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Child bearing years
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Join Date:Posts: 25439
But what woman really wants a man much, much older! Some men seem to think they can get young woman despite them being much older. I think they are deluded. I know very few couples with a large age gap. I was chatted up by a man 30 year older on Friday night. I felt sick! He honestly thought he had a shot... and I look a lot younger than I am!
Well his wife was happy with the 20yr age gap.
and she still has no regrets, they had a wonderful marriage and life together until he passed away recently.
Older men hitting on younger women is nothing new. Youth is attractive. And some can get women much younger - look at all the mail-order brides industry where you have a man well into his forties or even fifties marrying a 20 something Filipino, Russian or Thai woman. Bangkok is full of older male tourists parading girls who look barely out of their teens. Now, lets not pretend that the women find them all irresistible, but they find something to hold their interest.My parents had teens when in their 60s and they coped a lot better than younger parents.
Thats just what I described in my example
. He had his youngest when he was 59, so the older children were teens when he was in his 60's. 0 -
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After?! You look forward to it during those years...I'm sure after raising kids you look forward to the years of not having to run after them any more.
Everything going our way, I'll have just turned 47 and my fiancée will be 45 at our youngest's 18th so we should be getting some degree of our freedom back in our early to mid-forties.0 -
Eve_Dublin wrote: »What if neither person knows if they want to have kids though and you're still trying to work that one out yourself? Something like this is not so black and white in these modern times now that we have choices. It's a quandary I grapple with daily and I'm in my early 30s; trying to decipher if it's just biology making me broody or a real desire to have one. I'm in a relationship and we've discussed it and if I was to have kids, it'd be with him....but I still don't know. He seems a bit more sure than me. I've always felt this way.
Perhaps it's okay to carry on with a "I don't know at the moment but I've a few years yet to decide" instead of having to make a decision either way just because you're in a relationship?
What do yous think?
Well, Eve, since you asked...
No, of course you don't have to make a decision now just because you are in a relationship, but in your shoes I would be looking to come to a decision at some point in the next year or two, just because considering your age (32-33) it would be a wise choice to start considering what is realistic.
You seem to be in the perfect position to make a truly free, non-pressurised, and responsible decision about this, that is to say you have a partner who is on board with having children at some point but is not rushing you either (if I understand correctly). That's a lovely situation to have.
So, of course you will have to consider the financial, life-style and all the other implications of having a child/children and discuss them together, but I guess what I'm saying is start thinking about this? The main thing is to know your own mind before it gets very late in the day.
I'm saying all this I suppose as I've just seen someone on the weekend who I first met when she was about 37, she was in a relationship and was adamant that she didn't want kids. Some 2 or 3 years later (she was 40) she was single again, and then she started saying that "she still had a few years to decide" (I was like, but kept quiet). And this is someone with a scientific background! Roll on another 7 years and she is 47, the boat has well and truly sailed, but she is still living in some kind of parallel universe where she thinks if she meets the right man tomorrow, it could all magically happen...babies, family, etc. Yet underneath this talk is a strong undercurrent of regret.
The person above is just a very extreme example of someone not knowing whether they're coming or going when it comes to these huge life-changing decisions, and fair enough, if she is like that, probably the best thing all around is that she didn't have a child; on the other hand, I don't think this kind of indecisiveness is very rare in this day and age (as you've mentioned yourself), but I guess what I'm trying to say as tactfully as I can (which is not very!), just be careful you don't get caught out once you possibly do get broody. Start thinking about it, that's all.
I was lucky in that I was around 30 when I got majorly broody, and my daughter is the result of that. My heart breaks for all the people who want kids but can't have them due to infertility.
I know that being child-free out of choice is not an easy deal for anyone either in this, let's face it, still very traditional, society, (that comment that was made to Whispered is unreal! :mad:) but at least the child-free people don't have the bl00dy biological clock to contend with!
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Well his wife was happy with the 20yr age gap. and she still has no regrets, they had a wonderful marriage and life together until he passed away recently.
Older men hitting on younger women is nothing new. Youth is attractive. And some can get women much younger - look at all the mail-order brides industry where you have a man well into his forties or even fifties marrying a 20 something Filipino, Russian or Thai woman. Bangkok is full of older male tourists parading girls who look barely out of their teens. Now, lets not pretend that the women find them all irresistible, but they find something to hold their interest.
Thats just what I described in my example. He had his youngest when he was 59, so the older children were teens when he was in his 60's.
Mail order brides is a totally different topic. They want a meal ticket and are not in love with the men.
No it's not what you described. My parents are the same age. There is not a 20 year age gap. I simply said some of their children were teen when they were in their 60s. They had their last child when my mother was 44.0 -
Eve_Dublin wrote: »That's good to hear. I suppose I'm cautious because my own mam died young (48) and my dad (73 this year) is in terrible health (he smoked like a chimney for years and has basically ceased all form of exercise..ggrrrr). I've spent most of my adult life worrying more about him than visa versa (I'm no trouble). Knowing the pain of losing a parent so young ( I was 10), I'm probably more cautious than many. Both of us look after ourselves reasonably well though health-wise, so logically, I think we're grand.
Yep my grandmother died at 54 very suddenly, when her eldest daughter was pregnant (first grandchild, me) and her youngest son was 14. It was a massive blow to all of the family and my poor uncle was basically dragged up then, he was the only one left at home so mainly lived on junk food because no meals were cooked anymore. I know this isn't a common case but that would be one of the reasons I'd like to do it earlier rather than later, she died weeks before she would've met her first grandchild, so wasn't around to help my mum with all the usual granny things and missed everything else. I know there are no guarantees in life but if things can be done earlier in life - that goes for all opportunities - you might as well do it, you never know when you're gonna go!
Wonder has the OP looked back into this thread yet 0 -
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My mom had me when she was 25, my sister two years later and my youngest sister when she was 48. My baby sister is 7 now and my mom doesn't regret it or feel like she has no energy to run around after her- in fact, she thinks having my little sister around keeps her young. 0
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Itwasntme. wrote: »My mom had me when she was 25, my sister two years later and my youngest sister when she was 48. My baby sister is 7 now and my mom doesn't regret it or feel like she has no energy to run around after her- in fact, she thinks having my little sister around keeps her young.
Coming from a big family, I think that there is something in what you say. My parents were 46 and 52 when their last child was born, but this never meant that they didn't have energy for parenthood - quite the opposite in fact, they were both astonishingly involved in the physical side of games etc. In fact, my now elderly parents say that having children kept them young and active, and they are still both in robust health in their eighties. It might not be this way for everybody obviously, but being an older parent is not necessarily a bad experience for either the parent or the child.0 -
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Itwasntme. wrote: »My mom had me when she was 25, my sister two years later and my youngest sister when she was 48. My baby sister is 7 now and my mom doesn't regret it or feel like she has no energy to run around after her- in fact, she thinks having my little sister around keeps her young.
48?? Wow didn't think that was possible, fair play to her. My mum was 36 when she had me and 43 when she had the youngest. Maybe when I was younger I would have liked a younger mum but her age didn't affect her parenting skills at all, in fact she was proabably better able to deal with all of the little family crises that came along because she was that bit more mature. I would love kids but I'm single.,34 and unlikely to be partnered up any time soon. So mother nature may well take the decision out of my hands. It's annoying though, when you see people who have the whole package, partner, kids, the lot and don't seem to appreciate it.0 -
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My mother had my brother at 41 and myself at 45, and we are both fine and healthy specimens
No real point to this post other than to say to any women in their early/mid 30s who are worried about time "running out", it's not necessarily that black and white.
Waiting doesn't mean it won't happen for you.0 -
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