in moving away - there would be no point living close by squabbling or pretending to get on as it would really bug your wife. That would have really annoyed your wife. Ye will be the better for it in the long run and at least ye know that these grandparents don’t get a chance to give unequal treatment to your children if they are of different genders.

No doubt if ye had of stayed your wife would have been the one expected to look after her parents if they got sick etc.

Poor decisions can wreck a family. Long story short- my father wanted me to farm land for my lifetime and then pass it on to my nephews because I have a son with Down syndrome. Total gôbśhit. Got it sorted but have no time for him. He'll be dead shortly and all he'll need is a wet plot in the graveyard. He caused enough of hardship so he can be buried in hardship.

fergus1001 · 25-10-2018 11:36PM

memorystick wrote:

Poor decisions can wreck a family. Long story short- my father wanted me to farm land for my lifetime and then pass it on to my nephews because I have a son with Down syndrome. Total gÃ´bÅ›hit. Got it sorted but have no time for him. He'll be dead shortly and all he'll need is a wet plot in the graveyard. He caused enough of hardship so he can be buried in hardship.

did you get the farm or leave him with it ?

memorystick · 26-10-2018 06:58AM

fergus1001 wrote: »

did you get the farm or leave him with it ?

There was an agreement made to divide land between 2 of us (brothers). Agreement made but when my wife had second child with DS, agreement off. Brother wound the father up. Took 2 years and 25k to get it sorted. My family is not to be pîsséd on.

Pete_Cavan · 26-10-2018 07:50AM

This thread has gone full Jeremy Kyle.

Sisters wanting sites

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