Hard to handle life right now.

cbyrd

Devastating news for your family. I'm so sorry. Take care of yourselves.

me_right_one

Hi again Bear.

I realise that this is a horrible time, but if my story can help in any way...well I just hope it can.

A close friend of mine had troulbe conceiving. He and his wife were desperate for a baby. They had IVF treatment, which was successful. Too successful! My friends wife ended up conceiving triplets. Now, as if that wasnt going to be enough trouble, one of the triplets had a condition known as gastroschisis. Basically, her stomach was outside her body.

The doctors gave all three little chance. Even if they survived birth, they said that the affected baby would probably not live long, and that it would be unlikely my friends wife would come out unscathed either. Thankfully however, the babies were delivered by c-section at 28 weeks. Not only did all three survive, and my friends wife was ok, but the vulnerable child made a full recovery. It took several operations, and yes, there will be issues later in life, but thank God they are all ok. All three are now 2 years old, and they are thriving like any other babies, without any major problems.

My friend went through similar life circumstances to yourself. He had a great career, which he sacrificed to take care of his family. His wife got plunged from being a newlywed pining for a baby, to being a mom of three, with one needing special care in her early years. They had just finished building a house which is now up for sale, as they had to adjust to a more frugal lifestyle at a shocking sharp pace. Their lives will never be the same. But the most important thing is that everybody in their family is well.

So its do-able! If they can do it with triplets, anybody can! When your child is born, be it naturally or with intervention, your duty is to give her every chance. You will be looking back on all this on her 1st birthday with relief. And you will be laughing at her 18th birthday, and wistfully reminiscing on her wedding day! Feck all the other troubles in life, so-what if you take up smoking, so-what if the bank starts sending snotty letters! Feck them! Right now, your only option is to fight for the family you love, especially your vulnerable little one. Thats the only thing that matters.

And buddy, if you or your family need any sort of help (practical, financial, whatever), click the PM button. Thats one thing I love about Boards. You are not alone.

Glass fused light

Bear1 I am so sorry to hear the results.

bear1 wrote: »

I'm sorry to my wife for this and wish I could give her the news she wants to hear but I'm just.. speechless I guess.

Simply lost.

I have never faced such devastating news but I find thinking about the words of the serenity prayer help me accept that some things are beyond my control.

"grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference"

What is happening with/to your child is so beyond your or your wife's control.
So I wish for serenity for both you and your wife.

On a practical level, your medical advisors should be able to provide the contacts for counselling and support services. I think they might be able to provide a lot more detailed and specific advice, backed by expertise and experience.

happyoutscan

Keep going bear and keep that head up! Thinking of you man.

HS3

Aw Bear, so sorry to read the update. Take care of yourself and your wife. What an awful thing to be told. Wishing you both all the very best.

whiskeyman

Many peoples thoughts and best wishes are with you Bear.
You both will get through this, although it seems impossible right now.
Look after yourself and each other.

Specialun

Gutted for you bear.

Summer wind

Hi Bear1 I'm so sorry to hear of the update of your little baby. Just remember at the moment your little baby is safe as can be and I really hope that you and your wife will get better news from your medical team next week. Please don't give up hope. Give your wife and your bigger baby lots of hugs and we are all wishing for the very best for you all.

bear1

I'll update this as it's been a while.
Our news gets from bad to worse at this stage.
The child has again been given a 0% survival rate after more abnormalities were discovered.
My wife is again devastating.
It appears now that the child can die at any point but more than likey it will make it to birth where it will eventually die.
I've been off work now for a while which seems to be worse as I've nothing to take my mind off of things.
Our other child is luckily keeping us smiling but if it wasn't for her I think we would have collapsed.
The thought now that I'll never see him or her walk, say it's first words, first day at school is breaking my heart over and over.
The only thing that is certain is that I'll be burying my child within the next 6 months.
If you have kids then I'd recommend hugging them cause as annoying or as much of a pain in the ass they can be they are just utter joys.

Penny Tration

*hug* I'm so, so sorry mate. There's really nothing else I can say. Be kind to yourselves x

Lollipops23

Oh Bear I'm so sorry. There are no words that will make it all better, so I won't patronise you by trying. You, your wife and your two babies are in my thoughts. Take care of each other and yourself X

Glass fused light

Bear I am truly sorry to hear your news,  I had been thinking of you this morning and hoping that no news was good news, so that the results would be good.  Please be kind to yourself and your wife. And hug your other child. If you have not got it already, ask for a referral to a support group and a grief counselling. There's really nothing else I can say except sorry.

cbyrd

I'm so sad for you and your wife. Words mean very little in the midst of tragedy but we say them anyway.
Take care of yourselves. xx

volchitsa

I'm so sorry to hear that, Bear. Life can really suck sometimes.
Thinking of you all.

bear1

Thanks all. I wish I could add more or anything remotely positive but I just can't.
Your posts really help.

I don't have the words to express how sorry I am for all you're going through, Bear. You and your little family have been in my thoughts.

forestgirl

This is very sad and a really terrible time you are having,I'm very sorry to read it

La.de.da

Ye are in my thoughts OP. Take care x

HS3

My thoughts are with you and your wife. What a truly horrible turn of events. The poor little mite too. xx

me_right_one

bear1 wrote: »

The child has again been given a 0% survival rate after more abnormalities were discovered.
My wife is again devastating.
It appears now that the child can die at any point but more than likey it will make it to birth where it will eventually die.
I've been off work now for a while which seems to be worse as I've nothing to take my mind off of things.
Our other child is luckily keeping us smiling but if it wasn't for her I think we would have collapsed.
The thought now that I'll never see him or her walk, say it's first words, first day at school is breaking my heart over and over.
The only thing that is certain is that I'll be burying my child within the next 6 months.

So sorry to hear this Bear. At least she has a loving Dad and a brave Mum. I hope if she lives for a few days, at least you all will have time to bond and your baby will feel your love for her. Babies funeral services are always the most heartbreaking, but in a way, I think they are the most beautiful. Nobody deserves to be terminally ill, least of all a child. Thinking of you all.

zoe 3619

Thinking of you bear.don't really know what to say..would give you a hug if i could.

zoe 3619

Thinking of you bear.don't really know what to say..would give you a hug if i could.

mansize

Take care and hoping you get all the help and support you need. Xxx

KingMonkey

most depressing thread ever

mailforkev

KingMonkey wrote: »

most depressing thread ever

I disagree, the fact that so many strangers can rally around bear to help him through his terrible news is quite uplifting to be honest.

Summer wind

Hi Bear1 I'm so very sorry to hear this news. It's absolutely heartbreaking. We are all thinking of you.

bear1

bear1 wrote: »

........... I wish I could add more or anything remotely positive but I just can't..............

You are in a devastating situation.

My folks lost their first 2 kids as infants, I don't think they ever really got over it and I'm 36. One of my best friends lost his firstborn as an infant too and he also never got over it, and I say that as someone who became his buddy quite a few years after he and his wife had that tragedy. They pottered on though..... good times and bad times.

You and your wife will always think of this baby as your second child so there will always be sorrow and a huge void going forward but so too there will always be the love ye have for this baby.

I can only presume there is some form of counselling or something along those lines that is/will be made available to you and your wife.... do take this up even if you feel you don't want to.

I have no kids so cannot at all imagine what you are feeling or going through but don't think to yourself that you are not handling this well or anything..... don't shut yourself off from the wife or try to be the pillar of strenght, you can support your wife while not hiding you are in bits.

bear1

KingMonkey wrote: »

most depressing thread ever

I'm sorry this thread depressed you.
I hope that I have not ruined your life cause of this. If you need some support just let me know.
God forbid you ever go through what I am and if you don't want to read the thread then don't enter it.
Simple isn't it.

IrishZeus

Bear,

Sorry to hear the update. Nothing anybody says will make you feel better and you have a tough time ahead. I can't imagine anything harder to go through.

All I would say is, look to the future. Whilst this time may never leave you, you'll still have your wife and your first child. They will lean on you and you will lean on them and you will all come out the other end of this as stronger people.

You have countless years ahead of being a husband and a father and all the joys that come with that. Remind yourself of that as often as you can - always, always try to remember the positives and hopefully they will help you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

As unimaginably hard as it is, this time will pass and you and your family will be ok.