Baby screaming in restaurant

Speedwell

Keane2baMused wrote: »

My son has autism and so often he can find it really difficult to sit still and not make noise but if he does make too much noise or starts jumping around I will do my best to correct him and get him to sit nicely. Doesn't always work and if I think things will kick off then I leave! But at the same time if I can't actually bring him out in the world to learn the skills we all need to learn at some stage what's the point?

Dude, I have Asperger's so I am so in sympathy with both you and your boy. Screaming kids in restaurants literally put me in fight-or-flight mode. But over a lifetime of having to construct intellectually and out of whole cloth social skills that come naturally and instinctively to neurotypical people, I have learned to talk my monkey-brain back down out of the tree and tell it, "that child is just having a hard time and this is a temporary thing". It probably helps that I'm female; Asperger's reportedly doesn't hit girls quite as hard in the social direction, which is why it is often overlooked. If your son is high-functioning, he will learn eventually, and you are right to take him out. My husband is high-functioning autistic (flapping hands as a child and all) and I manage to take him out places OK. When he feels like going out, lol.

ChunkyLover54

Depends on how loud the child is. If the child is shrieking at an obnoxious level, I would politely tell the father to have some consideration for the other people present - regardless of the type of the establishment.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

That's another good point.
What if your child kicking off and expressing themselves is upsetting or aggravating the senses of an autistic child?

EazyD

I blame the parents solely in such scenarios. After all, kids are generally noisy whether happy or upset. I had one experience on an Aer Lingus flight where the toddler of the parents in front of me was restless and noisy for the duration of a 3 hour flight.

Not an issue as one could expect such but maybe half an hour before landing the child dunked a whole cup of tomato juice over me that the father had handed him. Hair/ Clothes saturated, bag etc. Of course I was unhappy but these things happen.

What really pissed me off was the lack of reaction or even shred of an apology from the parents for the inconvenience. Literally no acknowledgment. When I suggested such, the parents went off at me. It's this attitude with parents that really gets me. We appreciate you can do very little given the circumstances but at least show some mutual respect and consideration for others around you.

Speedwell

LexieOnRale wrote: »

That's another good point.
What if your child kicking off and expressing themselves is upsetting or aggravating the senses of an autistic child?

Honestly? That is also something an autistic child will need to learn skills to deal with. It will help a lot if neither child is forced unnecessarily to be in a place where they're not ready to cope.

wokingvoter

etoughguy wrote: »

The correct term is playing with / entertaining his child

He could play with or entertain his child in a way which didn't involve the baby screaming

Keane2baMused

LexieOnRale wrote: »

That's another good point.
What if your child kicking off and expressing themselves is upsetting or aggravating the senses of an autistic child?

I would bring my child to a calm place in that scenario. I genuinely wouldn't go over to the parent and ask them to put a cork in their babies mouth or else leave.

As Speedwell pointed out it's also a learning curve and de-sensitisation is really important for those on the spectrum.

That or ear defenders!!

Keane2baMused

Speedwell wrote: »

Dude, I have Asperger's so I am so in sympathy with both you and your boy. Screaming kids in restaurants literally put me in fight-or-flight mode. But over a lifetime of having to construct intellectually and out of whole cloth social skills that come naturally and instinctively to neurotypical people, I have learned to talk my monkey-brain back down out of the tree and tell it, "that child is just having a hard time and this is a temporary thing". It probably helps that I'm female; Asperger's reportedly doesn't hit girls quite as hard in the social direction, which is why it is often overlooked. If your son is high-functioning, he will learn eventually, and you are right to take him out. My husband is high-functioning autistic (flapping hands as a child and all) and I manage to take him out places OK. When he feels like going out, lol.

That's true!! That's also why so many females go undiagnosed until much later as they are essentially much better at masking their social deficits than their male counterparts.

Good to hear about the hubbie My ds has classic autism. Functions well in many areas and not so much in others.

He absolutely loves eating out and the whole experience of having a menu and telling the server what he would like (with a please and thank you!). It also pushes him to interact with people he doesn't know and encourages eye contact which are such important lessons, well for all children really not just those with ASD.

For me if I am lucky to get an evening (or lunch) out minus kids I would gravitate towards places that it's less likely there would be children! Just like those without kids we would feel that's our time to relax. However I wouldn't make an issue of it should there be a little whinger/ tantrum thrower/ giggler in the midst

cruizer101

Keane2baMused

Keane2baMused wrote: »

That's true!! That's also why so many females go undiagnosed until much later as they are essentially much better at masking their social deficits than their male counterparts.

Good to hear about the hubbie My ds has classic autism.

I am far more curious about the above abbreviation than the annoyance perceived or otherwise about a crying baby.

Ds. Why not just say "son"?

Keane2baMused

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I am far more curious about the above abbreviation than the annoyance perceived or otherwise about a crying baby.

Ds. Why not just say "son"?

Ds/dd/dp/dh. They're used on almost all of forums I have been on, habit by now!

Keane2baMused

Keane2baMused wrote: »

Ds/dd/dp/dh. They're used on almost all of forums I have been on, habit by now!

Dp is that dear pet?

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Dp is that dear pet?

Don't google it.


I've been caught with abbreviations before.:(

Keane2baMused

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Dp is that dear pet?

Dear partner as far as I know!! When I saw them first I didn't have a clue what people were on about!

HensVassal

Beatrice Inexpensive Staple wrote: »

I was in a restaurant at lunchtime yesterday with a couple of friends. A couple sitting near us had a small child in a high chair. The dad was playing a game where he hid behind a napkin and then peeped out and the baby would start shrieking with delight. This went on for about ten minutes and the screams were getting really ear piercing. Eventually a woman at a nearby table went over and said something and the father stopped but didn't look too happy about it.


One of my friends thought the woman was out of order but myself and other friend were grateful to her. Just wondering who you think was in the right? Would never have asked the dad to stop myself but the noise was really starting to get on my nerves.

Tough call. I was on a bus in Germany and there was a young man with a kid of about 2 or 3. There was obviuosly a really strong buddy bond between the two. Every so often the dad would lean into the little boy and say something and the lad would coil up into shrieks of infectious laughter to the point of coughing. After he recovered he'd repeat this mystery phrase to his dad and kick off again like a hyena. It was the most entertainment I experienced in a while. People standing couldn't stop rolling their eyes and laughing. Wish that bus trip was a little longer.

Candie

Candie wrote: »

Don't google it.

:pac:

I need to up my abbreviation game! Last night was dp night* Luckily I don't have a ds or a dd there to interrupt.



*But not really.

yabadabado

goz83 wrote: »

If the woman had approached me while I was entertaining my baby, I would have sternly told her where to go. How dare her. It was lunch time, not a romantic meal in a 5 star establishment. If you don't want to hear babies laughing/crying then don't go to places where they have high chairs.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

:pac:

I need to up my abbreviation game! Last night was dp night* Luckily I don't have a ds or a dd there to interrupt.



*But not really.

Heh, yeah!




*Not sure if understanding right, but pretends to anyway*

caille

Am I correct in saying that men's brains are wired slightly differently to women's in how they react to the sound of a baby's high pitched shrieking? I think I read this before, I am fairly tolerant of such noises when I am out but I have seen my husband/brother/male friends nearly clutching their heads if a baby is nearby shrieking away. I even saw it once in a queque waiting for a train, this man left it to go to the end of it as a shrieking baby was in front of him and he couldn't tolerate the noise (and said so as he was walking away, apologetically).

Think its up to management to sort out this, not another customer, I wouldn't have gone over, I would have most likely been following my husband to another table :-()

One eyed Jack

caille wrote: »

Am I correct in saying that men's brains are wired slightly differently to women's in how they react to the sound of a baby's high pitched shrieking? I think I read this before, I am fairly tolerant of such noises when I am out but I have seen my husband/brother/male friends nearly clutching their heads if a baby is nearby shrieking away. I even saw it once in a queque waiting for a train, this man left it to go to the end of it as a shrieking baby was in front of him and he couldn't tolerate the noise (and said so as he was walking away, apologetically).

Think its up to management to sort out this, not another customer, I wouldn't have gone over, I would have most likely been following my husband to another table :-()

I dunno, it's probably more to do with what you're used to or have experience with as opposed to what way your brain may be wired. I also never get the "as a parent" stuff in these kind of threads, as though someone who isn't a parent could have less or no experience with children. The fact someone is a parent doesn't make their point any more valid when the issue is an adult who is making a nuisance of themselves in a restaurant.

Speedwell

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I dunno, it's probably more to do with what you're used to or have experience with as opposed to what way your brain may be wired. I also never get the "as a parent" stuff in these kind of threads, as though someone who isn't a parent could have less or no experience with children. The fact someone is a parent doesn't make their point any more valid when the issue is an adult who is making a nuisance of themselves in a restaurant.

I agree. My brain is wired differently from most women's, but from what I have heard and seen from mothers close to me, women react even more strongly than men (for example, one of my friends was a professional foster mother for an adoption agency who was able to breastfeed the foster babies, and she said that hearing the crying of a new foster baby usually triggered a milk letdown). Babies' cries evolved to get your attention RIGHT NOW and make you want to do something to make the baby stop RIGHT NOW. I really think that it's just more permissible for men to show their irritation. Women showing the same level of irritation would be looked at as potentially or actually poor mothers.

thattequilagirl

It does depend on the type of place.

I'd be really disappointed if I went to a nice restaurant for lunch and there was a baby making a huge amount of noise the whole time. I mean, you choose a restaurant not just for the food but for the ambience.

I probably wouldn't say anything, but I would hope parents would be considerate to fellow diners.

As others have said, the odd shriek or squeal is to be expected, but if the baby is bawling for ages it's not really fair to either the baby or the other diners to stay.

pragmatic1

A happy, laughing baby wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Kids running around having the craic also wouldn't bother me.

The noise of a kid/baby screaming crying is one of the most piercing sounds going. I can tolerate it for a while but after a few minutes it's too much.

screamer

I think the attitude towards babies, children and families in general in restaurants in Ireland is disgusting. Treated like a parriah because a baby can't be silenced...... cop on. If you want to eat in a child free zone then ask the restaurant what is their policy before sitting down.
Honestly I've seen grown adults behave obnoxiously after one too many glasses of wine or rudely talking so loud on a phone the whole place knows their business or laughing like a high pitched hyena and no one says anything. But then again it's easy to single out a baby......
Pathetic.

MonkieSocks

osarusan wrote: »

Can we execute everybody in the restaurant?

Is this you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOoBomvuYnw

thattequilagirl

screamer wrote: »

I think the attitude towards babies, children and families in general in restaurants in Ireland is disgusting. Treated like a parriah because a baby can't be silenced...... cop on. If you want to eat in a child free zone then ask the restaurant what is their policy before sitting down.
Honestly I've seen grown adults behave obnoxiously after one too many glasses of wine or rudely talking so loud on a phone the whole place knows their business or laughing like a high pitched hyena and no one says anything. But then again it's easy to single out a baby......
Pathetic.

Nobody is objecting to kids being in a restaurant. The point is, if an infant is bawling (s)he obviously isn't having a good time, the parents will struggle to have a good time and the other diners nearby won't have a good time.

So who actually benefits in your scenario?

One eyed Jack

screamer wrote: »

...

Apt username at least

alan partridge aha

screamer wrote: »

I think the attitude towards babies, children and families in general in restaurants in Ireland is disgusting. Treated like a parriah because a baby can't be silenced...... cop on. If you want to eat in a child free zone then ask the restaurant what is their policy before sitting down.
Honestly I've seen grown adults behave obnoxiously after one too many glasses of wine or rudely talking so loud on a phone the whole place knows their business or laughing like a high pitched hyena and no one says anything. But then again it's easy to single out a baby......
Pathetic.

They don't single out the baby, the tell the parents the cop on and control the child. I think people are more inclined to tell someone to quite down if they are noisy rather than tell parents to control their child.

I'd expect parents to have a bit of cop on if their child is making excessive noise. Not everybody loves your child.

wokingvoter

screamer wrote: »

I think the attitude towards babies, children and families in general in restaurants in Ireland is disgusting. Treated like a parriah because a baby can't be silenced...... cop on. If you want to eat in a child free zone then ask the restaurant what is their policy before sitting down.
Honestly I've seen grown adults behave obnoxiously after one too many glasses of wine or rudely talking so loud on a phone the whole place knows their business or laughing like a high pitched hyena and no one says anything. But then again it's easy to single out a baby......
Pathetic.

Ok. I've gone to an eating house on my one hour lunch break
I've been seated beside you and your baby
You've had your food and now your enjoying your coffee and your playing peek a boo with your baby and she's shrieking with delight as described by the OP
I really wanted to listen to the News at One on my headphones but your shrieking baby means I can't hear.
So I plug out the headphones and just turn up the volume on my iPhone to max and place it on the table so I can listen and eat
Now your baby is crying because the radio is so loud.
Is that ok?

screamer

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Nobody is objecting to kids being in a restaurant. The point is, if an infant is bawling (s)he obviously isn't having a good time, the parents will struggle to have a good time and the other diners nearby won't have a good time.

So who actually benefits in your scenario?

And do you think that parents want their child to cry and be upset? have you ever been on the receiving end of a nosy old busy body giving you daggers or smart comments? If not let me tell you the last thing you need is some busy body coming to your table telling you to keep it down. Babies don't have volume switches in case you don't know.