Womens attitudes to previous sexual encounters see mod note post #1

h.bolla

newport2 wrote: »

A bit hard to believe to be honest.

A different partner every week for 10 years on the trot? With threesomes, orgies, friends with benefits, boyfriends on the side?

Did she have time for work?

I dont know. Thats the number she gave me. SHe started having sex around 14 and she was 27 when we started dating. But the drinking games bumped it alot apparantly where you could end up doing sexual acts on 2 or 3 people per game. But yeh- her guesses not mine.

newport2

h.bolla wrote: »

Yes it is an issue for me. If Im going out with someone for years and then one night I find out that in all those years she was delibertatly not telling me about 500 partners then yeh. I do have a problem with that.

If we are dating and the subject never comes up or I just dont ask thats fair enough. But if you hide it thats going to make me not trust you.

You have a point in being angry at someone who you trusted hiding something from you for years. Fair enough.

That doesn't really come across as the main point in the OP though.

Aurora Green

I would be happy to go out with a promiscuous woman, but 500 previous would probably scare me off as it seems like an addiction at that point.

Malari

OP are you more upset about the lying than the sexual history? If she had admitted she was a virgin before she met you and had lied about it would you be as upset?

There's a difference between not wanting to go out with a partner who has had a lot of sexual encounters because of your own insecurities, and flat out saying they are wrong to have had so many partners.

the_syco

h.bolla wrote: »

she admitted

Ya see, this shows that the problem is you, not her. She told you. Not someone else, she did. And probably like a few others, you couldn't handle it, and left her. And then start a thread about it. I can see why she didn't want to tell you, as she may have taken that you weren't that liberal when it came to sex.

TimeToShine wrote: »

Good lord, 500 potential partners. And people defending her. The mind boggles, it really does.

Get the funk back to church, choirboy... :pac:

Buzz Killington the third

username123 wrote: »

What on earth has previous promiscuity got to do with trust?

I already explained why he had trust issues. go back and read it.

Buzz Killington the third

username123 wrote: »

So what if she had sex with 5 men - werent they willing partners too? The men "let" her have sex with them too you know? Why is the woman somehow the one in the wrong here?

The woman is the topic of discussion here, not the men involved. But if you want to talk about them, I know a lot of girls who wouldn't be happy to know their partner lined up with 4 other lads to have a go on someone.

username123 wrote: »

Whats the problem with it and why do you feel the need to describe it in derogatory terms? So long as everyone was a consenting adult using protection if necessary - whats the problem?

500+ partners. If there was no protection would you feel differently?

sheesh

in fairness the op said that he thought that she had 3 previous partners to find out that she had over a hundred times more is a bit of a shock, sounds to me like he may have reacted badly to it. that sort of information pushes all sorts of buttons.

plenty girls I know would have the same attitude to man in a similar situation.

Can we agree that 500 sexual partners is a lot.


on the negative side OP you have just dumped a girl friend that really likes sex. you were going out with her for a couple of years so there must have been something there.

Geomy

Have you got checked up in the Local Clinic ?

amkin25

h.bolla wrote: »

I dont know. Thats the number she gave me. SHe started having sex around 14 and she was 27 when we started dating. But the drinking games bumped it alot apparantly where you could end up doing sexual acts on 2 or 3 people per game. But yeh- her guesses not mine.

Its all about personal standards some people don't mind others do,just because you can't accept it doesn't make you wrong,people break up for all sorts of reasons,i would advice getting tested all the same 500 is a big enough number hard to believe she came out of that unscathed.

Luke92

newport2 wrote: »

You probably wouldn't be good enough to keep someone that experienced happy in bed, so just as well.

To be honest she sounds like she has a higher sex drive than myself so I probably wouldn't be able to satisfy her needs. But I wouldn't be ashamed of buying her a dildo! Thankfully for the moment I'm usually the one pestering the other half for some sex.

I love when the PC brigade are out! Oh she likes sex what's wrong with that. If it was a man all the women would be degrading him saying he's a player and what not.

Let's be realistic here. If a woman you were out on a date with said yeah I've had over 500 sexual partners, you certainly wouldn't be marrying her!

PLUG71

Sounds like a right slapper to me:p

Who is she and where can I find her??;):rolleyes::D

House of Blaze

h.bolla wrote: »

I dont know. Thats the number she gave me. SHe started having sex around 14 and she was 27 when we started dating. But the drinking games bumped it alot apparantly where you could end up doing sexual acts on 2 or 3 people per game. But yeh- her guesses not mine.

Jeez I dunno...

Im 30 and i've probably not even shaken hands with 500 women let alone slept with them..

I'm not one to judge but I probably wouldn't be too comfortable with it either if I was honest.

eviltwin

PLUG71 wrote: »

Sounds like a right slapper to me:p

Who is she and where can I find her??;):rolleyes::D

Maybe that is the reason she lied. Women who have a higher than average number of sexual partners still get called slut, slapper, slag etc. Maybe she had been subjected to that kind of comment in the past.

h.bolla

newport2 wrote: »

And people wonder why some women keep it a secret? Because some men can't handle the truth.

I mean FFS, he's thinking she's cheating on him because she enjoyed a lot of sex before she met him? Huge leap here, no?

What? I never said or even alluded that cheated on me???

BFDCH.

green_screen wrote: »

Why would she tell you how many people she'd slept with before you? What she did in her past is none of your business, frankly. It doesn't make her a bitch.

I'd imagine the reason she got 'uppity' about it may be because you were berating someone for being promiscuous?

larry murphy's new squeeze said the same thing when asked by reporters about Larry's past- his past is none of her business.
If she was upfront with OP to begin with I don't think there would've been an issue, if she misled him in the way that he suggested for that long then it's fair enough to have a problem with it.

PLUG71

eviltwin wrote: »

Maybe that is the reason she lied. Women who have a higher than average number of sexual partners still get called slut, slapper, slag etc. Maybe she had been subjected to that kind of comment in the past.

Get a sense of humour!

Pc brigade as usual.

My post was in jest:rolleyes:

Red Nissan

h.bolla wrote: »

She guessed all in all that she'd had around 500 partners give or take.

Amazing and quite frankly a shocking story. Considering I've had sex say one a week over 32 years with my wife, that approx 1,600 events.

Your girlfriend has had life experiences at such a young age that you'll never satisfy her and there is nothing to explore sexually in your marriage/relationship going forward.

Exploring different sex is quite necessary in keeping a relationship stimulated, if the husband does not do it, she will find someone else to do it for her, and viseaversa.

My commiserations, but you are well shut of her, good discovery.

Wibbs

newport2 wrote: »

If I loved her, then her past is history. End of story.

Love, they say is blind. I have found it can often be deaf dumb and stupid with it. It's a pretty poor emotional state to base a lifetime relationship on, at least the initial "in love", infatuation stage anyway. Just as a general rule BTW, not specifically this case.

username123 wrote: »

What attitude? That some women enjoy sex and have different moral standards to you?

It's their differences in moral standards at issue. Though his response should have been different. Shock I suppose. He had one idea of his partner in his mind and a very different reality came out. Wouldn't have to be of a sexual nature to cause shock.

quadrifoglio verde wrote: »

Op would you judge a man any different?

No. Well I wouldn't anyway and I say that as a man who has had an above average amount of "wild days", though I drew the line at various "somes", twosomes were enough to be going on with.

Indeed it would be because of those times that I'd be wary of a number count and experience level that high. IMH there's a difference between a "healthy" level and an "unhealthy" one. I would have been rocking more the unhealthy level, though not near 500. It would be one reason I'd not make for a great long term partner, or would be down the list. Too addicted to novelty. That might go away for a time and certainly would at my age, but it would still be there.

Post the sexual revolution the anything goes is the mood de jour and that's cool, but I have noted it's more skewed towards the high number people, than the low. IE people who were consciously celibate, or wanted to wait until they married or whatever are more likely to be seen as "unhealthy", avoiding the sexual merry go around that's apparently out there. My take is if anything goes then well anything goes. This goes for moral attitudes too. If someone expresses a preference for not wanting a virgin as a partner, then that's as valid a personal take as someone who doesn't want someone who has had 500 people in their sexual past. Both are extremes.

newport2 wrote: »

You probably wouldn't be good enough to keep someone that experienced happy in bed, so just as well.

*facepalm* Imagine that response with the genders reversed. Cue low level shítestorm.

Plus if this was reversed how many women would be happy finding out their boyfriend had 500 women before her including low level orgies and the like. Precious few.

eviltwin

PLUG71 wrote: »

Get a sense of humour!

Pc brigade as usual.

My post was in jest:rolleyes:

I know you were joking but it is a fact of life that some people would call her those names, I was just saying that is that was something she had experienced in the past it might explain why she hadn't told the OP.

Buzz Killington the third

Red Nissan wrote: »

Your girlfriend has had life experiences at such a young age that you'll never satisfy her and there is nothing to explore sexually in your marriage/relationship going forward.

Well now, that's just not true at all...

TimeToShine

username123 wrote: »

So what if she had sex with 5 men - werent they willing partners too? The men "let" her have sex with them too you know? Why is the woman somehow the one in the wrong here?

Whats the problem with it and why do you feel the need to describe it in derogatory terms? So long as everyone was a consenting adult using protection if necessary - whats the problem?

Perhaps she wouldnt be the woman for you, but perhaps you wouldnt be the man for her.

I agree it was derogatory, so my apologies.

Who said the lads aren't in the wrong? I didn't bring the men into it, you did. I'm pretty sure if a lads girlfriend found out he was "waiting in line" so to speak to have sex with a girl she wouldn't be wearing it as a badge of honour, he would definitely be in the wrong.

eviltwin wrote: »

Why shouldn't people defend her? What exactly has she done wrong? Yes its a lot but so what? It's not up to anyone to judge another person and their sexual history, all that matters is that they are okay with it themselves.

She clearly wasn't okay with it if she lied to him. Also can we note for the record that she started at 14 which is illegal.

the_syco wrote: »

Get the funk back to church, choirboy... :pac:

Laughable really. I couldn't care less about religion but somehow if someone expects a girl to have a modicum of self respect he's a religious nut. And guess what, in my eyes if you've had enough sexual partners to actually lose count by the time you're 27 then you are lacking a bit of self-respect but it's certainly nothing worth arguing over. If the OP had started the thread saying "my ex had so many sexual partners she lost count" I wouldn't have even commented, hell I probably would have defended her. 500 however just beggars belief.


Work away ladies and gentlemen, I'll bow out now, but I'd just like to say to the girls who are defending her (and I see your point of view), lads actually do take history into account. You can complain all you want about double standards but this is life, the average reasonably good looking young fella in his mid to late twenties will take sexual history into account if given the opportunity.

Red Nissan

eviltwin wrote: »

I know you were joking but it is a fact of life that some people would call her those names, I was just saying that is that was something she had experienced in the past it might explain why she hadn't told the OP.

The important thing is she has not forgotten them.

h.bolla

Malari wrote: »

OP are you more upset about the lying than the sexual history? If she had admitted she was a virgin before she met you and had lied about it would you be as upset?

There's a difference between not wanting to go out with a partner who has had a lot of sexual encounters because of your own insecurities, and flat out saying they are wrong to have had so many partners.

Im not really sure what you are asking. But Im upset that

1) well, she never lied, but she delibertily hid it
2) that she got mad and flew off the handle before having to admit it
3) when she said I dont deserve her for not being able to accept what happened

I figured it was just her and she a was bitch and moved on.

4) Then I was shocked to see others, even people in this thread telling me that her history is bascially none of my business and trying to make me feel like im closed minded and Im in the wrong here.

Luke92

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

People aren't ****ing cars, they don't accrue mileage.

So your telling me there is no difference between a vagina that's had 500 penises versus a vagina that's had 1?

There is definitely a difference!

Pepe LeFrits

Luke92 wrote: »

So your telling me there is no difference between a vagina that's had 500 penises versus a vagina that's had 1?

There is definitely a difference!

Would you refuse to date a girl who'd shagged her one BF 500 times then too?

username123

Buzz Killington the third wrote: »

500+ partners. If there was no protection would you feel differently?

Not if they presented me with a clean bill of health after a sexual health check - no.

I did have a bf once who had a huge number of previous sexual partners (500+), including various threesomes/4somes/swinging etc...

Didnt have an issue with it myself. Not really that bothered by peoples past sexual histories.

What does a number mean? Would 10 past sexual partners be ok? Would 20? Would 100? Where is the line drawn and why?
If 50 was an ok number would it become a bad number if all 50 were in one year?

Its all just so irrelevant. Sex is fun, people like sex, if everyone is a consenting adult and being responsible, whats to worry about?

PLUG71

Luke92 wrote: »

So your telling me there is no difference between a vagina that's had 500 penises versus a vagina that's had 1?

There is definitely a difference!

Ha, sausage and alleyway

ZeroThreat

500 by her mid 20s - wow.

But I'd be mainly concerned about the health aspect. Don't they say when you sleep with someone, it's the same as sleeping with all their previous partners health wise?

Also, you must have great technique and be endowed like Dirk Diggler if she was faithful to you for 3 years - given that someone having slept with 500 others would most likely have seen all shapes and sizes...

Luke92

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Would you refuse to date a girl who'd shagged her one BF 500 times then too?

You see that's 500 sexual partners and some of them fook buddy's for 3 to 4 months at a time. She's had sex THOUSANDS of times.

One girl with the same penis is certainly not the same as 500 partners. Totally different!