Shan's Stygian Shack of Shenanigans (Lair Thread)

Shpud2

Gremlinertia wrote: »

Bless your maths :P Yeah i am very late..

I always think you are younger. Like late 20s or early 30s

Gremlinertia

I haven't really realised i'm as old as i am so that's understandable

Shpud2

I finished writing up that essay if you'd like to read it.

Gremlinertia

Aye post it, i'll have a go when i get a chance, won't be able read it in one go here..

Shpud2

Panic
The following is the true story of Juan Franco Smith, the man who went from zero to less than zero.
It was the summer of ’09, Juan had just gotten his first real six-string for his 17th birthday. He lived in a very rural area of County Kerry where Sheep are treated like Gods and potatoes were/are the staple diet. Juan was lonely. There were only three teenagers in the village; Juan, Sandra and Paul. Sandra was Juan’s girlfriend and Paul was Juan’s sidekick and partner in fighting crime. They spent their days wandering aimlessly through the meadows drinking whatever Juan could steal from he blind Uncle Jack’s pub. Juan had an alcohol problem. He would drink three bottles of whisky a day at least. He dossed from school regularly, but his poor parents didn’t know because due to the lack of postal services in Kerry they never received any letters about Juan’s absence. His parents were working people. His mother Mary was the village nurse and his father ran the local newsagents selling newspapers and skiing gear. Juan was a big lad. He was bigger than Big Jim Evans even. He was 6′2″ and weighed fifteen and a half stone. He always wore the same pair of green/brown overalls and his great-grandfather Willie’s wellies. Juan had a fondness for goats, but everyone else in his village preferred sheep. This enraged Juan who swore he would get rid of every sheep in Ireland, although he didn’t realise how large a task this would be as he had no internet to inform him of how many sheep were in Ireland. But anyway, Juan had a plan of how to get rid of the sheep but for this plan he needed money so he got a part-time job for a local contractor drawing silage and that is where our story starts.
It was early one Monday morning in the middle of June, Juan had been drinking heavily the night before and still had some drink left over. He kept it in the tractor where he could drink it as the day progressed. Paul, being responsible, told Juan that he shouldn’t be drinking let alone driving but was ignored by Juan. Juan brought Sandra along that day as well. He pulled out of the yard at 8:10, with the New Holland TM190 covered in mud, even though his boss told him to wash it the day before. The morning was relatively normal, and Juan and Sandra settled down for lunch around 12. John had a bottle of vodka and drank it in one go. He and Sandra then got back into tractor before setting off to continue work. They headed to the field and the man in the harvester did a good job filling the Redrock trailer. There were about fourteen tonnes of silage as he set off back to the yard. Juan was absolutely eating road as he headed back. He was eating so much road that at one point he got out and took a bite out of the tarmac he was eating so much road. But while he was taking a swig of Jack Daniels he didn’t see the approaching corner and went through the ditch at 40 kilometres per hour. The tractor ploughed into the bog and got stuck. It was a mess. There was smashed glass everywhere. Juan was only minorly injured because he was wearing his seatbelt but Sandra was thrown against the pillar of the cab and was knocked unconscious. She had a large laceration on her forehead and a broken arm. Juan didn’t know what to do. He was sitting there in a tractor, slowly sinking into the soft bog. Juan was scared, drunk and nervous. He panicked and did what any honourable person wouldn’t do. He switched seats with Sandra. Since they didn’t have any telephones down in Kerry he couldn’t call anybody. So Juan sat there.
After about half an hour passed his bossed noticed he hadn’t returned. He dispatched a member of his crew to search for him. They came across the carnage and were fearing the worst. They ran over the tractor to see what had happened. They came upon Juan sitting staring silently forward. They asked him what happened and he just shook his head. They dispatched a messenger boy to get a member of An Garda Siochana. He ran all the way to Foynes which was the nearest Garda Station because Kerry people are a law unto themselves. When the Gardai arrived the locals were shocked at the sight of flashing lights and the noise of sirens. The Gardai took Juan and Sandra back to the Garda station in Foynes. After having their documents checked and stamped they were allowed leave the Federal Republic of Kerry and enter Ireland. The Gardai asked Sandra what happened because she was in the driver’s seat when they found them. She was concussed and did not remember what happened. When they asked Juan, who was now sober because he couldn’t get drink past Customs, he told them that he was in the passenger seat and Sandra drove into the dich because she was speeding and got distracted. The Gardai believed him and arrested Sandra for dangerous driving.
It was two weeks later when Sandra was before the courts. She plead guilty and the judge was about the hand down a sentence when suddenly a handsome young man burst into the courtroom There was silence as he strolled up to the front of the court. He held in his hand a laptop and an SD card. He declared “My name is REDACTED, and I have evidence that proves this woman is not guilty.” He proceeded to play the video that was on the SD card. It showed how Juan was the one driving when the crash happened. The well-spoken gentleman continued’ “I had been making a documentary about the natives and their farming techniques. I had placed a GoPro in the cabs of the tractors to record the driving behaviours and actions of the drivers.” Juan tried to run but his tiny legs could not support his weight. He was easily caught and put on trial. He was found guilty of drink driving and dangerous driving. He was sentenced to four years in prison with eighteen months suspended and banned from driving for fifteen years. When he left the courtroom in Limerick he was met with a large mob, led by the Healy- Raes, and brought to Limerick Prison.

Gremlinertia

I'll give that a go after work

Shpud2

Yeah it is rather long isn't it

Gremlinertia

It'll be fine, i just can't look at it for now. Too many other screens to watch.

Shpud2

I get you. Sorry about that.

Gremlinertia

No worries, it's out of my multi tasking talents range

Shpud2

I can't multitask at all. I should really concentrate on my sausages.

Kitty6277

Shpud2 wrote: »

How long till you go on Erasmus Kitty?

Soon :eek: Classes don't start till the end of September, but I'll probably go over earlier than that as I can move into my accommodation from the 8th. I have no concrete dates planned or anything like that yet though (even though I probably should )

Shpud2

This will be your 3rd year of college so?

Kitty6277

That it is, very hard to believe

Shpud2

I may have asked this before but what are you studying?

Kitty6277

I don't think you have, but I'm studying New Media and English

Shpud2

Nice

Kitty6277

It's pretty good, I enjoy it what do you do Shpud, are you in college or school?

Shpud2

Kitty6277 wrote: »

It's pretty good, I enjoy it what do you do Shpud, are you in college or school?

I'm going into 6th year this day next week.

Kitty6277

Best of luck with it! I'd say you can't wait to be done with school

Shpud2

Kitty6277 wrote: »

Best of luck with it! I'd say you can't wait to be done with school

Ah i don't mind cause I like school. Some of the teachers i like are gone for next year though and that's a pain in the arse.

Kitty6277

It's good that you enjoy it, always makes it a lot easier that way.

Shpud2

Yeah it does. I need the routine as well. Like for the next few days i have work somedays and other days I've the gym and flying lessons and maybe driving lessons and physio and maybe I'll go out some night so i could do with having 8-4 everyday doing the same thing

Kitty6277

You've a busy life by the sounds of it. The system of school never suited me, it was the main cause of my anxiety for many years, before I even knew it. Much happier in college, it's funny though how different things work so differently for different people

Shpud2

Kitty6277 wrote: »

You've a busy life by the sounds of it. The system of school never suited me, it was the main cause of my anxiety for many years, before I even knew it. Much happier in college, it's funny though how different things work so differently for different people

Ah it's not too busy. Last week was busy alright as i managed 15 hours work which was the most I've ever done with photograghy (worked way more on work experience, including 112 hours one week). The next few days is just cramming before i go back to school.
I like school because it gives me work and I'm good when i have stuff to focus on. I get anxiety with the social stuff and having to talk to people and the likes alright but that could be complelty different to what you experienced. Some people have said they find college way better than school in that regard like how you have said. I was flying my drone around the UL campus today and it excited me about hopefully studying there.

Kitty6277

Shpud2 wrote: »

Ah it's not too busy. Last week was busy alright as i managed 15 hours work which was the most I've ever done with photograghy (worked way more on work experience, including 112 hours one week). The next few days is just cramming before i go back to school.
I like school because it gives me work and I'm good when i have stuff to focus on. I get anxiety with the social stuff and having to talk to people and the likes alright but that could be complelty different to what you experienced. Some people have said they find college way better than school in that regard like how you have said. I was flying my drone around the UL campus today and it excited me about hopefully studying there.

It's crazy to think that the schools are back so soon, the summer absolutely flew!

Yeah, it wasn't really the social stuff for me, I think it was basically that we were always put under so much pressure to do well the leaving, and absolutely everything lead to that one exam and that it was basically like this one thing is going to make or break your life. I just couldn't do it. I missed the vast majority of 5th and 6th year, but I was lucky my mam was understanding and she was happy enough for me to work away at my own pace at home. I didn't do all that well in the leaving, and I know if I was fine, anxiety wise, I was capable of more, but I got into college so it doesn't bother me. With college we have assignments during the year that go towards our final grades, and I've been lucky with the modules I've had so far that I haven't really had many exams at all.

UL is fabulous, I highly recommend it

taytobreath

College is way way better than school, trust me.

But you need to be an adult in college as there wont be any teacher there to bollock u about your absintism or tardiness.

Kitty6277

taytobreath wrote: »

College is way way better than school, trust me.

But you need to be an adult in college as there wont be any teacher there to bollock u about your absintism or tardiness.

The funny thing is, I've never had a problem getting up for college the way I did with school. Obviously there's the odd day when I couldn't be arsed and make the executive decision to stay home, but they're few and far between. I think for me, the independence suits me.

Of course there's others who'd feel differently.

Shpud2

Kitty6277 wrote: »

It's crazy to think that the schools are back so soon, the summer absolutely flew!

Yeah, it wasn't really the social stuff for me, I think it was basically that we were always put under so much pressure to do well the leaving, and absolutely everything lead to that one exam and that it was basically like this one thing is going to make or break your life. I just couldn't do it. I missed the vast majority of 5th and 6th year, but I was lucky my mam was understanding and she was happy enough for me to work away at my own pace at home. I didn't do all that well in the leaving, and I know if I was fine, anxiety wise, I was capable of more, but I got into college so it doesn't bother me. With college we have assignments during the year that go towards our final grades, and I've been lucky with the modules I've had so far that I haven't really had many exams at all.

UL is fabulous, I highly recommend it

Yeah the summer went pretty fast although on the quiet days you'd be wanting school back quicker.
I get what you mean about the pressure of the leaving. I used to be pretty bad with worrying about it but now I'm just okay with whatever. It will be a huge ask for me to get the points i need so I'm not too worried if i fail if that makes sense.
I love UL and I'm set on going there no matter what happens

Shpud2

taytobreath wrote: »

College is way way better than school, trust me.

But you need to be an adult in college as there wont be any teacher there to bollock u about your absintism or tardiness.

I'm fine in that regard as I have no problem getting up for school. Especially in my case when i get dropped off around 7:45 and school doesn't start until 9 so I'm in that sort of rhythm.