Question for the boys - to pay or not to pay?

TheBeardedLady

For as long as I remember, I've always gone halves on first dates to the point of fretting too much about it on dates (for reasons outlined here) and probably ruining the romantic buzz a bit for some guys. I've always taken turns on any dates I've gone out on with exes/people I was seeing. I'd be very conscious about not coming off as a princess type and would always want to make it very clear from the very start how I would like things to stand; to set a precedent from the beginning.

When I moved to this country first, I was seeing quite a well-known man here for a while who obviously had money (first man with money I've ever gone out with - and it's looking like he was the last as well!). At that time I was living off about 700 Euro a month and was really, really broke. He was bemused that I insisted on going halves even then, particularly when we weren't going to very cheap places to eat and culturally, men would pay for dates here (according to people I've talked to). When I look back now, I think I went too far in my quest to be seen as equal/not the princess type and was probably overly concerned that he might see me as only being with him for his money when I should've relented the odd time when he insisted.

I'd be more relaxed about it now and if the man was broke, I'd pay and vice versa and we could get each other back whenever we could but would try and keep it equal as much as possible, just not be so obsessive about it.

JohnMearsheimer

When myself and my girlfriend first started seeing each other we paid for our own food, drinks, cinema etc. Within reason I would not have minded paying for these things but I think my girlfriend would have felt awkward about me paying for everything. We've been together now for over 2 and a half years so we take turns paying for things. There is no rhythm to it and we don't especially keep track either. Out of the blue my girlfriend will say I'll get this and I'd do the same.

My friend took a girl out he met on Tinder recently and paid over €100 for dinner. She suggested the restaurant. I thought spending €50 on someone, especially a Tinder date, was too much for a first date. I know my girlfriend would not have been comfortable if I spent that much on a first date with her. They didn't even go on a second date after the restaurant.

riveratom

JohnMearsheimer wrote: »

My friend took a girl out he met on Tinder recently and paid over €100 for dinner. She suggested the restaurant. I thought spending €50 on someone, especially a Tinder date, was too much for a first date. I know my girlfriend would not have been comfortable if I spent that much on a first date with her. They didn't even go on a second date after the restaurant.

Seriously, who goes to a restaurant on a first date? Just go for a few pints, get every second drink, and see how you both get on!

py2006

Yea I don't get the restaurant on the first date thing. Unless this is somebody you know beforehand like a work colleague and you are mad about them. If its a blind date or a internet date then no way.

A coffee or a drink and a chat.

JohnMearsheimer

riveratom wrote: »

Seriously, who goes to a restaurant on a first date? Just go for a few pints, get every second drink, and see how you both get on!

I know, that's exactly what I said to him as well. I think this girl was a nurse as well. I don't think she would have been struggling financially and to expect my buddy to pay for such an expensive dinner on a first date....well I think he was better off without her.

riveratom

JohnMearsheimer wrote: »

I know, that's exactly what I said to him as well. I think this girl was a nurse as well. I don't think she would have been struggling financially and to expect my buddy to pay for such an expensive dinner on a first date....well I think he was better off without her.

Yeah that is crazy. Plus the way she possibly looks at it, she doesn't lose out as she either meets someone she likes, or gets a nice fancy meal out of it!

fergie24

riveratom wrote: »

Yeah that is crazy. Plus the way she possibly looks at it, she doesn't lose out as she either meets someone she likes, or gets a nice fancy meal out of it!

My buddys female house mate uses dating apps/sites for exactly this. Expects the fancy restaurant, drinks and of course all paid for by the guy.

You'd be amazed how much of this kind of thing goes on.

ancapailldorcha

fergie24 wrote: »

My buddys female house mate uses dating apps/sites for exactly this. Expects the fancy restaurant, drinks and of course all paid for by the guy.

You'd be amazed how much of this kind of thing goes on.

And that's my depressing fact of the day sorted.