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Is flirting (while in a relationship) acceptable?

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    #92
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    I can only flirt with people I am not attracted to (men ususally) - if I like someone (most of the time a woman!) I just turn into a blathering muttering idiot and flirting or any other type of social game is the furthest thing from my mind lol :)


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    #93
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    username123 wrote: »
    Rubbish, I flirt with old men who Im not remotely attracted to, who in fact do repulse me physically (as in, if you asked me to kiss one of them Id cringe) - but who Im having a laugh with. Flirting is not about sexual attraction imo.

    I love flirting with the creepy old men in bars :o It amuses me.


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    #94
    Sorcha16
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 343 ✭✭Sorcha16


    g'em wrote: »
    Psychologists would agree with you this article describes six different reasons why we flirt, with sex only being one of them :)

    If there's no inherent association between flirting and sexuality, like some people here are trying to suggest, then why is it included in a thesis based upon dating and courtship?

    I think alone speaks volume about what the general connotations of flirting are


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    #95
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    I love flirting with the creepy old men in bars :o It amuses me.

    So you like being a tease?

    I think that's kinda mean tbh.


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    #96
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    So you like being a tease?

    I think that's kinda mean tbh.

    No they come to chat to me and I chat back. I'm not gonna bat them away and say, don't bother talking to me I have a boyfriend straight away. They want to take things further than just talking I'll tell them then.


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    #97
    Star Lord
    Registered Users Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Sorcha16 wrote: »
    If there's no inherent association between flirting and sexuality, like some people here are trying to suggest, then why is it included in a thesis based upon dating and courtship?

    I think alone speaks volume about what the general connotations of flirting are

    Just because it may be used as part of dating/courtship, does not automatically infer that it is always and only used as part of dating/courtship.


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    #98
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Sorcha16 wrote: »
    If there's no inherent association between flirting and sexuality, like some people here are trying to suggest, then why is it included in a thesis based upon dating and courtship?

    I think alone speaks volume about what the general connotations of flirting are

    I dont know what thesis you are talking about? Linky?

    I dont think that speaks volumes about anything though. I could decide to write a thesis about cats and peanuts and at the end conclude that there is no connection between the two. Including something in a thesis doesnt make it fact.

    Flirting could be used in many ways, not just as part of courtship.


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    #99
    Sorcha16
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 343 ✭✭Sorcha16


    username123 wrote: »
    Including something in a thesis doesnt make it fact.

    Of course not but there have to be legitimate grounds for investigation in order for a thesis to be authorised in the first place. The intrinsic link between flirting and dating evidently exists and anyone who thinks flirting isn't widely received as a sexual practice is fooling themselves


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    #100
    CarMe
    Registered Users Posts: 677 ✭✭✭CarMe


    Princess Peach wrote: »

    No they come to chat to me and I chat back. I'm not gonna bat them away and say, don't bother talking to me I have a boyfriend straight away. They want to take things further than just talking I'll tell them then.
    I think flirting with men you find creepy just because it amuses you is a bit mean to be honest :/ kinda just sounds like taking the piss out of a little old man :(
    Hope Im wrong!


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    #101
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Okay I'll give a real scenario!

    Me and my sister were in a bar last week, and an older guy came and talked us. He didn't offer to buy us drinks, or ask us to dance or anything. We just chatted, had some laughs, he told us we were beautiful and we said thank you. After a while the conversation dryed up and he went away.

    Should I have said when he came over, don't bother we aren't interested? He was a funny guy and we had a laugh!


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    #102
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    Okay I'll give a real scenario!

    Me and my sister were in a bar last week, and an older guy came and talked us. He didn't offer to buy us drinks, or ask us to dance or anything. We just chatted, had some laughs, he told us we were beautiful and we said thank you. After a while the conversation dryed up and he went away.

    Should I have said when he came over, don't bother we aren't interested? He was a funny guy and we had a laugh!

    So did you talk to this guy purely for your own amusement? If you didn't find him 'amusing' would you have sent him away?


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    #103
    CarMe
    Registered Users Posts: 677 ✭✭✭CarMe


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    Okay I'll give a real scenario!

    Me and my sister were in a bar last week, and an older guy came and talked us. He didn't offer to buy us drinks, or ask us to dance or anything. We just chatted, had some laughs, he told us we were beautiful and we said thank you. After a while the conversation dryed up and he went away.

    Should I have said when he came over, don't bother we aren't interested? He was a funny guy and we had a laugh!
    Of course not but that's just talking to someone?? I know there's a debate about what flirting is but Im sure anyone would agree that's just talking no?


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    #104
    Ella
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,772 ✭✭✭Ella


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    Okay I'll give a real scenario!

    Me and my sister were in a bar last week, and an older guy came and talked us. He didn't offer to buy us drinks, or ask us to dance or anything. We just chatted, had some laughs, he told us we were beautiful and we said thank you. After a while the conversation dryed up and he went away.

    Should I have said when he came over, don't bother we aren't interested? He was a funny guy and we had a laugh!
    That's called being friendly, not flirting.


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    #105
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    So did you talk to this guy purely for your own amusement? If you didn't find him 'amusing' would you have sent him away?

    I was talking to him cause he was interesting, and I like to talk to people. If he had been boring the conversation would have dried up sooner. I don't think I'd ever send anyone away, cause I think that's pretty rude unless they did something offensive.


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    #106
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    I've stated four times in this thread I don't know what flirting is and nobody has explained it to me :pac:


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    #107
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    As others have said you were just talking to him. It wasn't flirting.

    Flirting with someone you find creepy for your own amusement is wrong imo.


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    #108
    28064212
    Registered Users Posts: 10,514 ✭✭✭✭28064212


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    As others have said you were just talking to him. It wasn't flirting.
    If you asked the guy, would he have said it was flirting? If the guy had a genuine sexual interest in her, is it flirting?

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    #109
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    28064212 wrote: »
    If you asked the guy, would he have said it was flirting? If the guy had a genuine sexual interest in her, is it flirting?

    Depends on the conversation tbh.


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    #110
    Star Lord
    Registered Users Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    As others have said you were just talking to him. It wasn't flirting.

    Flirting with someone you find creepy for your own amusement is wrong imo.

    Hasn't half this thread been about when people were just doing this, chatting, having a laugh with someone, and it was interpreted as flirting?


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    #111
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    28064212 wrote: »
    If you asked the guy, would he have said it was flirting? If the guy had a genuine sexual interest in her, is it flirting?

    I'm fairly sure he was onto either me or my sister, he didn't really care. So is me sitting there listening to him calling us beautiful flirting? :pac:

    My crazy brain is getting way too confused here so I'm gonna stop thinking. I know how things are in my relationship and I'm happy with that, so I guess that's all that matters :)


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    #112
    Star Lord
    Registered Users Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    28064212 wrote: »
    If you asked the guy, would he have said it was flirting? If the guy had a genuine sexual interest in her, is it flirting?

    Sounds to me like he was possibly flirting with them. Of course, it's all context dependent, but isn't striking up conversation with ladies because he found them pretty and to have a bit of a laugh with them also flirting? And if they keep it going, isn't that also flirting?


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    #113
    Whispered
    Registered Users Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    Oh where is the video that was posted gone? I was coming back to watch it, my laptop is playing up so I could have the wrong thread altogether.


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    #114
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    DamoElDiablo wrote: »
    Hasn't half this thread been about when people were just doing this, chatting, having a laugh with someone, and it was interpreted as flirting?

    Well to me flirting is much more than just having a conversation with someone.


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    #115
    Princess Peach
    Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    Well to me flirting is much more than just having a conversation with someone.

    But I have often had what I thought was just a conversation with people, but they or witnesses said later it was flirting.

    This is why I shouldn't think about things :pac:


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    #116
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Princess Peach wrote: »
    I've stated four times in this thread I don't know what flirting is and nobody has explained it to me :pac:


    Want me to show you...?? ;)

    (Btw before I get banned, THAT was trying to show what it is lol)

    Epic fail, gets coat :D


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    #117
    LeeHoffmann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    Mostly because we're human and can't help but find ourselves sexually attracted to other people sometimes but might never want it to go anywhere by virtue of being married, in a relationship, in love with someone else or a multitude of other reasons.

    It's healthy to express ourselves and flirting by definition is an expression of sexual attraction
    Flirting can be about sexual attraction (i.e. "serious intent") or without. Still though - why would you flirt with somebody you were attracted to but didn´t want to have any kind of sexual relationship with? Either I´d flirt with somebody I´m attracted to because I want it to go somewhere, or I might flirt with somebody I´m not attracted to for the sake of being playful and friendly and for fun. I wouldn´t flirt with somebody I´m attracted to if I didn´t want it to go somewhere. I´m very puzzled by that concept tbh


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    #118
    Linguo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,127 ✭✭✭Linguo


    For us personally, it's not acceptable. When we got together we were only 19 so didn't have a clue really but as adults now, (well 29!) we would never, ever do it, I'd feel betrayed and so would he!

    There's nothing wrong with being yourself, friendly and nice and chatty but I think there's a distinct line between being friendly and an outgoing person and being flirty and neither of us in a million years would cross it or want to cross it!

    I know some couples who are the total opposite and are very content with eachother being flirty so it does depend on the person but that's how we are and always intend to be!:D


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    #119
    Star Lord
    Registered Users Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    Well to me flirting is much more than just having a conversation with someone.

    Well if you're not having a conversation, you're certainly doing more than just flirting... ;) :pac:

    Flirting can be purely through dialogue, a bit of banter, trying to have a laugh with someone, it may or may not involve attraction. It's an ambiguous thing, two people can be having a chat, one may think the other was flirting while the other may think nothing of the sort.


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    #120
    28064212
    Registered Users Posts: 10,514 ✭✭✭✭28064212


    Stench Blossoms wrote: »
    Well to me flirting is much more than just having a conversation with someone.
    And isn't that the point? Say A is talking to B, and C is a neutral observer. After the conversation, all 3 could have totally different opinions of whether the conversation crossed the line into flirting. Add in D, E and F observers and you'll get 3 more opinions. It's incredibly subjective, ambiguous and arbitrary

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    #121
    CarMe
    Registered Users Posts: 677 ✭✭✭CarMe


    Princess Peach wrote: »

    But I have often had what I thought was just a conversation with people, but they or witnesses said later it was flirting.

    This is why I shouldn't think about things :pac:
    Well Im a very outgoing friendly person and I would be highly insulted if somebody accused me of flirting with somebody I was simply talking to. I've got a friend whose girlfriend is a shameful flirt and it creates really awkward situations, she'll sit rubbing her boyfriends friends shoulders, almost sit on their laps, makes suggestive remarks about them coming over and being her topless handyman etc. My friend ends up upset most nights and the rest of us are left with a really bad taste in our mouths because we find it disrespectful to our friend. So that's why if somebody accused me of flirting id be insulted.
    Whatever our different interpretations of flirting is surely we're all in agreement that it's slightly or a lot more than just a conversation with someone.


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