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uncomfortable relationship with in-laws

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    #122
    sinead99
    Registered Users Posts: 52 ✭✭sinead99


    woodchuck wrote: »
    I'm really not sure what kind of advice you're looking for anymore. Don't go to the Christmas dinner if you don't want to. Let your husband worry about making excuses.

    This Christmas dinner is a huge issue. All of my in-laws know that I have no family here and my family lives very far away. I'd have to spend a fortune on plane tickets to visit my own family in December especially. If I don't go to the dinner, they will all know that I am just sitting home alone. I'm not sure what kind of excuse can be made.


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    #123
    woodchuck
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,409 Mod ✭✭✭✭woodchuck


    sinead99 wrote: »
    This Christmas dinner is a huge issue. All of my in-laws know that I have no family here and my family lives very far away. I'd have to spend a fortune on plane tickets to visit my own family in December especially. If I don't go to the dinner, they will all know that I am just sitting home alone. I'm not sure what kind of excuse can be made.

    YOU don't have to make the excuse though because you won't be there. Your husband does. And they are excuses... you don't actually have to spend a fortune visiting family, he can just pretend you are! Or that family has flown over to visit you. Or that you're having dinner with friends. Or that you're volunteering to feed the homeless...

    Or he could tell the truth that you're not there because they've treated you poorly. Who cares if they know you're home alone? Why does their opinion matter to you?

    It sounds like there is only one solution that you'll accept though. That he doesn't go to the family dinner either.

    Plenty of people have said before that it doesn't sound like you have a great relationship with your husband. From what you've said he does sound a bit controlling, but honestly, so do you. You both sound stubborn and incapable of compromise. I'd recommend couples counselling.


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    #124
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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    #125
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    I seem to be completely alone in the opinion that OP shouldn't have to miss out on Christmas Day dinner with her child because of her nasty inlaws.

    OP, her child and husband are a family unit, and come first. If I was OP I would be announcing that they will start having Christmas dinner at home this year and OPs husband can bring their child to his parents for dinner with Christmas Eve or Stephens day.

    Christmas Day isn't the main issue of course, but that's my tuppence worth.


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    #126
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Flippyfloppy wrote: »
    I seem to be completely alone in the opinion that OP shouldn't have to miss out on Christmas Day dinner with her child because of her nasty inlaws.

    OP, her child and husband are a family unit, and come first. If I was OP I would be announcing that they will start having Christmas dinner at home this year and OPs husband can bring their child to his parents for dinner with Christmas Eve or Stephens day.

    Christmas Day isn't the main issue of course, but that's my tuppence worth.

    I am with you. It's usual that after a couple has a child they start having Christmas in their own home and visit the relatives Christmas day or Christmas morning.

    I would recommend that the OP sit down and talk to her husband and explain to him that she would like to start having a tradition of her, him, and their child having Christmas dinner as a family. Unfortunately I do get the sense over this thread that, as they say, one of them is bad and the other is worse. Especially when it comes to rational discussions and compromise.


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    #127
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    We did likewise when we had our baby. I'd highly recommend it!

    For now anyway, Santa comes to this house, therefore that's where the kid sleeps on Christmas Eve. Anyone is welcome to stay and have Christmas with us but Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning and Christmas dinner is about our family unit.

    The challenge will be to get your husband on board. Even the logistics of playing Santa in another persons home - hiding the toys in the same car, assembly, tools for assembly, then lugging it back home the day after is a nightmare.

    And if you decide to do Christmas morning at your own house then go elsewhere for the rest of the day it's a bit sh!t when the kid can't bring their Santa present in the car because it's too big or bulky. So they just get an awesome toy for a few hours then have to be bored visiting without it.

    Maybe from that point of view you could sway him a bit?


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