Weddings - a terrible day out.

LirW

qwerty ui op wrote: »

It would be great if this or something like this was the norm but truth unfortunately is that money in the cards is the norm.

People are being very green if they think the volume of 200+ weddings would live on, if the practice of money in cards died out.

Couples who want a big lavish affair are still going to find the money for it and have one. Families finding a big wedding important are still going to open their wallets for it and that's perfectly fine.
I do believe that the newest thing, the heavy advertising of personal loans for these purposes isn't helping that issue either.

Back home it would be rather unusual to get cash gifts from anyone other than parents and the closest relatives. If you're part of a rural community people from there would show up for the ceremony and go home after it, the max you'd get is a card, but then we're not card people.
Wedding lists are pretty much the norm or so called wedding tables, where couples pack everything they want in a shop on a table and people can go there and buy whatever they want from it (no obligations though).
The party numbers for the meal are significantly smaller, 50-80 would be considered on the bigger side and isn't that usual, but the afters is often bigger where people would often pay their own drinks. The costs of the weddings are significantly smaller because, maybe because cash gifts aren't the norm.
Only thing is that weddings outside of the season rarely happen when you have a proper reception, because outside weddings in vineyards are pretty much the done thing.

seablue

I'm not a big fan of weddings but I don't get invited to many now, am past the age where friends are marrying off.

Am amazed by two things from reading the thread:

1. the amount of money people are giving as a wedding gift. I obviously hang out with a 'low maintenance' crowd. Had a friend give out me last year for giving her daughter too much money as a birthday present.

2. The number of people who don't see Friday as midweek. Im a mon-fri desk monkey so Friday is definitely a week day for me. If it requires taking a day off work (and yes I guard my precious annual leave days) then its a midweek wedding in my book.

theyoungchap

qwerty ui op wrote: »

True, that is often the position the B and G find themselves, which causes stress on their end. This is just part of the main problem of it being the norm to have a big 200+ wedding. 200+ weddings are the norm because of MONEY IN THE CARDS BEING THE NORM.




Putting it down to begrudgery and whinging is just being lazy and burying your head in the sand because there is a real issue here for people.

This has been said several times already but i'll go again.
The pressure/obligation people feel to go weddings is so common place and obvious that I wonder have people just been conditioned to it.

If you have two sisters who get on well together and live in the same region and one decides to get married, the other sister will have to attend her wedding she has very little choice in the matter.
It is case specific but generally the further out you go(in terms of relationship) from the B&G the less the pressure to attend. That's so obvious.

There isn't a simple solution nor have you provide one, all you've done is said "don't go it's simple"

Also, if you're in your early twenties and spend €20000 on a wedding and use the card money to pay for it and think that's the end the matter. You're forgetting that you are now more obligated to attend future wedding of your wedding guests so you actually pay out that €20000 over the next 10/15 years.

Jesus, god be with the days when somebody might want to attend their sisters wedding without complaining about it!!

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Just go to the weddings that you really want to go to. Most of the time you are invited to these things, you are only being invited as part of a perceived obligation. Your cousin, your auntie, your nephew etc, unless you are close then don't bother. They are probably not too bothered about you attending either.

I enjoy weddings, I very rarely go to them and decline more wedding invitations than I attend.

I agree that often you're just invited out of obligation. The problem often arises if it's a family wedding and you know quite well that your relative won't give a damn if you go or not, but elderly parents start fretting that 'it'll look odd', 'they came to your wedding' 'someone from our family has to go' etc etc.

A cousin of mine got married in London and didn't invite any relatives, just friends. Her parents were annoyed and embarrassed. We were all absolutely delighted

LirW

seablue wrote: »

2. The number of people who don't see Friday as midweek. Im a mon-fri desk monkey so Friday is definitely a week day for me. If it requires taking a day off work (and yes I guard my precious annual leave days) then its a midweek wedding in my book.

It is just so annoying that you can only get married in the registry office Mon-Fri, same when you pick an HSE registrar. Otherwise you need a Humanist/Spiritualist that can officially marry you and these lads are pretty expensive, especially when you want to keep in low-key. So in that regard unfortunately you don't have a choice.

erica74

Jimmy Dags wrote: »

€500 is the new minimum cash gift going to a friends wedding. Family would you want to double it. The boom is back and a scutter of a toaster or set of knives is no longer acceptable.

This is a joke post, right?! That's a third of my monthly pay:pac::pac:
I'm delighted for people who can afford to give that amount and want to give that amount but YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE ANYTHING YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO GIVE, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ATTEND ANY WEDDING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. It is simple.

Jimmy Dags

Jimmy Dags wrote: »

€500 is the new minimum cash gift going to a friends wedding. Family would you want to double it. The boom is back and a scutter of a toaster or set of knives is no longer acceptable.

That's just not true

neris

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

people in their late 20s/early 30s are going from one wedding to the next, often racking up 10 or more weddings across the Spring and Summer months. That must cost them an absolute fortune,

Cousin lives in New York for the last 11 years, between him and his GF 3 years ago they got invited to over 20 weddings between spring and autumn. The weddings were spread around America and Ireland. They went to 4 and said even that was too much for one year

c68zapdsm5i1ru

neris wrote: »

Cousin lives in New York for the last 11 years, between him and his GF 3 years ago they got invited to over 20 weddings between spring and autumn. The weddings were spread around America and Ireland. They went to 4 and said even that was too much for one year

I know a couple who have been invited to three 'destination weddings' this Summer - one in Croatia, one in Spain and one in Greece. The husband is best man at the first wedding and the second one is the bride's best friend from school so there's not much option to say 'no'. It's going to cost them a fortune and use up a significant amount of their annual leave. They have turned down the third invite, even though it's a cousin the bride is quite close to, because they simply cannot afford it money or time wise.

meeeeh

LirW wrote: »

Couples who want a big lavish affair are still going to find the money for it and have one. Families finding a big wedding important are still going to open their wallets for it and that's perfectly fine.
I do believe that the newest thing, the heavy advertising of personal loans for these purposes isn't helping that issue either.

Back home it would be rather unusual to get cash gifts from anyone other than parents and the closest relatives. If you're part of a rural community people from there would show up for the ceremony and go home after it, the max you'd get is a card, but then we're not card people.
Wedding lists are pretty much the norm or so called wedding tables, where couples pack everything they want in a shop on a table and people can go there and buy whatever they want from it (no obligations though).
The party numbers for the meal are significantly smaller, 50-80 would be considered on the bigger side and isn't that usual, but the afters is often bigger where people would often pay their own drinks. The costs of the weddings are significantly smaller because, maybe because cash gifts aren't the norm.
Only thing is that weddings outside of the season rarely happen when you have a proper reception, because outside weddings in vineyards are pretty much the done thing.

You are Austrian I think? Take into account the difference in birth rate and how many more uncles, aunts and first cousins people have in Ireland in comparison to Austria. Irish weddings will be often bigger just because the families are bigger.

I have one brother, three cousins and my only uncle died. Husband's extended family is bigger although he has only one sister. For us it was very easy to cut the numbers because I have very few relatives, his didn't want to travel and neither we expected them to.

Grayson

meeeeh wrote: »

A friend of mine maintains it's really handy to have a holiday home just to ship all the gifted junk there.

I've bought a nice expensive cutlery set for one of my cousin's weddings and was told after that they got two. My brother just got new induction hob and he told me they could do with some pots and I got them that. But mostly money is by far the handles gift to give to someone and once you factor in time and travel cost getting the present often presents aren't much cheaper option.

I bought my sister a giant TV. They had an old CRT TV. I bought it 3 months before the wedding and gave it to them then so they could start enjoying it.

(There's also the fact that i was living with her future husband at the time. And i didn't own a car so i got her to pick it up in her car )

LirW

meeeeh wrote: »

You are Austrian I think? Take into account the difference in birth rate and how many more uncles, aunts and first cousins people have in Ireland in comparison to Austria. Irish weddings will be often bigger just because the families are bigger.

I have one brother, three cousins and my only uncle died. Husband's family is bigger although he has only one sister. For us it was very easy to cut the numbers because I have very few relatives, his didn't want to travel and neither we expected them to.

Country families are still quite big but people rather invite the very close ones, parents, siblings and maybe the aunts and uncles they're close to. They just cut their numbers pretty ruthless. I have an aunt that I'm not really in touch with, my cousin won't be coming, simply because the line is drawn pretty tight. Everybody is pretty understanding too. It would be extremely unusual inviting colleagues or people that you haven't maintained a closer relationship in a while.

ManOfMystery

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

I used to enjoy them when I went to the first few as an adult. Then you go to more and more and the tedious and monotonous repetition of events and behaviour you mentioned become more apparent. Now it takes an extra special speech or something 'different' at the wedding/reception to liven things up.

Hence why it's sensible to get to the bar early and get tanked asap, everything is more fun that way.

Coffee Fulled Runner

Anyone find it strange when on the invitation the couple ask for money as a gift? It's the done thing around where I live anyways but it would make you want to give them a toaster or blender.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

ManOfMystery wrote: »

I used to enjoy them when I went to the first few as an adult. Then you go to more and more and the tedious and monotonous repetition of events and behaviour you mentioned become more apparent. Now it takes an extra special speech or something 'different' at the wedding/reception to liven things up.

Hence why it's sensible to get to the bar early and get tanked asap, everything is more fun that way.

As well as an 'afters' invite, I would love if there was an invite to attend the ceremony and drinks reception and then go home. That way you would be at the important part of the day, get to enjoy a couple of drinks and a catch up with friends or family you hadn't seen in a while, but be able to skip the long, long wait for dinner and the ear splitting band and dancing - which are my least favourite part of any wedding.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Coffee Fulled Runner wrote: »

Anyone find it strange when on the invitation the couple ask for money as a gift? It's the done thing around where I live anyways but it would make you want to give them a toaster or blender.

Yes, I think explicitly asking for cash is rude. Most people do give cash gifts nowadays because, as I've already said, most couples nowadays already have the household necessities. But there may be some guests who are on a tight budget and would prefer to give something they've bought as a bargain in a sale, or an unused gift they received themselves, or something a bit creative that you can't put a price on. Demanding a cash gift puts them in a difficult situation and can embarrass them into giving far more than they can afford.

Goose76

Maybe it's been said already but I just cannot understand the money that is going into weddings these days. Maybe it's just my introverted nature (I would never want a big wedding, the idea almost puts me off the idea of marriage itself!) but I would much rather put that 20,40,70k towards a house, a holiday, saving for future kids, a car, etc.

I've seen so many people my age (29) moan about the cost of saving for a house deposit but then they are quite content to spend 50k on their weddings and not even question it.

To each their own, of course, but personally I don't understand it.

Salvation Tambourine

People keep saying weddings are repetitive, most nights out are repetitive but you can still have a good time at each,

guineapigstar

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

But there may be some guests who are on a tight budget and would prefer to give something they've bought as a bargain in a sale, or an unused gift they received themselves, or something a bit creative that you can't put a price on. Demanding a cash gift puts them in a difficult situation and can embarrass them into giving far more than they can afford.

I usually offer my body and the gift can be taken up by either the bride or groom. Not both unfortunately.

splinter65

LirW wrote: »

It is just so annoying that you can only get married in the registry office Mon-Fri, same when you pick an HSE registrar. Otherwise you need a Humanist/Spiritualist that can officially marry you and these lads are pretty expensive, especially when you want to keep in low-key. So in that regard unfortunately you don't have a choice.

That’s the case with civil weddings all over the world.

splinter65

guineapigstar wrote: »

I usually offer my body and the gift can be taken up by either the bride or groom. Not both unfortunately.

No both at the same time?

meeeeh

splinter65 wrote: »

That’s the case with civil weddings all over the world.

No it's not. Where I come from they are on Saturdays and usually in very nice locations city hall/local castle/garden location...

splinter65

meeeeh wrote: »

No it's not. Where I come from they are on Saturdays and usually in very nice locations city hall/local castle/garden location...

Oh I see. Where my brother is it’s actually worse than here.

italodisco

Heres Johnny wrote: »

I agree with you but what was so good about the Polish wedding?

Was less of the formalities so to speak, more like a mad sesh down the pub without all the showing off how well off and great one is and the constant bullship small talk and crap band that plays bon Jovi and the likes all bloody night lol.

The last wedding I went to in Poland, the music was full on borat, accordian at lightning speeds mixed with shots of vodka every 2 minutes, a random goat carried in and plonked on the dance floor ( who seemed to be having the time of its life being danced around) , a handful of cops turning up in uniform drinking everything in site whilst dancing like mad men....the brides mother beating up the father for drinking too much..

You'd have to go to a full on polish village wedding to know what I'm on about, literally not 2 f#@ks given at any stage of the 2 days it went on.

Last Irish wedding I was at was crappy bon Jovi covers, people sitting around talking about how they built a magnificent extension and how little Jonny is going to private school now and how so and so did this did that.. That kind of crap. No atmosphere at all, like 90% of Irish weddings I've been to.

Mister Vain

Yeah the Polish weddings are a lot less cringy. Less of this shyte going on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzKfcaKCevk

Lia_lia

Goose76 wrote: »

Maybe it's been said already but I just cannot understand the money that is going into weddings these days. Maybe it's just my introverted nature (I would never want a big wedding, the idea almost puts me off the idea of marriage itself!) but I would much rather put that 20,40,70k towards a house, a holiday, saving for future kids, a car, etc.

I've seen so many people my age (29) moan about the cost of saving for a house deposit but then they are quite content to spend 50k on their weddings and not even question it.

To each their own, of course, but personally I don't understand it.

I could have posted this word for word!

DeanAustin

Lia_lia wrote: »

I could have posted this word for word!

Thing is, people expect to make it back from their guests in most cases so it costs them nothing or very little really.

I cringe hard every time I think of my own wedding. A completely formulaic day for show and then the next day thrown in for good measure to drag it out. I always roll my eyes when anyone says “oh yours was one of the best weddings I was ever at” because everyone always says that. And I’m still very happily married to a woman I love in case anyone thinks I’m being bitter.

I hate everything about weddings and the only thing worse than being invited is being at the centre of it.

da gamer

Tabnabs wrote: »

Would that be a 2-knuckler or a 3-knuckler one? Like, really how bad do you not want to go?

Sounds like a fisting

c68zapdsm5i1ru

DeanAustin wrote: »

Thing is, people expect to make it back from their guests in most cases so it costs them nothing or very little really.

I cringe hard every time I think of my own wedding. A completely formulaic day for show and then the next day thrown in for good measure to drag it out. I always roll my eyes when anyone says “oh yours was one of the best weddings I was ever at” because everyone always says that. And I’m still very happily married to a woman I love in case anyone thinks I’m being bitter.

I hate everything about weddings and the only thing worse than being invited is being at the centre of it.

I suspect a lot of people feel like that. Its so easy to get carried along and be pressurised into thinking you have to have the 'right' kind of wedding when it's obvious from this thread and the 155 likes the OP got that many many people don't enjoy the ' right' kind.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yeah the Polish weddings are a lot less cringy. Less of this shyte going on.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzKfcaKCevk

That is brilliant!