Having the door held open and other gestures

Bannasidhe

RacoonQueen wrote: »

. Must have been weird to walk in and see us all go to stand up...

Did ye find first time visitors tended not to return?

Ilyana

I like those little things like someone letting me pass through a door or helping me with heavy bags. These things are rarely done by women IME; although I do these things because at work we're expected to do them for customers. Well not expected, but it looks better.

I certainly wouldn't be offended by a man doing these things. In college once, a guy let me walk ahead of him through a doorway, and I really liked that. A little bit of chivalry will always have its place in the world.

However, a man ordering for me would be insulting to me. I'm a woman, not a mute.

Stheno

Das Kitty wrote: »

Holding doors, grand. Common courtesy all round (unless the person is so far from the door they need to trot to take you up on your kindness...). Helping a person struggling with something heavy? The human thing to do.

There are some things that I'm told are chivalrous that I do find annoying though.
I can't abide having my chair pulled out for me. It's so awkward. I know how to sit on a chair, I'm not wearing 20 petticoats, leave my seat alone you loon.

"Chivalrous" things you don't see often anymore but drove me cracked the few times they happened to me. A guy ordering my meal for me, like picked it out from the menu without asking what I'd like and told the waiter, "The lady will have..." I was quite young so I didn't argue, but if it happened now I'd finish the sentence with "her coat."

Then there was the time a fella took it upon himself to change my drink order of a pint to a glass of wine because it was more ladylike. I casually picked up the pint on front of him and drank it, leaving him with the wine. He didn't try that crap with me again.

Those chivalrous things made me laugh

I'd always hold a door open if someone is coming behind me.

Dolbert

Das Kitty wrote: »

Then there was the time a fella took it upon himself to change my drink order of a pint to a glass of wine because it was more ladylike. I casually picked up the pint on front of him and drank it, leaving him with the wine. He didn't try that crap with me again.

I get borderline emotional if I'm hungry, if someone tried to order for me they would have an episode of she-hulk proportions.

NO-ONE MESSES WITH DOLBERT'S FOOD :mad: :pac:

GRMA

Deleted User wrote: »

Jaysus! Where'd you find these fellas?
If that drinks situation happened to me I'd do well to remain as poised as you did, glass in the face (no, not just the drink) comes to mind!!

I know you're joking but on a serious note, thats not funny at all. I've seen a guy nearly killed by a girl doing that, as it was he was permanently scarred and lost tons of blood.

For some reason glassing someone seems to have a degree of acceptability about that response, more acceptable than it should be, someone wouldn't joke about pulling out a knife and stabbing someone over ordering drinks when there is next to no difference between the two acts.

shalalala

My day brightens up a bit when a man steps back to let me onto the bus first or opens a door for me. Obviously I am equally as polite when the situation needs it but feminism has more important battles to fight.

Also I know a few old school men that always walk on the road side of the pavement. Now that is cute!

Hannibal Smith

Its funny i always hold the door open for people whether they're male or female...but when ever i stand back for a man they always get sheepish and insist i go first, or are embarrassed that i held the door for them. Im not complaining, i think its a lovely gesture, its just interesting in this day and age there are still inherent behaviours in existence.

thier

I think it's wonderful when someone holds the door open for me, regardless of gender. It means a huge deal to me.

postitnote

I would always hold the door open for other people, regardless of gender. I don't do it for the thanks, but I do dislike when it's not acknowledged.

Standing when someone leaves or enters a room, walking on the outside of the pavement with my girlfriend, walking behind her going up the stairs, walking in front going down stairs, are all things I was taught as a child as being the right thing to do.

It makes up for my many, many other faults.

Reminds me of my mate in Sydney holding a door for a woman in a car hire place. She sauntered on through without a word of thanks. Cue my hungover friend to blurt out rather louder than planned, "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

She belatedly thanked him.

bronte

shalalala wrote: »

Also I know a few old school men that always walk on the road side of the pavement. Now that is cute!

I think that's adorable, although it took me a while to realise it wasn't some sort of ocd type quirk that involved having to walk on a specific side of the path. :pac: It's very sweet.
I'll hold doors for anybody regardless of gender...it's just a nice thing to do.
If someone bites the head off you for having the audacity to hold a door for her, it's a fairly good indicator of the type of person she is in general.

Malari

postitnote wrote: »

I
Reminds me of my mate in Sydney holding a door for a woman in a car hire place. She sauntered on through without a word of thanks. Cue my hungover friend to blurt out rather louder than planned, "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

She belatedly thanked him.

I wouldn't need to be hungover to do that. As much as it's polite to hold the door open, no-one is obliged to do so and I would expect a thanks or nod at least. If it's not forthcoming I do normally say "you're welcome!"

Honey-ec

Malari wrote: »

If it's not forthcoming I do normally say "you're welcome!"

I do that every single time someone doesn't thank me for something they should have. Works like a charm.

Bannasidhe

I even do that when I pull in/stop to let cars come down narrow roads when an obstruction is on their side - I know they can't hear me but would a little nod or raise of the finger to thank the person who had right of way but stopped to let them go through be too much effort?

Twee.

I'm guilty of the "YOU'RE WELCOME" when someone doesn't acknowledge my door opening! I don't expect a round of applause for holding a door, but even a nod or thank you mouthed is welcomed.

beks101

I think someone having a problem with a guy offering to lend a hand or to hold a door open has their own issues and is probably generally a difficult/argumentative/irritable/neurotic person anyway.

I really don't get how it's supposedly an offensive gesture, I see it as a courteous sign of respect and consideration for a passing stranger, nothing more or less.

Tigger99

Ha, I do the your welcome too, gives me great satisfaction

cena

I hold the door open all the time for anyone. It just seems normal for me

LittleBook

shalalala wrote: »

Also I know a few old school men that always walk on the road side of the pavement. Now that is cute!

postitnote wrote: »

walking on the outside of the pavement with my girlfriend

bronte wrote: »

I think that's adorable, although it took me a while to realise it wasn't some sort of ocd type quirk that involved having to walk on a specific side of the path. :pac: It's very sweet.

I love this.

Emily Post wrote:

On the street, a man traditionally walks on the curb side — a custom born of the idea that women needed to be shielded from the potential hazards posed by the passing horse-and-buggy parade.

There's also the whole "gardyloo" story as well where men walked on the outside in Elizabethan times so that when the servants emptied the chamber pots into the streets, the person closest to the house was less likely to be splashed ... though I'm not sure how true this is in this context.

Emeraldy Pebbles

beks101 wrote: »

I think someone having a problem with a guy offering to lend a hand or to hold a door open has their own issues and is probably generally a difficult/argumentative/irritable/neurotic person anyway.

I really don't get how it's supposedly an offensive gesture, I see it as a courteous sign of respect and consideration for a passing stranger, nothing more or less.

If it's biased towards one gender, it's kinda patronising to that gender. I hold a door for either gender if it make for me to do so.

Tefral

I fly twice a week and often see people struggling with getting hand luggage out of the over head bins. I often reach in and help them out and they are usually grateful.

One morning, a lady who was vertically challenged to say the least was on her tip toes trying to get her cabin baggage out, she was quite clearly struggling, I just said "let me help you" and picked out her bag and handed it to her, the look she threw me, and just walked off the plane.

I would hold the doors open for anyone, but I have noticed lately that manners such as saying thank you are few and far between now. I dont do it to get a thanks but I would have thought it was a bit of courtesy.

Malari

cronin_j wrote: »

I would hold the doors open for anyone, but I have noticed lately that manners such as saying thank you are few and far between now. I dont do it to get a thanks but I would have thought it was a bit of courtesy.

I don't know if it's lately, because I'm sure people have been saying this kind of thing for generations! There are always rude, ungracious people I guess.

The thing that's struck me recently is when I, alone, am walking towards a group of people on the footpath (often but not exclusively teenagers and college students :pac:) they won't single out to let me pass. They'll insist on staying 3 or 4 abreast and make me walk on the road to pass them. I feel that's so rude. If I'm in the bigger party I'll always make way for a solitary person coming towards me. Is this unusual?

miamee

Malari wrote: »

I don't know if it's lately, because I'm sure people have been saying this kind of thing for generations! There are always rude, ungracious people I guess.

The thing that's struck me recently is when I, alone, am walking towards a group of people on the footpath (often but not exclusively teenagers and college students :pac:) they won't single out to let me pass. They'll insist on staying 3 or 4 abreast and make me walk on the road to pass them. I feel that's so rude. If I'm in the bigger party I'll always make way for a solitary person coming towards me. Is this unusual?

Some people are not as aware of others especially if they are in the middle of a conversation. Depending on what kind of mood I'm in, I'll often just barrel through them anyway

Malari

miamee wrote: »

Some people are not as aware of others especially if they are in the middle of a conversation. Depending on what kind of mood I'm in, I'll often just barrel through them anyway

Yeah, I know, but I'm not talking about the people who haven't noticed me coming, that's understandable!

I've taken to stopping so they have to go around me :pac:

Twee.

Malari wrote: »

The thing that's struck me recently is when I, alone, am walking towards a group of people on the footpath (often but not exclusively teenagers and college students :pac:) they won't single out to let me pass. They'll insist on staying 3 or 4 abreast and make me walk on the road to pass them. I feel that's so rude. If I'm in the bigger party I'll always make way for a solitary person coming towards me. Is this unusual?

I was out on a run and my route includes a pedestrian bridge. I'm on my way down one side and a bunch of secondary school kids are coming up. They just GAWKED at me as I came to a stop because I couldn't get by. I turned into the rude one then and said "would ye bloody move?!"

I like to think that I'm conscious on paths, especially when in groups as it grinds my gears so bad.

beks101

Emeraldy Pebbles wrote: »

If it's biased towards one gender, it's kinda patronising to that gender

That's how the argument goes anyway. Personally I just don't get it. I've just never felt patronised or disrespected or belittled or any range of negative emotions when someone makes a small but pleasant gesture towards me such as holding open a door or helping out with luggage or something.

I'm an independent adult, it goes without saying I don't need anybody to do these things for me, but I appreciate the gestures anyway without over-thinking them or believing that they speak of a holier-than-thou attitude or anything.

I live in uber polite Toronto though where it's almost rude not to do these things, so maybe I've just become overly accustomed.

Star Lord

beks101 wrote: »

I live in uber polite Toronto though where it's almost rude not to do these things, so maybe I've just become overly accustomed.

I would consider it rude nt to regardless of where in the world you are! I hold doors without bias, male, female, young or old. I'm guilty of the walk on the outside of the pavement thing too, but generally only where I perceived a possible threat to someone that I care about.

I also do the "you're welcome" thing, but only with those that I know, and only in a jokey manner, as I feel that to do so to a stranger would be ruder that them ignoring the gesture.

the_syco

Foxhound38 wrote: »

Was walking through my place of work earlier today and (as I do all the time, with people of either gender) held a door open for a woman who worked there.

The trick is, you hold the door for them, but don't look at them, so when you see that they're at the door (you see them in the reflection of something), you walk off.

Madam_X

Foxhound38 wrote: »

held a door open for a woman who worked there. Well jaysus, I was not expecting the reaction I got! I was given a right giving out to by her for "reinforcing gender roles". It reminded me of a time last year when I was walking up the stairs of a Hostel and saw a girl struggling with a massive suitcase - I asked if I could lend a hand (again, something I would do for someone of either gender if I saw them struggling) and got a similar reception and accompanying lecture.

Wow, thought that only happened in lame rom-coms.

Precious flower

I'd hold a door open for both a man or woman. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I should expect automatically to have the right to go first. I let men go in front of me on the bus when they're getting out, they usually wait and let the girl go ahead of them but I feel it's only fair to let them get go ahead. It nice though when men let you go first and hole doors open for you which they do for me.:) I've rarely meet a man that doesn't but I certainly agree women should be expected to do it as well. That woman had no manners and was probably just looking for a fight!

Gypsy Roman

I hold doors open for Men,Woman,Children and Animals as a matter of fact,its called Mannors and having a decent up bringing,she was obviously waiting to go off on one and no matter if it was something nice or something bad that was gonna happen to her she was gonna let someone have it. Hoepfully she will walk into door next time,preferably a revolving one.