What's the etiquette here??

JohnnyFlash

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Did i tell you the one about the Assistant Principal officer in the Dept of the Taoiseach...

A notorious department by all accounts, Roger. Not even malicious sorts. High faluting intellectual sorts wandering around talking about macro economics when they'd just forgotten to get rid of something that looked like an crime scene at a shít party.



:mad:

Hector Savage

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Did i tell you the one about the Assistant Principal officer in the Dept of the Taoiseach...

Was that the laptop one ?

Roger Hassenforder

Hector Savage wrote: »

Was that the laptop one ?

Yup, the one with the socks

Hector Savage

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Yup, the one with the socks

don't remember the socks ... maybe we are thinking of different events...

Roger Hassenforder

Hector Savage wrote: »

don't remember the socks ... maybe we are thinking of different events...

He'd to use his socks as all the bum fodder was used up?

I went to take some badly needed "company time" today at work, only to discover that in retaliation for Mondays blockage and subsequent drain doctor visit the company have removed the wall mounted bog roll providers. They have been replaced with cheaper (I presume) and vastly lower quality items that dispense two inch wide strips of industrial sandpaper.
This is not on, industrial action has probably been taken for less!

EmmetSpiceland

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

He'd to use his socks as all the bum fodder was used up?

Can you tell me, R, did he use the outside “shoe” part or the inner “foot” side to clear up the “badge”?

I’d be inclined to go for the part that had been in contact with my own body already as opposed to the part stuck in the sweaty shoe. But that’s just me.

Hal3000

A big gorilla is hot desking in our place today. He went out on his lunch today with the team for a Diceys carvery with all the trimmings. Had a few gravy specs on his tie after. Apparently he left a revolting clanger in the facilities and then shagged off into the sunset to catch his train back home from Hueston.

Brendan Bendar

Hal3000 wrote: »

A big gorilla is hot desking in our place today. He went out on his lunch today with the team for a Diceys carvery with all the trimmings. Had a few gravy specs on his tie after. Apparently he left a revolting clanger in the facilities and then shagged off into the sunset to catch his train back home from Hueston.

Filthy kernt. Fcuker should be outed.

Any hotdesker who leaves a ‘baton round’ after him/her should never be entertained again.

In fairness I was involved in a ‘exchange’ trial recently.

Swopped offices, ended up with a bunch of douche nozzles.

Blew a thick loose skein of sour midden into a waste paper bin before I left.

Only option.

gozunda

Original deposited in funny pics ...

Ettiquete for the ****ter in years past ...

safeasparagus

gozunda wrote: »

Original deposited in funny pics ...

Ettiquete for the ****ter in years past ...

Am I missing the part of the story where the son drops the keks , squats down and unleashes hot Arse gravy into that stream that only Godzilla could come close too or ..... ???

gozunda

safeasparagus wrote: »

Am I missing the part of the story where the son drops the keks , squats down and unleashes hot Arse gravy into that stream that only Godzilla could come close too or ..... ???

Nah not hard to figure it out tbh - I reckon after the father got pushed into the river whilst depositing his daily dose of arse slurry in said river and was surely baptised- that the son wasn't safe to sit on the pot for a month - so no ****s there at all:D

Bullocks

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

He'd to use his socks as all the bum fodder was used up?

Can you tell me, R, did he use the outside “shoe” part or the inner “foot” side to clear up the “badge”?

I’d be inclined to go for the part that had been in contact with my own body already as opposed to the part stuck in the sweaty shoe. But that’s just me.

You would just want to be sure when using the sock that there isn't a  trace of athletes foot on it or you'll get one hell of an itchy hole . I've been that soldier and its torture , was never as happy to see a shower . Cold water down the crack for 10 solid minutes really kills an itch .
A vest gives way more coverage for wiping and alot less chance of introducing bacteria to the pink freckle

Roger Hassenforder

Bullocks wrote: »

You would just want to be sure when using the sock that there isn't a  trace of athletes foot on it or you'll get one hell of an itchy hole . I've been that soldier and its torture , was never as happy to see a shower . Cold water down the crack for 10 solid minutes really kills an itch .
A vest gives way more coverage for wiping and alot less chance of introducing bacteria to the pink freckle

My understanding of this jerimiad, isnt the actual application of the sock (reportedly and ironically a Turnbull & Asser Argyle deep merino dress sock) like some sort of cannon rammer, but rather the fact this individual hadnt the decency to wash it and take it away with him in his pocket, but shoved it under the s bend where the subsequent blockage necessitated a jetting by Dynorod, after causing serious "water damage" to several ceilings in the offices below.

Deebles McBeebles

Hal3000 wrote: »

A big gorilla is hot desking in our place today. He went out on his lunch today with the team for a Diceys carvery with all the trimmings. Had a few gravy specs on his tie after. Apparently he left a revolting clanger in the facilities and then shagged off into the sunset to catch his train back home from Hueston.

F'kin culchies.

JohnnyFlash

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

F'kin culchies.

I’m not so sure that culchies are the problem here, Deebles. I was at the All Ireland football semi final between Galway and Dublin last year. Lower Hogan. Almost every shïtter on the level has been put out of use half an hour before throw in. Shïte on the seat, scour all over the pan, tissue mountains everywhere, one lad had even put a miniature Dublin flag in a meaty bolus that was standing erect in the pan. Disgraceful.

Ended up having to ask a dude in a yellow jacket if I could use the handicapped toilet. ‘No problems’ he said, ‘those jackeen bastards are filthy animals’.

Was at the AI hurling final a few weeks later and the shítters were pristine in comparison.

Deebles McBeebles

Of course Johnny, I was just going on the reference to Heuston.

Country sh*te or city sh*te, it all stains the same.

Roger Hassenforder

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’m not so sure that culchies are the problem here, Deebles. I was at the All Ireland football semi final between Galway and Dublin last year. Lower Hogan. Almost every shïtter on the level has been put out of use half an hour before throw in. Shïte on the seat, scour all over the pan, tissue mountains everywhere, one lad had even put a miniature Dublin flag in a meaty bolus that was standing erect in the pan. Disgraceful.

Ended up having to ask a dude in a yellow jacket if I could use the handicapped toilet. ‘No problems’ he said, ‘those jackeen bastards are filthy animals’.

Was at the AI hurling final a few weeks later and the shítters were pristine in comparison.

Galwegians must be proud after that.
And Limerickwegians

Bullocks

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Bullocks wrote: »

You would just want to be sure when using the sock that there isn't a  trace of athletes foot on it or you'll get one hell of an itchy hole . I've been that soldier and its torture , was never as happy to see a shower . Cold water down the crack for 10 solid minutes really kills an itch .
A vest gives way more coverage for wiping and alot less chance of introducing bacteria to the pink freckle

My understanding of this jerimiad, isnt the actual application of the sock (reportedly and ironically a Turnbull & Asser Argyle deep merino dress sock) like some sort of cannon rammer, but rather the fact this individual hadnt the decency to wash it and take it away with him in his pocket, but shoved it under the s bend where the subsequent blockage necessitated a jetting by Dynorod, after causing serious "water damage" to several ceilings in the offices below.

Poor form alright. The last time I had to use the vest I stuffed it into the creggy parts of the rocks out in Aran. No toilet was harmed in the making of that horrible horrible mess

Obrieski

Avoided disaster by the skin of my teeth today. Browsing around the shops at lunch, went in to try something on in a changing room and a little fart slipped out. Not to worry thinks I, chuckling away. The smell would knock you sideways which was the first warning sign though.

As I pulled the top I was trying on over my head, the stomach contracted and the urge to make a deposit came over me massively. Managed to squeeze and hold and a few short sharp breaths were needed to calm the nerves. Abandoned the top and made the 5 minute walk back to the office. Burst into the toilet, stall 3 empty and unleashed a load that would fill many a deep pothole around the country. The relief is huge, the smell though...that’s a whole different level.

The buffalo wings from yesterday evening have been determined as the source of this. Will have to go easy on them long term

Former Observer

Obrieski wrote: »

The relief is huge, the smell though...that’s a whole different level.

Interesting. The girlfriend has a love of those tiny chicken wings, lambs legs, buffalo wings etc that you get at the hot food counter in Tescos. I've noticed her chite smells like an animal carcass left rotting in a wheely bin full of rain water afterwards.

What shop were you in anyway?

Obrieski

Former Observer wrote: »

Interesting. The girlfriend has a love of those tiny chicken wings, lambs legs, buffalo wings etc that you get at the hot food counter in Tescos. I've noticed her chite smells like an animal carcass left rotting in a wheely bin full of rain water afterwards.

What shop were you in anyway?

Not in Ireland currently FO, the shop was Woolworths but the same kind of idea as the Tesco hot food counter. A lacklustre office machine coffee earlier in the day definitely didn’t help matters either it must be said. Basically a form of laxative I reckon

gerrybbadd

I'm half looking forward to heading into trap 1 later. Was at the annual work BBQ yesterday, and consumed a burger, 4 portions of ribs, coleslaw, potato salad, caeser salad, slice of cheesecake, slice of apple pie and some ice cream. Washed down with 4 cans of Heineken 0.0 (driving:rolleyes::rolleyes:).

My young fella told me this morning, "Dad I don't like the smell of your bangs (what he calls farts, he's 4).

I said, "oh son, what did they smell like?". I wasn't prepared for the answer. "Eggs and rotten crocodiles"

Former Observer

Former Observer wrote: »

Interesting. The girlfriend has a love of those tiny chicken wings, lambs legs, buffalo wings etc that you get at the hot food counter in Tescos. I've noticed her chite smells like an animal carcass left rotting in a wheely bin full of rain water afterwards.

What shop were you in anyway?

The hot food counter in any shop is best avoided unless there is a spacious well ventilated trap well stocked with enough bog roll for armageddon close at hand.

tgdaly

Bit of a disaster last night, last night of the holiday, went somewhere a bit fancier for dinner. Starter of chicken wings and pad Thai chicken for main. Walked home on a nice evening but this got things stirring. Was about 10 mins from home and could feel a storm a brewing down below. Crab walked home with the cheeks clenched. The missus had to use to loo which prolonged the agony for a few mins. Eventually got to sit on the bowl and a brown nuclear explosion arrived. Was a good 20 mins evacuating the bowels, and the nuclear winter lasted a good 2 hours afterwards, the bathroom was written off that long. Feeling much lighter but severely dehydrated today as a result

Brendan Bendar

Former Observer wrote: »

Interesting. The girlfriend has a love of those tiny chicken wings, lambs legs, buffalo wings etc that you get at the hot food counter in Tescos. I've noticed her chite smells like an animal carcass left rotting in a wheely bin full of rain water afterwards.

What shop were you in anyway?

Are you sure, is she Polish by any chance.

Knew a lad dating a Polish lass and they have a liking for these spicy sausage meat things and pungent cabbagy stuff.They eat is on the sly big time.

Apparently the whiffe after evacuation quenched quite a few candles in the latrine.

He had to get de heavy duty lads in to keep the place safe.:mad:

Roger Hassenforder

tgdaly wrote: »

Bit of a disaster last night, last night of the holiday, went somewhere a bit fancier for dinner. Starter of chicken wings and pad Thai chicken for main. Walked home on a nice evening but this got things stirring. Was about 10 mins from home and could feel a storm a brewing down below. Crab walked home with the cheeks clenched. The missus had to use to loo which prolonged the agony for a few mins. Eventually got to sit on the bowl and a brown nuclear explosion arrived. Was a good 20 mins evacuating the bowels, and the nuclear winter lasted a good 2 hours afterwards, the bathroom was written off that long. Feeling much lighter but severely dehydrated today as a result

What a selfish bitch.
Hogging the head, and you bubbling at the seal.

Get shot of her, shes not a keeper

JohnnyFlash

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

What a selfish bitch.
Hogging the head, and you bubbling at the seal.

Get shot of her, shes not a keeper

I’d say it had started to crown. First 4 inches gone cold sort of scenario.

Roger Hassenforder

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’d say it had started to crown. First 4 inches gone cold sort of scenario.

Doesnt sound like a turtles head - more head gasket gone, bubbling violently under the radiator cap about to blow

DEFTLEFTHAND

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I’m not so sure that culchies are the problem here, Deebles. I was at the All Ireland football semi final between Galway and Dublin last year. Lower Hogan. Almost every sher on the level has been put out of use half an hour before throw in. Sh on the seat, scour all over the pan, tissue mountains everywhere, one lad had even put a miniature Dublin flag in a meaty bolus that was standing erect in the pan. Disgraceful.

Ended up having to ask a dude in a yellow jacket if I could use the handicapped toilet. ‘No problems’ he said, ‘those jackeen bastards are filthy animals’.

Was at the AI hurling final a few weeks later and the shers were pristine in comparison.

John, never use a jacks to sh1te in at a GAA ground. You could get Aids or something.

I'll barely use the trough to slash in, have to keep a regulation 3ft distance at all times.