Sex party, have you ever been?

JohnnyFlash

pilly wrote: »

Prowess in the bedroom department I was talking about, not the pulling department.

I think the humour might be bypassing you.

Don’t know if you’ve had bad luck with the lads love, but having them shooting their beans after 30 seconds isn’t on. I think you get better with age to be honest. I’m confident that once I get a boner you could hang a theatre curtain on, and get into a optimal position,then I’m like one of those rower brothers from cork - long, confident , well timed strokes. In and out in rhythm and guaranteed to be exhausted by the end ...... :cool:

jones 19

Paddy and Johnny ye seem like good pals , did ye ever get involved in a bit of ghosting?

demanufactured

pilly wrote: »

I don't doubt for one minute it goes on.

What's so funny is the complete and utter confidence coming from the lads about their own prowess.

I suspect they're completely taking the piss but it's still funny.

Of course they're taking the piss... That's the best part of it.

pilly

demanufactured wrote:

Of course they're taking the piss... That's the best part of it.

I know!

razorblunt

jones 19 wrote: »

Be carefully with some of the wet beavers, I dropped a pants one night on a chick and it was like lifting a stone up below the tide line on a beach, she was crawlin.

8:42am of a Friday morning and that's enough Internet for me for today, this week, and the weekend that's on the way!

mistersifter

I reckon it's only a matter of time before Paddy or Johnny ends up on some amateur porn site.

Sooner or later one of their inner circle of mates is bound to burn them in a fit of jealously. They'll be filmed bangin foreign strange at one of these soirees on the Costa del Sol, or somethin. I can see it now - some unsuspecting Spanish young one turned into a what can only be described as a jip-themed Jackson Pollock painting.

All over PornHub, it'll be. What'll the missus have to say then?

Hector Savage

mistersifter wrote: »

I reckon it's only a matter of time before Paddy or Johnny ends up on some amateur porn site.

Sooner or later one of their inner circle of mates is bound to burn them in a fit of jealously. They'll be filmed bangin foreign strange at one of these soirees on the Costa del Sol, or somethin. I can see it now - some unsuspecting Spanish young one turned into a what can only be described as a jip-themed Jackson Pollock painting.

All over PornHub, it'll be. What'll the missus have to say then?

Don;t think Johhny boy is cheating so can't imagine he'd give a ****e.

Paddy, as said he seems to have a tight circle of boys with him that are doing the same - why would they bother ??

mistersifter

Hector Savage wrote: »

Don;t think Johhny boy is cheating so can't imagine he'd give a ****e.

Paddy, as said he seems to have a tight circle of boys with him that are doing the same - why would they bother ??

Paddy might reckon his circle are a tight-knit outfit but I have my doubts. Lads bein lads and all that. Plus, someone will eventually realize this stuff needs to be properly documented for the benefit of men everywhere

nikkibikki

mistersifter wrote:

Paddy might reckon his circle are a tight-knit outfit but I have my doubts. Lads bein lads and all that. Plus, someone will eventually realize this stuff needs to be properly documented for the benefit of men everywhere

Yeah, if he's telling the truth, he's totally deluded in more ways than one!

pilly

mistersifter wrote: »

Paddy might reckon his circle are a tight-knit outfit but I have my doubts. Lads bein lads and all that. Plus, someone will eventually realize this stuff needs to be properly documented for the benefit of men everywhere

If one of them get caught they're definitely bringing the rest down with them. Without a shadow.

JohnnyFlash

Hector Savage wrote: »

Don;t think Johhny boy is cheating so can't imagine he'd give a ****e.

Paddy, as said he seems to have a tight circle of boys with him that are doing the same - why would they bother ??

I'm not cheatin. I'm a single man, and loving life. You won't find me recording meself banging some broad's backdoor and uploading it to twitter or snapchat or one of those yokes. Memories in the wankbank are enough for me if I find myself in a famine in the future. Not happening at the momet I'm glad to see. Raw from saw at the moment!!!

mistersifter

Jaysus JF, fair play and all but by the sounds of things you must be a familiar face down the mickey clinic. At least I hope you're gettin the aul jappser swabbed on occasion.

Out of curiosity, what it would take for a mott to come along, tame ya and settle ya down?

Mister Vain

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You won't find me recording meself banging some broad's backdoor and uploading it to twitter or snapchat or one of those yokes.

Don't upload it anywhere, just keep it on your hard drive. :cool:

Benildus

I'm looking forward to logging back in next Monday to hear all about the sexploits of Johnny and Paddy.

ToddyDoody

I've watched one online, but never been to one.

Brendan Bendar

mistersifter wrote: »

Jaysus JF, fair play and all but by the sounds of things you must be a familiar face down the mickey clinic. At least I hope you're gettin the aul jappser swabbed on occasion.

Out of curiosity, what it would take for a mott to come along, tame ya and settle ya down?

Auld toothpick should unclogg the jappser lad.

Work her well in and scope out the gunk.

lukesmom

Never been to one, to answer the original question. Just remember lads, you won't always have the prowess you have now. One day it will shrivel up as much as you yearn for the old days of rocket launching. You too, will be left on the shelf with your battered coconuts, and your soft and gentle baby snake. Just remember that there will always be someone ready to take your place. As a wise man once said, 'time does not alloweth for the aging of the snake, but the cat flap will always be free'.

Roger Hassenforder

lukesmom wrote: »

As a wise man once said, 'time does not alloweth for the aging of the snake, but the cat flap will always be free'.

an old one closing, is as good as a new one opening

JohnnyFlash

mistersifter wrote: »

Jaysus JF, fair play and all but by the sounds of things you must be a familiar face down the mickey clinic. At least I hope you're gettin the aul jappser swabbed on occasion.

Out of curiosity, what it would take for a mott to come along, tame ya and settle ya down?

Did get a test there a few weeks back. They stuck a fúcking swab into me japseye and me arse. Not the same one obviously. All results were fine. Always cover the pecker before going into the war room. I'm sure there's a woman out there for me to settle down with, but I'm just havin' some fun at the moment - up to me conkers in clunge is the name of the game for the forseable.

texas star

JohnnyFlash you've one way with words.I nearly spat my tea all over a work colleague earlier laughing.You should be on the stage.

KinnegadKid

Fair play to Johnny and Paddy......a hole is a goal no matter how you score......
A push in the bush is worth 5 in the hand
I have an aquaintenace who like nothing more that a hershey highway spin.
Have to sink the Pink and then screw back for the Brown
All pockets open...Great Thread This

Hotblack Desiato

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Ya, no problem at all there mate. Always like to return the favour, specially if she has been getting to know me todger. No problem noshing away like a pig at a trough. Chicks seem to like my technique.

Partial to the oul' Aer Lingus meself. Drives the missus wild so it does and after a good tongue lashing session she's up for anything. After about ten orgasms she can't take any more and has to ask me to stop, that's when it's time for the main event, the oul game of hide the sausage. She's got muscle control that'd have her on the podium in the sex olympics, got the angle a bit wrong once and she nearly wrenched the damn thing off

Problem is the flight surgeon has got me grounded for weeks, feckin' cold sores are a curse, caught them off some yoke when I was a young lad, had a dose of the flu and then these opportunistic fûckers break out.

lukesmom wrote: »

Just remember lads, you won't always have the prowess you have now. One day it will shrivel up as much as you yearn for the old days of rocket launching.

Yeah and one day the fanny will be dry as Ghandi's flipflop and as loose as a hoor's drawers. But us lads have always got the little blue magic diamonds to help us out when we feel the need - some years off yet, as the fella said upthread when the moment takes me could bore a hole through a cheap door with the thing. If nothing else a few of these will stop ya falling out of bed in the old folks home

mistersifter wrote: »

Out of curiosity, what it would take for a mott to come along, tame ya and settle ya down?

I'm thinking tranquillizer darts and a large net! and I reckon any 40-something guy who's come out of the arse end of a long term relationship could do with a break and some NSA jollies. Long term relationships are great when they work, when they go wrong they destroy your fúcking will to live until you get the fúck out of dodge.

JohnnyFlash

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

She's got muscle control that'd have her on the podium in the sex olympics, got the angle a bit wrong once and she nearly wrenched the damn thing off

Got the jist off what you were sayin' but a bit confused here with that statement? You suggesting you jumped the side enterance and 'called round the back'? Or is your mickey what they'd call 'fun size' if you were workin' for Cadburys?? .Was talkin' to a bird only a few weeks ago and she was sayin'n that a 5" Herman was more than enough if the owner knew how to operate it. Said to her that I paid God back with 50% interest.... if you catch my drift. :cool:

Pintman Paddy Losty

Love this time of year. 6 nations is a great time for heading out with the lads.

Have my sheepskin coat, hip flask and binos ready. The wife has my 2002 Irish Permanent jersey pressed and ready to go. Thing is a bit tight around the belly these days but still fits well enough. Fry is sizzling in the kitchen as we speak. Smells glorious. Will make a couple of rasher sambos to bring in too.

Only 6 of us got the pass from the missus to head in but its a good group. Heading in to Toners for 12. Gonna gannet down a good few pints of Carlsberg before the game. Love the craic on game day. Great banter to be had slagging with some of the heifers up from Munster or the sour aul ones from Ulster. Might even be a few Italian ragazze knocking around but they normally don't travel in big numbers.

Don't have to be home til 10 tonight so I'd say I might slip away around 8 and visit my favourite website where a man can pick from a plethora of girls for a bout of rumpy pumpy with. Feeling exotic today...might see if I can score myself an African lady!

Come on Ireland!!

mistersifter

Carlsberg yeah!? Had ya pegged as a Heineken drinker Paddy!

Pintman Paddy Losty

mistersifter wrote: »

Carlsberg yeah!? Had ya pegged as a Heineken drinker Paddy!

Ah I'll drink mostly anything. Normally lager but will have Guinness too if I'm just having a few. Lager is better when I'm putting away a good few throughout the day. Stay away from those craft beers. The flatulence is unreal after a skip of pale ales or the like. End up pebble dashing the back of the toilet bowl with gouts of foul smelling scutter. Not fair to be inflicting that on the wife and kids on a Sunday.

JohnnyFlash

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Ah I'll drink mostly anything. Normally lager but will have Guinness too if I'm just having a few. Lager is better when I'm putting away a good few throughout the day. Stay away from those craft beers. The flatulence is unreal after a skip of pale ales or the like. End up pebble dashing the back of the toilet bowl with gouts of foul smelling scutter. Not fair to be inflicting that on the wife and kids on a Sunday.

Excellent advice there for the readers of this website. Had a fûxking tray of that Galway Hooker stuff one night (not your type of hooker, Paddy). Lovely tack at the time, but I was fücking perched to the throne for most of the next day. Solids, fluids and gases were all present. My fûcking hoop was like Rudolph’s nose by the end of it. Ended up having to stick a bag of frozen peas in the area to get some relief. :mad:

nikkibikki

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote:

Have my sheepskin coat, hip flask and binos ready. The wife has my 2002 Irish Permanent jersey pressed and ready to go. Thing is a bit tight around the belly these days but still fits well enough. Fry is sizzling in the kitchen as we speak. Smells glorious. Will make a couple of rasher sambos to bring in too.

Sounds like she can't wait to get rid of you for the day!

JohnnyFlash

nikkibikki wrote: »

Sounds like she can't wait to get rid of you for the day!

That's harsh enough there, pet. The lad is only heading out to watch the match, drink a skelp of pints, and maybe bang an 'escort'. Every prozzie in Dublin will be servicing lads after the match - heard the lads up from Cork and Limerick are mad for riding them. He's only one of hundreds who will be doing the same thing today.

Hotblack Desiato

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Got the jist off what you were sayin' but a bit confused here with that statement? You suggesting you jumped the side enterance and 'called round the back'?

No, we were on our sides and I wanted to reposition myself, just as I went to pull back she clenched down on the thing like a vice, it's very pleasant when you're prepared for it but as it was it felt like a tree being uprooted

Or is your mickey what they'd call 'fun size' if you were workin' for Cadburys?? .Was talkin' to a bird only a few weeks ago and she was sayin'n that a 5" Herman was more than enough if the owner knew how to operate it. Said to her that I paid God back with 50% interest.... if you catch my drift. :cool:

Ah no Johnny I'd be similar enough to yourself (Jaysus. Never thought I'd be comparing mickeys on the internet, thought that was strictly for the lads who bat for the other side! )