What's the etiquette here??

Hotblack Desiato

Ah, Party, you had an attack of the "Paula Radcliffes".

Runner's diarrhoea is a thing. "A dose of the runs", indeed.

Anyway you won't find me dresssing up in lycra and running around like an eejit thank you very much.

mfceiling

Sorry for your troubles party.

Hector Savage

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Ah, Party, you had an attack of the "Paula Radcliffes".

Runner's diarrhoea is a thing. "A dose of the runs", indeed.

Anyway you won't find me dresssing up in lycra and running around like an eejit thank you very much.

Paula Radcliffe ? that happened to her ... jaysus

Class MayDresser

mfceiling wrote: »

Sorry for your troubles trousers party.

FYP there.

Nevin Parsnipp

Hector Savage wrote: »

Paula Radcliffe ? that happened to her ... jaysus

Yup ! That's how she got the nickname "Skuttery Paula".......

NeinNeinNein

Hector Savage wrote: »

Paula Radcliffe ? that happened to her ... jaysus

More a case of carrying the load with her for the rest of the race rather than skuttering it away if I recall correctly.

Gary Linekar has form too, although Walkers crisps tried their best to hush that one up, the shams.

gerrybbadd

Didn't poor aul Sonia O'Sullivan leave the legs brown mid race as well at some stage? The Special running sneakers were full to the brim

Bobblehats

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Didn't poor aul Sonia O'Sullivan leave the legs brown mid race as well at some stage? The Special running sneakers were full to the brim

Non too sure but I certainly did this morning after a hot n sour prawn curry last nigh

it’s a Goan specialty. A goin’ the toilet specialty...

partyguinness

I believe it was the ancient Greek Olympians that had an expression for it:

"Ain't no scutter like a pre-race scutter"

JohnnyFlash

Bobblehats wrote: »

Non too sure but I certainly did this morning after a hot n sour prawn curry last nigh

it’s a Goan specialty. A goin’ the toilet specialty...

I find spicy prawn curries or stir-fries are lethal the next day. Must be the mixture of spices and seafood.

Woke Hogan

Blowheads wrote: »

An absolute breach of etiquette, filthy kernt. People like you have no place on a decent thread like this

I don’t think there’s a person in here who hasn’t had to “feed the seagulls” every now and then.

Voodoomelon

partyguinness wrote: »

To say I ruined the toilet would be like saying the Titanic sprung a leak. Grand understatement. Buck shot everywhere- it even landed on the toilet seat (in other words it must have shot upward into the air and landed down on the seat…let the physics lads work on that) and some specks on my tshirt up my back. Took several flushes and there was even drips of sweat on the floor.

Feeling weak and a little sorry for myself I made my way upstairs and showered and had to lie down on the bed for 45 mins to recompose and process what had just happened. Thankfully the wife is half deaf (watches TV with subtitles at this stage) and she was none the wiser.

It is an incident that will live with me for a long time. I thought I had the running v. toilet routine down to a tee- years of practice but now I am not so sure. Leaving the house this morning I was still a little shaken truth be told. Confidence has taken a massive hit.

I know this exact feeling, has happened me so many times, usually on the homeward bound leg and like you, often just hundreds of metres from the front door. The agony of the last 50 metres or so, there's a small bit of excitement mixed in; will I make it? Will i sh1t my pants in public? Who knows!

Then trying desperately to get the get the front door key in the lock under severe pressure; I imagine it's part of Navy Seal training, a logical thinking test like trying to reassemble an AR15 after drinking a litre of Picolax. The rush down the corridor to the jacks, pissing sweat and ripping off clothes before landing on the jacks with seconds to spare, arse exploding for the whole house to hear. A shower straight after is the only option and a small cry in the corner when you're done.

NeinNeinNein

If running around a bit is so likely to open the valve, isn't it about time that defacating was introduced to the olympics? I propose that it is added to the Modern Pentathlon. It could be a replacement for the 'shooting while running' bit, there is already enough violence during the fencing anyway.

Running up a hill to shoot at a target would become running up a hill to sh1t in a container with volume markings up the side, similar to the containers which were once used on It's a Knockout. Of course some countries would be better at launching the slurry than others but that's all part of the challenge. There are no easy medals at the olympics.

I am writing to Minisiter Shane Ross today to ask for his help in lobbying for this addition to the olympics. Must hurry as he may not last much longer in the role and christ knows what brainless fool will take over as Minister should the tripartite deal be passed.

Bobblehats

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I find spicy prawn curries or stir-fries are lethal the next day. Must be the mixture of spices and seafood.

It’s a strange one in that you don’t even feel it leaving you? That’s if you even felt any real attachment in the first place but I sit down for ten minutes, looking into space and lo and behold there’s the same gut-wrenching colon numbingly acrid red soup that I originally ingested.

Which only leaves me to consider the possibiliity of reusing it ~ sans prawns, which seem to have dissolved into nothing but then you can get a bag of them fairly handy...

Pintman Paddy Losty

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Yup ! That's how she got the nickname "Skuttery Paula".......

Similar to how you ended up with the nickname "Incontinent Pad Parsnipp"?

JohnnyFlash

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Similar to how you ended up with the nickname "Incontinent Pad Parsnipp"?

Stops the ‘coins of the realm’ forming in the crotch area of his mustard easy-stretch slacks.

Bullocks

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

If running around a bit is so likely to open the valve, isn't it about time that defacating was introduced to the olympics? I propose that it is added to the Modern Pentathlon. It could be a replacement for the 'shooting while running' bit, there is already enough violence during the fencing anyway.

Running up a hill to shoot at a target would become running up a hill to sh1t in a container with volume markings up the side, similar to the containers which were once used on It's a Knockout. Of course some countries would be better at launching the slurry than others but that's all part of the challenge. There are no easy medals at the olympics.

I am writing to Minisiter Shane Ross today to ask for his help in lobbying for this addition to the olympics. Must hurry as he may not last much longer in the role and christ knows what brainless fool will take over as Minister should the tripartite deal be passed.

As the old lad used say to me when I was lifting something heavy or working hard on the farm "if you had a stump of a tail and could ****e while you're running you'd be a horse of a man "
Now that I think of it that was probably the height of his praise for me at anytime in my life .
I'll enter that Olympic sport if Ross comes good on it

Aglomerado

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

If running around a bit is so likely to open the valve, isn't it about time that defacating was introduced to the olympics? I propose that it is added to the Modern Pentathlon. It could be a replacement for the 'shooting while running' bit, there is already enough violence during the fencing anyway.

Running up a hill to shoot at a target would become running up a hill to sh1t in a container with volume markings up the side, similar to the containers which were once used on It's a Knockout. Of course some countries would be better at launching the slurry than others but that's all part of the challenge. There are no easy medals at the olympics.

I am writing to Minisiter Shane Ross today to ask for his help in lobbying for this addition to the olympics. Must hurry as he may not last much longer in the role and christ knows what brainless fool will take over as Minister should the tripartite deal be passed.

I second this and suggest it be named the Fentathlon.

Nevin Parsnipp

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Stops the ‘coins of the realm’ forming in the crotch area of his mustard easy-stretch slacks.

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Similar to how you ended up with the nickname "Incontinent Pad Parsnipp"?

Hmmmm bit disappointing to see sour snippy comments like above directed at a respected poster.

"The Nev" dresses very well and any breeks in his extensive wardrobe would not be "easy stretch" or mustard.(Hint Canali suits Hugo Boss and Armani shirts).

That remark from a dude like Flash who goes about in snug fitting Farrah "slacks"and wears bri nylon non iron shirts is a bit rich.

Losty would be very familiar with incontinence judging the extensive and diverse stains on his off white shell suit botts.

Dosn't clean the hoop properly either ...if the dark stains around the ar$e crakk is anything to go by.........

EmmetSpiceland

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Hmmmm bit disappointing to see sour snippy comments like above directed at a respected poster.

"The Nev" dresses very well and any breeks in his extensive wardrobe would not be "easy stretch" or mustard.(Hint Canali suits Hugo Boss and Armani shirts).

That remark from a dude like Flash who goes about in snug fitting Farrah "slacks"and wears bri nylon non iron shirts is a bit rich.

Losty would be very familiar with incontinence judging the extensive and diverse stains on his off white shell suit botts.

Dosn't clean the hoop properly either ...if the dark stains around the ar$e crakk is anything to go by.........

Any truth in the rumour that both Losty and Flash “broke lockdown“ when their home bleaching kits arrived and they bleached each other’s arseholes, N?

Painful business, or so I’m led to believe. But you can’t argue with the “results”.

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Any truth in the rumour that both Losty and Flash “broke lockdown“ when their home bleaching kits arrived and they bleached each other’s arseholes, N?

Painful business, or so I’m led to believe. But you can’t argue with the “results”.

Apparently they had to wait a week while the application of ‘Clagggonn’ took effect.

Flash was spotted wearing the 1976 Farahs with a collection of arse grease covering half the ‘seat’ that would butter the runway in Shannon.

Filthy kernts.

Apparently that site a lad told me about ‘ Spanglehoop’ supply on line.

No further details as may be frowned on in this country.

gerrybbadd

Started into a new diet today to try and reduce some "bloat" and to reduce the auld blood sugars, being a diabetic and all.

Copious amounts of couscous, quinoa, oily fish, water and raw salads are featured. My "Snack" at 4pm is listed as simply "water".

I can feel the guts rumbling away here, which means in approx. 15 mins time, an evacuation of Biblical scale is due to be delivered into Arnie Shanks. I've a feeling it'll emerge like a Cafe Au Lait from a Dolce Gusto machine, hot, frothy and wet

JohnnyFlash

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Started into a new diet today to try and reduce some "bloat" and to reduce the auld blood sugars, being a diabetic and all.

Copious amounts of couscous, quinoa, oily fish, water and raw salads are featured. My "Snack" at 4pm is listed as simply "water".

I can feel the guts rumbling away here, which means in approx. 15 mins time, an evacuation of Biblical scale is due to be delivered into Arnie Shanks. I've a feeling it'll emerge like a Cafe Au Lait from a Dolce Gusto machine, hot, frothy and wet

Best of luck, Ger. I started on a similar diet a few weeks back when more cholesterol score came back at 9.8. Had to cut down on all the good things in life - beer, butter, cheese, a fry for the breakfast, dry roasted peanuts, rib eye steaks, fish and chips, belly buster pizzas etc etc. All the stuff you’d expect an Irish fella to have in his diet.

The first few days are the worst - expect very frequent, loose, and wide loads that coat the entire pan up to the rim and can even bounce onto the underside of the seat. Check the backs of your knees when finished is my only advice. And your cluster if you’ve a low hanging set of clock weights, or a pecker like a chub of white pudding.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Best of luck, Ger. I started on a similar diet a few weeks back when more cholesterol score came back at 9.8. Had to cut down on all the good things in life - beer, butter, cheese, a fry for the breakfast, dry roasted peanuts, rib eye steaks, fish and chips, belly buster pizzas etc etc. All the stuff you’d expect an Irish fella to have in his diet.

The first few days are the worst - expect very frequent, loose, and wide loads that cost the entire pan up to the rim and can even bounce onto the underside of the seat. Check the backs of your knees when finished is my only advice. And your cluster if you’ve a low hanging set of clock weights, or a pecker like a chub of white pudding.

Pecker like a baseball bat mesell, John.

Always like to shroud her with a nice coating of ‘ protective paper’ well propped up around the ‘bell, in case of accidental sludging in unsafe waters.

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Pecker like a baseball bat mesell, John.

Always like to shroud her with a nice coating of ‘ protective paper’ well propped up around the ‘bell, in case of accidental sludging in unsafe waters.

Helps protect against the, dreaded, “Witch’s Kiss” too, B.

Few things worse than the feel of cold porcelain on the “lad”.

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Helps protect against the, dreaded, “Witch’s Kiss” too, B.

Few things worse than the feel of cold porcelain on the “lad”.

Good call Eeee.... specially is there is a touch of ‘ sludge’ on her.

Trick is to pop a ‘John’ over the helmet, E, Keeps her nicely trimmed and dry.

Not like a buttery smelly weeping schkelp of blown pork, that even the forking hound wouldn’t go near.

Clean meat is what they like, I’m told

partyguinness

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Started into a new diet today to try and reduce some "bloat" and to reduce the auld blood sugars, being a diabetic and all.

Copious amounts of couscous, quinoa, oily fish, water and raw salads are featured. My "Snack" at 4pm is listed as simply "water".

I can feel the guts rumbling away here, which means in approx. 15 mins time, an evacuation of Biblical scale is due to be delivered into Arnie Shanks. I've a feeling it'll emerge like a Cafe Au Lait from a Dolce Gusto machine, hot, frothy and wet

Good luck with that Gerry.

I've been on similar fad diets over the past 12 months with copious amounts couscous and quinoa and I can tell you that it will be grainy and angry. The quinoa will look like you have deposited a load of tadpoles in the pond. It'll be looking back at you with a small beady black eye floating around the place.

It will get stuck to the toilet brush too- little seeds stuck between the bristles and they'll be there for months.

A good addtion to the diet are pecan and walnuts. You will produce outstanding work- consistent one piece pipping.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

Good luck with that Gerry.

I've been on similar fad diets over the past 12 months with copious amounts couscous and quinoa and I can tell you that it will be grainy and angry. The quinoa will look like you have deposited a load of tadpoles in the pond. It'll be looking back at you with a small beady black eye floating around the place.

It will get stuck to the toilet brush too- little seeds stuck between the bristles and they'll be there for months.

A good addtion to the diet are pecan and walnuts. You will produce outstanding work- consistent one piece pipping.

And be sure to stay hydrated, a diet built around that sort of “dry pulse” can lead to an aggressive bout of “the grits”, the dry shíts.

A couple of tablespoon of cod liver oil, or some other “lubricant” should act as a, sort of, binding agent so as to avoid any, irritating, sandy deposits.

NeinNeinNein

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

And be sure to stay hydrated, a diet built around that sort of “dry pulse” can lead to an aggressive bout of “the grits”, the dry shíts.

A couple of tablespoon of cod liver oil, or some other “lubricant” should act as a, sort of, binding agent so as to avoid any, irritating, sandy deposits.

Reminds me of a chap I worked with back in the day who swore blind that the regular insertion of a candle up his rectum was a huge aid to ensuring smooth exits.

Brendan Bendar

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Reminds me of a chap I worked with back in the day who swore blind that the regular insertion of a candle up his rectum was a huge aid to ensuring smooth exits.

Fr. Bernard Devereaux down Camolin way?

Paschal Candle?

Not that bum boy was it?