The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

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Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

New Home

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”

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What has two backsides and kills people? An assassin.

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5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

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GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod'.
DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.

whiskeyman

Are you Capt'n Midnight in disguise?
:pac:

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whiskeyman wrote: »

Are you Capt'n Midnight in disguise?
:pac:

No.

Capt'n Midnight

Why do elephants have big ears ?




Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

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whiskeyman wrote: »

Are you Capt'n Midnight in disguise?
:pac:

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Why do elephants have big ears ?

Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

Speak of the devil....

Capt'n Midnight

Why are elephants wrinkled ?




Have you ever tried ironing one ?

Q: How to you know you're house is infested with elephants?


A: when you find big footprings in the sugar bowel!

Capt'n Midnight

How do you get four elephants into a Blue Mini ?


Two in the front.

And two in the back.

New Home

And how do you fit four giraffes in a blue Mini? Two at the front, and two at the back, but first you have to get the elephants out.

How do elephants communicate over long distances.


They make a trunk call.

Capt'n Midnight

What do you do if you are on O'Connell Street and there's a herd of elephants stampeding towards you ?



Go into the nearest telephone box, make a trunk call ... and reverse the charge :pac:

Capt'n Midnight

How do you know if there is an elephant in the fridge ?



There's a footprint in the butter

Capt'n Midnight

How do you know if there are two elephants in the fridge ?



There's two footprints in the butter

Capt'n Midnight

Why do elephants make such lousy dancers ?






They've two left feet.

Capt'n Midnight

How do you know if there are three elephants in the fridge ?



There's three footprints in the butter :pac:

Capt'n Midnight

What's the difference between an elephant and spaghetti ?







An elephant doesn't fall off your fork.

New Home

To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.

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What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

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What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

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I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.

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I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.

New Home

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

New Home

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino!

Capt'n Midnight

How do you know if there are four elephants in the fridge ?



There's a Blue Mini parked outside.

Ipso

Lads, put away the left over christmas crackers.