What's the etiquette here??

sligojoek

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

And making sure that ‘councelling’ was available to the ‘shovel operative’

Scooping that lot would merit at least a month off to ‘recover’.

Post Turdal Stress Disorder.

Brendan Bendar

sligojoek wrote: »

Post Turdal Stress Disorder.

Known colloquially as ‘Shovel Shïte Syndrome’.

NeinNeinNein

Instead of ringing a spoofer, that gobsh1te should have looked at the situation as a test of his driving skills. Reversing into a 'compromised' parking space without getting the Firestones contaminated is not as easy as it sounds. Might become part of the driving test one day, nervous learners could be asked to donate the turd thus saving us all a few bob in the difficult times ahead. Arseterity measures, you might say.

Nevin Parsnipp

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Instead of ringing a spoofer, that gobsh1te should have looked at the situation as a test of his driving skills. Reversing into a 'compromised' parking space without getting the Firestones contaminated is not as easy as it sounds. Might become part of the driving test one day, nervous learners could be asked to donate the turd thus saving us all a few bob in the difficult times ahead. Arseterity measures, you might say.

Some Dudes from this parish could set up a nice little cottage industry on this basis.

Supplying sh1te for driving tests.......

"Johnny...could you injest a few batter burgers and a lock of pints this eve...we need a spattery one in the car park tomorrow for an advanced driver test" ??

"Brendan we need a few soft chubbs at the end of the cul-de-sac on Tuesday...bulk up on the fibre there will you" ??


"Losty ..run up the laneway there and take a p1ss...no guards around ...bring the good cashmere gansy"

Be happy to act act as manager of the group if required...

Hector Savage

Lately my guts have been churning away, don't know what the hell is going on, I didn't eat anything weird afaik.
My 4 year old son had something similar last week that lasted for some days, maybe I picked it up from him.

Anyway not too bothersome, but when I go for a ****e lately it's like taking a piss ... a constant stream of liquid coffee like midden just pouring out of my arsehole - not violently, just like you are slowly pouring a kettle of t'water into the pan - from a height.

Yesterday morning it must have been 20 seconds of pouring, the fhurking STATE of the water in the bowl after, like a pebbly concoction of cheap coffee - and the fent knocked out the neighbours pit bull.

Happy to flush that rancid slurry away, let the scientists in the sewar examine it for the Covid.

Imagine the fhuckers down there taking samples, I imagine some German lad in a hazmat suit scooping this vile brown liquid into a test tube and taking a full deep inhale sniff about 1 inch from the tube ...... jaysus...

Hotblack Desiato

Oh, I used to dream of pissing out of my arse...

For weeks now it's been "standing on a toothpaste tube" syndrome. I mean, liquid I can handle, solid (oh, how I fondly remember you) I can handle, but this stuff is just endless wipe. Pain in the arse to be honest

gerrybbadd

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Oh, I used to dream of pissing out of my arse...

For weeks now it's been "standing on a toothpaste tube" syndrome. I mean, liquid I can handle, solid (oh, how I fondly remember you) I can handle, but this stuff is just endless wipe. Pain in the arse to be honest

Believe me, from a fella pissing out of his arse for the past 6 months, its no barrel of laughs either.

That being said, since i've embarked upon this diet, things have taken a turn for the solid. We aren't at "nutty log" stage yet, but getting there. For me, I dream of the day of leaving King Kong's finger in the bowl once again. No greater sense of pride than leaving a Hippo's leg sticking 5 inches above the water line, waving a white flag of toilet paper within in a truck stop toilet

Hand in Your Pants

Was friends with a German fellah many years ago. Rather cerebral and overly-serious as Germans often are, but with a sprinkling of madness in him too. Would often get the notion out of the blue and in public to climb trees, flagpoles, fences, or hop up on concrete bollards, and pop down his shorts or running pants just enough to squeeze out a tiny little turd from a height. Wasn't there for it but was told he shat off a diving board in Tenerife once. He'd be about 60 now.

Brendan Bendar

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Was friends with a German fellah many years ago. Rather cerebral and overly-serious as Germans often are, but with a sprinkling of madness in him too. Would often get the notion out of the blue and in public to climb trees, flagpoles, fences, or hop up on concrete bollards, and pop down his shorts or running pants just enough to squeeze out a tiny little turd from a height. Wasn't there for it but was told he shat off a diving board in Tenerife once. He'd be about 60 now.

Nah, say he’d be dead carrying on with that.

Probably fell backwards off the Petronas Towers bunting out a slippery loaf.

JohnnyFlash

Probably shouldn’t have considering the fallout from imbibing a dozen of them weekend, but picked up another box of these this evening down in Aldi.

Post bbq food coma in progress here, massive ribeye steaks, two burgers and a load of sausages and spicy wedges. The lads at the shît farm better be on alert first thing tomorrow, its going to be carnage.

Hand in Your Pants

Lovely stuff. I'd say your trunks will be dark and lively come morning too.

Brendan Bendar

Like someone walked a kilo of blown mince into them.?

Slideways

I think I have achieved peak pooping paradise last night. Like the guys who travel to South America to take ayahuasca and come back enlightened.

In the door from work and felt the rap-tap-atap of an urgent Donald Trump.

Sat down, no pushing, just release the hoop and the smoothest turd just slipped out. Was of average girth but holy Jaysus she was long. No splash whatsoever as it bridged the gap between arsehole and water easily. There she was smooth as an egg and lying just proud of the water. One wipe and barely marked the paper.

Felt like a million dollars after

JohnnyFlash

Slideways wrote: »

I think I have achieved peak pooping paradise last night. Like the guys who travel to South America to take ayahuasca and come back enlightened.

In the door from work and felt the rap-tap-atap of an urgent Donald Trump.

Sat down, no pushing, just release the hoop and the smoothest turd just slipped out. Was of average girth but holy Jaysus she was long. No splash whatsoever as it bridged the gap between arsehole and water easily. There she was smooth as an egg and lying just proud of the water. One wipe and barely marked the paper.

Felt like a million dollars after

I'd say you gave the missus a right good rattle last night after that, Slidey. Going at it like it would be your last time doing it.

Geuze

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Probably shouldn’t have considering the fallout from imbibing a dozen of them weekend, but picked up another box of these this evening down in Aldi.

Christ you have a put a lip on me, I recall your earlier post, and I had promised myself to go to Aldi.

568ml, not 500ml, even better!!!

I didn't realise 568ml were sold outside pubs.

Maybe excess stock due to COVID pub closures?

The wife is away at the moment, and although I have drank for the past three nights, I think I know what I'll be having tomorrow night.

Given the theme of this discussion, I will mention that I suffer from a minor medical condition that afflicts my anus. This condition may be exacerbated by excessive consumption of beer, I find. However, I will soldier on, as this beer is so nice.

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

I'd say you gave the missus a right good rattle last night after that, Slidey. Going at it like it would be your last time doing it.

Banging like a belt-fed mortar, is my guess John.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

Slideways wrote: »

I think I have achieved peak pooping paradise last night. Like the guys who travel to South America to take ayahuasca and come back enlightened.

In the door from work and felt the rap-tap-atap of an urgent Donald Trump.

Sat down, no pushing, just release the hoop and the smoothest turd just slipped out. Was of average girth but holy Jaysus she was long. No splash whatsoever as it bridged the gap between arsehole and water easily. There she was smooth as an egg and lying just proud of the water. One wipe and barely marked the paper.

Felt like a million dollars after

Hand in Your Pants

Morning folks. Bit of a sticky hole this morning. Have not made any deposits but decided to give it a wipe and came away with brown. Feels like a chocolate button that's been left out in the sun for a a while.

Brendan Bendar

Hand in Your Pants wrote: »

Morning folks. Bit of a sticky hole this morning. Have not made any deposits but decided to give it a wipe and came away with brown. Feels like a chocolate button that's been left out in the sun for a a while.

Leave the ‘big’ plug out for around a week, pal.

She’ll return to normal.

lickalot

My bowel movements this morning after a heap of Guiness last night.

https://www.facebook.com/TheIrishPost/videos/652591488671936

padd b1975

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Post bbq food coma in progress here, massive ribeye steaks, two burgers and a load of sausages and spicy wedges. The lads at the shît farm better be on alert first thing tomorrow, its going to be carnage.

The first couple of inches will be stressful id imagine.

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Probably shouldn’t have considering the fallout from imbibing a dozen of them weekend, but picked up another box of these this evening down in Aldi.

You're lucky you can get the 568ml bottles, I can only get 330ml bottles here (barcelona) - not even 500ml....

padd b1975

padd b1975 wrote: »

The first couple of inches will be stressful id imagine.

Actually I was very disappointed. Output has not matched the copious input. A few small sorties were made but the main force seems to be held in reserve.

JohnnyFlash

Hector Savage wrote: »

You're lucky you can get the 568ml bottles, I can only get 330ml bottles here (barcelona) - not even 500ml....

The farts the next day aren’t worth it, dude. Herself crying and packing a suitcase, the shouting, the funk of arse air hanging around the place for hours.

Not worth it.

fuerte1976

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The farts the next day aren’t worth it, dude. Herself crying and packing a suitcase, the shouting, the funk of arse air hanging around the place for hours.

Not worth it.

I'd beg to differ John.
It would be well worth it to hear all that commotion!

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The farts the next day aren’t worth it, dude. Herself crying and packing a suitcase, the shouting, the funk of arse air hanging around the place for hours.

Not worth it.

Either way it's been put in my head, ill get 5 or 6 330ml bottles later, €1.34 each here ... good price for foreign beer in Spain...

padd b1975

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

The farts the next day aren’t worth it, dude. Herself crying and packing a suitcase, the shouting, the funk of arse air hanging around the place for hours.

Not worth it.

A proper Guinness fart should inflame the nostrils like a good whiff of Brasso.

Hector Savage

https://twitter.com/Covi91/status/1280121483684122625?s=20

Ara jaysus lads!!

Hector Savage

Im almost thinking this is a breach of forum etiquette ...

apologies lads...