Sexism you deal with in everyday life? ***Mod Note in first post. Please read***

clairefontaine

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Really?! "Man up" is sexist?!?

There's people struggling to put food on the table and you got offended by the phrase "man up"!?

I never said I was offended by it.

Daveysil15

ALiasEX wrote: »

I have heard a YouTuber say "woman up"

Ha, Youtube wouldn't exactly be the best place to find intelligent conversation.

ALiasEX

All YouTube uploaders have nothing intelligent to say?

Daveysil15

ALiasEX wrote: »

All YouTube uploaders have nothing intelligent to say?

Not all, I said it wouldn't be the best place. It wouldn't be as good as say... boards.

ALiasEX

The YouTuber in question (warning: sex) https://www.youtube.com/user/twistedbroad

panda100

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Really?! "Man up" is sexist?!?

There's people struggling to put food on the table and you got offended by the phrase "man up"!?

Ugh these types of posts really, really annoy me. Yes, being told to 'man up' is sexist and offensive to some women. It implies that to be strong and powerful, or deal with your difficulties, you need to be a man.

LostOutForeign

GT_TDI_150 wrote: »

Really?! "Man up" is sexist?!?

There's people struggling to put food on the table and you got offended by the phrase "man up"!?

We shouldn't ignore a problem just because there are bigger problems out there, to do so would be idiotic.

It's such an annoying attitude that's so prevalent in Ireland, that you should put up with ridiculous work conditions because 'aren't you lucky to have a job'. It's like saying we should be happy with the recession because we're lucky that we're not being tortured in a warzone :rolleyes:

We shouldn't be ok with being ill-treated because other people are worse-treated.

clairefontaine

panda100 wrote: »

Ugh these types of posts really, really annoy me. Yes, being told to 'man up' is sexist and offensive to some women. It implies that to be strong and powerful, or deal with your difficulties, you need to be a man.

Yes I agree with you. Or it could mean, take it on the chin, suppress your feelings.

Saying that, I don't know I'd the bus driver was being ironic or not.

LostOutForeign

clairefontaine wrote: »

Yes I agree with you. Or it could mean, take it on the chin, suppress your feelings.

Yeah but neither of those ideas should be gender-based imo.

shleedance

"mansplaining"

I don't think I've heard of that word before. It's hilarious though, and keeping it for any sexism debates.

As for this thread - sexism is sexism, even if the person didn't mean it or didn't notice it. There is truth in saying "don't be offended by it", but do you honestly expect everyone to get thick skin? I wouldn't get offended by what people say, but it's silly for me to tell others to do the same. It's obvious sexism is a problem in today's society and it needs to be tackled.

The sad fact however is that it's been so ingrained due to centuries of indoctrination of gender roles that it would take a while to get rid of a lot of sexism. That and humans have that uncanny ability to fear anything that's different to them, which stems to racism etc too.

What is sexism and what isn't can be blurry at times (ie. sexist jokes), but frankly most of the examples here are sexist and can't really be argued with. I'm in no posistion to argue with the examples that seem dubious anyway, since I've never experienced those things as a male. Males get sexist stuff thrown at them too, but it's usually very different (and less common) to the examples on this thread meaning there's little point trying to discuss them.

miamee

miamee wrote: »

We had to get a plumber out to the house to fix a leaky toilet during the week. My housemate (who has dealt with him before) was working late so I was to let him in. Let him in, he had a look at the problem, fixed it and then was telling me how it happened and what we'll need to do next time (it's a temporary fix). The entire time he was standing talking to me he was looking at my boobs. I thought I was imagining it but then he'd glance up at me and back to the boobs. Looked down and my vest under my chiffony blouse had come down a little and you could see the lace of my bra peeking up a little bit. Thinking this was it, I pulled the vest up while talking and while he was still looking. I don;t think he even registered that I had done anything - kept looking. Bizarre. I found it extremely odd rather than unsettling or intimidating. We were talking about a leaky toilet for feck sake!

Needless to say, my (male) housemate will be dealing with him next time.

eviltwin wrote: »

Next time hire someone else!!!!!!

I am happy to report that we needed a permanent fix for the same problem in the bathroom and did indeed get a different guy in. By chance my male housemate was there to deal with him so I have no idea if he was any better but the toilet is fixed and my boobs are unogled. Success.

shleedance

Truth be said about staring at boobs, I have done this myself a few times. Not for long periods like a full of leer, but glancing. Weirdly enough it's not even for perverted or sexual reasons. Any sort of direct eye contact makes me uncomfortable, so I usually end up looking at someone's nose, forehead or anywhere else that keeps me from looking directly. Big boobs stick out, so sadly trying to look away... ends up me looking at them. Same with large bums, deformities, moles etc. :S

Not trying to mansplain, or trying to say all males get like this. It really does seem most guys who stare at boobs are doing it to perv. I can get why it makes women feel insecure for such reasons and thus I refrain from doing so nowadays.

ALiasEX

Do woman who have parts of their boobs on display mind strangers on the street who you are not talking to staring?

Millicent

ALiasEX wrote: »

Do woman who have parts of their boobs on display mind strangers on the street who you are not talking to staring?

Depends on the woman, I'd imagine.

Lyaiera

ALiasEX wrote: »

Do woman who have parts of their boobs on display mind strangers on the street who you are not talking to staring?

How is a boob on display? Is it part of a museum? An art exhibition? Mostly I find boobs just to be there.

kylith

ALiasEX wrote: »

Do woman who have parts of their boobs on display mind strangers on the street who you are not talking to staring?

What's so amazing about a bit of boob that people can't not stare at it? They're hardly a rare commodity with half the population sporting a set.

And, to answer the question; if I'm wearing a low cut top it doesn't bother me if people glance at my chest. It does bother me if they stare, because staring is rude.

Yellow121

Ok so I've been told by a mod that I can put this here. The reason I want it in the Ladies section is because there's more a chanc someone who this has happened to might see this. We need people to back up my friends story, anyway here it is:

I've had a look around boards to see the best place to put this and I think this might be it but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'll tell the story and see.
Ok, I know this girl and she's from South America, she's a very smart, attractive woman. She's here learning English but had very good jobs in her home country.
She only has a visa to cover the length she is here to study but during her time here she has enjoyed it so much and see's so much opportunity here that she wants to stay longer. That's financial opportunity and the opportunity to travel around Europe.

Well in order for her to get another visa she needs a job, she may have to go home and then come back here again. She told me the other day that she had two interviews today (Thursday) and she was very excited about them.
I met her today and asked her how she got on. She looked upset as she shaked her head. I asked what was wrong and she just mumbled, 'it was a crazy interview.' This girl is always smiling but that was no where to be seen.

She then told me a little bit about what happened, she went into the interview and it all started really well. She felt the guy that was interviewing her liked what she had to say but after a few minutes things started to change.
The interviewer started suggesting things to my friend, not coming out and saying it but hinting. Like what would you do to get this job? She was fighting back tears as she told me this.

She said she couldn't come up with the words to shout at this person as English is not her first language and she was shocked with what was happening. She just got up and walked out.
She also said that outside there was only woman waiting to be interviewed. Now, she has the name of the company and stuff on her computer but doesn't remember it but it's in Dublin city and not too far from the spiral she says.

Tomorrow she is going to print off the company add and give it to me, honestly there's only one thing I want to do. That's find this guy and sort him out. I wonder how many women he has done this to and has he actually got away with this in the past.
If I pass it on to the Gardaí will they do anything? She has no proof this happened and there's no one to back up her story. Will he just get away with it if I go to the Guards?

What I want to know is what should I do and is there any other women here that this has happened to? If we can get more than one story then we'll definitely go to the Gardaí.
I will know what this place is called and where it is tomorrow but it's near the Spiral on one of the streets off O'Connell street. Thanks for reading.

homemadecider

What exactly did the interviewer say?

Yellow121

homemadecider wrote: »

What exactly did the interviewer say?

She didn't say exactly because she didn't want to but he wanted sexual favours in return for the job.

Yellow121

Sorry maybe I haven't explained it too well. I will know more tomorrow. What I think is going on is this guy was trying to tae advantage of a girl who he knows needs a visa and he also does this to other girls. Now that's only an assumption as all the people waiting to be interviewed were women.
This job was for a good position, it wasn't for a low paid post and it's not a job that would only attract women. She says it's a company with 3 letters but can't quite think of it. I was shocked when she told me that this happened in our capitol city.

Morag

Go to the garda.

Pawwed Rig

I doubt the Gardai will do anything but it would definitely be worth having a chat with a solicitor.

username123

Did he explicitly ask for sex in return for a position in the company? I'm sorry, but that just sounds quite fantastical. I'm not disputing something dodgy happened, but if it was just innuendo the Guards may well just brush it off as a misunderstanding. There is also a possibility your friend misunderstood the situation, as English is not her first language?

Anyway, it is her who must go to the Guards, not you. A third party complaint on this is meaningless.

Pawwed Rig

Alternatively contact the good people at http://www.equality.ie/en/Contact-Us/ who may be able to give you some good advice.

ivytwine

ALiasEX wrote: »

Do woman who have parts of their boobs on display mind strangers on the street who you are not talking to staring?

If you have big boobs pretty much everything you can wear puts them on "display" as you put it.

Yellow121

username123 wrote: »

Did he explicitly ask for sex in return for a position in the company? I'm sorry, but that just sounds quite fantastical. I'm not disputing something dodgy happened, but if it was just innuendo the Guards may well just brush it off as a misunderstanding. There is also a possibility your friend misunderstood the situation, as English is not her first language?

Anyway, it is her who must go to the Guards, not you. A third party complaint on this is meaningless.

No, he didn't explicitly ask that. She didn't want to say exactly what he said as she was near tears and didn't want to. I'm shocked as well that this happened but I can gaurantee she didn't misunderstand.
When I say she's learning English here, I don't mean she has a basic level of English. Her English is excellent, she's here to improve her written English as she needs that to gain managerial positions in her home country.
If she just goes to the Gardaí on her own, I know they wont do anything.
I don't know what to do but thanks for your help.

Yellow121

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Alternatively contact the good people at http://www.equality.ie/en/Contact-Us/ who may be able to give you some good advice.

When I find out the company's name I will contact them, thanks.

kylith

If she reports it to the equality commissioners it maybe the case that that man has been reported before. She can also look at complaining directly to the company, if she has a contact email or number for someone other than him; at the very least a person should not be conducting interviews alone, as much to protect themselves from spurious accusations as to ensure that they are not behaving inappropriately toward candidates.

username123

Yellow121 wrote: »

No, he didn't explicitly ask that. She didn't want to say exactly what he said as she was near tears and didn't want to. I'm shocked as well that this happened but I can gaurantee she didn't misunderstand.
When I say she's learning English here, I don't mean she has a basic level of English. Her English is excellent, she's here to improve her written English as she needs that to gain managerial positions in her home country.
If she just goes to the Gardaí on her own, I know they wont do anything.
I don't know what to do but thanks for your help.

Sorry, I didn't mean she should go to the Guards on her own, but that you cannot report it yourself, on her behalf. Certainly, go with her.

Perhaps she could contact her embassy for advice also? They may wish to make a formal complaint to the company involved, that would carry more weight than just her individually complaining.

But at this point, the best course of action is to go to the guards with her, allow her to make her complaint, and take it from there.

clairefontaine

Does she have proof? Otherwise her word against his. He'll just deny it.