What's the etiquette here??

Slideways

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Not after 40 mins man, twas something else.

Brendo used to be a big fella. Like enormous, dropped 150kg after a gastric bypass. Food now falls through him like a Pinball game abandoned by its user

auspicious

Having read the first post and not the five thousand in between , I'm sure this thread has digressed.

snoopboggybog

Can relate

Hotblack Desiato

in fairness, it's only when it all goes wrong that you really appreciate the sheer everyday pleasure of a good shite.

partyguinness

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Can relate

That wan is clearly very uncomfortable with her sexuality and struggles with being a woman.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

That wan is clearly very uncomfortable with her sexuality and struggles with being a woman.

Sounds like you may be “afflicted” with something similar yourself there, P.

Just sayin’, you know?

JohnnyFlash

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Not enough roughage ted.

auspicious wrote: »

Having read the first post and not the five thousand in between , I'm sure this thread has digressed.

Well it was hardly likely to digress into a debate on the economic implications of the reduced output of coal from the mines of North Rhine-Westphalia?


It's a laser focused discussion on a matter that the vast majority of people on the planet encounter on a daily basis. Even though there's a large number of severely 'bound up' individuals around here who would appear to 'go' only once a week.

partyguinness

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sounds like you may be “afflicted” with something similar yourself there, P.

Just sayin’, you know?

That is well below the belt Emmet and simply not the case. I am saddened and a little emotional that you would resort to innuendos. This should be a safe place...:(

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

That is well below the belt Emmet and simply not the case. I am saddened and a little emotional that you would resort to innuendos. This should be a safe place...:(

Apologies, P, you’re right. I, gladly, retract my statement. It was a knee jerk reaction to what I, now mistakenly, saw as “projecting”.

Hope there’s no lasting damage and may your movements be, ever, smooth.

Hotblack Desiato

partyguinness wrote: »

That wan is clearly very uncomfortable with her sexuality and struggles with being a woman.

A woman can take pleasure in a good shyte same as any man. I'm egalitarian in such matters.

Fireball81

Jesus christ, enjoying a few beers with mates earlier in an outdoor setting, social distancing obviously.

Needed a piss so went to a quiet corner to do my business and when forcing out a bit.....err pushed too much and experienced ****e leakage in my jocks (am a briefs man).

I'm having problems with skodmsrks and other accidental damage to the undercrackers during these COVID-19 times - anyone else?

snoopboggybog

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Apologies, P, you’re right. I, gladly, retract my statement. It was a knee jerk reaction to what I, now mistakenly, saw as “projecting”.

Hope there’s no lasting damage and may your movements be, ever, smooth.

Fireball81 wrote: »

Jesus christ, enjoying a few beers with mates earlier in an outdoor setting, social distancing obviously.

Needed a piss so went to a quiet corner to do my business and when forcing out a bit.....err pushed too much and experienced ****e leakage in my jocks (am a briefs man).

I'm having problems with skodmsrks and other accidental damage to the undercrackers during these COVID-19 times - anyone else?

Happened me a few weeks ago after a few days on the beer, thought it was going to be a vicious fart but instead it was like a rifle went off with liquid poop in the barrell. Reached the back of the knee.

Brendan Bendar

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Happened me a few weeks ago after a few days on the beer, thought it was going to be a vicious fart but instead it was like a rifle went off with liquid poop in the barrell. Reached the back of the knee.

After a few days on the beer you don’t risk ‘clearing your throat’.

Was topeing with a few lads outside the clubhouse when one in
the group got up to visit the bog.

He was wearing what might be termed ‘scoutmaster shorts’ like Flash might wear, big wide flappers like elephants ears.

Anyway, tried to break wind en route but unfortunately blew a thick gout of loose midden which the jocks couldn’t contain.

Had some cleaning up to do down to the ankles!!!

Class MayDresser

Happened me once on a canoeing trip down the Mosel, drinking a bag of cans I'd hanging over the side of the canoe.
Just came out of nowhere, all I know was I had bought some cheap tack from one of the cheaper German superstores. Tuborg if I remember rightly. A pellet blast of warm soupy bile down the shorts.
Lucky thing was I was able to rush to the fore and hang the hoop over the side. I squatted down locking my foot under one of the cross members of the floor structure, a cantilever, and dipped my arse gently over the side into the clean cool river waters.
I won't delve in too much but such was the sensation I dipped the two balls in as well for a few minutes. Christ it was unbelievable, almost spiritual, me and nature as one nurturing each other as I emptied my bowels.
It all turned to tears at the end though as I dried myself off and went back to my bag of cans in the back (aft?), all the sh1tty debris from my arsebath had floated back the length of the canoe into my bag of cans. Had to wash them down just to clear the pullrings clean of my own excrement.

Brendan Bendar

Class MayDresser wrote: »

Happened me once on a canoeing trip down the Mosel, drinking a bag of cans I'd hanging over the side of the canoe.
Just came out of nowhere, all I know was I had bought some cheap tack from one of the cheaper German superstores. Tuborg if I remember rightly. A pellet blast of warm soupy bile down the shorts.
Lucky thing was I was able to rush to the fore and hang the hoop over the side. I squatted down locking my foot under one of the cross members of the floor structure, a cantilever, and dipped my arse gently over the side into the clean cool river waters.
I won't delve in too much but such was the sensation I dipped the two balls in as well for a few minutes. Christ it was unbelievable, almost spiritual, me and nature as one nurturing each other as I emptied my bowels.
It all turned to tears at the end though as I dried myself off and went back to my bag of cans in the back (aft?), all the sh1tty debris from my arsebath had floated back the length of the canoe into my bag of cans. Had to wash them down just to clear the pullrings clean of my own excrement.

The Mosel you say......:eek:

You got off lucky pal, particularly aggressive pike in those waters pal, due to the high sewage discharge.Hungry hoors they are, snap at anything

Row of gnashers on the fcuker that could snip the klackers off a lad quanto rapido.

Hanging the cluster with a stream of fresh midden coming from the outlet pipe near by in those waters.........not a good idea.

You got lucky.....

Class MayDresser

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

The Mosel you say......:eek:

You got off lucky pal, particularly aggressive pike in those waters pal, due to the high sewage discharge.Hungry hoors they are, snap at anything

Row of gnashers on the fcuker that could snip the klackers off a lad quanto rapido.

Hanging the cluster with a stream of fresh midden coming from the outlet pipe near by in those waters.........not a good idea.

You got lucky.....

Didn't know that crikes!!!

Imagine if I was drinking pear cider or juniper beer or some modern fancy schmancy craft beer, something sweet like that they'd have latched on like a newly born baby hippo.
Thank Christ it was that acidy Tuborg stuff,it literally saved my ass.
You've lifted my spirits immeasurably, might do the lotto!

JohnnyFlash

Extremely loose and watery discharge this morning. Covered the back wall of the pan with thick sheets of tangerine coloured scour. The hoop itself is pulsing and red hot. Expecting further discharges in the afternoon.

Blaming the two bottles of red wine I drank last night. Also had a few ‘tokes’ on the Mary Jane. Bad combo. Have a goo on me already for 4 Star pizza. But that’s going to put the digestive system completely out of whack altogether.

Bad start to the day. Smell a ban coming up tbh.

Hotblack Desiato

Class MayDresser wrote: »

It all turned to tears at the end though as I dried myself off and went back to my bag of cans in the back (aft?), all the sh1tty debris from my arsebath had floated back the length of the canoe into my bag of cans. Had to wash them down just to clear the pullrings clean of my own excrement.

Ironically, sewage contamination off the river water getting onto your cans is probably what gave you the sh1ts in the first place.

sligojoek

New invention on the market, Lads.

JohnnyFlash

On sale in Aldi from today.

sligojoek

I'd prefer the smell of sh1te to that of rhubarb

JohnnyFlash

sligojoek wrote: »

I'd prefer the smell of sh1te to that of rhubarb

It’s also available in lemon scent, Joe. And if you caught a whiff of the shîte I made circa 8.30 this morning then you’d take your chances with the rhubarb.

Keep your bathroom stocked with this Fabulosa Lemon Pre Toilet Spray. This handy little spray ensures there are none of those embarrassing loo odours lingering after your visit!

Features:
Portable
Hides embarassing loo odours
Beautifully fragranced
Lovely lemon scent

Fireball81

Will definitely be stocking up at Aldi, the VIPoo is a good but pricier.

A mixed week on the ****e front, had the squirts earlier but put that down to the cold spicy pizza I had at breakfast (wife wasnt well last night so I was on cooking duty last night).

Aglomerado

sligojoek wrote: »

I'd prefer the smell of sh1te to that of rhubarb

Poo-barb
I have that VIPoo stuff in one of my jackses. I'm always in a hurry for a shyte though so never think of spraying it in.

Class MayDresser

Can't understand the animosity towards rhubarb tbh. Isn't oxalic acid the stuff they use in dry cleaners to remove collar stains?
Surely someone has shoved a rhubard stick up le passage derriere to do a self-rinse or a Gwyneth Paltrow here, or would that stuff be frowned upon? The joys of apartment living on my behalf I suppose. If feedback was positive I'd consider doing a window box or something.

Slideways

Have been cursed once again with the silly string schidts.

Were you that way inclined I reckon you could get your grandma to knit you a beanie with them.

Not sure what brings about this unpleasant phenomenon but it makes for a arduous pooping experience.

Rodney Bathgate

Slideways wrote: »

Have been cursed once again with the silly string schidts.

Were you that way inclined I reckon you could get your grandma to knit you a beanie with them.

Not sure what brings about this unpleasant phenomenon but it makes for a arduous pooping experience.

You would be some ****head wearing that beanie.

JohnnyFlash

Slideways wrote: »

Have been cursed once again with the silly string schidts.

Were you that way inclined I reckon you could get your grandma to knit you a beanie with them.

Not sure what brings about this unpleasant phenomenon but it makes for a arduous pooping experience.

What’s the diet like, dude?

Hotblack Desiato

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Features:
Portable
Hides embarassing loo odours

Not a problem if you don't consider them embarrassing. And hey it's not like we're having visitors any time soon

sligojoek

Since the schools closed my teenagers have learnt that you don't go "Under the stairs" till after lunch. As bad as I am, the missus is worse. I normally "get in" first.