Anxiety and/or depression discussion.

Mardz

Hi everyone! So to give a quick background on my circumstances; I am a 26 year old professional working and living in Dublin. To most people, I am a happy, bubbly girl who is very much carefree. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I am well used to telling everyone I am 'great' when I could be having a bad day. Don't get me wrong, I have good days and know I am very lucky. I have a good job(which I don't particularly enjoy), great family, nice housemates and friends and an active social life. Yet internally, I have struggled over the last ten years. In Secondary school, I was bullied and became very self conscious and struggled to concentrate on the work. My Mother thought I was going through the terrible teens as I was moody and hated school, yet had I understood at the time I experienced bouts of depression and anxiety. I scraped by on an average Leaving Certificate, not bad considering I didn't work as everyone reminded me. I was a very lost and confused 18 year old and headed off to college to do Arts. I chose my subjects and remember feeling excited as I always had an interest in pyschology. My Mother was unsure of my choices and recommended my Uncle give me advice. I went from picking Psychology and History to suddenly deciding to take Spanish and IT. I fully agree it was my decision at the time but I wish I had just trusted my own mind. The constant self doubt part of me has allowed my decisions to be made by other people. I only blame myself as you are the owner of your own destiny after all. So as you can see, the subject choices were abstract. The IT didn't turn out to be an ECDL course, rather the inside parts of a computer. I was lost and didn't know what I was doing. I could talk about feeling lost in such a large college, losing my way around college, experiencing times of real panic as I realised I was sinking instead enjoying the college experience. I dropped out after 3 months and arrived home to my parents. I tried college again two years later and it was by far a more difficult experience. I had gone back home, worked in Bank of Ireland and saved to return as I felt I had unfinished business. This time round, the anxiety had taken hold and even before I entered the course I had daily panic attacks. I was freaking out and felt very over whelmed. Nonetheless, I went for it and tried to do it. However, I was shaky, lacked concentration, and was very lost again. This was the first time I stopped and went 'Hold on, there is something off here'. I went in search of answers. My first port of call was the local gp and I tried explaining that I felt sad sometimes and things often got on top of me. I was not able to express what I was really feeling. Unlike a physical illness, the scar was not evident but I was screaming inside. Funnily enough, there were physical symptoms as I felt heavy and sad walking around and I have probably felt like that for a long time(just a little). I also called to the college counsellor who told me he could fit me in 'maybe in two weeks'. When you go to someone for help feeling as bad as I did, I needed even a chat at that time. I filled out a form, answered standard questions and left feeling like more of an alien than I did when I called in. So moral of the story, I dropped out the day after with a heavy heart and feeling as lost as ever. There is no doubt that I have had dark moments and I won't go into the nitty gritty as they say. It has however involved a trip to A&E and a stint in a psychiatric hospital. Anyway, it's not all sad and no pun intended 'depressing'. I have always gotten on with it. I got a job in the bank and moved to Dublin three years ago. There have been good days and I have worked hard to stay well. This has meant me taking up exercise and I am now very fit, no alcohol, good diet and proper medication and follow ups with my doctor. So fast forward to today. I am in my current job for two years and to be honest it has been a tough ride. It is a job I can do, which I am good at but I have been very restless. Part of me knows that restlessness will always be with me as a sufferer of an anxiety disorder....it's very common and I also have a frustrated ambition to go to college and finish it. The college thing for me is a tough subject. A lot of people have seen me drop out and obviously have little faith or doubts about me actually doing it. I would however mention that I have dropped out of college both times as a result of my anxiety and this is something which I didn't understand or able to control at the time. The other part of me puts her hands up and accepts I have a well paid job and I should stay in it. However, I feel in my heart of hearts I could be happier, even just to feel content in myself would be a bonus. I work in an office and this work does not suit me. It's a very busy, pressurised job and I'd be better on my feet and working in a smaller more relaxed office if I had to continue the office work. The dream is still there, to find a job/life where I would feel a lil happier and content. That would be great. Mental health is the pain in my side, the thing that has stopped me from doing what I wanted. It is also my excuse to allow failure become acceptable. So I tried to be constructive and handed in my notice in my current job. I am due to start a similar yet less stressful job in the coming weeks. This unleashed a very strange sequence of events. The minute I handed in my notice the relief was huge, the weight reduced. However the realisation that I was moving for a similar job and that I am staying in another office job hit me hard. I started getting bad panic attacks again, and that was two weeks ago. I am home as I write this as this is what I always do; run home for a bit and then rise up again. My question is this peeps.... Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay at home, get illness benefit and sort out this head of mine once and for all. Bear in mind I have never claimed anything and don't do it lightly but I have a gut feeling that I will be glad in ten years that I made the change. I'm not looking at a long term amount of time off but maybe I should take the time to sort this finally(YOLO comes to mind) OR should I take the new job and chance my arm as they say and see if it was just the last job?....Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

fr336

shezer wrote: »

Was up until 4.30am last night staring at the ceiling. Went to sleep tonight at 8.30 and I'm up again now. This Sertraline is playing games.

Hugs to you man

CZ 453

fr336 wrote: »

Hugs to you man

Or a mallet to the head....I could sleep then

fr336

shezer wrote: »

Or a mallet to the head....I could sleep then

My mate Timmy has a load of them to get rid of actually?

Esel

shezer wrote: »

Was up until 4.30am last night staring at the ceiling. Went to sleep tonight at 8.30 and I'm up again now. This Sertraline is playing games.

No experience, but general advice is to stick with it, while keeping your doctor in the loop (especially if side-effects are really bothering you). Your pharmacist is a great source of advice too.

Read the PIL (Product Information Leaflet?) again. Be aware that they rank side-effects both by severity and occurance (common, uncommon, rare, very rare etc.).

Are you taking it at the recommended time of day? This is important, as is taking it at regular intervals. If you happen to miss a dose, the usual advice is to wait until it is time to take the next (single) dose - i.e. do not 'double up'.

Be aware that ADs can take up to 8 weeks to take effect (i.e. before you feel noticeably better). Keep in touch with your doctor, as I said above. Sometimes, an increase in dosage is indicated; sometimes, a different medication.

CZ 453

fr336 wrote: »

My mate Timmy has a load of them to get rid of actually?

There would be something morally wrong with your pal Timmy providing mallets to the posters on the Anxiety/Depression thread :pac:

fr336

shezer wrote: »

There would be something morally wrong with your pal Timmy providing mallets to the posters on the Anxiety/Depression thread :pac:

He is a bit of an idiot to be fair http://brillianttv.co.uk/timmymallett/images/timmyandpinky.jpg

guitarzero

Roquentin wrote: »

i was like you man. i found that i was pretending to be happy when i wasnt. I was looking at what others had and saying when i get that i will be happy. but i never did become happy.

Now that i am alone i am happier than i ever was. im not saying you belong in the loneliness, but you have to psychoanalyze yourself and see what you enjoy. You have to look into your heart and find the happiness. it may not be the conventional living. You have to enjoy yourself, find out what that is and then everything else will fall into place

Glad that you found a way to be happy. Reading up on scientific progress in regards to depression makes me happy. After that not a lot :-)

Esel

Happiness is fleeting, it comes and it goes. It is elusive, you can't catch it (and you definitely can't keep it).
Enjoy it in the moment. The kettle will boil; do something else in the meantime (instead of waiting).
Tidy up, just one thing - a little bit. Take you coat up off the floor, and hang it behind the door.

Recognise your negative thoughts/emotions. Click back to just before them. Click back again, but then (if that does not work) - click on something else (hopefully, something much less 'negative').

If your thought processes are bringing you down, look up. See/hear that seagull screaming above? Notice how the breeze moves the tops of the trees. Enjoy that - while it lasts. Happy in that moment? Allow yourself a little smile.

Challenge your wrong focus. Do not help it to foc you up.

Realise that things/people/situations do not affect you - you let them affect you.

You control yourself. Do not give your power to external things/thoughts.

We are much, much more than that.



Hey: if it happened, it happened. We cannot change the past, but we can leave it there - in the past. It does not define us. If we let it do that, we give away our power.

tl/dr If trapped in the past (or with bad thoughts that seem to last), shout out for professional help.

evo2000

You just have to give your self a kick up the arse and just say to yourself **** it im done feeling bad, im done feeling anixious, if something makes you anixious that is something you must do until your comfortable with it, you..

Set goals
Be honest with yourself about things, your flaws and work to fix/better them
Eat healthy
Go to the gym/workout
Go outside alot, get off facebook and all that other ****e and go call to friends, if you dont have any join some sort of a club and meet people.
Do anything that forces you to concentrate on something else, ie sitting around being anixious isnt going to improve your position

Your mind got you into this mess you can make it get you out of this mess, these things will only beat you when you let them beat you, at the end of the day your going to feel someway you re better off feeling happy!

Thats just my 2 cents tho!

lufties

evo2000 wrote: »

You just have to give your self a kick up the arse and just say to yourself **** it im done feeling bad, im done feeling anixious, if something makes you anixious that is something you must do until your comfortable with it, you..

Set goals
Be honest with yourself about things, your flaws and work to fix/better them
Eat healthy
Go to the gym/workout
Go outside alot, get off facebook and all that other ****e and go call to friends, if you dont have any join some sort of a club and meet people.
Do anything that forces you to concentrate on something else, ie sitting around being anixious isnt going to improve your position

Your mind got you into this mess you can make it get you out of this mess, these things will only beat you when you let them beat you, at the end of the day your going to feel someway you re better off feeling happy!

Thats just my 2 cents tho!

Good Post! It makes a lot of sense. Recently though, I went to the doc after nearly having a breakdown. He said I am suffering with moderate depression and prescribed me accordingly. The mind is so hard to understand as we can't physically see or diagnose depression or anxiety. Over the years I have done all the things you mentioned above but most of the time felt low constantly. Through conselling and medication hopefully I can conquer the issues that burden me and prevent me from enjoying life.

Gongoozler

Madzr, I would like to offer advice but your post is just too hard to read. Could you put it in to paragraphs maybe?

Whizzzy

Are these boards peopled mostly by men in part because we are pre-programmed not to cry?

When I'm like this, a big boo-hoo opens up the release valve and I get over it a lot more quickly.

Also, maybe there's something in taking enjoyment from the fact the you can have a good cry.

Just let it out and move on.

?

D.

Call Me Jimmy

I think it is a big problem for men. What happens though is that expression of 'losing touch with your emotions'. From so long of repressing the cry-reflex, and even though there is pain and crying needed, I don't know if I could cry without a severe shock to the system.

It is definitely a problem physiologically. I have cried on rare occasions and it just feels so good after. I would almost encourage people to cry, like laughing, I'm sure it is that release valve.

Whizzzy

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

It is definitely a problem physiologically. I have cried on rare occasions and it just feels so good after. I would almost encourage people to cry, like laughing, I'm sure it is that release valve.

Glad you agree.

Brahms Intermezzo Opus 118, No. 2 in A Major, (simply glorious - Google Rubenstein playing it) has me inconsolable when in that mood - it gets me started, so to speak.



D.

Ps. Instant notification not working for me for some reason, though I have it turned on.

Roquentin

Mardz wrote: »

Hi everyone! So to give a quick background on my circumstances; I am a 26 year old professional working and living in Dublin. To most people, I am a happy, bubbly girl who is very much carefree. Unfortunately, old habits die hard and I am well used to telling everyone I am 'great' when I could be having a bad day. Don't get me wrong, I have good days and know I am very lucky. I have a good job(which I don't particularly enjoy), great family, nice housemates and friends and an active social life. Yet internally, I have struggled over the last ten years. In Secondary school, I was bullied and became very self conscious and struggled to concentrate on the work. My Mother thought I was going through the terrible teens as I was moody and hated school, yet had I understood at the time I experienced bouts of depression and anxiety. I scraped by on an average Leaving Certificate, not bad considering I didn't work as everyone reminded me. I was a very lost and confused 18 year old and headed off to college to do Arts. I chose my subjects and remember feeling excited as I always had an interest in pyschology. My Mother was unsure of my choices and recommended my Uncle give me advice. I went from picking Psychology and History to suddenly deciding to take Spanish and IT. I fully agree it was my decision at the time but I wish I had just trusted my own mind. The constant self doubt part of me has allowed my decisions to be made by other people. I only blame myself as you are the owner of your own destiny after all. So as you can see, the subject choices were abstract. The IT didn't turn out to be an ECDL course, rather the inside parts of a computer. I was lost and didn't know what I was doing. I could talk about feeling lost in such a large college, losing my way around college, experiencing times of real panic as I realised I was sinking instead enjoying the college experience. I dropped out after 3 months and arrived home to my parents. I tried college again two years later and it was by far a more difficult experience. I had gone back home, worked in Bank of Ireland and saved to return as I felt I had unfinished business. This time round, the anxiety had taken hold and even before I entered the course I had daily panic attacks. I was freaking out and felt very over whelmed. Nonetheless, I went for it and tried to do it. However, I was shaky, lacked concentration, and was very lost again. This was the first time I stopped and went 'Hold on, there is something off here'. I went in search of answers. My first port of call was the local gp and I tried explaining that I felt sad sometimes and things often got on top of me. I was not able to express what I was really feeling. Unlike a physical illness, the scar was not evident but I was screaming inside. Funnily enough, there were physical symptoms as I felt heavy and sad walking around and I have probably felt like that for a long time(just a little). I also called to the college counsellor who told me he could fit me in 'maybe in two weeks'. When you go to someone for help feeling as bad as I did, I needed even a chat at that time. I filled out a form, answered standard questions and left feeling like more of an alien than I did when I called in. So moral of the story, I dropped out the day after with a heavy heart and feeling as lost as ever. There is no doubt that I have had dark moments and I won't go into the nitty gritty as they say. It has however involved a trip to A&E and a stint in a psychiatric hospital. Anyway, it's not all sad and no pun intended 'depressing'. I have always gotten on with it. I got a job in the bank and moved to Dublin three years ago. There have been good days and I have worked hard to stay well. This has meant me taking up exercise and I am now very fit, no alcohol, good diet and proper medication and follow ups with my doctor. So fast forward to today. I am in my current job for two years and to be honest it has been a tough ride. It is a job I can do, which I am good at but I have been very restless. Part of me knows that restlessness will always be with me as a sufferer of an anxiety disorder....it's very common and I also have a frustrated ambition to go to college and finish it. The college thing for me is a tough subject. A lot of people have seen me drop out and obviously have little faith or doubts about me actually doing it. I would however mention that I have dropped out of college both times as a result of my anxiety and this is something which I didn't understand or able to control at the time. The other part of me puts her hands up and accepts I have a well paid job and I should stay in it. However, I feel in my heart of hearts I could be happier, even just to feel content in myself would be a bonus. I work in an office and this work does not suit me. It's a very busy, pressurised job and I'd be better on my feet and working in a smaller more relaxed office if I had to continue the office work. The dream is still there, to find a job/life where I would feel a lil happier and content. That would be great. Mental health is the pain in my side, the thing that has stopped me from doing what I wanted. It is also my excuse to allow failure become acceptable. So I tried to be constructive and handed in my notice in my current job. I am due to start a similar yet less stressful job in the coming weeks. This unleashed a very strange sequence of events. The minute I handed in my notice the relief was huge, the weight reduced. However the realisation that I was moving for a similar job and that I am staying in another office job hit me hard. I started getting bad panic attacks again, and that was two weeks ago. I am home as I write this as this is what I always do; run home for a bit and then rise up again. My question is this peeps.... Should I stay or should I go? Should I stay at home, get illness benefit and sort out this head of mine once and for all. Bear in mind I have never claimed anything and don't do it lightly but I have a gut feeling that I will be glad in ten years that I made the change. I'm not looking at a long term amount of time off but maybe I should take the time to sort this finally(YOLO comes to mind) OR should I take the new job and chance my arm as they say and see if it was just the last job?....Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

i think you must balance what you can do in life with what you want to do. Id love to be earning lots of money but i know in reality i cannot handle the stress of those professional jobs. So im looking for less paid jobs but they have less stress. I will be happy though.

maybe im too philosophical, but to me there is no point in going to bed at night in fear and waking up in fear. run from the fear i say

Dr.Alucard

Whizzzy wrote: »

Are these boards peopled mostly by men in part because we are pre-programmed not to cry?

When I'm like this, a big boo-hoo opens up the release valve and I get over it a lot more quickly.

Also, maybe there's something in taking enjoyment from the fact the you can have a good cry.

Just let it out and move on.

?

D.

I havent really experienced any physical pain that made me cry since hitting adulthood (yet thank god!) and i cant remember the last time i did cry with a pain. Also i dont really cry when im at my lowest mentally, but i do find if there is a really emotional thing on the television or a song that i find particularly strikes a cord with me i do feel like crying, Its like im a bit more sensitive to things? i dont know if im descrbing it well but before i was hit with D & A i wasnt one for blubbering at all. Its like a tolerence level dropped kinda?

Like this song here for example:

youtube.com/watch?v=SRHgGxqBWys#t (i cant post links yet )

i relate to it because i feel like shes talking to me, like she can see me for me and not me hindered by anxiety and it makes me feel like crying but the tears arent coming. ah i dont know makes sense in my head like.

fr336

So about 14 hours without junk food (inclusive sleep time) and some running up and down the stairs at home has me far more relaxed today. Crazy really. Still don't have the energy I should have to keep running and running though

handbagmad

Fcuking shattered tired today.
"brain fog" really bad.

Laois6556

Laois6556 wrote: »

Sent that email. Yes it took me that long. Deleting, editing, deciding I wasn't going to send it, telling myself i have to and so forth. Now the wait. I'll post how long it takes to get seen by a HSE psychiatrist just incase someone if the future goes searching for the same question to be answered. Thanks for the help!

Just an update. My GP took a while to respond to my email and has called me in for an appointment tomorrow. So the timer hasn't started on how long it takes to see a HSE psychiatrist just yet.

Laois6556

handbagmad wrote: »

Fcuking shattered tired today.
"brain fog" really bad.

Early bed time? Do you listen to some relaxing music or different calming videos you can find on youtube to help sleep? Sometimes I do and then wake up in the middle of the night with my headphones still on. Hopefully a long sleep will help to recharge your batteries.

fr336

Laois6556 wrote: »

Just an update. My GP took a while to respond to my email and has called me in for an appointment tomorrow. So the timer hasn't started on how long it takes to see a HSE psychiatrist just yet.

Don't feel the need to reply to this but you can e-mail your GP at ease there in Ireland? Just checking as living elsewhere I'm not sure this is available to me...would be easier than trying to get the words out in an appointment these days

Roquentin

Laois6556 wrote: »

Just an update. My GP took a while to respond to my email and has called me in for an appointment tomorrow. So the timer hasn't started on how long it takes to see a HSE psychiatrist just yet.

three days for me. i think they send the letter by post

Laois6556

fr336 wrote: »

Don't feel the need to reply to this but you can e-mail your GP at ease there in Ireland? Just checking as living elsewhere I'm not sure this is available to me...would be easier than trying to get the words out in an appointment these days

Well I email my GP anyway, not often or anything. I think they prefer to make an appointment though. How about you write down what you want to say on a page and bring it in with you, then your mind wont go blank or start racing. Even just headlines of the topics you want to discuss, I'm sure your GP wont mind. Or maybe even send on an email and discuss what you've said in it when you're in with them.

Laois6556

Roquentin wrote: »

three days for me. i think they send the letter by post

Well that's quick, was it in a small town or a city?

Roquentin

Laois6556 wrote: »

Well that's quick, was it in a small town or a city?

town.....medium to large id say

Laois6556

Roquentin wrote: »

town.....medium to large id say

Well that's good to know, thanks.

fr336

Laois6556 wrote: »

Well I email my GP anyway, not often or anything. I think they prefer to make an appointment though. How about you write down what you want to say on a page and bring it in with you, then your mind wont go blank or start racing. Even just headlines of the topics you want to discuss, I'm sure your GP wont mind. Or maybe even send on an email and discuss what you've said in it when you're in with them.

Yeah I've got an appointment in the morning and am printing everything out for them :eek: Thanks

kronsington

Christ almighty I really hate how my mind works sometimes... This weeks anxiety bouts have really bordered on the ridiculous..

One of the main triggers for me is contact with my family and close friends. I'm in Canada and whenever I get a message from home, in immediately assume it'll be bad news.. Particularly I get one from my dad ( which is not often) my heart actually sinks.. Been through a difficult time family wise the last few years which I've touched on before and it's most definitely a the heart of my anxiety. My dad isn't a bad guy and my brother just needs to pull himself together, ad while I do not have a good relationship with either of then I know if I don't at least attempt to build bridges, I may well regret it for the rest of my life. We don't despise each other or anything (although my parents who were married for 30 years now basically do) but we are not close..

And now for the ridiculous part..I met this girl over here a while back. Absolutely stunningly beautiful girl, funny, sweet, goofy and just great.. A bit damaged emotionally, but who isn't.. I met her once, totally froze on the date- was edgy anxious and paranoid I wasn't worthy of her as she is so gorgeous and I'm just a notmal guy.. Nothing happened and while we kept in touch I didn't expect anything.. Now she has moved back here to Vancouver- is inundating me with messages and now we are meeting tomorrow.. I'm already catastrophising everything- "does she actually like me?" "What's wrong with her?" "Is she just lonely?".... "Will our age difference be a problem?" She's definitely a bit quirky and I my mind is doubting her. I HATE feeling this way and ****e like this has plagued me my whole life- mental self destruction- and all we are doing is meeting for coffee and a chat.. "Hanging out" as they say here

My weekly post of nonsense is now over

RubyXI

Hi guys, Haven't been on here for a while. Hope ye're all ok.
I'm hoping ye can offer me some advise.
Going on a first date Sunday. I'm pretty terrified. Been looking up first date tips. But there doesn't seem to be any tips for the socially anxious first date.
I'm likely to stand there shaking for the entire time. I know him through work and have been texting for a while but a one to one face to face is such a scary thought. I know it will go badly and will be awkward when I see him around the place afterwards. I know I have to try anyway.