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Sex party, have you ever been?

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    #392
    nikkibikki
    Registered Users Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    JohnnyFlash wrote:
    That's harsh enough there, pet. The lad is only heading out to watch the match, drink a skelp of pints, and maybe bang an 'escort'. Every prozzie in Dublin will be servicing lads after the match - heard the lads up from Cork and Limerick are mad for riding them. He's only one of hundreds who will be doing the same thing today.


    Ah Johnny you have a tremendous way with words! I'd say you've no need to resort to paying for it yourself. You're a classier sort of fella I reckon and you're well able to pull without flashing a fat wallet.


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    #393
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #394
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,176 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    nikkibikki wrote: »
    Ah Johnny you have a tremendous way with words! I'd say you've no need to resort to paying for it yourself. You're a classier sort of fella I reckon and you're well able to pull without flashing a fat wallet.

    Good knobby stem is better than the full wallet sometimes.

    If it’s balanced by a set of heavy clockweights like billiard balls in a plastic bag,so much the better.

    Fat purple bulb on her, and Bobs yer Uncle.

    ask any lass


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    #395
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Good knobby stem is better than the full wallet sometimes.

    If it’s balanced by a set of heavy clockweights like billiard balls in a plastic bag,so much the better.

    Fat purple bulb on her, and Bobs yer Uncle.

    ask any lass

    An intimidating ‘bride frightener’ is a great thing to be blessed with. Get a good rod up on you that you could pitch a circus tent on, and go at it like your cock has been caught by a fisherman.


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    #396
    muppetshow1451
    Registered Users Posts: 272 ✭✭muppetshow1451


    nikkibikki wrote: »
    Ah Johnny you have a tremendous way with words! I'd say you've no need to resort to paying for it yourself. You're a classier sort of fella I reckon and you're well able to pull without flashing a fat wallet.

    Sounds like you could do with riding on a rod for an hour.:D


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    #397
    nikkibikki
    Registered Users Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    muppetshow1451 wrote:
    Sounds like you could do with riding on a rod for an hour.


    Husband keeps me more than satisfied, thanks for your concern tho. Not being sarky with Johnny for the record. His posts are gold! He's doing nobody any harm and having a great time by the sounds of it! More power to ya Johnny!


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    #398
    muppetshow1451
    Registered Users Posts: 272 ✭✭muppetshow1451


    nikkibikki wrote: »
    Husband keeps me more than satisfied, thanks for your concern tho. Not being sarky with Johnny for the record. His posts are gold! He's doing nobody any harm and having a great time by the sounds of it! More power to ya Johnny!

    Sounds legit;)


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    #399
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,253 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    An intimidating ‘bride frightener’ is a great thing to be blessed with. Get a good rod up on you that you could pitch a circus tent on, and go at it like your cock has been caught by a fisherman.

    I definitely need to borrow this last line...


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    #400
    Obi_Wan_Kenobi
    Registered Users Posts: 73 ✭✭Obi_Wan_Kenobi


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Excellent advice there for the readers of this website. Had a fûxking tray of that Galway Hooker stuff one night (not your type of hooker, Paddy). Lovely tack at the time, but I was fücking perched to the throne for most of the next day. Solids, fluids and gases were all present. My fûcking hoop was like Rudolph’s nose by the end of it. Ended up having to stick a bag of frozen peas in the area to get some relief. :mad:

    Just as long as the peas weren't thrown in with the boiled spuds for sunday dinner!


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    #401
    BorneTobyWilde
    Registered Users Posts: 35,841 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Johnny at the weekend

    RxlHzxp.gif


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    #402
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    BorneTobyWilde wrote: »
    Johnny at the weekend

    RxlHzxp.gif

    Jesus horse, that isn’t too far away from the mark!! :D

    Went to that Black Door place last night. Crowd was a bit young, but had mighty crack in the place. Went back to a broad’s place in Artane afterwards. She offered me a line of the auld Bolivian marching powder. Holy fück, but I couldn’t blow me beans no matter how much I pumped after takin’ it. I was like a fúcking jackhammer but I think i’d Still be there now and nothin’ would be firing. First time dabblin’ in that stuff. Can see why lads like it, but you’d want to be ‘trigger happy’ in the 1st place if you have any hope of knockin’ One out.

    Not in the best of mood today either. Went to Supermacs this evening and could only ate about half the snack box I ordered.

    :(


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    #403
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,195 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »
    Love this time of year. 6 nations is a great time for heading out with the lads.

    Have my sheepskin coat, hip flask and binos ready. The wife has my 2002 Irish Permanent jersey pressed and ready to go. Thing is a bit tight around the belly these days but still fits well enough. Fry is sizzling in the kitchen as we speak. Smells glorious. Will make a couple of rasher sambos to bring in too.

    Only 6 of us got the pass from the missus to head in but its a good group. Heading in to Toners for 12. Gonna gannet down a good few pints of Carlsberg before the game. Love the craic on game day. Great banter to be had slagging with some of the heifers up from Munster or the sour aul ones from Ulster. Might even be a few Italian ragazze knocking around but they normally don't travel in big numbers.

    Don't have to be home til 10 tonight so I'd say I might slip away around 8 and visit my favourite website where a man can pick from a plethora of girls for a bout of rumpy pumpy with. Feeling exotic today...might see if I can score myself an African lady!

    Come on Ireland!!

    So Paddy !

    Spill the beans ?


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    #404
    Schwanz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 898 ✭✭✭Schwanz


    Went once to one in Clondalkin years back. Guy with an absolute massive appendage was in a room with two women and to be honest I've felt inadequate ever since.

    Not for me but an eye opener of the highest order.


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    #405
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Schwanz wrote: »
    Went once to one in Clondalkin years back. Guy with an absolute massive appendage was in a room with two women and to be honest I've felt inadequate ever since.

    Not for me but an eye opener of the highest order.

    Kinda lad who could tuck it into his sock when he’s finished??


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    #406
    Roger Hassenforder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,555 ✭✭✭Roger Hassenforder


    Schwanz wrote: »
    Went once to one in Clondalkin years back. Guy with an absolute massive appendage was in a room with two women and to be honest I've felt inadequate ever since.

    Not for me but an eye opener of the highest order.

    its not meant to open your eye...


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    #407
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Jesus horse, that isn’t too far away from the mark!! :D

    Went to that Black Door place last night. Crowd was a bit young, but had mighty crack in the place. Went back to a broad’s place in Artane afterwards. She offered me a line of the auld Bolivian marching powder. Holy fück, but I couldn’t blow me beans no matter how much I pumped after takin’ it. I was like a fúcking jackhammer but I think i’d Still be there now and nothin’ would be firing. First time dabblin’ in that stuff. Can see why lads like it, but you’d want to be ‘trigger happy’ in the 1st place if you have any hope of knockin’ One out.

    Not in the best of mood today either. Went to Supermacs this evening and could only ate about half the snack box I ordered.

    :(

    Ah Johnny, I'm sorry to hear it. Was the poor girl devastated? I'd say she was all lined up to take a load in the face too, like a fireman's hose


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    #408
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    TomSweeney wrote: »
    So Paddy !

    Spill the beans ?

    Great weekend! Had mighty craic on Saturday with the lads. Great banter to be had with all the other rugby fans. Singing songs and having a laugh winding up girls. Most of the women took the messing in good spirits but the odd one got the hump. Trapper had a vodka and white thrown over him in Foley's for pinching a young ones arse. She should have been flattered. She was a big heifer so I doubt she was getting much attention off anyone else.

    As planned I slipped away at 8 to see if I could score before heading home. Every punter up to the big smoke must have been getting their rocks off too cause I couldn't get through to any of the women I was ringing off the website. Ended up ringing a Turkish girl who was offering a "Tantric Massage". Beggars can't be choosers so I went with what I could.

    Arrive to some dingy flat in Rathmines. Place was freezing so it was hard to get in the mood. Your one's pictures were definitely out of date as she wasn't great on the eye to be honest. Had that sort of sideburn thing that middle eastern types get. Small bit of a ronnie too. Still though. I was about 12 pints in at this stage so any hole was a goal.

    I presumed tantric massage was just a cover story and I'd be lepping up on her in jig time. She wasn't for turning though. Insisted it was massage only and that I'd enjoy it. 'Just relax, baby'. I whipped off the Ireland jersey and chinos and jumped on to the bed. She put on some awful foreign music CD. Was having second thought about the whole thing if I'm honest. Then she took off her clothes so that made me a bit happier. Then I noticed she had a bush on her like a scared hedgehog. It was shaved but not for quite some time so very stubbly. I decided to just close my eyes and imagine one of the prettier things I'd scored in Portugal.

    Wasn't long before I had a pole on me like Elon Musk's Falcon Heavy. Proudly buldging and standing to attention. In fairness her technique was great and the oils made everything slippery. Every now and again her spiky pubes scratched against me and pulled me out of the mood, but other than that it was all good. I was starting to build up to a big explosion. I was trying not to as I'd paid for 45 mins and we were only about 10 mins in a this stage. Just as I was about to go I hear this buzzing sound and feel something cold at my tea towel holder. I was about to come so I couldn't even talk to say stop. The whole area of my barse felt like it was buzzing. I started spurting man milk all over the place. White blobs shooting up to the ceiling and landing back down on my chest. Few specks on to my face as well.

    I regained my composure and whipped the thing out of my hole. It was a little yoke about the size of a sharpie marker. Still buzzing away in my hand. I was in shock. That's when I felt the 12 pints I'd lowered down my gullet earlier banging loudly at the door of my badge. I lept up as quickly as I could and made a beeline for the jacks. She starting roaring something at me in Turkish as I left the room in my birthday suit. Presume she thought I was trying to do a legger on her. I must have looked some sight out in the hallway balls naked and clucthing my arse trying to hold back the impending tide of scutter. I just made it to the throne in time and before my arse had even touch the seat I was evacuating the entire contents of my bowels. I was shkyting ****e all over the place. Coming out at an extremely rapid pace. Cleaned myself up and headed back in to the Turk. She was grinning ear to ear. Obviously gets a kick out of that kind of thing.

    Gathered my clothes up and bid her farewell and got a taxi home. It was a new one for me and overall I have to admit I did enjoy it. I will definitely repeat. May be best to have consumed plenty of fibre in the hours leading up to it however.


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    #409
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »
    Great weekend! Had mighty craic on Saturday with the lads. Great banter to be had with all the other rugby fans. Singing songs and having a laugh winding up girls. Most of the women took the messing in good spirits but the odd one got the hump. Trapper had a vodka and white thrown over him in Foley's for pinching a young ones arse. She should have been flattered. She was a big heifer so I doubt she was getting much attention off anyone else.

    As planned I slipped away at 8 to see if I could score before heading home. Every punter up to the big smoke must have been getting their rocks off too cause I couldn't get through to any of the women I was ringing off the website. Ended up ringing a Turkish girl who was offering a "Tantric Massage". Beggars can't be choosers so I went with what I could.

    Arrive to some dingy flat in Rathmines. Place was freezing so it was hard to get in the mood. Your one's pictures were definitely out of date as she wasn't great on the eye to be honest. Had that sort of sideburn thing that middle eastern types get. Small bit of a ronnie too. Still though. I was about 12 pints in at this stage so any hole was a goal.

    I presumed tantric massage was just a cover story and I'd be lepping up on her in jig time. She wasn't for turning though. Insisted it was massage only and that I'd enjoy it. 'Just relax, baby'. I whipped off the Ireland jersey and chinos and jumped on to the bed. She put on some awful foreign music CD. Was having second thought about the whole thing if I'm honest. Then she took off her clothes so that made me a bit happier. Then I noticed she had a bush on her like a scared hedgehog. It was shaved but not for quite some time so very stubbly. I decided to just close my eyes and imagine one of the prettier things I'd scored in Portugal.

    Wasn't long before I had a pole on me like Elon Musk's Falcon Heavy. Proudly buldging and standing to attention. In fairness her technique was great and the oils made everything slippery. Every now and again her spiky pubes scratched against me and pulled me out of the mood, but other than that it was all good. I was starting to build up to a big explosion. I was trying not to as I'd paid for 45 mins and we were only about 10 mins in a this stage. Just as I was about to go I hear this buzzing sound and feel something cold at my tea towel holder. I was about to come so I couldn't even talk to say stop. The whole area of my barse felt like it was buzzing. I started spurting man milk all over the place. White blobs shooting up to the ceiling and landing back down on my chest. Few specks on to my face as well.

    I regained my composure and whipped the thing out of my hole. It was a little yoke about the size of a sharpie marker. Still buzzing away in my hand. I was in shock. That's when I felt the 12 pints I'd lowered down my gullet earlier banging loudly at the door of my badge. I lept up as quickly as I could and made a beeline for the jacks. She starting roaring something at me in Turkish as I left the room in my birthday suit. Presume she thought I was trying to do a legger on her. I must have looked some sight out in the hallway balls naked and clucthing my arse trying to hold back the impending tide of scutter. I just made it to the throne in time and before my arse had even touch the seat I was evacuating the entire contents of my bowels. I was shkyting ****e all over the place. Coming out at an extremely rapid pace. Cleaned myself up and headed back in to the Turk. She was grinning ear to ear. Obviously gets a kick out of that kind of thing.

    Gathered my clothes up and bid her farewell and got a taxi home. It was a new one for me and overall I have to admit I did enjoy it. I will definitely repeat. May be best to have consumed plenty of fibre in the hours leading up to it however.

    Wb Flutt


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    #410
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    HOw was your hole the next day, Paddy? Like the fog light on a Massey Ferguson id imagine??


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    #411
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,176 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    HOw was your hole the next day, Paddy? Like the fog light on a Massey Ferguson id imagine??

    Like a burst beef tomato, I’d say,John.

    Heard there was a run of the ‘scabs’ out in the Donnybrook area after the rugby game, I’d hang the hose in a glass of Dettol, just in case.


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    #412
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Like a burst beef tomato, I’d say,John.

    Heard there was a run of the ‘scabs’ out in the Donnybrook area after the rugby game, I’d hang the hose in a glass of Dettol, just in case.

    Wasn’t at the game or in the Donnybrook area after the game. Did pull a frisky one in Dublin later that night. Might have to take a Brillo pad to me flute to get the lipstick stains off. Sampled the old devils dandruff for the first time as well.Wouldn’t want to have a bad ticker indulging in 5 or 6 fat lines of that stuff, Brendan.


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    #413
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Johnny & Paddy...

    Will ye be slapping the bag off the arse of some young wan tonight, or are ye not the romantic type? I was full sure i'd hear of plans for splashings of man milk across of anticipating faces.

    Leave them walking funny boyos:D


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    #414
    fuerte1976
    Closed Accounts Posts: 692 ✭✭✭fuerte1976


    Boys are gone to ground.. Maybe guilt or a dose of creepy crawleys have descended 😀


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    #415
    Pero_Bueno
    Closed Accounts Posts: 502 ✭✭✭Pero_Bueno


    Valentines day, I guess Paddy is busy keeping the wife happy with a box of chocolates.

    JohhnyFlasher is probably out with the shirt open and the gold medallion tho ... get in !


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    #416
    demanufactured
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,756 ✭✭✭demanufactured


    Pero_Bueno wrote: »
    Valentines day, I guess Paddy is busy keeping the wife happy with a box of chocolates.

    JohhnyFlasher is probably out with the shirt open and the gold medallion tho ... get in !

    Big hairy chest sticking out.. Fag In gob...


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    #417
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,176 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    demanufactured wrote: »
    Big hairy chest sticking out.. Fag In gob...

    And gut hanging out over a straining belt.………


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    #418
    BofaDeezNuhtz
    Registered Users Posts: 589 ✭✭✭BofaDeezNuhtz


    demanufactured wrote: »
    Big hairy chest sticking out.. Fag In gob...

    I'd say he'd try anything once alright :D


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    #419
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    And gut hanging out over a straining belt.………

    In great shape these days, Brendan. 34x34 man here. Not a fan of the waxed balls though. Thought I’d give it a try as I heard the birds like a freshly waxed set of plums. Sticking to the inside of my leg once I go from the cold into a warm room. Had to adjust myself today while I was meeting a client. Very unprofessional. :mad:
    Suzuki_TL1000R wrote: »
    I'd say he'd try any once alright :D

    Keep the gay fantasies to yourself pal. Not into hot and sweaty man-on-man action. :eek:


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    #420
    Brendan Bendar
    Registered Users Posts: 19,176 ✭✭✭✭Brendan Bendar


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    In great shape these days, Brendan. 34x34 man here. Not a fan of the waxed balls though. Thought I’d give it a try as I heard the birds like a freshly waxed set of plums. Sticking to the inside of my leg once I go from the cold into a warm room. Had to adjust myself today while I was meeting a client. Very unprofessional. :mad:



    Keep the gay fantasies to yourself pal. Not into hot and sweaty man-on-man action. :eek:

    Strong rumor you had ‘one in the pump’ for Bro. Ambrose Dowling back in the day?

    Hoop like a wrinkled penny, they said.


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    #421
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Brendan Bendar wrote: »
    Strong rumor you had ‘one in the pump’ for Bro. Ambrose Dowling back in the day?

    Hoop like a wrinkled penny, they said.

    What are you on about pal??? :confused:

    You half way through a slab of Stella already?


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