Single life as a guy...

eeguy · 11-01-2017 9:35pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She'd be the first relatively local one to message and chat away to consistently.

That's what I mean. All I will say is be cautious. You seem a bit enamored with her and you should make sure the feeling is mutual before taking any steps into a relationship.

I have seen two of my single friends get taken advantage of by women, because they were so keen to be in a relationship they ignored the many warning signs.
She has given many warning signs.

Just make sure that you want to be in a relationship with her specifically because you like her as a person and not because she happens to reply to you more than anyone else and lives conveniently close.

dissed doc · 11-01-2017 9:36pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I'm not making excuses for her, she's told me what she was doing this week, and wasn't completely positive she could come down today she told me herself she has a lot going on and has to make a trip further than where I'm living tomorrow, I have no idea how much money she has for getting from A to B, I'd imagine it isn't a lot so I'm letting it go. For today anyway I left her to spend the day with the child and do her assignments which she's been buried in since before Christmas.

You are trolling right?

Anyway, if she doesn't have much money, she might be able to hit you up for a bit of cash?

bucketybuck · 11-01-2017 9:45pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She let me know that she couldn't come down then, she lives 20 odd km away

A whole 20km away!!!

Are you sure you want to get into a long distance relationship?

zcorpian88 · 11-01-2017 9:47pm

eeguy wrote: »

That's what I mean. All I will say is be cautious. You seem a bit enamored with her and you should make sure the feeling is mutual before taking any steps into a relationship.

I have seen two of my single friends get taken advantage of by women, because they were so keen to be in a relationship they ignored the many warning signs.
She has given many warning signs.

Just make sure that you want to be in a relationship with her specifically because you like her as a person and not because she happens to reply to you more than anyone else and lives conveniently close.

I think the feeling is mutual, we have a laugh and the messages are nice, flirty even on both ends. Conversations can go from funny to some kind of deep stuff.

I do like her as a person, she's easy to chat with, no one word replies (One thing that drives me mad with this online craic) she'd be very dateable, plus she's pretty. Wouldn't date her just because she is close and replied for the last while.

zcorpian88 · 11-01-2017 9:48pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

A whole 20km away!!!

Are you sure you want to get into a long distance relationship?

I''ve done way further than 20km in the past, 20km is a stone throw away for me in comparison to other people I went out with.

bucketybuck · 11-01-2017 9:55pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I do like her as a person

If you haven't met her then you do not know what she is like as a person.

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I''ve done way further than 20km in the past, 20km is a stone throw away for me in comparison to other people I went out with.

I go further than 20km when I go for a run. 20km is nothing and yet you two still haven't met, why not join the dots a bit on this one...

zcorpian88 · 11-01-2017 10:06pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

If you haven't met her then you do not know what she is like as a person.

I go further than 20km when I go for a run. 20km is nothing and yet you two still haven't met, why not join the dots a bit on this one...

I just get a good vibe from her is all.

I cycle further myself at the gym, it's not far at all.

I've only said anything about meeting up in the last fortnight, we both kind of said it at the same time, and she is keen to come here, with the whole Christmas rush and her sceduele it was hard for her to get a minute, and she had post Christmas things to sort too, she thought she might have been able to manage Wednesday but she didn't make any promises and said she's let me know, which she did yesterday evening, she has a job interview, some course prep and assignments and kid stuff. Only so many hours in the day.

njs030 · 11-01-2017 10:07pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

I think the feeling is mutual

I do like her as a person
she's easy to chat with
she'd be very dateable
plus she's pretty.

This is what I mean by you building her up in your head.
You have no idea whats going on in her life or head or even if she is who she said she is because you haven't met her. Yet you're saying all the above. That's seriously overinvested.

She could be married or living with a partner. Looking for someone to scam for money or a load of other things and that's why people here are warning you to be careful. It's not because we are all trying to ruin your fun it's because we can see the warning signs and at this point they are flashing bright red.
Someone who likes you is curious and wants to meet you. They find time in a month to drive 15mins or if they can't then they let you come to them as you offered.

You like the person she's allowing you to see, texting is easy as it gives time to think of an answer. Have you chatted on the phone?
Have you seen recent photos?

zcorpian88 · 11-01-2017 10:19pm

notjustsweet wrote: »

This is what I mean by you building her up in your head.
You have no idea whats going on in her life or head or even if she is who she said she is because you haven't met her. Yet you're saying all the above. That's seriously overinvested.

She could be married or living with a partner. Looking for someone to scam for money or a load of other things and that's why people here are warning you to be careful. It's not because we are all trying to ruin your fun it's because we can see the warning signs and at this point they are flashing bright red.
Someone who likes you is curious and wants to meet you. They find time in a month to drive 15mins or if they can't then they let you come to them as you offered.

You like the person she's allowing you to see, texting is easy as it gives time to think of an answer. Have you chatted on the phone?
Have you seen recent photos?

She is definetly not married or with anyone, she broke up with the childs dad 2 years ago, he was a very nasty fellow, she had to move home after that and her life is work, college and looking after the child. We talked on the phone twice, it was grand, her signal was awful though, but she's more of a texter, I have to admit I can be too. She sends me a photo or two every day, of herself or whatever she's been up to.

dissed doc · 11-01-2017 10:23pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She is definetly not married or with anyone, she broke up with the childs dad 2 years ago, he was a very nasty fellow, she had to move home after that and her life is work, college and looking after the child. We talked on the phone twice, it was grand, her signal was awful though, but she's more of a texter, I have to admit I can be too. She sends me a photo or two every day, of herself or whatever she's been up to.

She is grooming you.

bucketybuck · 11-01-2017 10:24pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

no one word replies (One thing that drives me mad with this online craic)

BTW, coming back to this, the reason many people give short replies in online dating is because they know that online conversations mean **** all, most people don't want a penpal, they want some back and forth to establish certain important criteria and then to actually meet the person in real life.

You seem to like the penpal bit and this woman (if she exists) definitely just wants a penpal because if she was interested in you at all then you would have met her by now.

zcorpian88 · 11-01-2017 10:40pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

BTW, coming back to this, the reason many people give short replies in online dating is because they know that online conversations mean **** all, most people don't want a penpal, they want some back and forth to establish certain important criteria and then to actually meet the person in real life.

You seem to like the penpal bit and this woman (if she exists) definitely just wants a penpal because if she was interested in you at all then you would have met her by now.

I dunno I find one word replies to be tedious, I like a bit of conversation, doesn't matter about the topic, whether it's my topic or theirs, if there is short replies, I get the impression the other person is barely interested or bored therefore I get bored.

I like the penpal bit yeah, she exists, I have her on snapchat and she's a regular poster, between pictures and the odd video. She's been busy with her own stuff, life can get in the way of these things, are you telling me your life doesn't get in the way of social things you want for yourself?

Again, we've only been talking about meeting up in the last 2 weeks, she told me new years day that she'd love a meet up, I said "Yeah, awesome, we should" she said she'd let me know what day I think it was last Thursday, on Sunday she said "I think I'm free Wednesday but I'll let you know Tuesday for sure" I asked her Tuesday were we still on. And she said "Sorry I really can't, but I should be less hectic next week"

I said "Oh that's a shame, but I'm sure it can't be helped, we'll set another day when it suits"

bucketybuck · 11-01-2017 11:01pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

are you telling me your life doesn't get in the way of social things you want for yourself?

Life gets in the way exactly as much as you want it to, and if I wanted to meet a girl and she wanted to meet me then the simple fact is that we would make it happen.

You first had contact with this woman over a month ago, thats an absolute eternity in the online dating world. Worse than that it was a month of her sharing her utmost personal details with you, she can do that but can't find one evening to travel a mere 20 ****ing kilometres? Wake up.

By the way, when I question if she exists there is little point telling me she is on snapchat, because its your sincerity I'm doubting, not hers.

zcorpian88 · 11-01-2017 11:11pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

Life gets in the way exactly as much as you want it to, and if I wanted to meet a girl and she wanted to meet me then the simple fact is that we would make it happen.

You first had contact with this woman over a month ago, thats an absolute eternity in the online dating world. Worse than that it was a month of her sharing her utmost personal details with you, she can do that but can't find one evening to travel a mere 20 ****ing kilometres? Wake up.

By the way, when I question if she exists there is little point telling me she is on snapchat, because its your sincerity I'm doubting, not hers.

Yeah I was messaging her since I would say December the 9th or something. It's now the 11th Jan so just gone 4 weeks, the first week, wasn't too many messsages, second week there was a bit more and it's progressed a bit until now.

She has a child who is a toddler, it's not like she can just drop everything and go where she wants like she has no obligations, kids are demanding, plus the job and her education. A kid would be very taxing on her time for both those things. The kid is going to come first naturally and if she is flustered keeping on top of the other stuff for this week, I'm willing to let our meet-up slide.

njs030 · 11-01-2017 11:29pm

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She has a child who is a toddler, it's not like she can just drop everything and go where she wants like she has no obligations, kids are demanding, plus the job and her education. A kid would be very taxing on her time for both those things. The kid is going to come first naturally and if she is flustered keeping on top of the other stuff for this week, I'm willing to let our meet-up slide.

Doesn't she live at home? So when the toddler goes to bed there's at least one other adult who could be left to mind the sleeping, non-demanding child?
You're contradicting yourself. On one hand she likes you but yet not enough to spend an hour with you. No one is that busy for 2 weeks.

I say this as someone who brought up a child while living alone, working full-time and going to college while managing a relationship with someone who lived a full hour away so I do know what I'm talking about

Dial Hard · 12-01-2017 12:02am

zcorpian88 wrote:

I like the penpal bit yeah, she exists, I have her on snapchat and she's a regular poster, between pictures and the odd video. She's been busy with her own stuff, life can get in the way of these things, are you telling me your life doesn't get in the way of social things you want for yourself?

Zcorpian, seriously...

bucketybuck · 12-01-2017 12:24am

zcorpian88 wrote: »

She has a child who is a toddler, it's not like she can just drop everything and go where she wants like she has no obligations, kids are demanding, plus the job and her education. A kid would be very taxing on her time for both those things. The kid is going to come first naturally and if she is flustered keeping on top of the other stuff for this week, I'm willing to let our meet-up slide.

Stop talking to people as if they haven't lived in this world for a lot longer than you have, if you think you need to explain to me what having a kid involves then you are either incredibly sheltered or just having a laugh.

Stop making excuses for her, stop pretending that anything about this situation is rational, stop convincing yourself that her needs are greater than yours, stop this imaginary dating experience, call her bluff and either meet this woman or find some self respect and move on.

Are you even understanding the replies you are getting here, because you really don't seem to get it at all. Are you trolling?

BrianG23 · 12-01-2017 12:42am

Zcorpion you are already fending for her...ah jeez. You'll learn one day. I would love to see her reaction if you cancelled on her. In fact why don't you cancel on her next time I guarantee you she won't be as forgiving as you

Dial Hard · 12-01-2017 12:59am

BrianG23 wrote:

Zcorpion you are already fending for her...ah jeez. You'll learn one day. I would love to see her reaction if you cancelled on her. In fact why don't you cancel on her next time I guarantee you she won't be as forgiving as you

There's nothing to cancel!

BrianG23 · 12-01-2017 1:02am

Dial Hard wrote: »

There's nothing to cancel!

She'll set a date next time, he has to cancel before she cancels just to make a point...

The point being she'll take it personally and Zcorpion can hopefully learn from his futility at 'dating' and move onto the next attention *****

**** I mean Zcorpion by all rights males are stereo typically the ones who lead on. Why don't you become unavailable for the next month. I wish I could slap through the internet. Is there a slap function on Windows?

12-01-2017 1:10am

BrianG23 wrote: »

She'll set a date next time, he has to cancel before she cancels just to make a point...

The point being she'll take it personally and Zcorpion can hopefully learn from his futility at 'dating' and move onto the next attention *****

**** I mean Zcorpion by all rights males are stereo typically the ones who lead on. Why don't you become unavailable for the next month. I wish I could slap through the internet. Is there a slap function on Windows?

No. Making points and all that carryon is ridiculous behaviour. Zcorpian has his heart set on meeting this woman. I say go for it but with eyes wide open and the ability to walk away if needs be.

bucketybuck · 12-01-2017 1:11am

Deleted User wrote: »

but with eyes wide open and the ability to walk away 20k if needs be.

Fixed your post.

tomwaterford · 12-01-2017 1:12am

BrianG23 wrote: »

. I would love to see her reaction if you cancelled on her. In fact why don't you cancel on her next time I guarantee you she won't be as forgiving as you

That is messing of the highest order and anyone over age 14 shouldnt partake in

I find it believavle....with xmas etc,easy for people to be too busy to meet up etc

At the end of the day...if as is said....she has a kid,works,geos to college,(gym cant recall did he say this)

He is clearly waay down the list of pirorities as who would skip their pastimes/affext work/collage to meet someone.....just literally desnt have time.....

i know myself at times id not have time to be meetinh people and i wouldnt place dating/meeting strangers too high on my to do list irregardless of how nice they seem

BrianG23 · 12-01-2017 1:17am

Yeah, but she has the time tell him her life story.
Told him shes not interested in dating but keeping his hopes up.

Aw jeez come on!

tomwaterford · 12-01-2017 1:24am

BrianG23 wrote: »

Yeah, but she has the time tell him her life story.

I somewhat assume these are late evening msgs??

And only sparodic msging through the day

In evenings etc after work....i mostly wouldnt be in humour to meet people/talk to/see anyone....
But could msg away/talk ****e (hence a boards account)
Imagine facing into going out to meet someone after youve everything done etc in the evening......would ya be bothered like

The way i see it....is shes just too busy for dating (perfectly ok imo) and prob deos like the op...but of hes happy to play second/thrid fiddle as she has more importany things to do....let him

Advising him to cancel dates to test her reaction is something i hoped ppl wouldve grown outta by junior cert stage

BrianG23 · 12-01-2017 1:26am

Emotion dependence is something I hoped people would've grown out of too but **** me right? Honestly, i've seen this crap too often happen to nice people. Cancelling one date is not that big a deal especially after waiting a month...after meeting her on a DATING site. If shes not up for dating what is she doing on plenty of fish. Please.

Really I hate it by now, I don't hate emotionally dependent people, but their affect on others is just...not fair.

njs030 · 12-01-2017 1:29am

tomwaterford wrote: »

That is messing of the highest order and anyone over age 14 shouldnt partake in

I find it believavle....with xmas etc,easy for people to be too busy to meet up etc

At the end of the day...if as is said....she has a kid,works,geos to college,(gym cant recall did he say this)

He is clearly waay down the list of pirorities as who would skip their pastimes/affext work/collage to meet someone.....just literally desnt have time.....

i know myself at times id not have time to be meetinh people and i wouldnt place dating/meeting strangers too high on my to do list irregardless of how nice they seem

I'd agree with you that she could be busy but no one is so busy they can't find an hour in a month yet they have time for constant chats/to send multiple photos every day etc. And the more worrying bit is how overinvested and obsessed he is by a stranger who has already said she's only interested in friendship and cancelled a meeting he had to push and ask was it going ahead.
She's probably lonely and looking for attention but he's reading it a different way and talking about telling his parents about her already!!

tomwaterford · 12-01-2017 1:35am

notjustsweet wrote: »

I'd agree with you that she could be busy but no one is so busy they can't find an hour in a month yet they have time for constant chats/to send multiple photos every day etc. And the more worrying bit is how overinvested and obsessed he is by a stranger who has already said she's only interested in friendship and cancelled a meeting he had to push and ask was it going ahead.
She's probably lonely and looking for attention but he's reading it a different way and talking about helping his parents about her already!!

Over analyzing is a theme here.....

He deos seem over invested (massively) and should be prepared for worst possibility

But i do have no problem beliving someone cpuld be too busy ovrr a month or so tp meet (esp at xmas)

As while it may be just an hour...(in reality any dates ive been om lately havr gone on for hours)....but that hour would i: she lives in the country quickly become 2/3 hours by time shes ready/gets into town possibly arrange babysitter etc???

It deos seem like a mess where most wpuldnt bother with tbh

njs030 · 12-01-2017 1:49am

tomwaterford wrote: »

He deos seem over invested (massively) and should be prepared for worst possibility

But i do have no problem beliving someone cpuld be too busy ovrr a month or so tp meet (esp at xmas)

As while it may be just an hour...(in reality any dates ive been om lately havr gone on for hours)....but that hour would i: she lives in the country quickly become 2/3 hours by time shes ready/gets into town possibly arrange babysitter etc???

It deos seem like a mess where most wpuldnt bother with tbh

She lives at home there's no babysitter needed and is going to his town 20mins away because she doesn't want him to go near where she lives for some strange reason but I see what you mean.
What I'm saying is that he's constantly making these excuses for her that he makes up and other people are trying to show him that if she liked him as much as he claims she does (though she's said all she wants is to be friends) she'd find the time.

I think most people reading agree it's a mess we'd all avoid.

Cotts72 · 13-01-2017 5:04am

Zcorpian Im cringing reading your responses to all these questions.In my opinion you've messaged your way into the friendzone. its not normal to just "chat" this long and not have some bit of a meetup if there was mutual interest there. I was messaging a girl in December and we managed to set aside time to meet up 4 days before Xmas eventhough we were both working. youve invested way too much time and thought in this. Quit thinking up the names of ye're future children,drop the excuses and Pull the plug! Keep your sanity

Single life as a guy...

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