Hard to handle life right now.

KingMonkey

bear1 wrote: »

I'm sorry this thread depressed you.
I hope that I have not ruined your life cause of this. If you need some support just let me know.
God forbid you ever go through what I am and if you don't want to read the thread then don't enter it.
Simple isn't it.

Don't worry u haven't depressed me chap i was just merely stating an opinion...i feel that the subject matter is depressing and the AH forum is generally for light hearted upbeat material which this most def isn't

i think some form of counselling would be better for u right now

all the best

Lucyfur

KingMonkey wrote: »

Don't worry u haven't depressed me chap i was just merely stating an opinion...i feel that the subject matter is depressing and the AH forum is generally for light hearted upbeat material which this most def isn't

i think some form of counselling would be better for u right now

all the best

AH has helped many, many people going through sh1t and hopefully always will.

RobertKK

AH is a good place to talk about life, most of the time people post about minor things, sometimes very serious, but if people are getting something off their chest, then it can be a great help, as people on AH are generally really good people and genuine in their response when the subject is a something serious.
Every decent person wants the news to be good, but life can be cruel and sometimes what we hope for doesn't materialise.
But it is better to have someone posting about it rather than bottling it up and it is being human. A problem shared is a problem halved is the saying, but a problem shared can show one doesn't have to be alone in their time of need.
We all wish the news was better.

Penny Tration

KingMonkey wrote: »

Don't worry u haven't depressed me chap i was just merely stating an opinion...i feel that the subject matter is depressing and the AH forum is generally for light hearted upbeat material which this most def isn't

i think some form of counselling would be better for u right now

all the best

AH has hosted many, many serious topics by members in need of someone to talk to.

And that's the wonderful thing about this forum. For all we may take the piss and argue with each other, the vast majority of us actually care when someone needs some support.


Youre literally the only one to post here and not be supportive, that should tell you something.


Bear, you and your family are still in my thoughts.

Metric Tensor

Nothing I can say to help but thinking of you and your family bear.

bear1

Thanks all.
Regardless what some poster thinks I'm very happy with how the posts here have helped me look at things in a different way. Especially at the beginning.
So again I and my wife thank you all.

Gael23

There isn't a lot I can say that hasn't been said already but never be afraid to ask for help. Most of not all maternity doctors and midwives will be equipped to deal with these sort of things and will offer you more expert advice, or even just your GP to talk things over

JanaMay

Thinking of you and your family.

bear1

I'll update this now as things have come to an end.
My wife had an update scan this morning which revealed the baby had no heart beat.
Repeated attempts to find one were unsuccessful.
We are going to the hospital now where the process of removing the child will begin and I suppose we begin our healing process.
I do have the what if thoughts and it's true when they say you are your own worst enemy because you just can't switch your thoughts off.
In a way I guess I'm slightly relieved that the child won't suffer (as cruel as that sounds) and that we can start getting back on track with our lives.
Not much else I can say really.

Winterlong

Jesus Bear1. So sorry to hear that. Thoughts with you and your wife.

KERSPLAT!

All the best to you both

buried

Yeah sorry to hear that B. Stay strong together and all the best

Cee-Jay-Cee

Not nice to say but possibly the best outcome for both you and your wife and the baby. It's natures way and wasnt to be this time. I hope you and your wife and your other child can now have some much needed time to yourselves without the worry and stress of previous.

vicwatson

KingMonkey wrote: »

Don't worry u haven't depressed me chap i was just merely stating an opinion...i feel that the subject matter is depressing and the AH forum is generally for light hearted upbeat material which this most def isn't

i think some form of counselling would be better for u right now

all the best

Oh jog on FFS

vicwatson

bear1 wrote: »

I'll update this now as things have come to an end.
My wife had an update scan this morning which revealed the baby had no heart beat.
Repeated attempts to find one were unsuccessful.
We are going to the hospital now where the process of removing the child will begin and I suppose we begin our healing process.
I do have the what if thoughts and it's true when they say you are your own worst enemy because you just can't switch your thoughts off.
In a way I guess I'm slightly relieved that the child won't suffer (as cruel as that sounds) and that we can start getting back on track with our lives.
Not much else I can say really.

Very tough times for you and family, but, and there is always a but, things will get brighter and better, not all the time, but there will be a lot more happiness than sadness into the future.

bear1

bear1 wrote: »

I'll update this now as things have come to an end.
My wife had an update scan this morning which revealed the baby had no heart beat.
Repeated attempts to find one were unsuccessful.
We are going to the hospital now where the process of removing the child will begin and I suppose we begin our healing process.
I do have the what if thoughts and it's true when they say you are your own worst enemy because you just can't switch your thoughts off.
In a way I guess I'm slightly relieved that the child won't suffer (as cruel as that sounds) and that we can start getting back on track with our lives.
Not much else I can say really.

Very sorry for your loss and what you and your wife are going through at the moment. My own sisters first pregnancy was a stillborn back in 2002 very sadly. Its hard to make sense of what kind of fate would deny the child the chance to live but i suppose it gives an appreciation of the gift that is life and how fragile it is every second from conception to death.

My sister later had 3 kids after that tragedy and it makes her appreciate and treasure what she has all the more. I wish you and yours well

minibear

bear1 I am so sorry to read your update today. I don't know if you'll have time to be checking in here in the coming hours and days but i'll say this anyway. I have walked in your shoes, except I was the mammy. Our son made it to full term and died during the birth. We knew from half way through the pregnancy that the outcome was at best, that we would have a minutes/hours or maybe days with him. But that was not to be.

I had registered with A Little Lifetime online forum and I got such massive support and advice from the members there. One thing that i can't stress highly enough (and it is sometimes a difficult thing for others to understand) : take photographs of your little one, hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. Take time to hold them, bath them, bring them home if you wish, to spend a night together in the family home before the funeral. Take photos of them with you and your wife, with your daughter, in your home.

It is hard for other people to get their heads around this, but other people usually have a lifetime to photograph their children as they grow up and we don't have that luxury. It could be years before you feel able to look at the photos but you know they are there when you want to see your baby. Back the photos up as soon as possible to as many locations as possible.

You should have the support of the bereavement midwife and she/he will give you all the information you need with regard to what happens now. You should also have access to counselling (at any time) through the bereavement midwife. use it if you need to.

Take all and any offers of help from friends and family for as long as you need it. Don't be pushed into doing anything you're not comfortable with, with regard to the funeral arrangements. If you want it to be just yourself and your wife then that decision should be respected by all involved.

I hope you are treated well in the hospital over the coming days.

You and your family will get through this. In time you will learn to smile and laugh again. But things will always be different and you will always be a parent whose little baby died. In the early days you will cry and cry and then one day you won't, and then it might be a week before you cry and then after a few years some little thing could have you in tears all over again but that's ok too.

My own son's anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks, it's been six years since we met him and lost him.

Be gentle with each other and i wish you the best. If you ever need to contact me with any questions I'd do my best to help.

minibear

PS, just typing my username reminded me. Many parents buy two identical sets of teddies, babygrows and blankets. One set we dress our child in after the birth and keep the little teddy with them and then before the funeral we swap them over. It brings so much comfort in the days months and years afterwards to have something that was part of their little lives.

me_right_one

God thats so sad Bear, I'm so sorry for you all. Thinking and praying for you.

Lucyfur

Sending you love, Bear1

You too, minibear.

Counting my blessings here. I can't imagine the pain.

JupiterKid

Very sorry to hear that sad news bear.

As bleak as things look right now, and I'm sure they do for you, remember that you have people that love and support you and your wife and you will get through this. Life will eventually get better and you will be able to put this tragic setback in perspective.

Take care and keep us updated. We are all rooting for you!:)

IrishZeus

Terrible news bear and genuinely sorry to hear the outcome. But as others have said, stick together and ye will come through this and probably be stronger for it. There's a long and happy road ahead I'm sure, even its hard to see that right now.

jimgoose

Jesus Bear, only seeing this now. I'm so sorry for all your trouble. My very best to you, Mrs. Bear and poor departed Baby Bear.

La.de.da

Thoughts are with you. No other words.
Take care xx

xzanti

Thinking of you and your family Bear. I hope you can find comfort someday soon.

RIP little baby Bear X

Neyite

Bear, I am so sorry for your loss.

If your wife is getting her medical care in UHG then the bereavement counsellor you'll likely get referred to is a really excellent one.

Thinking of you both today

HS3

Bear, I'm very sorry to read about your little guy. What a harrowing time you and your wife have been through. Be good to each other. And talk to each other. No one knows the pain you're going through better than each other.

Mini Bear *massive hugs* what a lovely post xx

_Whimsical_

Aww... so, so sad to read this news. I've often wondered how you got on.
Condolences to you and your wife, you've both been through hell. I wish ye every possible comfort and support in the days and weeks ahead.

We had a conversation on miscarriage/loss of a child during pregnancy in anyway over on The Gentleman's Lounge a few weeks ago. Lots of men shared their experiences and talked about how men don't get to air their story of this very often and don't get as much support as they might.
Maybe someday in the future it might help to look through, make you feel there's others out there who know where you're at? Maybe not too, but the link is here anyway in case you feel like it in time to come. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057647752

For now, thinking of you both. < 3

JustAThought

Mr Bear, I am so sorry to read of your terrible situation and loss - please accept my condolences to you and your wife on your very sad loss and tragic bereavement. Rest in Peace little baby bear.

Perhaps the most profoundly moving thread I've read on AH.

It renders all the others, the topics, opinions, squabbles, abuse so...petty. It's a jarring reminder that behind all the posts and hot air about frivolous topics, there are real people with real lives, some with real problems. I don't know how I could process the grief the OP is going through.

Perhaps the most profoundly moving thread I've read on AH.

It renders all the others, the topics, opinions, squabbles, abuse so...petty. It's a jarring reminder that behind all the posts and hot air about frivolous topics, there are real people with real lives, some with real problems. I don't know how I could process the grief the OP is going through.