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The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

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Comments

  • #2552
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.


  • #2553
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.


  • #2554
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”


  • #2555
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    What has two backsides and kills people? An assassin.


  • #2556
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.


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  • #2557
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    GRANDPA: I have a 'dad bod'.
    DAD: To me it's more like a father figure.


  • #2558
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Are you Capt'n Midnight in disguise?
    :pac:


  • #2559
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    Are you Capt'n Midnight in disguise?
    :pac:

    :D

    No.


  • #2560
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Why do elephants have big ears ?




    Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.


  • #2561
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    Are you Capt'n Midnight in disguise?
    :pac:
    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    Why do elephants have big ears ?

    Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

    Speak of the devil.... :D


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  • #2562
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Why are elephants wrinkled ?




    Have you ever tried ironing one ?


  • #2563
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Q: How to you know you're house is infested with elephants?


    A: when you find big footprings in the sugar bowel!


  • #2564
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How do you get four elephants into a Blue Mini ?


    Two in the front.

    And two in the back.


  • #2565
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    And how do you fit four giraffes in a blue Mini? Two at the front, and two at the back, but first you have to get the elephants out.


  • #2566
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 31,118 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    How do elephants communicate over long distances.


    They make a trunk call.


  • #2567
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What do you do if you are on O'Connell Street and there's a herd of elephants stampeding towards you ?



    Go into the nearest telephone box, make a trunk call ... and reverse the charge :pac:


  • #2568
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How do you know if there is an elephant in the fridge ?



    There's a footprint in the butter


  • #2569
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How do you know if there are two elephants in the fridge ?



    There's two footprints in the butter


  • #2570
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Why do elephants make such lousy dancers ?






    They've two left feet.


  • #2571
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How do you know if there are three elephants in the fridge ?



    There's three footprints in the butter :pac:


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  • #2572
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What's the difference between an elephant and spaghetti ?







    An elephant doesn't fall off your fork.


  • #2573
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch.


  • #2574
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    What did the horse say after it tripped? "Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”


  • #2575
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    What noise does a 747 make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.


  • #2576
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.


  • #2577
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.


  • #2578
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.


  • #2579
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 78,191 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino!


  • #2580
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 94,978 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    How do you know if there are four elephants in the fridge ?



    There's a Blue Mini parked outside.


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  • #2581
    Ipso
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,995 ✭✭✭Ipso


    Lads, put away the left over christmas crackers.


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