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First shift/meet story
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I was 6'4" in school. If I'd had the cash for coke and tayto, you'd have needed to be in platforms.BrooklynSmith wrote: »Admittedly it wasn't too hard for me considering I was 5"2 (sadly still am) but you'd still find lads who seemed to be closer to 3"0.
Serious platforms...
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BrooklynSmith wrote: »This was literally 99.9% of the guys
I mean what did they expect you to do,sit him up on a stool or give him a ladder or something :P
I had to make a few exceptions being 5"6 back then I used to persuade them to sit down but only if they were someway good looking!! And only for slapper contests!!0 -
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I'm still kinda scared of you...naughtyfox wrote: »I was 5"6 and wore 6 inch heels in sixth year and then I wonder why boys were scared of me...
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Well. This one time. At band camp...naughtyfox wrote: »And you know from experience.. Think you should share that story.... 0 -
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You're not going to believe this, but as we speak, I am actually cleaning and oiling a flute!naughtyfox wrote: »You played with some flutes....
Now, I know how that's going to come across, but I am actually engaged in the rather mundane chore of maintaining an actual flute. In the spirit of the thread though, I'm happy for you to interpret this fact in any way you deem to be comically appropriate.
If you choose to go with comedy, I do have a funny flute-maintenance related story.....0 -
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Right. Well.naughtyfox wrote: »Im going to go with comedy as im to innocent to pick up on any other meanings...............
Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' (:D) i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid parrafin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.
So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?
Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".
Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.
My funny flute story. 0 -
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naughtyfox wrote: »Laughing my head off way to funny!!
Im going to assume that you got nowhere with the aussie girl and never went into the shop again due to your constipation problems and having to oil your flute!!!!!
Ah, Aussie girl was never a notion anyway. I'd been very happily not-married to the same lovely lady for years at that point. But no, I never went back in, and that chemist has closed now. Never got the chance to explain things to poor beetroot-red Nicole. I imagine she's telling a slightly different version of that story to folks in Melbourne ever since! 0 -
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Ah, Aussie girl was never a notion anyway. I'd been very happily not-married to the same lovely lady for years at that point. But no, I never went back in, and that chemist has closed now. Never got the chance to explain things to poor beetroot-red Nicole. I imagine she's telling a slightly different version of that story to folks in Melbourne ever since!
But the brightside was that your flute was unconstipated!! Poor girl is probably scarred for life....0 -
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One of the funniest things I've read in a whileRight. Well.
Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' (:D) i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid parrafin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.
So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?
Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".
Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.
My funny flute story.
You could be the reason that pharmacist closed, you scared of all the employees 0 -
Like most people, mine's fairly boring. It's no flute oiling like endacl anyway! :P
Typical enough, if a little underwhelming....and also several years after most peoples first because I was an spotty anti-social fecker.
One of my friends had a house party. This wasn't my scene back then and is even less my scene nowadays but I wound up going anyway. One of the girls at this party was well known at our school and lusted after by all. Completely gorgeous and completely out of my league but for some reason she was doing the "rounds" with all the lads at this particular party.
I couldn't believe my luck when she sauntered up to me but she had spent the night chain smoking and it wasn't a pleasant experience. Still, the fact that I had made her list was a big boon for my ego at the time.0 -
naughtyfox wrote: »Why not.... And you still havent posted your frist shift story.....
Right. Before we begin our tale, we have to be clear on what a Spoonerism is. Now I'm sure you know, but for the benefit if any posters who might not....
A Spoonerism is a play on words, whereby an element from one word is swopped with an element from another, within a phrase. An example might be 'tale of two cities' becoming 'sale of two titties'. Spoonerisms are best when they're accidental....
Now, when I was growing up, a family lived up the road from us. Lovely people. Seriously lovely people. Five kids and the parents. Their door was always open. All were welcome at any time of the day or night. Many many good times were had in that house. As we got older, the whole gang would often head to the local. And by gang, I mean gang. There could be up to thirty people taking over the whole side of the pub, from teenagers right up to grannies. This one time, we were all down, this family and assembled pals. Towards the end of the night, as the older folk were starting to head for the nest, us young uns - I was young then - decided to head on to the local cheesy nightclub. The eldest of this family's daughters, lets call her Mary, realised she had a huge ladder in her tights, and couldn't possibly go in that state. Luckily, a solution was at hand. Apparently a tights dispensing machine had been installed in the ladies, and in she went with a view to sorting out her hosiery. About five minutes later, out comes Mary, now suitably attired for clubbing, and just as everybody in the pub happened to pause for breath at the same time and the place fell suddenly silent,Mary, with her voice pitched to be heard in conversation over a busy and noisy pub, loudly asked all assembled there present, "do you think my sh1tes are too tiny?" Of course she herself heard what she 'thought' she had said. Everybody else heard what she had 'actually' said. The place erupted, to a look of utter confusion on Mary's face!
Her tights looked grand, by the way. Not too shiny at all!0 -
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