Ruining a wedding

metaoblivia

This didn't ruin a wedding but easily could have, and I feel for the bride and her family so much.

A friend / former colleague of mine got married a few years ago after a year-long romance with a guy our boss had set her up with. They had a destination wedding in Hawaii and her family flew out. Her parents were from Nebraska but her siblings all lived in different Western states. The wedding was beautiful, everyone seemed happy and had a good time. The bride seemed a little reserved, but that was her nature. Nebraska is mostly farmland and the people raised there tend to be more reserved/stoic. The only thing was, the bride's mother ended up not attending because she had fallen ill the morning of the wedding, but the bride assured everyone that her mother was okay and just needed rest.

A week later, the bride emailed all of her guests and let us know that the night before the wedding, her mother had had an aneurysm while walking on the beach outside of their hotel and had died a short time later. Because people had paid to fly out to Hawaii for a celebration, they didn't want to let their guests down, so went ahead and went on with the wedding as planned saying that the mother was sick to explain her absence. The bride reasoned that at least the whole family was together in the few days before the wedding and all of the siblings got to spend time with their mother and then say goodbye before she passed.

It was about the worst thing I can think of happening at a wedding, and it was handled with such grace and consideration for the guests. I'm sure it was not the wedding she or her family hoped for, and I'm sure her guests would have understood had different choices been made, but what poise the family showed.

metaoblivia

metaoblivia wrote: »

Nebraska is mostly farmland and the people raised there tend to be more reserved/stoic.

The definition of, right there

The poor thing.

glennhysen

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

In the Philippines they actually line up and stick cash to the brides dress :pac:

I was a wedding in London (Half English, Half Turkish) and they did this as well!

Lollipops23

I'm getting married in 15 weeks (from Sat) and have learned quite a bit from this thread, particularly how common it is for the envelopes to go missing! Will ask our best man to be extra careful...

Toots

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm getting married in 15 weeks (from Sat) and have learned quite a bit from this thread, particularly how common it is for the envelopes to go missing! Will ask our best man to be extra careful...

VERY common - often genuinely misplaced but it's now the reason that I never give the wedding present on the day anymore unless I've no other option.

A colleague of mine had a little letter box yoke for cards at his wedding which was a good idea in theory in that people could just stick their card in and forget about it, and the poor best man wasn't driven demented being handed cards all day. Thing was there wasn't a proper lock on it - it was this flimsy little hook and eye contraption which anyone could open. They reckon someone DID open it at some point, because when they went to clear it out at the end of the night a lot of cards seemed to be missing. There were people who had been seen putting a card in during the day, but no card from them in the box later on.

SeaFields

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm getting married in 15 weeks (from Sat) and have learned quite a bit from this thread, particularly how common it is for the envelopes to go missing! Will ask our best man to be extra careful...

We had a wedding envelope returned three years after our wedding by the hotel. They were renovating and it had fallen behind a radiator that was removed during the renovations. It didn't ruin the wedding! But there can be innocent reasons for them going missing too!

Sky King

SeaFields wrote: »

We had a wedding envelope returned three years after our wedding by the hotel. They were renovating and it had fallen behind a radiator that was removed during the renovations. It didn't ruin the wedding! But there can be innocent reasons for them going missing too!

A lad I a worked with a few years ago once told me about a renowned miser he had at his wedding. He didn't get a gift from the guy, nor was he expecting one.

They included him in the thank you cards anyway, the reasoning being if his gift existed but innocently was lost, the guy wouldn't be aware and the thank-you card stands. And if he didn't give anything, it's a nice dig at his miserliness.

razorblunt

Lollipops23 wrote: »

I'm getting married in 15 weeks (from Sat) and have learned quite a bit from this thread, particularly how common it is for the envelopes to go missing! Will ask our best man to be extra careful...

If it's in a hotel then there'll be a safe at reception. Best to hand them in as and when they come. Numbering them helps too.
Shouldn't have to worry about getting drunk and forgetting the vast majority of cards will be handed in way before the meal.

Just need to watch out for the ones given if anyone comes to the Afters and get those handed in asap.

mohawk

Toots wrote: »

VERY common - often genuinely misplaced but it's now the reason that I never give the wedding present on the day anymore unless I've no other option.

A colleague of mine had a little letter box yoke for cards at his wedding which was a good idea in theory in that people could just stick their card in and forget about it, and the poor best man wasn't driven demented being handed cards all day. Thing was there wasn't a proper lock on it - it was this flimsy little hook and eye contraption which anyone could open. They reckon someone DID open it at some point, because when they went to clear it out at the end of the night a lot of cards seemed to be missing. There were people who had been seen putting a card in during the day, but no card from them in the box later on.

One wedding I was at had a post box at reception but you had to sign a logbook when posting it also. At least in that circumstance if the card goes missing the bride and groom can still acknowledge the guest and thank them.

Because missing cards are so common I know one lad who has asked several recently married couples if they got his card after being a guest at the wedding. They always say no. Then he is like I can’t believe it went missing. So sorry guys I did get you a card. People might believe him once or twice but there are 5 couples we know of. Also he seems to think the best place to have conversation is in the local where you are guaranteed to be overheard and talked about. No weddings actually ruined by his actions though. Although he did ruin one wedding for another guest when he puked in someones jacket pocket and didn’t tell them. The guy it happened to found out the hard way when he went looking for keys.

Lollipops23

Sky King wrote: »

They included him in the thank you cards anyway, the reasoning being if his gift existed but innocently was lost, the guy wouldn't be aware and the thank-you card stands. And if he didn't give anything, it's a nice dig at his miserliness.

Honestly, one of the best reasons for thank you cards is to know the couple got your gift! I remember putting my card in a random box with a slot in it at a wedding but not being 100% sure it wasn't just some ornament....never got a thank you so have no idea if they ever got it!

GingerLily

Everyone got a thank you card from us for attending the weding, and if they gave a gift we mentioned that too.
So many people were so generous, I didn't feel the need to hold a grudge of someone didn't give a gift (genuinely cannot remember who didn't), plus I'm a firm believer that it's never too late to give a weding gift anyway and guests have at least 12 months before it's actually late!

Lollipops23

razorblunt wrote: »

If it's in a hotel then there'll be a safe at reception. Best to hand them in as and when they come. Numbering them helps too.
Shouldn't have to worry about getting drunk and forgetting the vast majority of cards will be handed in way before the meal.

Just need to watch out for the ones given if anyone comes to the Afters and get those handed in asap.

I just checked with our venue, apparently there's a safe in the bridal suite! Glad I checked, the best man can just nip off every few hours to sort it!

cml387

razorblunt wrote: »

If it's in a hotel then there'll be a safe at reception. Best to hand them in as and when they come. Numbering them helps too.
Shouldn't have to worry about getting drunk and forgetting the vast majority of cards will be handed in way before the meal.

Just need to watch out for the ones given if anyone comes to the Afters and get those handed in asap.

Someone I know handed in their passports and tickets for the honeymoon they were departing for, the Sunday after their wedding.

So they arrive down on Sunday morning (flying out that day) to be told by an aashen faced recepeptionist that the safe was on a timelock and couldn't be opened until Monday. The hotel had to sort them out with another honeymoon.

Toots

mohawk wrote: »

One wedding I was at had a post box at reception but you had to sign a logbook when posting it also. At least in that circumstance if the card goes missing the bride and groom can still acknowledge the guest and thank them.

Log book is a good idea. It might look a bit crass but at least you'd know the card went in. My sister in law got married last year and they had a sweet cart at the wedding and the company also did wedding post boxes, but these had a little combination lock at the back like a hotel safe - by the looks of it, it would have been difficult to just sneak a few cards out of it without being noticed.

A girl I used to know had a wishing well yoke at her wedding for all the cards but it was basically just an open container, no lid or anything. About 4 people actually used it and everyone else just gave the cards to the wedding party. I heard someone trying to hand one in at reception, and the receptionist told her to use the wishing well, but the guest refused because there was money in the card and anyone walking past the well could have just lifted the cards.

KevRossi

I know a best man who robbed all the money out of the cards. I mean all of it. Admitted it too. The rumour was it was used to pay off gambling debts to some dodgy people, but I've no idea if that's true or not.

He never paid them back fully, probably half the money. He's still mates with the bride and groom AFAIK.

The story is well known around Co. Roscommon.

BaZmO*

Jeez. Just nominate someone that has a bit of sense to take the cards. If the Best Man is a flake just get someone else to do it.

BattleCorp

I'd never give someone a card on the day because cards do go missing from time to time. I'd give it to the couple either a week before the wedding or a few weeks afterwards.

BattleCorp

BaZmO* wrote: »

Jeez. Just nominate someone that has a bit of sense to take the cards. If the Best Man is a flake just get someone else to do it.

I've seen many a sensible person get sloshed and then turn into a gobsh1te.

PhilOssophy

BattleCorp wrote: »

I've seen many a sensible person get sloshed and then turn into a gobsh1te.

Also, its quite normal for people to give the cards to the best man / grooms man - its a bit tacky to say "can everybody give their cards and gifts to Uncle Jimmy"

KevRossi

When a former college mate of mine (who's a dose on drink) was a best man to his brother, his mother (very down-to-earth lady) or one of his sisters hovered around him all night. If he got a card they took it off him straight away and stuck it in the mothers handbag. Nothing went missing.

Motivator

I don’t know these people but was chatting about this thread at lunchtime and one of the lads I work with was at a wedding about 5 years ago in Lanzarote.

The bride went out a few days in advance but the groom said he was delayed with work and didn’t go on the flight with the wife. He arrived out the day before the wedding along with the last guests. Got to the hotel, met the bride and headed down for a walkthrough of the church and rehearsal etc. There was a big party organised in a restaurant they had booked out and after dinner the groom stood up and announced that he couldn’t go through with it, he was up to his balls in gambling debt and had basically cleared out their account and couldn’t afford to pay for the hotel and basically the wedding was off.

He had spent the few days on his own trying to win back the money he had lost but instead lost everything and cleared out their joint account. His father caught him up by the neck and a row erupted. It went ahead the next day and both sets of parents pitched in and paid for the wedding. Wasn’t the nicest wedding to be at apparently.

optogirl

We had our wedding at a place which changed ownership between us booking & getting married there. When we went out to meet the new managers before the wedding they were the snottiest pair of bit*hes ever & we were totally taken aback by their attitude- they were in a hurry to get all bookings off their hands and renovate so we were a fly in the ointment by expecting to use their lovely manor to have our wedding in...We had a fantastic day but the manager did her best to cause issues:

1. My brother in law was walking my one and a half year old niece around outside. Manager asks him ' have you a highchair organised for her?' My bro in law explains that someone is coming to collect my niece before the food. Laura motions to my friend comforting his crying 8 month old and asks 'any chance they'll take that one away too?'

2. At one stage (about 10 mins after the ceremony when I'm outside schmoozing) she came over to me and barked 'there's a problem with your table plan. It's not going to work. You need to sort it out now' She was so snotty. We sorted it out, all was fine.

3. Before we walk into the room for the meal she is waiting to announce us so I say 'Can you just say Bride & Groom instead of Mr & Mrs xxx, I'm not changing my name. 'Oh' says she, with a look of disdain, 'you're one of them'.

4. Before the speeches she asked that we announce that she has lost her Nokia phone. We do that. 10 minutes later (10 minutes into the speeches) she asks if we can do it again. My husband says 'were not actually bothered about your missing phone.' She says 'I left it in the bathroom and somebody's lifted it'. We look at her in disbelief and she walks away. .....then......... she rang the Gardai. My husband went out to talk to them and said they were absolutely sound about it and were giving him knowing looks as if they'd been here before! I didn't know they'd been until after they had left and they never came inside. We just found it so pathetic. A Nokia? Here's 20 quid ya mad old bint, buy yourself a new one.

We were on such a high that we actually just feel sorry for her and the next day were crying laughing about it but what a truly horrible person.

PhilOssophy

Motivator wrote: »

I don’t know these people but was chatting about this thread at lunchtime and one of the lads I work with was at a wedding about 5 years ago in Lanzarote.

The bride went out a few days in advance but the groom said he was delayed with work and didn’t go on the flight with the wife. He arrived out the day before the wedding along with the last guests. Got to the hotel, met the bride and headed down for a walkthrough of the church and rehearsal etc. There was a big party organised in a restaurant they had booked out and after dinner the groom stood up and announced that he couldn’t go through with it, he was up to his balls in gambling debt and had basically cleared out their account and couldn’t afford to pay for the hotel and basically the wedding was off.

He had spent the few days on his own trying to win back the money he had lost but instead lost everything and cleared out their joint account. His father caught him up by the neck and a row erupted. It went ahead the next day and both sets of parents pitched in and paid for the wedding. Wasn’t the nicest wedding to be at apparently.

Sounds like your man Tony O'Reilly, AKA Tony 10. At his wedding he needed a horse or something to land or he wouldn't be able to pay for it. Gambling is such a disease.

Turfcutter

I was at a wedding ceremony where the priest clearly had an axe to grind about the descending morals he was witnessing.

His sermon was mainly a very long recap on Catholicism 101 - heaven, hell, purgatory. Not the time nor the place.
What didn't help was the bishop was one of the co-celebrants. This probably put it on the priest's head that he should put on a good show.
The bishop was seated behind him and like the rest of us, looked absolutely catatonic with boredom listening to all this. The entire ceremony wasn't far off 2 hours in length, which is nearly twice the average running time.

Anyway, said priest started sniping about the custom of couples living together before marriage.
The clincher was that at communion time he asked that those in the congregation who were cohabiting outside of wedlock should not come forward to accept communion.

I think any co-habitees went up for communion, either to defy yer man or else not out themselves.

Lollipops23

Turfcutter wrote: »

I was at a wedding ceremony where the priest clearly had an axe to grind about the descending morals he was witnessing.

I was at a similar wedding out west- the bride and groom live abroad these days and it was easier to let his parents organise the whole shebang (her own pair are lovely, but very mild mannered and were totally steamrolled by his two).

Come the day, it was your standard church ceremony and hotel reception. His da insisted on doing a speech where he congratulated the couple on sticking with tradition, 'when it's not considered fashionable by some to get married in the eyes of god'. Lots of awkward looks around the room.

charlie14

Turfcutter wrote: »

I was at a wedding ceremony where the priest clearly had an axe to grind about the descending morals he was witnessing.

His sermon was mainly a very long recap on Catholicism 101 - heaven, hell, purgatory. Not the time nor the place.
What didn't help was the bishop was one of the co-celebrants. This probably put it on the priest's head that he should put on a good show.
The bishop was seated behind him and like the rest of us, looked absolutely catatonic with boredom listening to all this. The entire ceremony wasn't far off 2 hours in length, which is nearly twice the average running time.

Anyway, said priest started sniping about the custom of couples living together before marriage.
The clincher was that at communion time he asked that those in the congregation who were cohabiting outside of wedlock should not come forward to accept communion.

I think any co-habitees went up for communion, either to defy yer man or else not out themselves.

It`s improved somewhat over the years, but even still if Catholic priests were a village there`s no chance of them running out of idiots anytime soon.
He sounded like a mad old fecker. I doubt he ate many weeding meals after that show.

pgj2015

GingerLily wrote: »

Everyone got a thank you card from us for attending the weding, and if they gave a gift we mentioned that too.
So many people were so generous, I didn't feel the need to hold a grudge of someone didn't give a gift (genuinely cannot remember who didn't), plus I'm a firm believer that it's never too late to give a weding gift anyway and guests have at least 12 months before it's actually late!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eakJ06TTYPs

Collie D

optogirl wrote: »

We had our wedding at a place which changed ownership between us booking & getting married there.....

Why the **** would someone like that get into the hospitality industry? God help them if they ever actually did have ****ty guests.

Louis Friend

My brother works insanely hard and his boss earns a lot of money. Anyways, the boss, who attended the wedding, gave him a card with a gift in it. When my brother and his wife opened the card, there was a €50 voucher in it.

They thought it was a bit mean, but thought nothing of it. But then the boss apologised for not getting them a gift but said he wouldn’t have a notion what to get, hence the voucher. He then said he wanted them to get something special with the voucher.

Fair play to my brother, as he smelled something off about it and said “X, there was €50 in the card...”.

Yer man went white. It turned out he’d gone to buy the voucher(s), one for €500 for my brother and one for €50 for his niece who’d passed her driving test. And he’d mixed them up! And he thought it was weird when the niece called over to his house to thank him for the gift! Fair play to the guy, he presented my brother with a voucher for €450 shortly after.

Pale Blue Dot

I always think it's dangerous telling other people's stories but in this case the bloke in question is English and I don't think he peruses Boards!

So this bloke and I worked together day in, day out in the same company over in the UK when we were in our late 20's. He's actually a gent for the most part but one of these who is a renowned nightmare on the drink on a night out - always completely out of it before anyone else is more than a few pints in. It was a bit of an issue with the GF as she had to constantly look after him and apologise for him whenever he's was on the drink. But somehow she put up with him and they were quite happy together. He would actually go on about how she was the love of his life and all that! I think they'd been together four, maybe five years, at this point.

Anyway her best friend was getting married and she was chief bridesmaid. Naturally himself is invited as her plus one. Now her and her best friend had known each other since they were kids. They'd grown up together and had that sort of friendship that was more akin to sisters. So he was warned, just for once, to be on his absolute best behaviour for the wedding. He promised he wouldn't be a problem and she could focus on bridesmaid responsibilities.

I think he made it through church service OK but come the reception he was well oiled. By the time they were halfway though the meal he didn't know where he was, could barely function and was getting funny looks from all the other guests ("Who's this gob****e?"). He'd simply gone hell for leather on the booze and was making a tit of himself. His poor GF was meanwhile trying to split her time between bridesmaid duties and keeping an eye on him. Unfortunately during one of his unsupervised moments he decided to get up from the table and beeline straight for the immaculate (and uncut at this stage) wedding cake. To aghast horror of all the other guests he drove his hand straight into the middle and pulled a bit out (think along the lines of a fatality in Mortal Kombat). He took a big bite, getting it most of it on his face and suit. Decided it wasn't up to much and loudly proclaimed ' This cake is f***'n s**t', and threw it away. By away he through it to the side without looking. When he turned around he realised he's thrown it all over the father of the bride. By this stage there was a moment of silence before all hell broke loose and the father of the bride went for your man. In the end the GF grabbed him and put him to bed. In the morning she dumped him then and there and he literally never saw her again. It wasn't just because of this but I think she was fed up of him acting the gob****e all the time and this was the very big straw that did it.

Now that's his version of the story so I'm minded to believe it was actually worse. It took him quite a long time to get over her but he's now been in a relationship with another girl for the best part of a decade. We're still in the same company but in different branches in different parts of the UK. I bump into him one every year or so normally at a company function. He's still an absolute nightmare on the drink though so I don't know how much he learned from the above. I think the new GF just has an even higher tolerance for his antics!