Is flirting (while in a relationship) acceptable?

Sunshineboo

I really can't flirt with people I fancy so when I "flirt" it really is just banter. I would not mind if a boyfriend was flirting with a girl as long it isn't bordering on anything too sexual or inappropriate.

There are people who are just naturally charming with everyone and sometimes its deemed as flirting but sometimes it really just old school charm and there is nothing wrong with that!

Star Lord

CarMe wrote: »

Well Im a very outgoing friendly person and I would be highly insulted if somebody accused me of flirting with somebody I was simply talking to. I've got a friend whose girlfriend is a shameful flirt and it creates really awkward situations, she'll sit rubbing her boyfriends friends shoulders, almost sit on their laps, makes suggestive remarks about them coming over and being her topless handyman etc. My friend ends up upset most nights and the rest of us are left with a really bad taste in our mouths because we find it disrespectful to our friend. So that's why if somebody accused me of flirting id be insulted.
Whatever our different interpretations of flirting is surely we're all in agreement that it's slightly or a lot more than just a conversation with someone.

That's going way beyond 'flirting', and is completely inappropriate, as you've said. Flirting can be subtle or pretty blatant, but that is... that's something else entirely!

username123

Sorcha16 wrote: »

The intrinsic link between flirting and dating evidently exists and anyone who thinks flirting isn't widely received as a sexual practice is fooling themselves

I dont think that flirting is a sexual practice - at all!!!

I think that flirting can lead to starting a relationship which can lead to sexual activities, but I also think it can lead to nothing, to some laughs, to a free drink, to a chuffed pensioner, to a giggle to tell friends about etc....

The notion that flirting is employed solely as a predecessor to sexual activity is flawed.

ViveLaVie

g'em wrote: »

Psychologists would agree with you this article describes six different reasons why we flirt, with sex only being one of them

The article also states that flirting tends to be more sexually driven for men rather than women and overall the most common reason people flirt is to establish/deepen a relationship. So while flirting can be harmless, in the majority of situations it's not.

username123

ViveLaVie wrote: »

The article also states that flirting tends to be more sexually driven for men rather than women and overall the most common reason people flirt is to establish/deepen a relationship. So while flirting can be harmless, in the majority of situations it's not.

I dont know how you got that from that article.

It said collectively (as a whole) the majority of flirting was 'relational'. But it doesnt say how much of that whole is relational. It could be 30%. Which holds majority on its own, but that would mean the rest of the reasons cover 70% all added together. It doesnt say anything about how much flirting is done for 'sex' as the reason.

Playboy

What's the difference between flirting and talking and just being friendly? I assume flirting to be playful behaviour, being physically closer than normal to the person (inside your personal space), touching the other person every so often and complimenting the other person. I get told I'm flirty but its bs because I dont do any of those things... I'm just a friendly person who speaks to people if they speak to me.

Nickcaved

SarahBeep! wrote: »

In my opinion, doing anything ou wouldn't want your OH to find out about would be cheating.
If your partner is ok with you flirting then go for it, if not, have some respect and don't do something you know would upset them.

That's ridiculous! My last bf was a little jealous and overly sensitive.
I flirt with the guys in my office but it doesn't mean anything. I wouldn't want my ex to know cos he'd get upset over nothing and start an unnecessary argument.
By your logic, because I wouldn't want him to find out, that means it's cheating. So I was cheating on a daily basis then?
Nonsense.

carrig2

I am quite an insecure person and to be honest I would hate my partner to flirt. I do think it is sexual in nature. Whether the person intends to act on it or not out another argument but flirting is intended to evoke a sexual spark

ViveLaVie

username123 wrote: »

I dont know how you got that from that article.

It said collectively (as a whole) the majority of flirting was 'relational'. But it doesnt say how much of that whole is relational. It could be 30%. Which holds majority on its own, but that would mean the rest of the reasons cover 70% all added together. It doesnt say anything about how much flirting is done for 'sex' as the reason.

Yeah but it could also be 60 percent. Anyway it is still the most common motive. Also it states that flirting is viewed to be more sexually driven by men than by women. So on the one hand the most common reason someone flirts is to deepen/establish a relationship and on the other men in general view there to be a sexual undertone to flirting in the majority of cases. So I would be slow to say that flirting is harmless in the majority of cases.

username123

ViveLaVie wrote: »

So I would be slow to say that flirting is harmless in the majority of cases.

Tbh, based on that article, Id be slow to say anything about flirting except that there are 6 reasons people do it, the most common of which being relational

noreen.

I always thought of flirting as a situation where you have some sort of intention and where you say things that are quite obviously sexual in nature. I always thought of making an effort to be engaging and entertaining as just making an effort to be good company.

If I am wrong, and paying attention to someone, telling them jokes (not even sexual jokes), making them feel good about themselves, the odd compliment and general old school charm is flirting, I think it would be impossible to be any kind of fun on a night out without flirting. You would have to have a deadly serious conversation. What would it consist of? Grilling them on their career? Current affairs? The state of the world?

SusieBlue

My boyfriend is a total flirt, doesn't bother me in the slightest. As others have said, it was what initially attracted me to him in the first place. I don't want him to change. Its part of who he is.

When we first met, I wasn't interested in him, but he was such a charmer it changed things entirely and he won me over pretty quickly. I'm not exactly the flirting type so he's the complete opposite to me really. I love that about him.

I know he flirts with both his colleagues and customers in his line of work, in fact I've even seen him do it, but its not an issue in our relationship. He comes home to me and that's the main thing. Its just friendly banter and he's never taken it further and I'm so secure in our relationship that I don't even waste time worrying about it.

I'm a very insecure person but I can tell the difference between when he's flirting with me and with customers/colleagues or whatever. Its completely different. He's known for being a charmer so I don't see why it should change just cause he's going out with me.

shalalala

I work with men, serving men. Men coming out of my ears! There are only a few ways to get them to do what you need them to, and to even just communicate with them. Friendly banter is all it is to me. And I have never once been asked out (apart from old pervs) so I guess I don't flirt but I have been accused of it by outsiders.

If my OH flirted that would be horrid. He did once in front of me and as soon as we left the shop I told him I was having NONE of it. I find it disrespectful and only makes me feel insecure about us.

livinsane

I used to be a flirty person, in the sense that I would give alot of attention to men (mostly without it developing into anything but there was often a sense that something could happen).

When I started a serious relationship, I instinctively just stopped having those suggestive type conversations. Im still a very friendly person and very conversational with people I meet (still make all the dirty jokes in the pub etc) but I draw the line more to the conservative side now. I just don't want to create situations where there might be chemistry created. In a group situation, I would act in any way that felt natural but am careful how I engage with other men when it is one-on-one.

chickenbutt

I wouldn't do it while in a relationship - that's crossing a line imo. I'm not worried about my boyfriend flirting with some girl. Even if he did flirt, he probably isn't aware of it

Ellsbells

It's very interesting that people can't even agree with what flirting is or the intention behind it. For me it's always with an intention to attract someone as otherwise it's just chatting.

Eve_Dublin

Ellsbells wrote: »

It's very interesting that people can't even agree with what flirting is or the intention behind it. For me it's always with an intention to attract someone as otherwise it's just chatting.

I really believe it's not that cut and dry though. When I sit here and think back on how I hooked up with men, it's never been me waving my boobs in their face or licking my lips or making suggestive comments or anything (MOST of the time), it's involved me being friendly and chatty and probably trying to make them laugh or something. I've used my "chat" to get their attention.

I'm not the kind of person who's overtly flirty and my friendliness has either made me friends,enabled me to talk to strangers for a while or get the interest of a guy. Where things have gone from friendly to something more was when one of us made the move in for a kiss. That's how it's always gone for me.

So if my boyfriend had a problem with me flirting with another guy, he kind of has a problem with me being myself. Same goes for him. There's not much difference between how he is with his family and how he was with me when we went on our first date....except for the kissing and the rest of it later (I know you can all hear the theme tune to the Deliverance in the distance haha).

At least that's the case for me. Might not be with others.

starlit

A bit of clean fun and banter and a joke is fine but flirting is ok if it complimentary and clean but once it not go over the line like then its ok. Too much of it no, a little bit is ok. I know that knowing someone else fancies your partner can boost or lower your ego but its nice to know like but if its gets to a degree to worry about then its a no no. There is such a thing as too much and crossing the line in the case of infatuation/unrequited love.

A little flirty is ok if its in their nature anyway but if its overly done it be a bit of a concern.

WhiteRose90

Imo? No. To me, if you want to be with one particular person, then you wouldn't be flirting or looking at someone else in that way. I think the flirting could cause some trouble between the couple and the third person who was flirted with, especially if the third person picks you up the wrong way.

ash23

My OH and daughter were teasing me about "flirting" with the waiter when we went out to dinner the other night. My OH is probably the chattier one in the relationship but I'm much better in a capacity such as ordering food, making phone calls etc.
I work in a professional environment and he doesn't.
Anyway, I ordered the food and then later had to call the waiter over on a couple of occasions for different things. He was cute, I was friendly and the OH and kiddo were laughing their asses off saying I was flirting with him.

I wasn't trying to attract him, I'm very happy in my relationship. But yes, I was friendly and he was friendly back. There was a bit of witty banter and pleasantries exchanged. I suppose it could be deemed as flirting because it's the same approach I'd use if I were trying to pick someone up. But I wasn't intending on picking him up.
Obviously if I were, it would have gone up a few notches. To me there are several stages to flirting.
Stage one is being friendly and chatty, establishing a connection and intent (are both single etc)
Stage two is when the leaning and subtle touching starts and on and on it goes til you score.

So stage one to me is fine even though it's flirting. Then it's established that I'm in a relationship and off limits. So it never gets to stage two. If a guy tries to get past stage one, I flat out back away.

Stage one is fine by me though. For me and my OH.

Sorcha16

username123 wrote: »

Rubbish, I flirt with old men who Im not remotely attracted to, who in fact do repulse me physically

I'm sorry but I just find this incredibly weird

username123

Sorcha16 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I just find this incredibly weird

In what sense?

As an example, there was an older man in my office in my last job, he has retired now, so he was in his 60s at the time. He had a big belly, a bad haircut, bad teeth and a bad limp. So not only was I not attracted to him, but the thoughts of any kind of intimacy with him would repulse me.

But he was great fun and had a great personality and we regularly flirted with each other. Actually all the ladies loved him because he had bags of charm - but he was old, wrinkly and totally not attractive to a girl in her 20s or 30s!!

I dont see anything weird about it? People are not just their physical appearance, they can be totally sound while being unattractive physically.

I personally think it would be more strange to only be able to flirt with people you find physically attractive. Bit shallow that - imo, I can have fun with anyone, they dont have to be good looking.

Sorcha16

username123 wrote: »

In what sense?
He was great fun and had a great personality and we regularly flirted with each other. Actually all the ladies loved him because he had bags of charm - but he was old, wrinkly and totally not attractive to a girl in her 20s or 30s!!

In the sense that I was brought up to respect wrinkly, old men rather than flirt with them. Especially ones I work with. Maybe it's just me but I would never, ever flirt with a colleague, as I just don't consider it appropriate within a professional environment.

username123

Sorcha16 wrote: »

In the sense that I was brought up to respect old, wrinkly, men rather than flirt with them

Youre missing out - theyre usually the best fun!

And eh, how is flirting disrespectful? Do you disrespect your boyfriend by flirting with him

shalalala

username123 wrote: »

Youre missing out - theyre usually the best fun!

And eh, how is flirting disrespectful? Do you disrespect your boyfriend by flirting with him

I have to agree. Working with men at all ages I think that they enjoy being spoken to in the same way as you would a 20 year old. Obviously respect, I respect everyone that respects me but that doesn't mean that you cannot have the banter that might come across as flirting!

jessiejam

I work in a largely male dominated IT section of a very big office. We're always slagging each other flirty banter i suppose. None of us would ever think there was anything to it. Being honest it makes the day pass quicker if you can have a laugh with your collegues. And a bit of flirting to a point, doesn't do anyone any harm.

One or two in there ( the aul wans) wouldn't get involved at all and thats fine too, but its only a bit of fun and no one has ever crossed the line, in my 12 years working there.

dharn

Flirting is always good !!

syjg18

Flirting while in a relationship isn't acceptable for me. Everyone deserves to be love with faithfulness.

daenerysstormborn3

syjg18 wrote: »

Flirting while in a relationship isn't acceptable for me. Everyone deserves to be love with faithfulness.

Flirting is not equal to being unfaithful for a lot of people.