Weddings - a terrible day out.

Mister Vain

qwerty ui op wrote: »

It's not unusual for some Irish people to be averaging 12/13 weddings a year.

Seriously? God help them. That must cost a fortune.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

Seriously? God help them. That must cost a fortune.

There is a phase where you will get lots where your (and your oh's) group of friends are all getting married. I've been to over 20 in the last 2 to 3 years but nearly all the friends are married now so it will slow down again then with only an odd wedding every now and again.

Snickers Man

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Your boring bastards are my sensible B&Gs.

I'm female by the way, so I would prefer to marry an English man

Well slip into your sensible shoes and off you go, then.

Snickers Man

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Wow, very sour response. Believe me dude, I’ve no problem with bedding members of the more dangerous sex. Up to the seam of my nutpurse in fanny most weekends.

You just know this guy spends most nights humping his fist, doncha?

Heres Johnny

To whoever said you wouldn't get away with clocking off early in private sector, give it a break. I never worked for the state and I've clocked out to go golfing, go on the piss, just go into town.
But in my opinion my employer is paying for my ability to do my job not my ability to sit still in an office 9 to 5.

I ran my own company which I sold and I did this there too so it's not taking the piss.

conorhal

Heres Johnny wrote: »

To whoever said you wouldn't get away with clocking off early in private sector, give it a break. I never worked for the state and I've clocked out to go golfing, go on the piss, just go into town.
But in my opinion my employer is paying for my ability to do my job not my ability to sit still in an office 9 to 5.

I ran my own company which I sold and I did this there too so it's not taking the piss.

Ahh.. You wear a a pink shirt and work in 'sales', got it.


Some of us have to deliver your empty promises with unpaid overtime while you're on the golf course! :mad:


Sorry, very personally bad week for that post.

Heres Johnny

No, not in sales. I'm an actuary

daithi1970

facehugger99 wrote: »

I have to go to my nephew in law's First Communion next Saturday.

It's a 2 hour drive away.

Apparently we have to go to the mass which lasts an hour.

Stand around for ages taking photos of the snot-nosed brat and his friends.

Go back to the parents house for shop-bought lasagna.

Spend ages there talking to people I have absolutely no interest or nothing in common with.

Stay sober because I have to drive home.

50% of the weekend gone doing something that's going to be painful from start to finish.

No guarantee of ride afterwards either - she'll probably be 'too tired'.

I'll take the wedding any day.

shure there's always the bouncy castle..

BuboBubo

Lia_lia wrote: »

I think weddings are okay. Don't really love them or hate them. They are always the same really.

They are expensive though. The amount you are "expected" to give as a gift in this country is mental.

My idea of having a big Irish wedding is hell. The thoughts of having to arrange a big day out, with all my family (who are all mad and many don't talk to each other...like my parents for example) and his family (who are a completely normal Irish family) fills me with dread. Also the amount of money they cost sounds like the biggest waste of money there is. If I ever get married it will be in and out of the registry office and that's it.

We eloped - married in 2006, fecked off to Rome. Highly recommended. He wanted the "big day" I wanted just the two of us, two witnesses supplied by the church - married - job done.

I eventually convinced him to abandon the" Big Day Notions" no regrets from either of us. Some of his family were miffed at being denied their "day out" (ffs )

Mr Bubos brother got married the following year, he had the big day with all the usual bollixology. I don't remember much about it except it was in the arshole of nowhere and we nearly died of starvation waiting to be fed.

Advice from me to you. The world and his aunt will be full of "helpful" hints/ideas/bullscutter. Do what YOU want. Feck the begrudgers.

Noveight

Another thing I thought of; the hotels that host weddings often have mad prices for drink. Bad buzz handing over a wad of notes knowing it'd be a fraction of the cost elsewhere.

BrokenWingz

Summonsed to a family wedding with a “second day” later this year. Am hoping I become deathly ill just in time to miss it. As much as I love my family member I would rather visit and see photos after the fact than have to live through two days of utter boredom.

Jamsiek

Dayana Massive Poker wrote: »

Jamsiek wrote: »

The difference is we are having the party 2 days after the wedding so in a way we are spreading it to 3 days

We will more or less have 3 days too as lots will be around the night before the wedding so we expect a bit of a session that night too !

I´ll have the week off and family visiting from Ireland and Australia so I´m sure there will be other night too if we´re not too busy with the wedding organizing. Hopefully!

qwerty ui op

LirW wrote: »

What issue exactly?

That if wedding were completely free, no prezzie, no travel, no accommodation etc you still have many guests who wouldn't want to go.

If people were truly free of any obligation or guilt and simply had to weigh up the potential;

costs + stress V fun + enjoyment = 0 guests

I not kidding either, I just don't know why people do it.

theyoungchap

People complain about a couple trying to make their day a bit different by adding a few quirks, etc. "They are trying to hard".
The same people would complain if the couple tried nothing that made the day a bit more fun. "Their wedding was the same as every other Irish wedding".

If they invite you : "I've to take 3 days off work, I'll spend a fortune, I have to give a big present, I've to stay the night" (no you don't). If they don't : "Ignorant ******* not inviting me, their best friend".

You just can't win with Irish begrudgery and whinging. If you don't want to go, don't and yes it is that simple!

qwerty ui op

theyoungchap wrote: »

If they invite you : "I've to take 3 days off work, I'll spend a fortune, I have to give a big present, I've to stay the night" (no you don't). If they don't : "Ignorant ******* not inviting me, their best friend".

True, that is often the position the B and G find themselves, which causes stress on their end. This is just part of the main problem of it being the norm to have a big 200+ wedding. 200+ weddings are the norm because of MONEY IN THE CARDS BEING THE NORM.

theyoungchap wrote: »

You just can't win with Irish begrudgery and whinging. If you don't want to go, don't and yes it is that simple!

Putting it down to begrudgery and whinging is just being lazy and burying your head in the sand because there is a real issue here for people.

This has been said several times already but i'll go again.
The pressure/obligation people feel to go weddings is so common place and obvious that I wonder have people just been conditioned to it.

If you have two sisters who get on well together and live in the same region and one decides to get married, the other sister will have to attend her wedding she has very little choice in the matter.
It is case specific but generally the further out you go(in terms of relationship) from the B&G the less the pressure to attend. That's so obvious.

There isn't a simple solution nor have you provide one, all you've done is said "don't go it's simple"

Also, if you're in your early twenties and spend €20000 on a wedding and use the card money to pay for it and think that's the end the matter. You're forgetting that you are now more obligated to attend future wedding of your wedding guests so you actually pay out that €20000 over the next 10/15 years.

Jimmy Dags

€500 is the new minimum cash gift going to a friends wedding. Family would you want to double it. The boom is back and a scutter of a toaster or set of knives is no longer acceptable.

qwerty ui op

Jimmy Dags wrote: »

€500 is the new minimum cash gift going to a friends wedding. Family would you want to double it. The boom is back and a scutter of a toaster or set of knives is no longer acceptable.

You'd have to go back to the 70's when toasters were all the rage.

In 1999 I was invited to a big wedding along with a few friends we hadn't a clue of how much or what to give so we asked around.
The answer was very clear you put €100 in a card and you're lucky it isn't £100.

ILikeBoats

Jimmy Dags wrote: »

€500 is the new minimum cash gift going to a friends wedding.

No chance!!

qwerty ui op

ILikeBoats wrote: »

No chance!!

If it becomes the norm then people will pay. History is on the side of those selling the special day.

LirW

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Also, if you're in your early twenties and spend €20000 on a wedding and use the card money to pay for it and think that's the end the matter. You're forgetting that you are now more obligated to attend future wedding of your wedding guests so you actually pay out that €20000 over the next 10/15 years.

Went to a wedding of good friends in Dublin city center and we were pretty broke at that time saving every cent for the arrival of the new baby and a house deposit. Other friends just bought a house and were broke too.
So the 2 couples chipped in together and got the couple a voucher for a really fancy restaurant for a nice evening out together because we knew they both love good food and she worked in the team of a very famous Irish TV-chef. They loved it and went there within the month after the wedding.
That was what we could afford back then and there was no begrudgery.

I personally would love presents like that, it doesn't matter to me if it's cash, Harvey Norman vouchers or a restaurant voucher. It'll all get used and be great craic, so I'm cool with that.
And if someone can't afford a present, we invited them because we want to have them there, it really doesn't matter.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

LirW wrote: »

Went to a wedding of good friends in Dublin city center and we were pretty broke at that time saving every cent for the arrival of the new baby and a house deposit. Other friends just bought a house and were broke too.
So the 2 couples chipped in together and got the couple a voucher for a really fancy restaurant for a nice evening out together because we knew they both love good food and she worked in the team of a very famous Irish TV-chef. They loved it and went there within the month after the wedding.
That was what we could afford back then and there was no begrudgery.

I personally would love presents like that, it doesn't matter to me if it's cash, Harvey Norman vouchers or a restaurant voucher. It'll all get used and be great craic, so I'm cool with that.
And if someone can't afford a present, we invited them because we want to have them there, it really doesn't matter.

I actually think it's lovely when you admire something in someone's house and they say 'oh we got that as a wedding present from my aunty Lil', and then tell you some anecdote about the now dead aunty Lil. My house is full of stuff that was given to me by different people. Some of them I am no longer in touch with because Life has just caused us to drift apart, but I always think of them when I use the coffee pot or whatever that they gave me.
There's something a bit soulless about just getting cash gifts and handing them over to the wedding suppliers. Years ago cash gifts usually went towards buying a carpet for the stairs and landing, or curtains for the bedroom so again you had a tangible reminder in your house of friends who had shared your big day.

meeeeh

Jimmy Dags wrote: »

€500 is the new minimum cash gift going to a friends wedding. Family would you want to double it. The boom is back and a scutter of a toaster or set of knives is no longer acceptable.

That's just nonsense.

LirW

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I actually think it's lovely when you admire something in someone's house and they say 'oh we got that as a wedding present from my aunty Lil', and then tell you some anecdote about the now dead aunty Lil. My house is full of stuff that was given to me by different people. Some of them I am no longer in touch with because Life has just caused us to drift apart, but I always think of them when I use the coffee pot or whatever that they gave me.
There's something a bit soulless about just getting cash gifts and handing them over to the wedding suppliers. Years ago cash gifts usually went towards buying a carpet for the stairs and landing, or curtains for the bedroom so again you had a tangible reminder in your house of friends who had shared your big day.

I don't have a problem with cash gifts really, they are a really save bet, especially when you're not that close to a couple. But I don't see why I should "cover my plate" when they decide to get married in this super expensive venue.
I'm quite surprised that wedding lists aren't bigger here. The optional list with items the couple needs/wants but with no obligation to actually buy something from it. I know there is a lot of p1sstake going on with the cheapest item being a kitchen aid but once the couple is sensible and has something for every price range, it's a pretty decent thing to have. No cash and you can get something for the couple they need and want.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

qwerty ui op wrote: »

True, that is often the position the B and G find themselves, which causes stress on their end. This is just part of the main problem of it being the norm to have a big 200+ wedding. 200+ weddings are the norm because of MONEY IN THE CARDS BEING THE NORM.




Putting it down to begrudgery and whinging is just being lazy and burying your head in the sand because there is a real issue here for people.

This has been said several times already but i'll go again.
The pressure/obligation people feel to go weddings is so common place and obvious that I wonder have people just been conditioned to it.

If you have two sisters who get on well together and live in the same region and one decides to get married, the other sister will have to attend her wedding she has very little choice in the matter.
It is case specific but generally the further out you go(in terms of relationship) from the B&G the less the pressure to attend. That's so obvious.

There isn't a simple solution nor have you provide one, all you've done is said "don't go it's simple"

Also, if you're in your early twenties and spend €20000 on a wedding and use the card money to pay for it and think that's the end the matter. You're forgetting that you are now more obligated to attend future wedding of your wedding guests so you actually pay out that €20000 over the next 10/15 years.

Twenty or thirty years ago 80 guests would have been a normal sized wedding. Now it's considered a pretty small and discreet one. The sheer size of a lot of weddings nowadays is surprising, and it does mean that people in their late 20s/early 30s are going from one wedding to the next, often racking up 10 or more weddings across the Spring and Summer months. That must cost them an absolute fortune, while also meaning they have to invite all of those people back to their wedding. Then the rows start because when you factor in relations, parents' friends whose kids weddings they've been at etc , the numbers start to get crazy.

A friend of mine, whose son got married last Summer, didn't invite any of her own friends to the wedding but had us all around the following afternoon for a lovely party in her garden. It was a really relaxed afternoon and much nicer than being asked to attend the wedding of a young couple you barely knew.

qwerty ui op

LirW wrote: »

Went to a wedding of good friends in Dublin city center and we were pretty broke at that time saving every cent for the arrival of the new baby and a house deposit. Other friends just bought a house and were broke too.
So the 2 couples chipped in together and got the couple a voucher for a really fancy restaurant for a nice evening out together because we knew they both love good food and she worked in the team of a very famous Irish TV-chef. They loved it and went there within the month after the wedding.
That was what we could afford back then and there was no begrudgery.

I personally would love presents like that, it doesn't matter to me if it's cash, Harvey Norman vouchers or a restaurant voucher. It'll all get used and be great craic, so I'm cool with that.
And if someone can't afford a present, we invited them because we want to have them there, it really doesn't matter.

It would be great if this or something like this was the norm but truth unfortunately is that money in the cards is the norm.

People are being very green if they think the volume of 200+ weddings would live on, if the practice of money in cards died out.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

LirW wrote: »

I don't have a problem with cash gifts really, they are a really save bet, especially when you're not that close to a couple. But I don't see why I should "cover my plate" when they decide to get married in this super expensive venue.
I'm quite surprised that wedding lists aren't bigger here. The optional list with items the couple needs/wants but with no obligation to actually buy something from it. I know there is a lot of p1sstake going on with the cheapest item being a kitchen aid but once the couple is sensible and has something for every price range, it's a pretty decent thing to have. No cash and you can get something for the couple they need and want.

Oh I agree. It is much handier to stick some money in a card than start traipsing around Arnotts trying to find something for a couple that already have all the household requisites. It was different years ago when young couples really needed pots and pans, and kettles and cutlery and so on and there was no problem trying to think of something to get them. But I just like the idea that people's household stuff used to come together in quite an eclectic way, with lots of reminders of old friends and relatives lying around and becoming part of the life of the house, used eventually by the couple's children as well.
Call me sentimental!

Grayson

The best wedding I've been to are the smallest ones. Nothing too fancy. Nothing too elaborate. Just close families and friends. The worst has been larger weddings. It feels like I'm in a crap nightclub with a load of peoples parents.

meeeeh

A friend of mine maintains it's really handy to have a holiday home just to ship all the gifted junk there.

I've bought a nice expensive cutlery set for one of my cousin's weddings and was told after that they got two. My brother just got new induction hob and he told me they could do with some pots and I got them that. But mostly money is by far the handles gift to give to someone and once you factor in time and travel cost getting the present often presents aren't much cheaper option.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Grayson wrote: »

The best wedding I've been to are the smallest ones. Nothing too fancy. Nothing too elaborate. Just close families and friends. The worst has been larger weddings. It feels like I'm in a crap nightclub with a load of peoples parents.

Same here. They feel like a genuine celebration, and the bride and groom are in among the crowd chatting to everyone, often handing out food and drink if it's in their garden or house.
At bigger weddings they're often like remote celebs who you might get a couple of words from if you're lucky.

Richard Hillman

Just go to the weddings that you really want to go to. Most of the time you are invited to these things, you are only being invited as part of a perceived obligation. Your cousin, your auntie, your nephew etc, unless you are close then don't bother. They are probably not too bothered about you attending either.

I enjoy weddings, I very rarely go to them and decline more wedding invitations than I attend.