What's the etiquette here??

mfceiling

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

On sale in Aldi from today.

Pre?

Presume then they mean spray this before you tip the cart.

I would have thought it was "post" toilet spray....in other words after you have left a load you spray that stuff.

Fireball81

mfceiling wrote: »

Pre?

Presume then they mean spray this before you tip the cart.

I would have thought it was "post" toilet spray....in other words after you have left a load you spray that stuff.

You spray it on the water before you drop the jocks. It then soaks up the fumes.

Strangely it really works (well VIPooo does anyway), going to give this a try.

Ush1

Charge your phone Johnny.

Portlawslim

After a days photographic exploits in my local woods (trying to capture images of red squirrels) I was making my way back to the car when I felt the rumblings of an urgent kind. I clenched and strode on thinking no problem here Slim you'll easily make it to the car.
But with a heavy load of camera gear on my back and a load in my bowel the rumblings grew louder and the pain started to kick in( the waist strap on the camera bag wasn't helping matters either). With a quick look around I made my mind up. Bursting through some dense foliage to get far enough away from the forest trail I went in search of a suitable spot to deposit the cause of my discomfort.

I sighted a clear patch of woodland with no high weeds to cause me any issues. Couldn't drop the camera bag quick enough, undid the slacks and assumed the position trying to adjust myself so I wouldn't involuntarily spray any detritus on the aforementioned slacks. Time was of the essence here and I need to progress the situation quickly. Luckily there were 2 saplings on either side of me within easy reach which gave me good purchase and allowed me to aim with ease while keeping myself upright.

My God the pile that dropped out of me, no sooner had I wrapped both hands around the tender young growth of the forest when it started to emerge, easily a 3 pounder! Smooth and easy once it started and finished off with a slight pinch of the sphincter. Pure Bliss, the Taco Chicken Roll I'd consumed for my lunch was the main cause of my urgency as I normally can hold for a little longer if the need arises. After my relief and joy of such a momentous evacuation the reality of the situation hit when I realised I had none of usual comforts of home(2 ply quilted is my preference) and in my haste to drop the camera bag and move to a safe distance a lens cleaning cloth was out of reach. I located some newly sprouted ferns although not ideal and a little risky with regards insects and suchlike but I girded my loins and yanked a bunch from the forest floor. They proved to provide an adequate substitute if not a little strange and made me feel even closer to the natural world. I’d even go as far as to say the birds song seemed clearer and more pronounced and the colours more vibrant within my small wooded glade.

Gentlemen in conclusion I think the experience has left me with more of an appreciation of our natural surroundings and dropping your slacks and evacuating your bowel in on off beaten track is something special(but not to be overdone) that we all need to experience more regularly.

Brendan Bendar

Fcuking paragraphs dude, and she could go on the Jnr.Cert curriculum for ‘21.

Hmmm

Skulking around with serious camera for red squirrels in Waaaaherhfur?

Fcukers are west of the Shannon, sham, greys have nutted them out.

Official photographer at the local dogging site if you ask me, pal.

Lot of stuff to answer buddy, not a good introduction, if you dont mind me saying.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Fcuking paragraphs dude, and she could go on the Jnr.Cert curriculum for ‘21.

Hmmm

Skulking around with serious camera for red squirrels in Waaaaherhfur?

Fcukers are west of the Shannon, sham, greys have nutted them out.

Official photographer at the local dogging site if you ask me, pal.

Lot of stuff to answer buddy, not a good introduction, if you dont mind me saying.

Portumna forest park is excellent for spotting the native red squirrel, Brendan. Extremely substandard shïtters though. I’d recommend hopping in the car and heading to the golf club up the road if you need to squeeze one out. Top class course as you’re probably aware, and a splendid feed in the clubhouse.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Portumna forest park is excellent for spotting the native red squirrel, Brendan. Extremely substandard shïtters though. I’d recommend hopping in the car and heading to the golf club up the road if you need to squeeze one out. Top class course as you’re probably aware, and a splendid feed in the clubhouse.

As Jack Nicholson said,John, and I’ll paraphrase, “I wouldn’t know a red squirrel if I pissed on one” However.....John,it’s this other dude who purports interest in squirrels of the red variety.

Any dogging sites around Portumna Forest Park,John.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

As Jack Nicholson said,John, and I’ll paraphrase, “I wouldn’t know a red squirrel if I pissed on one” However.....John,it’s this other dude who purports interest in squirrels of the red variety.

Any dogging sites around Portumna Forest Park,John.

Wouldn’t be into dogging, seagulling, spongling, saddle sniffing, or any of that sort of funny business, Brendan.

Just not my scene.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Wouldn’t be into dogging, seagulling, spongling, saddle sniffing, or any of that sort of funny business, Brendan.

Just not my scene.

Just knobbing so,John, I’m ok with that.

Thought you were keen on ‘cottaging’ like allegedly Jeremy Thorpe.

Just inquiring for a friend, you know.

snoopboggybog

Had a very greasy but solid one today, the water surrounding it was like the colours of spilled petrol on the ground. Was really strange to be honest, freaked me out a bit.

Brendan Bendar

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Had a very greasy but solid one today, the water surrounding it was like the colours of spilled petrol on the ground. Was really strange to be honest, freaked me out a bit.

Do you work in Applegreen or Tom Walsh Motors

Might have breached the hull on the wipe.

Portlawslim

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Fcuking paragraphs dude, and she could go on the Jnr.Cert curriculum for ‘21.

Hmmm

Skulking around with serious camera for red squirrels in Waaaaherhfur?

Fcukers are west of the Shannon, sham, greys have nutted them out.

Official photographer at the local dogging site if you ask me, pal.

Lot of stuff to answer buddy, not a good introduction, if you dont mind me saying.

My 2nd contribution Brendan, And obviously your not clued up on the local squirrel population of the Deise. Apologies for the lack of paragraphs as I was in full flow and wanted to share my humble scribblings asap

EmmetSpiceland

Portlawslim wrote: »

My 2nd contribution Brendan, And obviously your not clued up on the local squirrel population of the Deise. Apologies for the lack of paragraphs as I was in full flow and wanted to share my humble scribblings asap

Old Brenner is a man more clued up on the local “beaver“ population. Gets very, shall we say, “excited” by the mere mention of a red one.

He’s always out in the long grass with the telescopic lens, hoping to get a snap of one.

Rodney Bathgate

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Wouldn’t be into dogging, seagulling, spongling, saddle sniffing, or any of that sort of funny business, Brendan.

Just not my scene.

Any interest in munting, Johnny?

EmmetSpiceland

Ush1 wrote: »

Charge your phone Johnny.

Not even using “low power mode”, rookie mistake.

Brendan Bendar

Portlawslim wrote: »

My 2nd contribution Brendan, And obviously your not clued up on the local squirrel population of the Deise. Apologies for the lack of paragraphs as I was in full flow and wanted to share my humble scribblings asap

And very welcome Slim, have you Reds down in An Désie.

Best give Derek Mooney a bell, he’d be surprised,and by the way sorry for the criticism on the paragraphs, it it does make a top post like yours, what do they say ‘stand out’ as it were.

Excellent missive, wanted to put it out in full relief as it were.

Hope you understand.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Portlawslim

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

And very welcome Slim, have you Reds down in An Désie.

Best give Derek Mooney a bell, he’d be surprised,and by the way sorry for the criticism on the paragraphs, it it does make a top post like yours, what do they say ‘stand out’ as it were.

Excellent missive, wanted to put it out in full relief as it were.

Hope you understand.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Aww shucks Brendan
I'll edit in Paragraphs just for you

JohnnyFlash

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

Any interest in munting, Johnny?

I hadn’t even heard of it, Roddie, and I’d be well versed in words used to describe some of the more niche fetishes out there in this unusual world.

Had a read about what it’s about, and that’s surely an urban legend, a bit like the Alaskan Pipeline or the Hot Karl.

Rodney Bathgate

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I hadn’t even heard of it, Roddie, and I’d be well versed in words used to describe some of the more niche fetishes out there in this unusual world.

Had a read about what it’s about, and that’s surely an urban legend, a bit like the Alaskan Pipeline or the Hot Karl.

Big in Germany apparently. Think it originated in Munich.

Class MayDresser

Why did I look that up? Some sick fvckers out there. Makes the bedsh1tters seem normal.

Rodney Bathgate

Class MayDresser wrote: »

Why did I look that up? Some sick fvckers out there. Makes the bedsh1tters seem normal.

The munters would eat the bedsh1tters for breakfast.

Class MayDresser

Did a job there for a lad earlier, he landed out 8 cans of Hophouse 13 and I leaving, invoices and receipts all sorted beforehand. Nice tack, "the combination of three types of hops delivers a uniquely fresh hop aroma and crisp flavour with hints of apricots and peach".
Bodes well for a rounded mild sh1te in the morning, no need to be lighting scented candles I'd imagine.
Alcoholic laxative. Would drink again.

easygoing39

Its just a pity that hophouse 13 tastes like pi55!

cj maxx

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

The munters would eat the bedsh1tters for breakfast.

Why did I look munting up!

Slideways

Working in a remote (more remote than normal should I say) area and the toilets are pretty dire. Not quite trainspotting but John and Jane public would blanch at them I reckon.

It was my term to blanch.

Theres a rather rotund Scottish lad on site, the type of bloke who has 2 sausage rolls and a 500ml can of monster for breakfast. I had been prairie dogging for a while trying to get a job I was doing completed when I realised the lady was not for turning. A quick march across the yard only to be met by haggis coming out of the schitter, adjusting his XXL overalls as he walked. Knew it would be bad and the fent in the air could have been measured with a multi-meter. Alas, this was not the worst part.

I can only deduce that our dour scots man stands when he wipes as it’s the only possible explanation. There was a wad of bog roll on the floor with a chunky brown streak on it. Cûnt must have missed the bowl and just left it there. Toilet etiquette rules need to be updated although lord knows how society could have come to this

armaghlad

A deliberate act of provocation right there slideways, or have you done something to upset this portly Scotsman? Perhaps you or a colleague has pissèd on the seat prior to his engagement and he has merely sought vengeance in a swift and callous manner?

This type of individual is not to be messed with. They revel in this sort of non-verbal confrontation. I’m reminded of my student days where one of the housemates had a penchant for venting his emotions via the medium of poor toilet etiquette. Unfortunately all housemates had to feel his rath. Something as innocuous as not replacing the paper could trigger aggressive and cold-hearted retribution, ranging from “forgetting” to flush to “accidentally” soiling of the seating area.

It’s starts as a one-off which you dismiss as drunken clumsiness but over the course of a year the pattern emerges. It’s easy to see how these things can spiral out of control. It starts out as a bit of “friendly fire” on the toilet seat but quickly descends into a filthy war of attrition - and there is only ever one victor. If you are indeed dealing with someone who is well-versed in this form of warfare I plead with you to tread carefully. The fact he is Scottish adds a perilous dimension to an already problematic situation.

JohnnyFlash

****er was probably after a heap of haggis, neeps, and tatties. Washed down with a gallon of Tooheys New.

I’d say you could have sewn a button on the smell.

JohnnyFlash

Had an extremely spicy prawn stir fry for the dinner last night. Followed by 8 pints of pale ale and 3 bags of Monster Munch.

Absolutely horrific farts today. Frequent, warm, and extremely cloying. Slight maritime tinge to them. Not good.

EmmetSpiceland

With the “easing” of Lockdown I’ve moved away from the more “freeze dried” food stuffs and back onto more homemade fare. Particularly fresh veg.

I’ve noticed a, severe, shift from the beige logs to a more soft brown “pat”. Amounts seem much larger. The stuff just keeps coming and forms something akin to a shítty volcanic island in the bowl.

I’ve ingested a number of broccoli or chickpea based dishes and have moved away from the Koka noodles and packet “ham”. I’m guessing it’s a shock to the system but the stink and, sheer, volume has been startling.

I have to admit that I do feel, generally, lighter when I leave the “water closet”. The clean up isn’t great but nothing worrying and ring piece integrity is as close to 100% as one can get.

The only thing that’s bothering me is that it’s taking, up to, 3 flushes to get the water back to a “clear” state. Even then there can still be a slight discolouration.

As we are currently in the midst of a “hosepipe” ban I feel like I may well be part of the “problem”. This is not intentional but I would really like to avoid any “comments” from my partner.

Should I be leaving the water discoloured, with flecks of “detritus”, and just cover it with some folded toilet paper or just continue with the flushing until the bowl is clear?

Class MayDresser

What I have done in the past is pour some Fairy liquid into the cistern from time to time.

Has a few uses, as it produces a lovely froth on flushing.
a) it hides any unflushed scuttery debris
b) it breaks down skidmarks of the sh1tty kind as well as those from the front hosepipe
c) it provides a lovely froth that can be very soothing on rawish haemorhoids ( Fairy is nearly as soft on the arse as it is on the hands)
d) a quick dip of toilet roll into the fairyfroth does wonders in keeping the barse area spotless, lads over on the detailing forum might have better ideas on this though.

Had to give up using it though as I was on a Bulmers induced diarrohea run once,and whatever chemical in the Fairy mixed with appley cider produced an overflow of minging scuttery consistency of yorkshire relish sh1tfoam all over the ensuite floor as soon as I flushed it! Tried to pawn the blame off on the brother in law but couldn't make it stick, the slimy fvcker.