Returning emigrants who big themselves up in an unsuccessful bid to impress

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Lots of things. Can you not envisage people talking about personal things if it doesn’t involve rabbiting on about their job? People rarely discuss their jobs much in social settings in my experience and talk about other personal things all the time. Social gatherings are downtime from work.

Yeah, that's all grand if we're talking about beers on a Thursday.. You know what they do and bits and pieces from their work lives have come up before. But if it's an old friend living in another country, I'd be happy to hear more about what they're doing.. A five-minute cap so we can talk about "films, sport, current affairs etc." more seems pretty bad.

If you genuinely cannot stand the idea of hearing more about say what it's like to be an engineer in Dubai, or a dive instructor in Indonesia, or a banker in Singapore, just because it's "work talk", fair enough. We're very different. I enjoy hearing about what it's like to live in other places and work is part of that.

Optimalprimerib

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yeah, that's all grand if we're talking about beers on a Thursday.. You know what they do and bits and pieces from their work lives have come up before. But if it's an old friend living in another country, I'd be happy to hear more about what they're doing.. A five-minute cap so we can talk about "films, sport, current affairs etc." more seems pretty bad.

If you genuinely cannot stand the idea of hearing more about say what it's like to be an engineer in Dubai, or a dive instructor in Indonesia, or a banker in Singapore, just because it's "work talk", fair enough. We're very different. I enjoy hearing about what it's like to live in other places and work is part of that.

Actually this is true. This is much more personal than the performance of a sports team or what streaming show to watch. I think the issue is than when discussing a story from a person's life, there is less to contribute by others hence the story seems self serving and boring. A bit like discussing "interesting" dreams.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Deleted User wrote: »

Yeah, that's all grand if we're talking about beers on a Thursday.. You know what they do and bits and pieces from their work lives have come up before. But if it's an old friend living in another country, I'd be happy to hear more about what they're doing.. A five-minute cap so we can talk about "films, sport, current affairs etc." more seems pretty bad.

If you genuinely cannot stand the idea of hearing more about say what it's like to be an engineer in Dubai, or a dive instructor in Indonesia, or a banker in Singapore, just because it's "work talk", fair enough. We're very different. I enjoy hearing about what it's like to live in other places and work is part of that.

They were examples. There are many more topics. The very occasional person might have a fascinating job. Most people don’t. The minutiae is dull for pretty much every job. Taking your examples - my interest might be piqued by a dive instructor but a feckin’ banker?

It’s great that you like to hear about the jobs of others. Many don’t and it’s not for lack of intellectual curiosity. Anyone bemused at films being a topic of discussion can’t really take the high road.

bmcc10

I find the people who brag about how good it is and have the perfect life on social media are usually the most miserable ones abroad and it is all to try and justify there decision to emigrate in the first place.

brendanwalsh

There’s always the begrudgery from the locals about so and so who is back from America for the holidays with his american wife and sure didn’t he get the green card now to go with his big job.

You find similar big man talk too about Tommy back from Dublin where he works for citi bank and he got the few days off for Xmas to return to Leitrim and he got mammy Ralph Lauren slippers for Xmas.

Most Irish people abroad miss home and are making the best of it. Most Irish people stuck in their small pub in rural Ireland are bored and have nothing better to talk about than badmouth the former.

The most interested anyone from home has ever been in my life was a year ago when I thought my business had failed. I told them and it was like I was Albert Einstein unveiling a new theory of everything.

When I do go home eventually, I am going to tell the greatest load of lies ever just for the craic. I'm making two euros an hour. I got cheated out of all my money. I contracted malaria seven times. I lost my legs in a horrific motorbike accident. I live in a friend's basement. My toilet is a latrine. I'll have people sitting around me in the pub listening to every word. Their children's children will be hearing about my life.

Yurt2

bmcc10 wrote: »

I find the people who brag about how good it is and have the perfect life on social media are usually the most miserable ones abroad and it is all to try and justify there decision to emigrate in the first place.

I'm an absolute hoor for posting pictures from exotic locations on social media. I'd like to assure you that when I'm posting a photo from a tropical beach drinking from a fresh coconut, I'm actually 100% fulfilled and at peace - as galling as that must sound.

glomar

being balsy enough to go out on your own with no backup is better than staying at home moaning about the current situation

bmcc10

Yurt! wrote: »

I'm an absolute hoor for posting pictures from exotic locations on social media. I'd like to assure you that when I'm posting a photo from a tropical beach drinking from a fresh coconut, I'm actually 100% fulfilled and at peace - as galling as that must sound.

Not galling at all. I was just speaking from my own personal experience with flatmates or colleagues abroad. I just find the grass isn't always greener from either side.

ILoveYourVibes

Yurt! wrote: »

I'm an absolute hoor for posting pictures from exotic locations on social media. I'd like to assure you that when I'm posting a photo from a tropical beach drinking from a fresh coconut, I'm actually 100% fulfilled and at peace - as galling as that must sound.

When i am at peace i don't take pictures. I only take them out of a feeling of obligation nowadays for other people...its their birthday party and they want to etc.

I just keep stuff on my phone more now too ...social media is ...too public.

Dothebartman

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

When i am at peace i don't take pictures. I only take them out of a feeling of obligation nowadays for other people...its their birthday party and they want to etc.

I just keep stuff on my phone more now too ...social media is ...too public.

Pics are grand but some people posting every flight wrecks my head

ILoveYourVibes

Dothebartman wrote: »

Pics are grand but some people posting every flight wrecks my head

every flight? like actually when they are just on the airplane? thats weird

Yurt2

Dothebartman wrote: »

Pics are grand but some people posting every flight wrecks my head

That bugs me also.

Also, people posting "any recommendations for Rosario/Innsbruck/Taipei" just for the sake of telling people they're going to (insert city here) and not really wishing to solicit helpful information from people.

Sometimes I feel like replying - "Yeah actually, I was in Irkutsk a few years back running rare earth metals across the Mongolian border for my Chinese handler as it happens. I stumbled to an underground cock fighting sheebeen / jazz bar just off Lenin Square. The tapas were excellent - although I must warn you, the hostess is a woeful anti-Semite. I'll pm you the instructions for the secret knock now hun."

Spider Rico

brendanwalsh wrote: »

There’s always the begrudgery from the locals about so and so who is back from America for the holidays with his american wife and sure didn’t he get the green card now to go with his big job.

You find similar big man talk too about Tommy back from Dublin where he works for citi bank and he got the few days off for Xmas to return to Leitrim and he got mammy Ralph Lauren slippers for Xmas.

Most Irish people abroad miss home and are making the best of it. Most Irish people stuck in their small pub in rural Ireland are bored and have nothing better to talk about than badmouth the former.

Anyone familiar with Plato’s Cave? Strange video but stick with it. It explains a lot about the topics discussed in this thread: https://youtu.be/d2afuTvUzBQ.

Shefwedfan

The problem is people returning home and going to the local. It’s normally full of a pack of waster, all the big men at school but never realized been the big man at school doesn’t mean you get a job

Walk in, say hello and they are so bitter at you doing something decent with your life now your too big for them blah blah blah....

crybaby

To be honest I have felt it i the opposite direction as an emigrant, despite living abroad for 12 years, there are still people in my extended family who think I am off having an adventure and will maybe one day return to "normal life", despite the fact that for the past 12 years I have basically been working my bollocks off and raising a family.

mandrake04

Sunny Disposition wrote: »

Live in a small town. Met a young man last night home from abroad for Christmas who had a conversation with myself and another guy for about 20 minutes. He subtly bragged about how much he was earning, how important his ‘role’ is, how well his family are doing.

At the end of the conversation I was feeling sympathetic to him more than anything. For some reason having made the decision to go away and build a life elsewhere he still needs the validation of the opinion of the community he comes from.

Would many of our emigrants on here understand this? Most people would dismiss the guy as a dckhead, but I think it’s more complex. Genuinely interested in why people feel like this.

Why would you feel he needs validation? he just might be just really happy with his life and just wants to share his success ok it maybe considered a bit rude talking about money etc but once he is on the plane I doubt he give two F**ks about the conversation as he might never see you again... so what ever was said doesn't really matter.

What odds if people think he is a dick, is he going lie awake at night worried what people think? I don't think so.

I been living overseas for 15 years, I class myself as extremely fortunate/lucky so no real reason to come back. I am usually back in Ireland at least once or sometimes twice a year, sure people always ask how i'm getting on and would I ever come back... my only comment is never say never and leave it at that.

Shefwedfan

Shefwedfan wrote: »

The problem is people returning home and going to the local. It’s normally full of a pack of waster, all the big men at school but never realized been the big man at school doesn’t mean you get a job

Walk in, say hello and they are so bitter at you doing something decent with your life now your too big for them blah blah blah....

.... Someone got their lunch money taken off them at school once or thrice :P

Mr. teddywinkles

We have another thread of someone coming back from being abroad stating how pretentious Ireland has gone with money. Ya couldn't make this up.

puppieperson1

Go to Rath keale in County Limerick the cream crackers have been doing this for yonks porche jeeps top of the range mercs all bull**** all hired and all to impress the local yokels who stayed at home to care for the country !

Shefwedfan

Augeo wrote: »

.... Someone got their lunch money taken off them at school once or thrice :P

Hide it somewhere even a Garda wouldn’t find :-)

JayZeus

JayZeus wrote: »

Everyone's to make their own decisions and go their own way in life. I think it's a bit foolish to think that someone going in a different direction to the one you'd choose for yourself is someone to be pitied in any sense.

If someone's life takes them abroad and they return to visit family and reconnect with the place they came from, you'd think people would see that as a good thing, in every sense. A testament to how important in some sense the small place they came from is to them, deep down. Especially if their life is truly better where they live now than it was when they were in the place you've decided will be your home, and they've decided won't be theirs any more, it really shouldn't bother anyone.

It's an odd way of thinking but I don't think someone can in any way understand the perspective of an emigrant unless they've been one themselves at some stage.

My post probably came across a bit different than I intended. Firstly when I said I don’t have to have interaction and am glad of it it’s referring to those who are a pain about it talking as if “why on earth would you want to be living here” etc.

The pitying them is just something in my own head that I can’t help really. I just hate the idea of living abroad and can’t help putting myself in their shoes and thinking how much I’d dread going back after Christmas etc, not being around my family and friends and missing out on all the stuff happening. I did live abroad for a year, didn’t really want to go and absolutely detested it (that’s with being home almost every month too).

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Well, it’s only natural for people to talk about what they are up to currently. That’s not really bragging.

However, talking about your job outside of a few cursory sentences is so goddamn dull. I hope he didn’t talk about that too much.

In fairness I don’t get the job talk hatred. I’m not taking about boasting about a job and how much money you make but actually about the job. I work in a very interesting area of tech and people are always asking me about it and spend ages wanting to talk about it. I’d be similar myself with friends in interesting jobs as we are all tech heads and like discussing the cutting edge stuff we work on.

Shefwedfan

Shefwedfan wrote: »

Hide it somewhere even a Garda wouldn’t find :-)

No need to be acting the wannabe hardman on the internet..... Sad to see childhood bullying having an effect decades later.
Maybe there's a counselling service or something that might help. My PMs are always open if you want someone to listen :mad:

Augeo

Augeo wrote: »

No need to be acting the wannabe hardman on the internet..... Sad to see childhood bullying having an effect decades later.
Maybe there's a counselling service or something that might help. My PMs are always open if you want someone to listen :mad:

You've picked him up wrong. Have a re-read with the less aggressive attitude.

scamalert

I used to do that emigrated to Ireland almost 2 decades back now, and first years would be yeah bragging how things worked out well, reality is some part once your away gets attached but home feeling stays there, many people leave out the grind to get to decent jobs sorting out place to live etc, and daily struggles they go trough over the years before they get settled in different country, so it might comes off as bragging etc. but id say only snobbery is if those that come back say oh threres nothing here - and so on. that might get on peoples nerves.


moving abroad is massive risk if one looks at at least 2-5 years starting from scratch. If they settle then its all ok, might as well share some advantages but dissing your old place town or comparing, id believe most wouldn't stand it past few minutes of hearing it.

Lyle Lanley

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

They were examples. There are many more topics. The very occasional person might have a fascinating job. Most people don’t. The minutiae is dull for pretty much every job. Taking your examples - my interest might be piqued by a dive instructor but a feckin’ banker?

It’s great that you like to hear about the jobs of others. Many don’t and it’s not for lack of intellectual curiosity. Anyone bemused at films being a topic of discussion can’t really take the high road.

Remember when the dive Instructor is raving about how great life is it's mostly a lie too.

Signore Fancy Pants

I know a 40ish year old woman who "emigrated" to Spain a few years ago. Moved out of her house, sold her car and all her stuff.

Anyway, she came back 3 weeks later.

Still to this day, she will start a conversation with "When I lived in Spain" or "Well in Spain they do this and that"

Apparently its sooo much better over there and blah blah blah.

MayoAreMagic

glomar wrote: »

being balsy enough to go out on your own with no backup is better than staying at home moaning about the current situation

Or you could be ballsy enough to stay and simply improve your situation...
It is important to ask yourself honestly, am I happy that I was ballsy and it worked, or am I happy in my life in general. Because they arent the same.

There is two sides to this. I think a mistake people who go away make, is they assume that what they have done is better. In truth, it might be better for them (or indeed it might not and they may only realise that later), but it may not be for others. I can speak from my own experience and I went away for a decade. While I did I fully endorsed it and probably viewed the thing the same way as many on here have expressed. Then as i got older I realised what I valued as important and I returned.
What became apparant to me is that there are things more important than money and living in exciting places. And that the guys i might have cringed at in my formative years, were probably cringing at myself too, because they were further down the road than i was at the time.

faceman

Wah, who cares. Each to their own. I’ve lived abroad and I travel a lot so I see both sides. No one side is best.

Every country has its pros and cons.

America has outrageous healthcare cost and obscene property prices. Not to mention traffic challenges during rush hour in the cities. And little job security.

Australia is a tired, worn out hamlet for Irish people that is so far from Ireland. Probably for the best really.

You can bet many of the ex pats are boards.ie members, visit Irish bars from time to time, and have teabags, chocolate or Tayto shipped to them. They probably watch the rugby or GAA in some Irish bar too. They will have Guinness fridge magnets or some dumb Irish memorabilia hanging on the walls of their gaff.

But more serious challenges can arise when you’re an expat. Especially if you try start a family abroad. Usually you’ve no support network around you. If you’re in the US the cost of maternity cover is huge.

So what if Paddy in Two Mike Bridge is still skulling pints in his local every Friday night. Is every Friday night a riot in these far off lands? No.

I regularly host friends in Dublin, mostly American and they all get perplexed when I diss home as they think it’s so wonderful and easy here.

But the secret really is this. When you live abroad, it takes a long time before an ex pat would ever consider themselves an American or British or Australian or whatever. In fact the suggestion would probably insult them. Most ex pats barely read the local newspaper or have any rooted investment in the politics of the country etc. Bar pot hole politics, Ex Pats tend to to skip that stuff. On a subconscious it feels like it’s not of interest or their problem. They’re an outsider and will spend most of their ex pat life as one.

But that’s ok. It’s nice to hear how friends are getting when they come home. Even if they brag, let them do it. Get a sly dig in when you can, but be nice about it. No doubt they have their problems, behind closed doors, as we all do.

But I will say this. The only thing ex pats can truthfully brag about with no comeback is having better weather than Ireland. Give them that.

Now anyone up for a pint down the local? First round on me.

Stateofyou

MayoAreMagic wrote: »

Or you could be ballsy enough to stay and simply improve your situation...
It is important to ask yourself honestly, am I happy that I was ballsy and it worked, or am I happy in my life in general. Because they arent the same.

There is two sides to this. I think a mistake people who go away make, is they assume that what they have done is better. In truth, it might be better for them (or indeed it might not and they may only realise that later), but it may not be for others. I can speak from my own experience and I went away for a decade. While I did I fully endorsed it and probably viewed the thing the same way as many on here have expressed. Then as i got older I realised what I valued as important and I returned.
What became apparant to me is that there are things more important than money and living in exciting places. And that the guys i might have cringed at in my formative years, were probably cringing at myself too, because they were further down the road than i was at the time.

There's always something to be gained from a different experience. The fact is it does take a lot of guts and bravery to strike out in a completely new and unfamiliar direction such as moving abroad. There's been talk here about how it changes you and it's been asked, how? Putting yourself outside of familiarity, your comfort zone, your own people forces you to grow in leaps and bounds. To figure things out in ordinary life to socializing and all the little ways in between, it's a huge process. In living abroad you get a perspective on your own country and your identity that you just don't get when traveling on your holidays. It changes you to a point that in returning home reverse culture shock is actually a thing. Because it's just a fact that you're changed when you live abroad. Often times it's given you a strength, resilience and understanding that you wouldn't have otherwise acquired. So whatever the experience was, whether it turned out life is preferred here vs there, it's all a learning experience that forces one to grow. That's never a mistake to be regretted. It was what was needed at the time for whatever reasons. I still think it's an experience that teaches a lot, can be very rewarding, and is better than living with regrets wondering "what if" I had the nerve to do something big and scary and new!