uncomfortable relationship with in-laws

GingerLily

sinead99 wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

So what did he do when you were job hunting? Why were your inlaws joking about him giving you pocket money?
Why does he not contribute?

The Christmas dinner was a year after the drunken incident. By the time the second Christmas came around I had a job. He refuses to even get a part time job on the weekend because he said he doesn't trust me with my own daughter and he doesn't want to use any form of childcare at all.

WHY ARE YOU NOT ADDRESSING THESE ISSUES WITH YOUR HUSBAND?

Stop ignoring the Elephant in the room!!

Your husband doesn't respect you so his family don't, blame your husband!!

And keep off Facebook, get a therapist if you need a rant, it's completely inappropriate to diss family or inlaws on social media

sinead99

runawaybishop wrote: »

'Grow up ' sounds like good advice. What on earth are you doing posting family issues on Facebook?

You seem hugely resentful, do you even want to be in a relationship?

I don't see them as family.

They are just people I have to tolerate.

Well I want to be in a relationship with somone who values my happiness and I want their family to value me too.

sinead99

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Missed this bit my apologies. I'm beginning to think you trive on drama and the creation of same. I don't believe your story for a second, more holes than a sieve. The edited first post was a giveaway you seem to have forgotten some of what you claimed. I'm out.

There are no holes it's just I'd have to write a novel of what s been going on for 5 years. Would you read the whole thing if I posted it?

sinead99

GingerLily wrote: »

WHY ARE YOU NOT ADDRESSING THESE ISSUES WITH YOUR HUSBAND?

Stop ignoring the Elephant in the room!!

Your husband doesn't respect you so his family don't, blame your husband!!

And keep off Facebook, get a therapist if you need a rant, it's completely inappropriate to diss family or inlaws on social media

I have tried to address the issues and I keep trying.

Hitman3000

sinead99 wrote:

There are no holes it's just I'd have to write a novel of what s been going on for 5 years. Would you read the whole thing if I posted it?

I read the first post before you edited it extensively. Some advice when you tell lies have a good memory or hope those you are lying to have a terrible memory. My memory is good. I shall leave you with your fantasy, it's a pity however threads like yours get to detract from serious topics for people that need advice or support.

MissShihTzu

I dunno. Thus seems a bit odd.

Your husband 'made' you move nearer his family? I don't get that - What made you agree and why didn't you discuss it in detail between you?

Do you not share finances? Or is it a case of 'I pay so I say'?

How long had you known your husband before you married? I ask because it seems neither of you know the other well and don't communicate. It's a Do as I say situation with little give or take on EITHER side. The threat of separation and custody battles don't scream of a healthy relationship either. In any case, it would be extremely unlikely he would be awarded full custody.

I am worried for you and your family (husband & daughter)

One last thing - Keep off Facebook! People are too ready to put their personal business on the net for all to see these days. Have some respect for people. You wouldn't like it done to you, so don't do it to others!

You need to work as a team. Get counselling to allow you to do that. Otherwise, it's going to be a very unhappy time - For all of you. In the meantime - if you don't want to see your in-laws? Don't! Very simple. Let the baby go to see her grandparents, but other than that? Keep away.

sinead99

MissShihTzu wrote: »

I dunno. Thus seems a bit odd.

Your husband 'made' you move nearer his family? I don't get that - What made you agree and why didn't you discuss it in detail between you?

Do you not share finances? Or is it a case of 'I pay so I say'?

How long had you known your husband before you married? I ask because it seems neither of you know the other well and don't communicate. It's a Do as I say situation with little give or take on EITHER side. The threat of separation and custody battles don't scream of a healthy relationship either. In any case, it would be extremely unlikely he would be awarded full custody.

I am worried for you and your family (husband & daughter)

One last thing - Keep off Facebook! People are too ready to put their personal business on the net for all to see these days. Have some respect for people. You wouldn't like it done to you, so don't do it to others!

You need to work as a team. Get counselling to allow you to do that. Otherwise, it's going to be a very unhappy time - For all of you. In the meantime - if you don't want to see your in-laws? Don't! Very simple. Let the baby go to see her grandparents, but other than that? Keep away.

Yes, by taking my daughter and threatening custody etc. He effectively forced me to move. He said I didn't have to go with them but I was 'invited' to go with them. If he is taking the child he is forcing me to go. It's true that I didn't like where we were living but I didn't know that I was walking into a wasp pit. He claimed that he didn't either.

We had a whirlwind relationship and eloped. The whole process was less than 6 months.

My biggest problem with him is that there is very little loyalty to me. I told him that I didn't enjoy this past Christmas dinner (2017) and that I didn't want to go next time. He said he'll tell his family that I hate them etc. He said he'll tell them everything I ever said about them. He also got angry with me that I didn't enjoy the dinner. I can't win when it comes to his issue.

I feel very powerless and that I have no leverage.

sinead99

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Missed this bit my apologies. I'm beginning to think you trive on drama and the creation of same. I don't believe your story for a second, more holes than a sieve. The edited first post was a giveaway you seem to have forgotten some of what you claimed. I'm out.

I also came here not to be attacked. I edited it because the focus was on a Facebook post from over a year and a half ago and not on the current day issues.

Anne1982h

Your husband is abusive and you are immature and ill equipped to deal with the relationship (posting things on Facebook for God’s sake!!!) You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your husband and forget about your in laws and Christmas dinner. Why doesn’t your husband trust you with your daughter. Why doesn’t he get a job. Why are you so resentful of him. Why are you together at all - and saying it’s as if you leave him he’ll get custody or take your daughter is not a reason as these things are processed through the courts and as he has no income it’s highly unlikely he would be granted full custody. Are your parents stable people? Maybe you should take your daughter and move to where they are and start divorce proceedings. Sounds like you married someone you didn’t even know and your marriage has been a shambles since. I feel sorry for your daughter.

GingerLily

sinead99 wrote: »

I also came here not to be attacked. I edited it because the focus was on a Facebook post from over a year and a half ago and not on the current day issues.

If you don't want issues from a year and a half ago to be brought up why are you also bringing up the issue about your father in law from the same incident?

Your inlaws aren't the issue - your husband is. Your in an abusive relationship and you can't even see it.

splinter65

As the thread goes on it’s becoming clearer to me at least that the OP has come from a different culture and is finding it very difficult to adapt.
In defense of the husband it’s entirely possible that he has had to give up work as the OP has been threatening (maybe understandably)to take their baby home to her country of origin.
I think posters here need to be careful about giving advice to this lady as the situation may be slightly out of boards remit.

GingerLily

splinter65 wrote: »

As the thread goes on it’s becoming clearer to me at least that the OP has come from a different culture and is finding it very difficult to adapt.
In defense of the husband it’s entirely possible that he has had to give up work as the OP has been threatening (maybe understandably)to take their baby home to her country of origin.
I think posters here need to be careful about giving advice to this lady as the situation may be slightly out of boards remit.

She has stated he threatened her I thought?

This scenario is definitely too convoluted and complicated for an advice thread though I do agree.

splinter65

GingerLily wrote: »

She has stated he threatened her I thought?

This scenario is definitely too convoluted and complicated for an advice thread though I do agree.

The OP is clearly only giving her side of the story and consistently accepts no blame in this marriage debacle so I’ll take anything she says with a large pinch of salt.
Her statement that the SIL declared that it’s a “sham” marriage is a dead giveaway. Tie up other little bits and pieces....maybe I’m wrong but I think this lady has come a big distance to live in Ireland with a man she barely knew, leaving all her own family at home, and it’s not working out.
That’s just my take.

sinead99

Anne1982h wrote: »

Your husband is abusive and you are immature and ill equipped to deal with the relationship (posting things on Facebook for God’s sake!!!) You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your husband and forget about your in laws and Christmas dinner. Why doesn’t your husband trust you with your daughter. Why doesn’t he get a job. Why are you so resentful of him. Why are you together at all - and saying it’s as if you leave him he’ll get custody or take your daughter is not a reason as these things are processed through the courts and as he has no income it’s highly unlikely he would be granted full custody. Are your parents stable people? Maybe you should take your daughter and move to where they are and start divorce proceedings. Sounds like you married someone you didn’t even know and your marriage has been a shambles since. I feel sorry for your daughter.

Why doesn’t your husband trust you with your daughter.
My husband shifts back and forth on this.

One time I questioned him and he said if he didn't trust me with her he would not allow me to take her out with me on the weekend so I was ridiculous.

Another time he said he didn't trust me with her. It's true that he's probably better with kids than I am. Our daughter is extraordinarily active and a handful and she overwhelms me and I lose my patience at times. If I turn my gaze from her for even just 30 seconds she might do something and hurt herself.
I just get grouchy and hot-headed that's all and that doesn't meet his standard of parenting. He says he thinks I would hit her. I would not - I might lose my cool and shout but that's all.

With her temperament, I think she'd do great in a creche but my husband is 100% against all forms of childcare. She goes to preschool but it's only for a few hours. She's 3.5 years old.


Why doesn’t he get a job.
He is 100% against all forms of childcare. He doesn't want any babysitters or creches at all. Not even one day a week. I don't agree with this at all especially with our daughter's extroverted personality so he's a stay home parent.


Why are you so resentful of him.
I am resentful of him for a few reasons.

1. I was bullied out of my last job after maternity leave. They didn't think I would come back, and when I did they made me as miserable as possible to push me out and harassed me. Yes, I did sue for discrimination but that was also stressful.

He wasn't emotionally supportive of me. I needed an incredible amount of support (he wasn't working so I had to go back to work at 10 weeks postpartum only to be bullied out while breastfeeding and getting up at night and working full-time).

Whenever I talk to him about this he says he was supportive but my standard of support is too high or unrealistic. He said I should not bring work issues home to him.

2. Whenever something bothers me (such as the Christmas dinner comments) he is not supportive of me. (There have been other times too) He blames me and gets mad at me for not 'being able to take a joke'. I didn't think the jokes were funny. I think they are stupid. I don't want to spend time with sexist people. Maybe if I felt more comfortable with my in-laws it wouldn't bother me so much but just having to spend any time with them at all is hard for me.

3. His sister has said several nasty comments about me over the years. I've never heard him say 'oh, I'm so sorry I can't believe she said that'. Sure, I guess he kind of told her off but it didn't seem to be a big deal to him.

4. He doesn't like how I am when I'm around his family or friends. He said I'm too quiet. Well, that's because I feel really uncomfortable.

Why are you together at all - and saying it’s as if you leave him he’ll get custody or take your daughter is not a reason as these things are processed through the courts and as he has no income it’s highly unlikely he would be granted full custody.

I do fear that he would get custody. He has 25 relatives who would back him up/make up a story. He could also hold some fights that I've had with my mother against me because the child was in the house.


No, my parents are not stable people. When I was pregnant my mother verbally abused me saying things like: 'i don't want to be a grandmother.', 'it was a mistake', '****ing idiot', 'i want nothing to do with this baby if you move' etc.


My husband and I are fine when things are just the 3 of us, but as soon as in-laws or his old friends are involved it becomes a shambles.

sinead99

splinter65 wrote: »

As the thread goes on it’s becoming clearer to me at least that the OP has come from a different culture and is finding it very difficult to adapt.
In defense of the husband it’s entirely possible that he has had to give up work as the OP has been threatening (maybe understandably)to take their baby home to her country of origin.
I think posters here need to be careful about giving advice to this lady as the situation may be slightly out of boards remit.

I have never threatened to take her back. He is the one who forced me to move here and threatens me.

sinead99

Hitman3000 wrote: »

So in 5 years you only visited your husbands family once or they only visited you once? Do they go to the wedding or just visit at the birth of your daughter. Strange.

We didn't have a wedding. We eloped. We were living far away and we only visited them once.

Neyite

It's a dysfunctional relationship. You met and married within 6 months to someone who then promptly moved you away form ant support network, to the middle of his own, stopped supporting your family unit financially and let's his family abuse you.. Somewhere along the line you had a baby so got more entrenched in this mess.

Pick up the phone and call women's aid.

sinead99

splinter65 wrote: »

The OP is clearly only giving her side of the story and consistently accepts no blame in this marriage debacle so I’ll take anything she says with a large pinch of salt.
Her statement that the SIL declared that it’s a “sham” marriage is a dead giveaway. Tie up other little bits and pieces....maybe I’m wrong but I think this lady has come a big distance to live in Ireland with a man she barely knew, leaving all her own family at home, and it’s not working out.
That’s just my take.

No, we eloped. When we updated our relationship status on Facebook his sister posted that it was a sham and sent me nasty messages.

Well... we were together for 3 years before we moved but still...

splinter65

sinead99 wrote: »

I have never threatened to take her back. He is the one who forced me to move here and threatens me.

If you are afraid of your husband or afraid for your child then you need to go to the Gardai. You will be believed and you will be looked after.
Your husband will not be believed just because he is Irish and you are not.
He and his family might tell you that but that’s not true.
If you don’t want to go to the Gardai then go into your local Citizens Information Centre and ask them to contact the local service that helps women in abusive relationships. They will be led by you. If you just want to talk to someone about your marriage then that will be fine. If you want to go further, move out get a place if your own then they will help you with that too.
Abuse is not just physical but mental and emotional too.
Threatening you with taking your child away is abuse.
The only thing is I would advise you to be absolutely honest with yourself and Women’s Aid or whoever and maybe accept that you may have caused some friction with his family too.
This can all be fixed. You need to get some help to fix it.

Dial Hard

Are you in Ireland, OP?

sinead99

Dial Hard wrote: »

Are you in Ireland, OP?

Yes.

meeeeh

Sorry op bit your story is all over the place. Your husband is against any childcare but your daughter goes to preschool. You were together for three years before and got married after six months. You are complaining how you have no support from your relatives because you moved bit it seems your relatives were never supportive...

I don't know, either I am too dense to understand your posts or this is a wind up.

sinead99

meeeeh wrote: »

Sorry op bit your story is all over the place. Your husband is against any childcare but your daughter goes to preschool. You were together for three years before and got married after six months...

I don't know, either I am too dense to understand your posts or this is a wind up.

We got married quickly. But the total time between the day we met and the day we moved over here was 3 years. My husband refuses to use a creche even one day a week. The preschool is only 3 hours and it's not long enough to have a job. He's OK with the preschool because he know's the owner's cousin.

georgina toadbum

I'm trying to understand why his family would be so 'cold' towards you. By any chance is this is a religious thing?

GingerLily

georgina toadbum wrote: »

I'm trying to understand why his family would be so 'cold' towards you. By any chance is this is a religious thing?

I suspect because he bad mouths her to his family, and because she's bad mouthed her father in law in Facebook while she was living with the in laws. It was deleted from the OP.

sinead99

georgina toadbum wrote: »

I'm trying to understand why his family would be so 'cold' towards you. By any chance is this is a religious thing?

Me too. I'm the same religion though.

I'm strawberry blonde and blue-eyed and English is my first language so I hardly stand out. Maybe it's because I'm foreign? An outsider?

I know that my husband's employment status has been an issue for them. They have called him a lazy bum before. My husband said he has always been the 'reject' of the family because he doesn't do construction work like they do.

Another thing I can think of is that he is one of 9 children and I'm an only child. I went to university for 6 years but they have not been interested in higher learning. Maybe I just don't fit in with them?

georgina toadbum

GingerLily wrote: »

I suspect because he bad mouths her to his family, and because she's bad mouthed her father in law in Facebook while she was living with the in laws. It was deleted from the OP.

I missed all that

Dial Hard

sinead99 wrote: »

Yes.

In that case I'd advise you to heed the advice above to contact Women's Aid. You're in an abusive relationship but you're so fixated on your in-laws' behaviour that you can't (or won't) see that your husband is a controlling, manipulative, threatening bully.

sinead99

GingerLily wrote: »

I suspect because he bad mouths her to his family, and because she's bad mouthed her father in law in Facebook while she was living with the in laws. It was deleted from the OP.

They were always cold with me though and suspicious. Even before the incidences.

TheIronyMaiden

Dial Hard wrote: »

In that case I'd advise you to heed the advice above to contact Women's Aid. You're in an abusive relationship but you're so fixated on your in-laws' behaviour that you can't (or won't) see that your husband is a controlling, manipulative, threatening bully.

I have to say OP, I agree with this - this craic about not agreeing with childcare. Nope, sorry, the child is both of yours. That is a two-person decision, it's incredibly controlling to just say it's my way and that's it. I feel for you OP, that sounds tough. I have a little girl too and if my partner tried to force a decision like that on me I'd be furious.

MissShihTzu

I think I am beginning to understand the set-up now. I also think I understand the community the OP lives in.

I think she should make moves to get out NOW. Before things get much, much worse. Get on to the Gards and Women's Aid. She has her daughter to think of.

sinead99

MissShihTzu wrote: »

I think I am beginning to understand the set-up now. I also think I understand the community the OP lives in.

I think she should make moves to get out NOW. Before things get much, much worse. Get on to the Gards and Women's Aid. She has her daughter to think of.

You know, when it's just the 2 of us we get along OK (for the most part) but when you throw in-laws or old friends into the mix that's when things fall apart.

Our most horrible fights have been about in-laws/family, moving, and childcare. When the arguments get heated that's when the threats start. I know it's still bullying though.

GingerLily

To what age will your husband refuse to allow you to use childcare? Will he home school them too?
He sounds very controlling, what a horrible situation.

sinead99

GingerLily wrote: »

To what age will your husband refuse to allow you to use childcare? Will he homeschool them too?
He sounds very controlling, what a horrible situation.

He will not homeschool them but he refuses to ever use any childcare. He will not even get a babysitter so we can go out so we would have to ask his family which I am not fond of doing. They feed her so much junk food and juice and it creates a 'favour' to be returned/more involvement from them. Because of his attitude, it looks like he will not be working at all for the next 5 years.

Neyite

Are you happy? Do you want to stay married?

GingerLily

sinead99 wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

To what age will your husband refuse to allow you to use childcare? Will he homeschool them too?
He sounds very controlling, what a horrible situation.

He will not homeschool them but he refuses to ever use any childcare. He will not even get a babysitter so we can go out so we would have to ask his family which I am not fond of doing. They feed her so much junk food and juice and it creates a 'favour' to be returned/more involvement from them. Because of his attitude, it looks like he will not be working at all for the next 5 years.

LOL - are you sure he's not using this as an excuse not to work?

Anne1982h

sinead99 wrote: »

Yes.

Are you Irish? OP I didn’t ask you those questions to get the answers from you. I asked them to try help you see you have many issues going on here you neee to think about and address. You say you are fine when it’s the three of you but yet you are extremely resentful of him and he doesn’t trust you with your daughter - not exactly getting on fine...

sinead99

GingerLily wrote: »

LOL - are you sure he's not using this as an excuse not to work?

I don't think so because he resents me for this. He said because I want to use childcare that 'I don't want to look after my own child' so he has to. No, I don't want to be a housewife. He should have thought about that before he married someone who went to university for 6 years and he also should have had his career together but he didn't.

sinead99

Anne1982h wrote: »

Are you Irish? OP I didn’t ask you those questions to get the answers from you. I asked them to try help you see you have many issues going on here you neee to think about and address. You say you are fine when it’s the three of you but yet you are extremely resentful of him and he doesn’t trust you with your daughter - not exactly getting on fine...

No, I'm not Irish. The resentment comes and goes and so does his distrust. But it only really rears it's ugly head when it comes to his family.

sinead99

Neyite wrote: »

Are you happy? Do you want to stay married?

On a day to day basis I'm not unhappy enough to do something drastic such as divorce but if there were more issues with his family and he did not address the issues again I might. I am not sure if he would care if I left him though.

georgina toadbum

I don't mean any offence by this, are his family travellers?

splinter65

georgina toadbum wrote: »

I don't mean any offence by this, are his family travellers?

Traveller men only very very rarely marry non travellers. And the chance of them marrying a non Irish settled person is very very small.

.......

This post has been deleted.

sinead99

georgina toadbum wrote: »

I don't mean any offence by this, are his family travellers?

Lol! No, but they are from a very small village and have never lived anywhere else.

Dial Hard

sinead99 wrote:

Lol! No

The whole dynamic is just so bizarre. Did he work when you met him/before your daughter was born? And how in God's name did his attitude to childcare not come up before you (plural) decided to have children???

Big Bag of Chips

Has he ever worked? Before you had a child that he refused to put in childcare did he work? Or is the child just the excuse for why he won't work now?

I'm not sure what more can be offered to you by way of advice on this thread. And everything that is offered is met with 'I can't because...'

Your husband sounds horrendous and he is unlikely to improve. You say it's grand when its just the 3 of you, but how often is it just the 3 of you if you live so close to his family and they are all so entwined with each other.

You don't have to have a relationship with his family. At all. You don't have to see them. You should be able to come to an agreement that he goes to see them and brings your daughter with him. I don't know if you can demand his family never set foot in your house. It's your (plural) home. If you were a stay at home parent and his attitude was 'I pay for it, I say who visits' then people would rightly be telling you he is controlling and isolating you.

You met, married and had a baby with someone you barely know and had no idea of each other's basic values. It's a recipe for disaster that unfortunately you, and your daughter are now living. You haven't exactly covered yourself in glory either so I'd be slow to say you're a victim of anything here.

Would marriage counselling be an option? Would be agree to it? Because life cannot continue as it is between you two without it doing a lot of damage to your young daughter. If counselling isn't an option then you need to think long and hard about how to make this work... Either sticking with it and compromising, or going your separate ways and trying to be as amicable as possible.

sinead99

splinter65 wrote: »

You’re being very unreasonable and I have a feeling that all this aggro is more your fault then your in-laws. You’re coming across as extremely unpleasant.
There must be a reason for this.
Have you considered talking to someone professionally about your issues?

I just don't want anything to do with them. I don't want them involved in my life.

Just recently I had a cold and I told my husband's niece that she could not sleep over at our house because I was ill. She then sent me a nasty message calling me a ****, a liar, and various other names.

sinead99

Dial Hard wrote: »

The whole dynamic is just so bizarre. Did he work when you met him/before your daughter was born? And how in God's name did his attitude to childcare not come up before you (plural) decided to have children???

He hasn't worked in a normal 9-5 job in years. He attempted to start his own business which inevitably failed and he had to stop. He lived off of 'grant money' for a long time but his visa in my country had to be renewed and they wouldn't let him work for a while. By the time his visa came in again, I had already gone back to work after mat leave and the childcare issue came up.

I admit that I was pretty clueless about kids and having kids and all and I didn't know that he would be so unreasonable about childcare. There was a time when I would have stayed home (like right after university) but he never had a stable job during those timeframes. I will say though that there are no part-time roles in my line of work. It's 40 hrs a week or nothing.

When we moved over to Ireland, I began to look for work immediately. I have a higher earning capacity than he does. He doesn't care about that. He thinks I'm a 'gold digger' for valuing financial stability. He wanted me to stay home while he earned significantly less. There was no way in hell I was going to be new to a country, with no support network, no income, etc and stay home in this situation.

He did try to look for work but the only jobs he could get would involve moving very far away. For example, he got an offer in Greece.

He knew that when he married me that I was an ambitious person and I liked to work. I'm not the stay home mother type of a girl. He knew that but still tried to get me to stay home. In his defence, I hated my first job out of university and having a baby did make me question if I should stay home... I was ambivalent about that but then things took off for me a work at a different job and I changed my mind.

MissShihTzu

Well - he isn't trying very hard, is he? What kind of man is he that he does not seem to want to play his part in providing for his family? Sorry, but I think you're making excuses for him. It'll hard for anyone who has a family. Life doesn't come with a manual. You get on with it as best you can and do the best you can. Nobody is perfect.

I appreciate it will be very hard to walk away. It's all very well for us to advise you to. But the only person who can drive change is YOU.

Your husband sounds like a lazy bum. His family are toxic and just plain weird- Imagine my niece calling me all sorts of names because I didn't let her stay over?? It would happen once and once only. Moreover, her parents would have forced her to apologise. Clearly, these people have no respect for you. So why would you have anything to do with them? There is no way I would allow any child of mine to grow up in an atmosphere like that, not mixing with other kids, not having friends. But that's just me.

Put your big girl's pants on. Get away from them, and do not allow ANYONE to disrespect you like that!!

BTW - I don't want to scare you, but wanted to ask: Does the baby have a passport? If she has, where is it? Get that secured away in case you have to leave in a hurry. A passport from your country might not be a bad thing either. Just in case. You need to protect yourself and your child now.

sinead99

MissShihTzu wrote: »

Well - he isn't trying very hard, is he? What kind of man is he that he does not seem to want to play his part in providing for his family? Sorry, but I think you're making excuses for him. It'll hard for anyone who has a family. Life doesn't come with a manual. You get on with it as best you can and do the best you can. Nobody is perfect.

I appreciate it will be very hard to walk away. It's all very well for us to advise you to. But the only person who can drive change is YOU.

Your husband sounds like a lazy bum. His family are toxic and just plain weird- Imagine my niece calling me all sorts of names because I didn't let her stay over?? It would happen once and once only. Moreover, her parents would have forced her to apologise. Clearly, these people have no respect for you. So why would you have anything to do with them? There is no way I would allow any child of mine to grow up in an atmosphere like that, not mixing with other kids, not having friends. But that's just me.

Put your big girl's pants on. Get away from them, and do not allow ANYONE to disrespect you like that!!

I agree with you about the niece!!!! I blocked her on Facebook so she can't send me messages anymore. Her mother did tell her off about it but there was no apology. Her mother didn't apologize to me either. They never communicate with me though. I will not allow her to stay over again.

Our daughter does go to preschool 5 days per week. It's only for 3 hours and she does have friends at the school. However, my husband will not allow her to go into full-time daycare (8-10 hrs) per day. He thinks 'someone else is raising your kid' if you do that. That is a common opinion though.

I really hate his family.