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Womens attitudes to previous sexual encounters see mod note post #1

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  • 11-07-2014 1:41pm
    #1
    h.bolla
    Registered Users Posts: 86 ✭✭


    Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

    I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

    I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

    After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

    Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

    But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

    I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

    This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

    Mod note from #469

    If anyone is unsure of what an acceptable standard of posting is then read the charter or pm me.
    Do not personalise the debate.
    Be respectful to other peoples opinions.
    Do not be a dick.
    No more backseat modding.
    Oh and refrain from using derogatory sexist language from here on.


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    #2
    newport2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,583 ✭✭✭newport2


    h.bolla wrote: »
    Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

    I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

    I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

    After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

    Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

    But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

    I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

    This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

    If I loved her, then her past is history. End of story.


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    #3
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    h.bolla wrote: »
    Myself and my GF broke up a few months back and it happened after a discussion about another girl with a similar story to the Magaluf girl.

    I said something like 'no self respecting man will date the girl after this' and my GF defended her saying that shes young and drunk and what you do expect at that age.

    I replied by saying "you were young and did you ever do anything like that?". Then her face changed I knew something was up.

    After a lot of rowing she admitted she had a 6-some one night (her and 5 other men) along with a dozen or 3-somes over the years and has lost count on the amount of drunken one night stands shes had with randomers. Oh and for most of her teens right up to her mid 20's she has always had 1 or 2 friends with benefits at any given time most of them lasting for 3-4 months. She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

    Its not exactly the kinda image that sprang to mind when we first got together and told me she only ever had 2 boyfriends and I'd be her third.

    But alas, apparantly its none of my business what went on in her past, and if Im annoyed about her past then obviously I dont deserve her.

    I thought I just had the worst luck and was dating a right bitch and put it behind me and moved on. But then I was reading a few threads on here (in the personal issues section) and I noticed that quite a lot of women posters have the same attitude.

    This attitude really blows my mind. How do you gentlmen feel about the whole thing?

    What attitude? That some women enjoy sex and have different moral standards to you?

    That a woman who enjoys multiple partner sex is a right bitch? You don't see anything wrong with THAT attitude?


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    #4
    Luke92
    Registered Users Posts: 723 ✭✭✭Luke92


    Well to be honest I wouldn't go out with a girl that's had over 500 sexual partners.

    Ya wouldn't buy a well used flesh light that's for sure!


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    #5
    quadrifoglio verde
    Registered Users Posts: 3,670 ✭✭✭quadrifoglio verde


    Op would you judge a man any different?


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    #6
    h.bolla
    Registered Users Posts: 86 ✭✭h.bolla


    username123 wrote: »
    What attitude?

    Emmm.... the attitude that we had to have an absolute blazing row with her smashing the place before she finally admitted that there was a possiblity that I may not be her third sexual partner? That attitude maybe.

    If its such a non-issue why does she get uppety about it?

    username123 wrote: »
    That a woman who enjoys multiple partner sex is a right bitch? You don't see anything wrong with THAT attitude?

    Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

    I thought she was a bitch for letting me date her for years and never once felt the need to tell me about the 500 other guys she slept with.


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    What she did before you - doesnt really have anything to do with you.

    If I truly loved someone their past wouldnt matter to me.


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    #8
    newport2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,583 ✭✭✭newport2


    Luke92 wrote: »
    Well to be honest I wouldn't go out with a girl that's had over 500 sexual partners.

    Ya wouldn't buy a well used flesh light that's for sure!

    You probably wouldn't be good enough to keep someone that experienced happy in bed, so just as well.


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    #9
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    h.bolla wrote: »
    Emmm.... the attitude that we had to have an absolute blazing row with her smashing the place before she finally admitted that there was a possiblity that I may not be her third sexual partner? That attitude maybe.

    If its such a non-issue why does she get uppety about it?




    Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

    I thought she was a bitch for letting me date her for years and never once felt the need to tell me about the 500 other guys she slept with.

    Why would she tell you how many people she'd slept with before you? What she did in her past is none of your business, frankly. It doesn't make her a bitch.

    I'd imagine the reason she got 'uppity' about it may be because you were berating someone for being promiscuous?


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    #10
    newport2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,583 ✭✭✭newport2


    h.bolla wrote: »
    Emmm.... the attitude that we had to have an absolute blazing row with her smashing the place before she finally admitted that there was a possiblity that I may not be her third sexual partner? That attitude maybe.

    If its such a non-issue why does she get uppety about it?

    Perhaps she suspected you'd start a thread online about it?


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    #11
    h.bolla
    Registered Users Posts: 86 ✭✭h.bolla


    quadrifoglio verde wrote: »
    Op would you judge a man any different?

    No. Im not judging the woman or the man.


    What Im getting at is this. I dont care if you are a man or woman. You shouldnt sleep around, have over 500 partners and then when your partner finds out and is taken back about it you tell them "go F yourself, you dont deserve me if you cant handle my past"


    yeh... i probably could have handled your past.... but if your deliberatly going out of your way to keep 500 sexual partners a secret....


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    #12
    auldgranny
    Registered Users Posts: 909 ✭✭✭auldgranny


    Promiscuous is one thing but over 500 partners is beyond that


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    h.bolla wrote: »
    No. Im not judging the woman or the man.


    What Im getting at is this. I dont care if you are a man or woman. You shouldnt sleep around, have over 500 partners and then when your partner finds out and is taken back about it you tell them "go F yourself, you dont deserve me if you cant handle my past"


    yeh... i probably could have handled your past.... but if your deliberatly going out of your way to keep 500 sexual partners a secret....

    But she wasnt obliged to tell you about HER past! Same way you werent obliged to tell her about yours!!


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    #14
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    h.bolla wrote: »
    Emmm.... the attitude that we had to have an absolute blazing row with her smashing the place before she finally admitted that there was a possiblity that I may not be her third sexual partner? That attitude maybe.

    If its such a non-issue why does she get uppety about it?

    But clearly its a huge issue for you - so why would she tell you? Given the attitude you are displaying here is it not clear to you why she didnt tell you?

    Why do you use words like "uppety" (sp) to describe it? You have an attitude to her past, she has an attitude to her past, maybe its you who is uppity?
    h.bolla wrote: »
    Now you're just putting words in my mouth.

    I thought she was a bitch for letting me date her for years and never once felt the need to tell me about the 500 other guys she slept with.

    Oh Im sorry, so she isnt a right bitch because she had sex with 500 men, but just because she didnt tell you about it. Its still not ok to call her a right bitch for that. Her past sexual history is her own business.

    You just come across as sexist, misogynistic and insecure sexually with how you are speaking about your ex.

    Incidentally physically violence is never ok so if she was smashing the place up that is a far bigger reason to break up than her past sexual history.


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    #15
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    h.bolla wrote: »
    What Im getting at is this. I dont care if you are a man or woman. You shouldnt sleep around, have over 500 partners and then when your partner finds out and is taken back about it you tell them "go F yourself, you dont deserve me if you cant handle my past"

    So people shouldnt sleep around?

    Or people shouldnt sleep around and not tell you?

    Or people shouldnt sleep around and not tell you but then if you do find out they should be nicer about it?


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    #16
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I don't like liars so that would be an issue for me. Not the 500 previous partners. I'd wonder why someone felt they had to keep that a secret, like do they judge themselves for it or feel it makes them less attractive of a partner. Personally I don't care what has gone before me once its legal and safe and all that but lie to me and its a different story. It would make me wonder what else you might be lying about.


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    #17
    newport2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,583 ✭✭✭newport2


    auldgranny wrote: »
    Promiscuous is one thing but over 500 partners is beyond that

    A bit hard to believe to be honest.

    A different partner every week for 10 years on the trot? With threesomes, orgies, friends with benefits, boyfriends on the side?

    Did she have time for work?


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    #18
    Buzz Killington the third
    Closed Accounts Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Buzz Killington the third


    It's always easy to just say the past is the past but in reality, finding out that you're dating someone who has been that promiscuous would end in trust issues. It happened to a friend of mine who was dating a girl for a while before he found out about her past sexual experiences. It completely changed his view of her and get very paranoid if she didn't want sex. He never let it become an argument but was constantly thinking about how much she had before him, and that if she didn't want it from him then she must have been getting it somewhere else. He just ended it because it got too much for him.


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    #19
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Buzz Killington the third wrote: »
    It's always easy to just say the past is the past but in reality, finding out that you're dating someone who has been that promiscuous would end in trust issues. It happened to a friend of mine who was dating a girl for a while before he found out about her past sexual experiences. It completely changed his view of her and get very paranoid if she didn't want sex. He never let it become an argument but was constantly thinking about how much she had before him, and that if she didn't want it from him then she must have been getting it somewhere else. He just ended it because it got too much for him.

    that's his problem though not hers


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    #20
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    eviltwin wrote: »
    that's his problem though not hers

    This.

    My boyfriend has slept with over 10 times my number, but I don't care. He's with me because he loves me. Why would you judge somebody for sex when they don't judge you?


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    #21
    newport2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,583 ✭✭✭newport2


    Buzz Killington the third wrote: »
    It's always easy to just say the past is the past but in reality, finding out that you're dating someone who has been that promiscuous would end in trust issues. It happened to a friend of mine who was dating a girl for a while before he found out about her past sexual experiences. It completely changed his view of her and get very paranoid if she didn't want sex. He never let it become an argument but was constantly thinking about how much she had before him, and that if she didn't want it from him then she must have been getting it somewhere else. He just ended it because it got too much for him.

    And people wonder why some women keep it a secret? Because some men can't handle the truth.

    I mean FFS, he's thinking she's cheating on him because she enjoyed a lot of sex before she met him? Huge leap here, no?


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    #22
    Buzz Killington the third
    Closed Accounts Posts: 938 ✭✭✭Buzz Killington the third


    eviltwin wrote: »
    that's his problem though not hers

    I never said it was hers!


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    #23
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I don't like liars so that would be an issue for me. Not the 500 previous partners. I'd wonder why someone felt they had to keep that a secret, like do they judge themselves for it or feel it makes them less attractive of a partner. Personally I don't care what has gone before me once its legal and safe and all that but lie to me and its a different story. It would make me wonder what else you might be lying about.

    But its obvious that the OP would not have been someone who this would be easy to tell - given his outrage here.

    Its difficult for someone who displays a certain attitude to hold the moral high ground when they are not told something that would offend that attitude BECAUSE they hold that attitude.


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    #24
    TimeToShine
    Registered Users Posts: 4,881 ✭✭✭TimeToShine


    eviltwin wrote: »
    that's his problem though not hers

    It's her problem because she lied to him and told him he was her third boyfriend.

    That's disgusting. She can be as promiscuous as she likes, but flat out lying like that is unacceptable.

    I don't even think I've gone out drinking/on the pull/to a nightclub 500 times in my entire life so I'm actually genuinely amazed at that figure, and even moreso at the fact that it was her guesstimate and not his.

    I know this board is very PC and fair enough but you're taking the piss here. If you're willing to defend a woman who let herself get railed by 5 men on the trot with the line "women like sex too" then you are deluded beyond measure. Promiscuity is one thing, this is rank madness and any man worth his weight in salt would run as fast as his legs can carry him.

    Good lord, 500 potential partners. And people defending her. The mind boggles, it really does.


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    #25
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Buzz Killington the third wrote: »
    It's always easy to just say the past is the past but in reality, finding out that you're dating someone who has been that promiscuous would end in trust issues. It happened to a friend of mine who was dating a girl for a while before he found out about her past sexual experiences. It completely changed his view of her and get very paranoid if she didn't want sex. He never let it become an argument but was constantly thinking about how much she had before him, and that if she didn't want it from him then she must have been getting it somewhere else. He just ended it because it got too much for him.

    What on earth has previous promiscuity got to do with trust?


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    #26
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    TimeToShine wrote: »
    I know this board is very PC and fair enough but you're taking the piss here. If you're willing to defend a woman who let herself get railed by 5 men on the trot with the line "women like sex too" then you are deluded beyond measure. Promiscuity is one thing, this is rank madness and any man worth his weight would run as fast as his legs can carry him.

    Good lord, 500 potential partners. And people defending her. The mind boggles, it really does.

    So what if she had sex with 5 men - werent they willing partners too? The men "let" her have sex with them too you know? Why is the woman somehow the one in the wrong here?

    Whats the problem with it and why do you feel the need to describe it in derogatory terms? So long as everyone was a consenting adult using protection if necessary - whats the problem?

    Perhaps she wouldnt be the woman for you, but perhaps you wouldnt be the man for her.


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    #27
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    TimeToShine wrote: »
    It's her problem because she lied to him and told him he was her third boyfriend.

    That's disgusting. She can be as promiscuous as she likes, but flat out lying like that is unacceptable.

    I don't even think I've gone out drinking/on the pull/to a nightclub 500 times in my entire life so I'm actually genuinely amazed at that figure, and even moreso at the fact that it was her guesstimate and not his.

    I know this board is very PC and fair enough but you're taking the piss here. If you're willing to defend a woman who let herself get railed by 5 men on the trot with the line "women like sex too" then you are deluded beyond measure. Promiscuity is one thing, this is rank madness and any man worth his weight would run as fast as his legs can carry him.

    Good lord, 500 potential partners. And people defending her. The mind boggles, it really does.

    Buzz was referring to a different couple altogether.

    Why shouldn't people defend her? What exactly has she done wrong? Yes its a lot but so what? It's not up to anyone to judge another person and their sexual history, all that matters is that they are okay with it themselves.


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    #28
    h.bolla
    Registered Users Posts: 86 ✭✭h.bolla


    username123 wrote: »
    But clearly its a huge issue for you

    Yes it is an issue for me. If Im going out with someone for years and then one night I find out that in all those years she was delibertatly not telling me about 500 partners then yeh. I do have a problem with that.

    If we are dating and the subject never comes up or I just dont ask thats fair enough. But if you hide it thats going to make me not trust you.
    username123 wrote: »


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    #29
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I don't like liars so that would be an issue for me. Not the 500 previous partners. I'd wonder why someone felt they had to keep that a secret, like do they judge themselves for it or feel it makes them less attractive of a partner. Personally I don't care what has gone before me once its legal and safe and all that but lie to me and its a different story. It would make me wonder what else you might be lying about.

    Well the impression I got from OP is she said 3 boyfriends not 3 sexual partners, we don't know that she lied or that he just made an assumption
    This is why the advice elsewhere is usually "why ask numbers - can of worms"


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    #30
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    h.bolla wrote: »
    Yes it is an issue for me. If Im going out with someone for years and then one night I find out that in all those years she was delibertatly not telling me about 500 partners then yeh. I do have a problem with that.

    If we are dating and the subject never comes up or I just dont ask thats fair enough. But if you hide it thats going to make me not trust you.

    Had you asked her?

    And if so what had she said when you asked her before?


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    #31
    Pepe LeFrits
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 15,001 ✭✭✭✭Pepe LeFrits


    People aren't ****ing cars, they don't accrue mileage.

    Who cares how many people a girl has been with? Frankly if someone has been with a lot of people and chooses you, you should probably see it as a compliment.


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