Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Laois6556

phi3 wrote: »

Hi guys, Haven't been on here for a while. Hope ye're all ok.
I'm hoping ye can offer me some advise.
Going on a first date Sunday. I'm pretty terrified. Been looking up first date tips. But there doesn't seem to be any tips for the socially anxious first date.
I'm likely to stand there shaking for the entire time. I know him through work and have been texting for a while but a one to one face to face is such a scary thought. I know it will go badly and will be awkward when I see him around the place afterwards. I know I have to try anyway.

Hi Phi. I don't know if I'll be much help to you, my usual technique in trying to handle a situation you'll find yourself in is to drink beforehand.
I don't know if you've done counseling but the different coping mechanisms they teach in CBT might help you. Like deep breathing the night before or writing down the facts of the event, what you think the worst case scenario could be, your thoughts and fears and then put down the arguments against those thoughts.
Like you might think you're going to be shaky and nervous but isn't it normal to be nervous on a first date? Wont he be nervous also? You might think you wont have anything to say but haven't you been talking to him at work and through texting? He must like you from this or ye wouldn't be going on a date.
I know it's difficult but you're thinking about what's the worst thing that could happen, try to think of the best outcome. You'll have a great time, you'll have fun together, your going to be smiling and laughing through it as he's a nice guy and you like him and he likes you. Enjoy the date Phi.

Call Me Jimmy

phi3 wrote: »

Hi guys, Haven't been on here for a while. Hope ye're all ok.
I'm hoping ye can offer me some advise.
Going on a first date Sunday. I'm pretty terrified. Been looking up first date tips. But there doesn't seem to be any tips for the socially anxious first date.
I'm likely to stand there shaking for the entire time. I know him through work and have been texting for a while but a one to one face to face is such a scary thought. I know it will go badly and will be awkward when I see him around the place afterwards. I know I have to try anyway.

I was emailing myself last night about social interactions because I have a history of trying to be funny/interesting, taking the weight of entertaining the other person on my shoulders instead of thinking about it from a mutual perspective. One thing that resonated in my email to myself was 'Trust the Universe'. Actually look with your eyes and hear with your ears to the moment to moment dynamics of an interaction. Don't think of it as just a you-speak-then-they-speak exercise, fearing a moment where there is no speaking. Words are not the everything. A look or gesture can be unspeakably powerful.

Silences and moments of seeming discomfort can very quickly lead to closeness, honesty, humour. Give yourself breathing room to relax at these times. I understand this is difficult for someone with anxiety but again I say trust the unviverse, that is trust the things that are going on inside you and whatever your feeling.

ps:

Imo, guys in a date scenario will definitely be thinking they'll have to lead the way (rightly or wrongly it's a gender role hangover thing). Keep it in mind. So he'll be hoping for the best, and so will you. Both of you are at this stage hoping for the best probably at the exact same time in different locations right now. Go with the flow.

Laois' practical advice is very good, I'm just coming at it from a more abstract perspective cause it helped me in thinking about social situations to think of just how dynamic an interaction is, sometimes I try and script things out in my head which is not a good idea.

Call Me Jimmy

Also keep in mind that everyone has the exterior of an adult but is just a big kid inside.

fr336

You know that overwhelming feeling of fear and dread for no current apparent reason? That

Call Me Jimmy

Getting that quite frequently lately, it feels like it might be rooted in lack of physical affection, loneliness, deep insecurity. More than feelings of depression, for feelings of dread and foreboding the 'it WILL pass' has been closest to a way of dealing it I've gotten.

Anyone you can talk to? (about other stuff, not talk about the feeling) Like give a friend a shout or something? that'd probably work

fr336

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Getting that quite frequently lately, it feels like it might be rooted in lack of physical affection, loneliness, deep insecurity. More than feelings of depression, for feelings of dread and foreboding the 'it WILL pass' has been closest to a way of dealing it I've gotten.

Anyone you can talk to? (about other stuff, not talk about the feeling) Like give a friend a shout or something? that'd probably work

Yeah I do always have to talk to someone in the end... The fact I had even less sleep than usual last night (1 hour then suddenly woken up ahhhh) might be a factor too. Thanks, if you ever need to talk anyone give me a shout too.

handbagmad

Another weekend. Find them very hard.

fr336

handbagmad wrote: »

Another weekend. Find them very hard.

How come?

handbagmad

fr336 wrote: »

How come?

I don't know what to be doing and feel as though I should be doing something if that makes sense.

fr336

handbagmad wrote: »

I don't know what to be doing and feel as though I should be doing something if that makes sense.

Makes total sense. What do you do the rest of the week?

handbagmad

fr336 wrote: »

Makes total sense. What do you do the rest of the week?

I find Monday to Friday more structured. I don't work. I still though would try my best to keep some sort of routine.

All goes out the window come Friday night. I guess I still associate weekends with going to the pub when I used to go out.
Or drinking at home, or shopping when I worked, but now it seems I've nothing.
I try not to drink for obvious reasons.

Im glad for people who work that they have their weekends off to enjoy.

I personally can't wait for Monday to come round.

Sorry, blabbering on a bit

FourFourRED

Do you know without any doubt in your mind that you have depression? I think it's appearing somewhere in my mind but I almost instantly deny it to myself and say I'm feeling fine. Not sure what I'm saying here really..

fr336

handbagmad wrote: »

I find Monday to Friday more structured. I don't work. I still though would try my best to keep some sort of routine.

All goes out the window come Friday night. I guess I still associate weekends with going to the pub when I used to go out.
Or drinking at home, or shopping when I worked, but now it seems I've nothing.
I try not to drink for obvious reasons.

Im glad for people who work that they have their weekends off to enjoy.

I personally can't wait for Monday to come round.

Sorry, blabbering on a bit

Can't you pretend Saturday and Sunday are other days?

fr336

Aodhagan wrote: »

Do you know without any doubt in your mind that you have depression? I think it's appearing somewhere in my mind but I almost instantly deny it to myself and say I'm feeling fine. Not sure what I'm saying here really..

What are you feeling? And why do you feel (conciously or subconciously) that you need to deny any depression? It won't change the fact if it's there, likewise admitting it won't change anything if you don't want it to either. You / we are far bigger and better than this - well quite literally. Depression may be inside us but we are an awful lot more than depression - in most cases a set of eyes, ears, nose, legs with so much potential. I'm not saying depression is an easy thing or not complex, but it is simply us and our body and mind - the world is a big place. We are far bigger than depression and can beat it. Not but pushing too hard against this big bad wolf (which it just us), but tiny steps we in a weird way may enjoy taking - taking the power back, piece by piece. Maybe taking a step back the day after or a few weeks down the line, but replacing it with another step and remembering...it's just us. We're blessed with so much, most of us, and we're going to let some word bring us down? No way.

Sorry, got to talking to myself a tad there!

handbagmad

fr336 wrote: »

Can't you pretend Saturday and Sunday are other days?

ya true alright.

Esel

handbagmad wrote: »

Another weekend. Find them very hard.

Weekends are for R&R. That usually means rest and recuperate.

However, some other R&R phrases could also come from joining two words from the following list (list not exhaustive). Some words 'good', some 'not so good'. Pick two words with 'good' (for you) meanings.

But remember: Weekend. End of week. Break. R&R. Rest and Recuperate.

Retreat
Recover
Regroup
Re-attack
Re-appraise
Renew
Reconnect
Rant
Rave
Run
Read
Repel
Release
Ramble
Risk
Retrieve
Rescue
Rebut
Refute
Refuse
Reduce
Reuse
Recycle
Recall
Recuse
Recant
Regain
Reject
Reckon
Recognise
Ramble
Recount
Redact
Redo
Refer
Recount
Renege
Redo
Repay
Re-watch
Remember
Run
Roam
Rock
Ram
Raid
Roll
Rot
Round
Rove
Rid
Ride
Rile
Rank
Race
Reverse
Rewind
Reflect
Ream
Reap
Rib
Retrace
Riff
Replay
Replace
Replant
Replenish
Refresh
Regulate
Relegate
Retrace
Retract
Repel
Reload
Repent
Resist
Retire
Rebound
Re-awake
Restate
Rank
Rate
Risk
Rid
Rip
Roar
Rot
Row
Rub
Rule
Rumble


And again:

Weekend. End of week. Break. R&R. Rest and Recuperate.

fr336

You're amazing Esel

P.S. What do subscribers even get on Boards?!

Esel

fr336 wrote: »

What do subscribers get on Boards?

Mods get parties, with coke and hookers. Subscribers get to watch through a hole in the wall (searched for cameras before by the Admins, obviously...) until (i) poked in the eye or (ii) time to leave, if you want to get the last bus. I walked home once, and it wasn't worth it.

fr336

Esel wrote: »

Mods get parties, with coke and hookers. Subscribers get to watch through a hole in the wall (searched for cameras before by the Admins, obviously...) until (i) poked in the eye or (ii) time to leave, if you want to get the last bus. I walked home once, and it wasn't worth it.

I'm having some cola myself right now and I could do without the rugby tbh.

stinkle

Emigrating alone today... It was so hard saying goodbye to people. I'm so grateful for all the support I got from family and friends, it was overwhelming. Support on here the last few months was great too, thanks all!

I'm gonna be a good few hours behind if anyone ever can't sleep I'll be able to reply, yay.

chinacup

Mardz wrote: »

Hi everyone! So to give a quick background on my circumstances; I am a 26 year old professional working and living in Dublin. To most people, I am a happy, bubbly girl who is very much carefree. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I am well used to telling everyone I am 'great' when I could be having a bad day. Don't get me wrong, I have good days and know I am very lucky. I have a good job(which I don't particularly enjoy), great family, nice housemates and friends and an active social life. Yet internally, I have struggled over the last ten years. In Secondary school, I was bullied and became very self conscious and struggled to concentrate on the work. My Mother thought I was going through the terrible teens as I was moody and hated school, yet had I understood at the time I experienced bouts of depression and anxiety. I scraped by on an average Leaving Certificate, not bad considering I didn't work as everyone reminded me. I was a very lost and confused 18 year old and headed off to college to do Arts. I chose my subjects and remember feeling excited as I always had an interest in pyschology. My Mother was unsure of my choices and recommended my Uncle give me advice. I went from picking Psychology and History to suddenly deciding to take Spanish and IT. I fully agree it was my decision at the time but I wish I had just trusted my own mind. The constant self doubt part of me has allowed my decisions to be made by other people. I only blame myself as you are the owner of your own destiny after all. So as you can see, the subject choices were abstract. The IT didn't turn out to be an ECDL course, rather the inside parts of a computer. I was lost and didn't know what I was doing. I could talk about feeling lost in such a large college, losing my way around college, experiencing times of real panic as I realised I was sinking instead enjoying the college experience. I dropped out after 3 months and arrived home to my parents. I tried college again two years later and it was by far a more difficult experience. I had gone back home, worked in Bank of Ireland and saved to return as I felt I had unfinished business. This time round, the anxiety had taken hold and even before I entered the course I had daily panic attacks. I was freaking out and felt very over whelmed. Nonetheless, I went for it and tried to do it. However, I was shaky, lacked concentration, and was very lost again. This was the first time I stopped and went 'Hold on, there is something off here'. I went in search of answers. My first port of call was the local gp and I tried explaining that I felt sad sometimes and things often got on top of me. I was not able to express what I was really feeling. Unlike a physical illness, the scar was not evident but I was screaming inside. Funnily enough, there were physical symptoms as I felt heavy and sad walking around and I have probably felt like that for a long time(just a little). I also called to the college counsellor who told me he could fit me in 'maybe in two weeks'. When you go to someone for help feeling as bad as I did, I needed even a chat at that time. I filled out a form, answered standard questions and left feeling like more of an alien than I did when I called in. So moral of the story, I dropped out the day after with a heavy heart and feeling as lost as ever. There is no doubt that I have had dark moments and I won't go into the nitty gritty as they say. It has however involved a trip to A&E and a stint in a psychiatric hospital. Anyway, it's not all sad and no pun intended 'depressing'. I have always gotten on with it. I got a job in the bank and moved to Dublin three years ago. There have been good days and I have worked hard to stay well. This has meant me taking up exercise and I am now very fit, no alcohol, good diet and proper medication and follow ups with my doctor. So fast forward to today. I am in my current job for two years and to be honest it has been a tough ride. It is a job I can do, which I am good at but I have been very restless. Part of me knows that restlessness will always be with me as a sufferer of an anxiety disorder....it's very common and I also have a frustrated ambition to go to college and finish it. The college thing for me is a tough subject. A lot of people have seen me drop out and obviously have little faith or doubts about me actually doing it. I would however mention that I have dropped out of college both times as a result of my anxiety and this is something which I didn't understand or able to control at the time. The other part of me puts her hands up and accepts I have a well paid job and I should stay in it. However, I feel in my heart of hearts I could be happier, even just to feel content in myself would be a bonus. I work in an office and this work does not suit me. It's a very busy, pressurised job and I'd be better on my feet and working in a smaller more relaxed office if I had to continue the office work. The dream is still there, to find a job/life where I would feel a lil happier and content. That would be great. Mental health is the pain in my side, the thing that has stopped me from doing what I wanted. It is also my excuse to allow failure become acceptable. So I tried to be constructive and handed in my notice in my current job. I am due to start a similar yet less stressful job in the coming weeks. This unleashed a very strange sequence of events. The minute I handed in my notice the relief was huge, the weight reduced. However the realisation that I was moving for a similar job and that I am staying in another office job hit me hard. I started getting bad panic attacks again, and that was two weeks ago. I am home as I write this as this is what I always do; run home for a bit and then rise up again. My question is this peeps.... Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay at home, get illness benefit and sort out this head of mine once and for all. Bear in mind I have never claimed anything and don't do it lightly but I have a gut feeling that I will be glad in ten years that I made the change. I'm not looking at a long term amount of time off but maybe I should take the time to sort this finally(YOLO comes to mind) OR should I take the new job and chance my arm as they say and see if it was just the last job?....Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Hi just saw your post and wanted to reply. Sorry if the thread has moved on from this I haven't had the chance to catch up with comments so ignore if its irrelevant! Just wanted to add my two cents that moving back home and claiming welfare while you figure things out can end up a demeaning and much longer process than anticipated if you don't have a solid plan. So just tread careful with that decision is all I'll say. It may very well be the right one for you but don't put too much faith in the HSE to be speedy or efficient in helping you. I would go private if at all possible. I may be basing that advice on personal experience a tad too much though so take it as you will! What are some ideas you have about alternate plans at present?

handbagmad

stinkle wrote: »

Emigrating alone today... It was so hard saying goodbye to people. I'm so grateful for all the support I got from family and friends, it was overwhelming. Support on here the last few months was great too, thanks all!

I'm gonna be a good few hours behind if anyone ever can't sleep I'll be able to reply, yay.

best wishes stinkle. Be safe and happy.

Hugo Stiglitz

stinkle wrote: »

Emigrating alone today... It was so hard saying goodbye to people. I'm so grateful for all the support I got from family and friends, it was overwhelming. Support on here the last few months was great too, thanks all!

I'm gonna be a good few hours behind if anyone ever can't sleep I'll be able to reply, yay.

Best of luck Stinkle!

Hugo Stiglitz

shezer wrote: »

Well folks. I had a few beverages yesterday after 3 plus months off it. Was floating after 2 pints with the Sertraline. Headache last night and a head cold today but no anxiety which is great.

Glad to hear that you're doing ok today.

guitarzero

Still in bed with anxiety, feeling strange and fearful. Watching vids and articles on it all afternoon, kinda gives me hope.

fiftythree

best of luck with the move stinkle. this thread been great for me too.
i had to move too last week. had very little preparation done though plenty of time
i could have done it in. just knew i had to move and pretty much just got out the door and on the bus. got a bit stuck halfway and thought i couldn't go on but i eventually did.
few burgers and a double sausage mcmuffin along the way helped.
been a strange week, like i said had no advance plans made about where to stay etc
so ended up moving about between cheap hostels and slept rough a few nights at the weekend when they were full up and had nowhere else to go.
a nice homeless charity was decent to me and gave me soup and found somewhere to stay 1 night.
now i have found somewhere proper to stay, well, not great but it is a start, and i am precisely 1 mile, which is a nice distance walk, from a 24 hour mcdonalds!i'm sure i'll stroll up for some coffee and maybe an apple pie thing at 4am or so tonight.
and i am going to volunteer a few hours with the homeless charity to hand out tea and stuff next weekend.
still shaking with the anxiety any time i have to talk to people and there's a long way to go
but i want to just get over this fear of people, fear of myself, and be a part of the planet.
at least i am a bit further forward in things than i was last time i posted.
hope you are all doing ok.

chinacup

stinkle wrote: »

Emigrating alone today... It was so hard saying goodbye to people. I'm so grateful for all the support I got from family and friends, it was overwhelming. Support on here the last few months was great too, thanks all!

I'm gonna be a good few hours behind if anyone ever can't sleep I'll be able to reply, yay.

Bon voyage stinkle

chinacup

fiftythree wrote: »

best of luck with the move stinkle. this thread been great for me too.
i had to move too last week. had very little preparation done though plenty of time
i could have done it in. just knew i had to move and pretty much just got out the door and on the bus. got a bit stuck halfway and thought i couldn't go on but i eventually did.
few burgers and a double sausage mcmuffin along the way helped.
been a strange week, like i said had no advance plans made about where to stay etc
so ended up moving about between cheap hostels and slept rough a few nights at the weekend when they were full up and had nowhere else to go.
a nice homeless charity was decent to me and gave me soup and found somewhere to stay 1 night.
now i have found somewhere proper to stay, well, not great but it is a start, and i am precisely 1 mile, which is a nice distance walk, from a 24 hour mcdonalds!i'm sure i'll stroll up for some coffee and maybe an apple pie thing at 4am or so tonight.
and i am going to volunteer a few hours with the homeless charity to hand out tea and stuff next weekend.
still shaking with the anxiety any time i have to talk to people and there's a long way to go
but i want to just get over this fear of people, fear of myself, and be a part of the planet.
at least i am a bit further forward in things than i was last time i posted.
hope you are all doing ok.

That sounds like great progress. Rooting for u!

Hugo Stiglitz

How's the weekend going for ye all so far?

fiftythree

thanks chinacup, been a pretty hectic week or so, really up and down.
have no idea how i got through it, seemed a bit like i was watching myself do stuff from afar, hard to explain.
just sort of ploughed on stubbornly as it really is keep going or i don't even know what the alternative is at this stage.
loads more to do though, so just need to keep some kind of momentum up when i have it.
looking forward to volunteering with that homeless group.
homelessness no fun at all, i had a lot of stuff stolen in the last week, phone and jacket and various other things.
and that's nothing compared to the things some people have to deal with.