Sex party, have you ever been?

Hotblack Desiato

I reckon our Angela's a bit of a goer. She's been known to have half of a light sherry after work occasionally.

demanufactured

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

I reckon our Angela's a bit of a goer. She's been known to have half of a light sherry after work occasionally.

Is day she loves a "tray of pints" as pitman puts it.

demanufactured

showpony1 wrote: »

The Pintman usually only does the dirt abroad on golf trips to Portugal, girls that would suck a garden through a hose over there.

Young wans named Schtzetnava that would take a load like a pisshead eating a curry.

Hector Savage

Is the rugby on this weekend ?
Will the pintman and Johnny boy be out looking for minge ?

JohnnyFlash

Hector Savage wrote: »

Is the rugby on this weekend ?
Will the pintman and Johnny boy be out looking for minge ?

Does a bear shïte in the woods, Hector? Of course I will. Still get a full horn when I start thinking of the filthy-mouthed Welsh bird with the chunky arse that I was ploughing it into the weekend before last. Hope to be in a ruck with a Scottish bird sometime this weekend. At least 30 phases of play if you catch my drift?

harry Bailey esq

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

At least 30 phases of play if you catch my drift?

Your username suggests different Jonathan, but I'm rootin' for ya guy.
(Welsh woman are brilliant btw, once you light the fuse, it's like Halloween night in Crossmaglen. Their menfolk ignore the natural urges their wives have in favour of clandestine ovine encounters)
Dunno about Scottish women, I dunno how I'd feel about squiring a lady around town who could drink me under the table. Then again, the lads over there wear skirts don't they? So you might just be on to something there... Maybe a large portion of prime Irish beef is just the ticket. Albeit Irish beef dressed up as Dustin the turkey. Go forth Johnny and answer Irelands call.

fuerte1976

Well fellas, Any ol bit of scraw by ye at the weekend ?

Mister Vain

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Well fellas, Any ol bit of scraw by ye at the weekend ?

Johnny is probably still deep in Scottish clunge. He'll be back next week.

Hector Savage

Pintman and JohnnyFlash ... whats the story ???

Pintman Paddy Losty

Hector Savage wrote: »

Pintman and JohnnyFlash ... whats the story ???

3 weeks to go til myself and the boys head off "golfing" to Portugal. I cannot ****ing wait!!!


Been texting a few of the birds from the last trip and they are positively dripping at the thoughts of getting another go on on the pintman' s love truncheon.

Hector Savage

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

3 weeks to go til myself and the boys head off "golfing" to Portugal. I cannot ****ing wait!!!


Been texting a few of the birds from the last trip and they are positively dripping at the thoughts of getting another go on on the pintman' s love truncheon.

I cannot wait to read the reports

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

3 weeks to go til myself and the boys head off "golfing" to Portugal. I cannot ****ing wait!!!


Been texting a few of the birds from the last trip and they are positively dripping at the thoughts of getting another go on on the pintman' s love truncheon.

Golf? Or rugby....?!

JohnnyFlash

Still tippin’ along nicely, lads, you’ll be glad to know. Was at the Leinster game on Saturday, and made a beeline down to Searsons straight afterwards. Only had Murphy’s and Heineken at the ground, so had a vicious lip on me for proper porter. Tore into the pints with the lads. Plenty of skirt around, and I soon had a horn on me that you could herd bullocks into a shed with.

Got chatting out in the smoking area to a bird from Milltown. Mid-30’s, bit too much makeup, but a good laugh. Quickly realised that Johnny would be accompanying her home. Fûck me, but she was mad for pipe. Had me straight up the stairs and into the boudoir. Expressed her pleasure at the fact I’d done some manscaping ‘down below’. Wasn’t long before she was attacking the area like it was a ice cream cone on a very hot day. Proceeded to the main event, and ye’ll be glad to know that I put in a medal winning performance.

Have a semi now even thinking about it! Straight into the top shelf of the wankbank library.

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Still tippin’ along nicely, lads, you’ll be glad to know. Was at the Leinster game on Saturday, and made a beeline down to Searsons straight afterwards. Only had Murphy’s and Heineken at the ground, so had a vicious lip on me for proper porter. Tore into the pints with the lads. Plenty of skirt around, and I soon had a horn on me that you could herd bullocks into a shed with.

Got chatting out in the smoking area to a bird from Milltown. Mid-30’s, bit too much makeup, but a good laugh. Quickly realised that Johnny would be accompanying her home. Fûck me, but she was mad for pipe. Had me straight up the stairs and into the boudoir. Expressed her pleasure at the fact I’d done some manscaping ‘down below’. Wasn’t long before she was attacking the area like it was a ice cream cone on a very hot day. Proceeded to the main event, and ye’ll be glad to know that I put in a medal winning performance.

Have a semi now even thinking about it! Straight into the top shelf of the wankbank library.

I am dying here !!!!

Where do you come up with these expressions ?!

Boom_Bap

What would one normally use to herd bullocks into a shed with though?

Curly Judge

Boom_Bap wrote: »

What would one normally use to herd bullocks into a shed with though?

The expression used around here, when one is boasting about the capabilities of one's purple headed warrior, is "beat an ass out of a bog hole".

Samuel T. Cogley

Curly Judge wrote: »

The expression used around here, when one is boasting about the capabilities of one's purple headed warrior, is "beat an ass out of a bog hole".

Leave Bertie in the hole tbh.

Tell me how

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Still tippin’ along nicely, lads, you’ll be glad to know. Was at the Leinster game on Saturday, and made a beeline down to Searsons straight afterwards. Only had Murphy’s and Heineken at the ground, so had a vicious lip on me for proper porter. Tore into the pints with the lads. Plenty of skirt around, and I soon had a horn on me that you could herd bullocks into a shed with.

Got chatting out in the smoking area to a bird from Milltown. Mid-30’s, bit too much makeup, but a good laugh. Quickly realised that Johnny would be accompanying her home. Fûck me, but she was mad for pipe. Had me straight up the stairs and into the boudoir. Expressed her pleasure at the fact I’d done some manscaping ‘down below’. Wasn’t long before she was attacking the area like it was a ice cream cone on a very hot day. Proceeded to the main event, and ye’ll be glad to know that I put in a medal winning performance.

Have a semi now even thinking about it! Straight into the top shelf of the wankbank library.

:D
Are you Ross O'Carroll Kelly's country cousin?

You should precede the details of the event with "Not one to kiss and tell" or statement.

JohnnyFlash

Curly Judge wrote: »

The expression used around here, when one is boasting about the capabilities of one's purple headed warrior, is "beat an ass out of a bog hole".

Bate a load of crusties out of a commune.

mad muffin

I’m often telling people there’s a party in my pants!!! :pac:

JohnnyFlash

mad muffin wrote: »

I’m often telling people there’s a party in my pants!!! :pac:

I’d say only yourself, Palm, and her 5 sisters turn up.

Feisar

Curly Judge wrote: »

The expression used around here, when one is boasting about the capabilities of one's purple headed warrior, is "beat an ass out of a bog hole".

Or "bait a bad ass out of a field of carrots"

machiavellianme

Boom_Bap wrote: »

What would one normally use to herd bullocks into a shed with though?

A lump of black Wavin pipe. Ideally 1 - 1.25 metres in length and generally half inch or three quarters in diameter.
Its sufficiently whippy, readily available and relatively indestructible.

Roger Hassenforder

machiavellianme wrote: »

A lump of black Wavin pipe. Ideally 1 - 1.25 metres in length and generally half inch or three quarters in diameter.
Its sufficiently whippy, readily available and relatively indestructible.

'hydrodare' best

Curly Judge

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

'hydrodare' best

Half inch, heavy guage is your moul!

Pero_Bueno

Pintman Paddy Losty, how was the "Golfing" trip ?

Hammer89

Would someone be willing to do a '10 best Johnny Flash posts'?

badtoro

Best thread in ages :pac:

Pintman Paddy Losty

Pero_Bueno wrote: »

Pintman Paddy Losty, how was the "Golfing" trip ?

It was absolutely ****ing brilliant lad.

Got a bit of a scalding on my bald patch but other than that everything went according to plan. The birds were absolutely gagging for it as usual. Truth be told I needed a holiday after it. Was ****ing wrecked from all the riding.

The birds over there are just a different class. Absolutely filthy. I won't get in to the details but i was getting licked and poked in crevices of my body that I never thought possible. Glad I gave the undercarriage a good shaving before heading over as it definitely paid off. They were mad for it.

Lots of Brazilian young ones. They're great aul craic. Horny minxes. Drank at least a crate of superbock every day. Mojitos then at night. The locals loved us. We were up singing tunes in the pubs all day and night. Then back to the villa every evening. Trapper would then arrange for all the birds to call over. Mighty stuff.

One of the birds introduced me to Snapchat. She's sending me pics of her gash on a daily basis since i cane home. Might arrange a "business trip" to get out to see her again in the near future.

JohnnyFlash

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

It was absolutely ****ing brilliant lad.

Got a bit of a scalding on my bald patch but other than that everything went according to plan. The birds were absolutely gagging for it as usual. Truth be told I needed a holiday after it. Was ****ing wrecked from all the riding.

The birds over there are just a different class. Absolutely filthy. I won't get in to the details but i was getting licked and poked in crevices of my body that I never thought possible. Glad I gave the undercarriage a good shaving before heading over as it definitely paid off. They were mad for it.

Lots of Brazilian young ones. They're great aul craic. Horny minxes. Drank at least a crate of superbock every day. Mojitos then at night. The locals loved us. We were up singing tunes in the pubs all day and night. Then back to the villa every evening. Trapper would then arrange for all the birds to call over. Mighty stuff.

One of the birds introduced me to Snapchat. She's sending me pics of her gash on a daily basis since i cane home. Might arrange a "business trip" to get out to see her again in the near future.

Good man, Paddy! I'd say the meat baton must be half worn off you at this stage! Presume you used protection at all times, and didn't go 'jousting without a helmet'? Don't want to be getting an unusual patchwork of colours on the bell, and a burning sensation when taking a piss. Nice of that doll to be sending you pictures of her fanny as well. You must have made an impression. Presume it's a neat and tidy one, and not something that looks like a gorilla autopsy gone wrong?



Was up at that Rory Gallagher festival in Donegal over the weekend with two lads I went to school with. Don't want to boast, but I was in far better condition than most of the lads of my vintage at the festival. Lots of fat lads in their 50's with the bald patch and ponytail combo, leather waistcoats, 80's rock band t-shirts.



Wouldn't be my scene really, but was down at the festival 'big top' on Sunday evening. Was hoovering back the Guinness like it was my last chance to ever try the stuff. Soon got chatting to two birds from Monaghan (think late 30's, early 40's). One of them was a sour auld bitch, and getting a laugh out of her was impossible. She also had a moustache on her like Joey 'The Lips' Fagan from The Commitments. She went off for a piss at one stage, and I was eatin' the face off her friend within 20 seconds. Ended up going back to the hotel with the pair of them. Made advantage of the late bar, and I was full to the brim with porter by 2am. Managed to get rid of auld sour puss, and headed to the chambers of the other one. We were both well drunk, but I put in a fine performance after initially struggling to get 'one up'. She had a very naughty vocabulary after I mounted her, and I soon had a horn on me that you could use to round up a busload of bewildered pensioners in Lourdes with.



Dying of a hangover yesterday, and your one was giving out fierce for all the farting and teeth grinding I did after falling asleep. My hole was fûcking toxic all day yesterday in fairness. Didn't take her number, and I'm fúcking fine with that to be honest. A good-looking lad like myself can afford to be more discerning. Women love a fella with a bit of confidence, the gift of the gab, and with a good girthy schlong. :cool: