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Child Item

First shift/meet story

BrooklynSmith

My little brother had his first disco tonight and I over heared that he's not a fridget anymore (his friends are staying over) and it got me thinking of mine which was by no means a glorious occasion being so nervous waiting with my friend behind tesco (so classy) for some spot faced boy to stick his toungue down my throat,6 minutes later (timed by my and his friends of course) and a lot of slobber later I was no longer a fridget.Have you got any funny/embarrasing first shift stories?

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naughtyfox

The only guys worth shifting were the hot ones or the dude that had money for a can a coke and then shared it!!

naughtyfox

Toots* wrote: »

Or the friend asking will you shift his friend who's about a foot shorter than you and can't understand why you'd say no!!

How could anyone reach down for them??!

BrooklynSmith

Toots* wrote: »

Or the friend asking will you shift his friend who's about a foot shorter than you and can't understand why you'd say no!!

This was literally 99.9% of the guys

I mean what did they expect you to do,sit him up on a stool or give him a ladder or something :P

BrooklynSmith

naughtyfox wrote: »

How could anyone reach down for them??!

Admittedly it wasn't too hard for me considering I was 5"2 (sadly still am) but you'd still find lads who seemed to be closer to 3"0.

Toots

I remember having to go to Westwood as 'chaperone' one night when my younger sister was going with a group of her friends. I was 14 and this dude who couldn't have been older than 11 was trying to get me to shift his friend. Shudder. Don't know which was worse, being sexually harrassed by an 11 year old or watching my sister win beat the slapper.....

endacl

BrooklynSmith wrote: »

Admittedly it wasn't too hard for me considering I was 5"2 (sadly still am) but you'd still find lads who seemed to be closer to 3"0.

I was 6'4" in school. If I'd had the cash for coke and tayto, you'd have needed to be in platforms.

Serious platforms...

naughtyfox

BrooklynSmith wrote: »

This was literally 99.9% of the guys I mean what did they expect you to do,sit him up on a stool or give him a ladder or something :P

I had to make a few exceptions being 5"6 back then I used to persuade them to sit down but only if they were someway good looking!! And only for slapper contests!!

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

I was 6'4" in school. If I'd had the cash for coke and tayto, you'd have needed to be in platforms.

Serious platforms...

I was 5"6 and wore 6 inch heels in sixth year and then I wonder why boys were scared of me...

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

I was 5"6 and wore 6 inch heels in sixth year and then I wonder why boys were scared of me...

I'm still kinda scared of you...

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

I'm still kinda scared of you...

But im soo sweet and innocent.... Dont be scared...

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

But im soo sweet and innocent.... Dont be scared...

It never ends well when people say that!!!!

:eek::eek::eek:

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

It never ends well when people say that!!!!

:eek::eek::eek:

And you know from experience.. Think you should share that story....

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

And you know from experience.. Think you should share that story....

Well. This one time. At band camp...

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

Well. This one time. At band camp...

You played with some flutes....

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

You played with some flutes....

You're not going to believe this, but as we speak, I am actually cleaning and oiling a flute!

Now, I know how that's going to come across, but I am actually engaged in the rather mundane chore of maintaining an actual flute. In the spirit of the thread though, I'm happy for you to interpret this fact in any way you deem to be comically appropriate.

If you choose to go with comedy, I do have a funny flute-maintenance related story.....

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

If you choose to go with comedy, I do have a funny flute-maintenance related story.....

Im going to go with comedy as im to innocent to pick up on any other meanings...............

[Deleted User]

Same as everyone else..."on holidays".

Dark Artist

My first meet (friend's sister was dared to shift me in a game of truth or dare) wasn't as good a story as my first ATTEMPTED meet.

A group of strange girls approached me in McDonald's once, I was about 13, and they asked me if I'd meet their friend. I hadn't kissed a girl yet, so I thought I'd take the opportunity and accept.

When I arrived at the meeting point later, the entire neighborhood of kids had heard and they were all there waiting for me. One of the girls from earlier comes up to me and goes "She's over there, go ask her".

So I had to ask this girl in front of about 15-20 other kids if she'd meet me and she refused. They all laughed.... it was pretty bad. No wonder I turned out gay!

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

Im going to go with comedy as im to innocent to pick up on any other meanings...............

Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' (:D) i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid parrafin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

naughtyfox

Laughing my head off way to funny!!
Im going to assume that you got nowhere with the aussie girl and never went into the shop again due to your constipation problems and having to oil your flute!!!!!

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

Laughing my head off way to funny!!
Im going to assume that you got nowhere with the aussie girl and never went into the shop again due to your constipation problems and having to oil your flute!!!!!

Ah, Aussie girl was never a notion anyway. I'd been very happily not-married to the same lovely lady for years at that point. But no, I never went back in, and that chemist has closed now. Never got the chance to explain things to poor beetroot-red Nicole. I imagine she's telling a slightly different version of that story to folks in Melbourne ever since!

smash

I got my hand stuck down some girls jeans when I was younger. She was taller than me so it was an awkward angle.

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

Ah, Aussie girl was never a notion anyway. I'd been very happily not-married to the same lovely lady for years at that point. But no, I never went back in, and that chemist has closed now. Never got the chance to explain things to poor beetroot-red Nicole. I imagine she's telling a slightly different version of that story to folks in Melbourne ever since!

But the brightside was that your flute was unconstipated!! Poor girl is probably scarred for life....

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

But the brightside was that your flute was unconstipated!! Poor girl is probably scarred for life....

Hey, everybody needs stories to tell!

Wanna hear a good one involving a 'spoonerism'? Another true story involving a suddenly silent room? A pub this time...

naughtyfox

endacl wrote: »

Hey, everybody needs stories to tell!

Wanna hear a good one involving a 'spoonerism'? Another true story involving a suddenly silent room? A pub this time...

Why not.... And you still havent posted your frist shift story.....

Darius.Tr

endacl wrote: »

Right. Well.

Some years ago I bought a flute made by a maker in Bray, Desi Seery. Lovely fella, if a bit rough around the edges. He makes traditional wooden flutes. He also makes them from a plastic-like material called Delrin. Looks, feels and acts like wood, but much harder wearing etc... Mine was one of those. Anyway, 'this one time' (:D) i was chatting to him, and I asked about maintenance. His advice was to run a bit of liquid parrafin through it every week or so, just to keep the bore smooth, fill any imperfections etc. So that's what I decided to do.

So, on the way home I popped into our local chemist for a bottle o' the shtuff. Now, as it happens, I am an idiot. I never thought of pouring the excess back into the bottle when I was finished, and so the following week I was back to the chemist again. For another half litre bottle of liquid paraffin. And again the following week. And the week after that. You see a pattern emerging, I trust...?

Now, in the chemist worked a young Australian girl. Young. Pretty. Very friendly. Kinda knew her to say hello to after all this liquid paraffin purchasing. About three months of liquid paraffin purchasing. Anyway, this one time I was in and the shop was quite busy. She gestured me aside for a quick word and said in a concerned tone, and I quote "I've noticed you've been buying liquid paraffin for some time now, and that it doesn't seem to be working for your 'condition'. There are other, more effective remedies available, if you'd like me to talk you through them?" I obviously looked quite confused at this point. Because I was. She picked up on this. "For your ..... constipation" she almost whispered. I took a split second to think about this. I honestly had no idea that liquid paraffin was traditionally used as a laxative. Used as a laxative by my granny's generation though! Obviously not wanting this pretty young aussie to think a had been battling unsuccessfully with chronic constipation for the previous three months, I loudly blurted out, just at one of those moments you get when a busy shop suddenly falls silent, "Nicole, I'm not constipated. I use it to oil my flute!!".

Shop erupts. Nicole turns the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, and I only realise when I'm back home oiling my flute, how that must have sounded.

My funny flute story.

One of the funniest things I've read in a while

You could be the reason that pharmacist closed, you scared of all the employees

Kirby

Like most people, mine's fairly boring. It's no flute oiling like endacl anyway! :P

Typical enough, if a little underwhelming....and also several years after most peoples first because I was an spotty anti-social fecker.

One of my friends had a house party. This wasn't my scene back then and is even less my scene nowadays but I wound up going anyway. One of the girls at this party was well known at our school and lusted after by all. Completely gorgeous and completely out of my league but for some reason she was doing the "rounds" with all the lads at this particular party.

I couldn't believe my luck when she sauntered up to me but she had spent the night chain smoking and it wasn't a pleasant experience. Still, the fact that I had made her list was a big boon for my ego at the time.

endacl

naughtyfox wrote: »

Why not.... And you still havent posted your frist shift story.....

Right. Before we begin our tale, we have to be clear on what a Spoonerism is. Now I'm sure you know, but for the benefit if any posters who might not....
A Spoonerism is a play on words, whereby an element from one word is swopped with an element from another, within a phrase. An example might be 'tale of two cities' becoming 'sale of two titties'. Spoonerisms are best when they're accidental....

Now, when I was growing up, a family lived up the road from us. Lovely people. Seriously lovely people. Five kids and the parents. Their door was always open. All were welcome at any time of the day or night. Many many good times were had in that house. As we got older, the whole gang would often head to the local. And by gang, I mean gang. There could be up to thirty people taking over the whole side of the pub, from teenagers right up to grannies. This one time, we were all down, this family and assembled pals. Towards the end of the night, as the older folk were starting to head for the nest, us young uns - I was young then - decided to head on to the local cheesy nightclub. The eldest of this family's daughters, lets call her Mary, realised she had a huge ladder in her tights, and couldn't possibly go in that state. Luckily, a solution was at hand. Apparently a tights dispensing machine had been installed in the ladies, and in she went with a view to sorting out her hosiery. About five minutes later, out comes Mary, now suitably attired for clubbing, and just as everybody in the pub happened to pause for breath at the same time and the place fell suddenly silent,Mary, with her voice pitched to be heard in conversation over a busy and noisy pub, loudly asked all assembled there present, "do you think my sh1tes are too tiny?" Of course she herself heard what she 'thought' she had said. Everybody else heard what she had 'actually' said. The place erupted, to a look of utter confusion on Mary's face!

Her tights looked grand, by the way. Not too shiny at all!

U_Fig

My first shift was with this girl from the UK who used to spend the summer in her grandads who lived on my street.. She came over most summers missing an odd one but she was here at least once a year.. I'd know her since I was 4 and she hung out with me and friends a lot.. I gradually became closer to her and used to spend a lot of time In her grandads he let her do whatever she wanted.. We used to sit and talk for hours and play games n stuff

One day I was like 10 and she was 13 we were taking about guys back in the uk and she asked me had I ever sifted anyone and when I answered she lent in and kissed me and was like now ya have.. Every summer after that she came over we shifted a good bit and 6 years later I lost my virginity to her on the same bed. Her grandad died that year and havn't seen her since..

Not that funny but I had a friend who when she was young and naive though to shift someone was to give them a BJ .. We'd always be talking about people we'd shifted and never told her what it actually was .. Eventually one of my mates convinced her to "shift" him and after She "shifted" quite a few of my Other mates before she realised what actually shifting was..

endacl

I'm keeping my first shift story to meself. A gentleman should maintain discretion at all times.