Deal Breaker in a Relationship

Piliger

- Smoker
- High maintenance
- Lists of conditions in her profile
- 'no time wasters' in her profile
- 'honesty' listed in what she wants in a man

Daveysil15

Must be foreign.

HalloweenJack

I wouldn't have deal-breakers before meeting someone but once getting into a relationship and getting to know the girl, there would be a few things that would create problems for me:

Religious in any way - I flat out refuse to be involved in religion and if I were to get married and have kids, it'd have to be in a registry office, the kids wouldn't be baptised and they'd go to an Educate Together school, or something like that. I simply refuse to pay lip service to any religion just to avoid hassle, it's the principle.

Clingy - I don't mind going out with someone who has different interests than me, in fact I think it's a healthy thing, but if I'm doing something that person has no interest in, I don't want to be guilted about not spending time with them.

Personal space - I need someone who understands and won't take offence at the fact that sometimes I just need to be by myself and do my own thing for a while.

Galwayguy35

Someone who wants something long term and would like kids eventually but who doesn't have any already.

Was involved with single mothers twice over the years and it was just too difficult, you have a kid(s) who are jealous of the time you spend with their mother and an ex hovering in the backround who thinks you want to take over playing Daddy to his kids.

Varied

Kids (learnt my lesson here)
Someone who judges you on ambition rather than actually care that you like what you do.
Insecurity, no baggage from previous relationships.
Criticises my hobbies (gaming and the like).
High maintenance, looks obsessed and vanity.

That's it I suppose, I am easily pleased.

cantdecide

Unwillingness to compromise or empathise sums up all my dealbreakers.

jimbobaloobob

people with a pre concieved plan for the relationship.

not willing to work with a relationship outside of their ideals.

we'llallhavetea

stupidity and selfishness.

CastorTroy

Things that I wouldn't want:
Boring - I don't claim to be the most exciting guy, but I do have a sense of humour and like to have a laugh with others. So if they never wanted to do anything or took everything I said seriously it really wouldn't help.
High maintenance - I would assume she can take care of herself but if she wanted me to always take her away somewhere and buy her stuff, then it wouldn't last. I'm not cheap. Just have limited funds due to mortgage and car loan.
Workaholic - One relationship that was a non starter was due to her constantly working late. Wasn't entirely her fault but just didn't work out due to having to keep cancelling any plans we had.

Princess Peach

Don't have too many I guess!

Wouldn't like a guy who was super judgmental about drugs and drinking. As in I don't have a problem at all, but I like to have fun in moderation. Couldn't deal with someone who was vehemently against it. Nor could I be with someone who did have problems with them. I don't mind someone who doesn't drink or whatever, just don't want to be judged for my choices.

Same goes for someone who is really anti-religion. I'm not very outspoken about my beliefs, but I couldn't be with someone who was very outspoken against them.

And I like them to have ambition and drive, try and better themselves as much as possible and to make themselves happy.

CastorTroy

Those were another couple of things:
I don't drink and there are people that automatically associate that with being boring or anti drink. Of course if someone stuck with me long enough to start a relationship, then they would know the lack of drinking isn't a bad thing. Free taxi! :P

Smoking can be a turnoff, mainly because of the smell. I've met ones before where I would have to make my excuses and leave as the smell was so bad.

Princess Peach

CastorTroy wrote: »

Those were another couple of things:
I don't drink and there are people that automatically associate that with being boring or anti drink. Of course if someone stuck with me long enough to start a relationship, then they would know the lack of drinking isn't a bad thing. Free taxi! :P

Smoking can be a turnoff, mainly because of the smell. I've met ones before where I would have to make my excuses and leave as the smell was so bad.

Oh my current boyfriend doesn't drink, and he isn't anti drink. But I know some people who are!

Love my designated driver

CastorTroy

Princess Peach wrote: »

Oh my current boyfriend doesn't drink, and he isn't anti drink. But I know some people who are!

Love my designated driver

If I was anti drink it would involve disowning nearly everyone related to me as well as nearly everyone I know. Was always funny when I worked as a barman and poeople couldn't understand how a non drinker could work behind a bar.

cantdecide

CastorTroy wrote: »

Those were another couple of things:
I don't drink and there are people that automatically associate that with being boring or anti drink. Of course if someone stuck with me long enough to start a relationship, then they would know the lack of drinking isn't a bad thing. Free taxi! :P

Ditto. Rule #1 of non-drinking is you NEVER talk about not drinking!

Rossin

qz wrote: »

Criteria 1: Must make me happy.
Criteria 2-100: see Criteria 1.

Not in the sense that they have to worship me, but I genuinely want to feel happy around them. It's artificial having a checklist of things that a girl has to have before you'll even consider her. My previous girlfriends have been nothing like me. I'm very career driven, but if I'm having fun with a girl I'm not going to suddenly stop because I find out she's perfectly content doing what she's doing and doesn't aspire to make a ton of cash.

Yeah, when the relationship ends I'm sure I've looked back and thought, well yeah, there's the problem, lack of ambition, religion, prude etc etc. But honestly, to have a checklist of deal breakers is putting the cart before the horse don't you think?

what he said!^

_Kaiser_

Good thread this.. let's see (in no particular order)


Drug use: instant turn-off. Not even the so-called "harmless" drugs. Social drinker, (non-chain) smoker all ok - although given the choice, preferably a non-smoker too


Sense of humor (or lack thereof): again a big red flag for me. I'm very much a take things as they come type (while still having an idea where I'm going) but I couldn't see myself with someone who couldn't have a bit of craic or give as good as she gets either


Ambition (seeing as it seems a popular one): I enjoy my job and I want to do well in it so it sometimes takes a lot of time and I feel a responsibility to keep an eye on things if there's stuff happening and I'm not there (I manage a small IT team you see). Plus when it comes to IT you're expected to be reachable regardless anyway I've found over the years (but not after 5pm )

So someone who has some goals in life and wants to achieve them would be something else I'd look for (not necessarily work-related either.. eg: I want to travel the world someday. To date I've never had time + money in the right mix). Can't see myself with someone who wasn't even interested in trying to improve their lot - especially if they did nothing but complain about it.


Tattoos: Sorry, but I just don't like them.


Independence: It's important to do things together (and you should want to) but it's just as important to have time apart and your own interests/friends etc to keep up with. So many people don't seem to get this though.


Drama/game-playing: I have absolutely no time for bull****ters or drama queens. I'm very upfront and direct anyway (sometimes too much so! ) but I couldn't be dealing with someone who's life was a constant episode from Eastenders


Looks: Let's not kid each other, of course looks matter as well - there has to be a physical attraction too after all in a relationship. That said, the size 0 stick insect does nothing for me.. I prefer a girl with curves (though not to extremes either - and I'm aware I'm no chippendale myself! ).
I'm a sucker for nice eyes and a cheeky smile as well though!

EDIT: Oh and height - as in not overly hung up on: I'm only 5'7/8 myself (anyone remember that song "I wish I was a little bit taller") so if it's a problem, sorry.. short of putting myself on the rack, there's nothing much I can do about it. Take me or leave me as they say

CastorTroy

I'm also not a fan of women constantly chewing gum. It just looks really bad, in my opinion. Especially when they make it really obvious and are chewing like a horse.

Delancey

CastorTroy wrote: »

I'm also not a fan of women constantly chewing gum. It just looks really bad, in my opinion. Especially when they make it really obvious and are chewing like a horse.

+ 1 , makes a woman look like a slapper imo , that and drug use would be major no-no's for me.

Madam_X

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Must be foreign.

This kind of sh1t.

Galwayguy35

Onixx wrote: »

This kind of sh1t.

If that is the guys view he is perfectly entitled to say it.

retroactive

I've been with Clondalkin hairdressers and Barristers , from my experience of those relationships, I would have to say my deal breakers would be

-Inability to challenge me - When I go off on a mini rant about politics / economics / not having the right pen, I think it's attractive when someone advocates for the other side. If they were just sitting there, smiling and nodding along, I would get bored.

-Pliancy - Being able to knock me don a peg or two - See above. (I just like argumentative girls)

-Coldness - A girl should like my pets, the zoo etc. Anyone not cooing at my German Sheperd or at Tigers and Red Pandas in the zoo would raise flags in my mind. Not believing in 'love' or romanticism would raise further flags.

-Lack of motivation - In every sense, herself, her career, her life. A girl must want to go out and do things, have fun and experience things. Sitting at home and watching t.v is fine once and awhile but if its on a constant basis, I get bored. This also would translate into her work / educational life. Motivation to further oneself though experience and work is very attractive.

-Lack of imagination - Little things like lying to American tourists about once owning the tiger in the zoo, reenacting the Ikea scene in 500 Days of Summer and other imaginative jokes are the memories that will make you smile at the end of a relationship. A sense of fun and imagination is very attractive

-Clingy-ness - 300 texts a day is a deal breaker and is usually indicative of her lacking in another area of life. When were apart, at least of of us are busy. Lack of attention when we're together is also a dealbreaker. When were together we should be in our own little world, not texting looking over the other shoulder.

While that list may seem a little extreme, there is the questions of nature and extent. It would take an extreme form of the traits listed for it to be a dealbreaker. However, there is also a cumulative effect.

(So I want an argumentative, educated, successful, space-cadet... well that's me condemned to singledom forever)

Madam_X

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

If that is the guys view he is perfectly entitled to say it.

And people are perfectly entitled to say ruling out any Irish woman whatsoever that he has never met, when he could possibly meet ones he'd really like, is... a very unreasonable attitude. And weird. The... "logic" of it is: attractive sound girl... oh wait, she's Irish, a no-no.

Bit like dismissing all non tall guys, even the ones you've never met. Although at least there's far less room for variation on that score.

Daveysil15

Onixx wrote: »

And people are perfectly entitled to say ruling out any Irish woman whatsoever that he has never met, when he could possibly meet ones he'd really like, is... a very unreasonable attitude. And weird. The... "logic" of it is: attractive sound girl... oh wait, she's Irish, a no-no.

Bit like dismissing all non tall guys, even the ones you've never met. Although at least there's far less room for variation on that score.

Again I don't know why you're taking this so personally. Yes I have a preference for foreign women, so what? I'm not saying all Irish are bad, just that I have a preference for the foreign. Why is it that a woman is allowed to say she will only date tall guys, but a man can't say he prefers foreign women? It's basically the same thing. It's just a preference.

Madam_X

Oh a preference is fair enough - an entire ruling-out though, therefore including people you've never met, is unreasonable.
The height thing is more objective - height is height. There are all sorts of variables though within the entire female population of a small country. I wouldn't understand a woman ruling our every guy who isn't taller than her, either.

Daveysil15

Onixx wrote: »

Oh a preference is fair enough - an entire ruling-out though, therefore including people you've never met, is unreasonable.
The height thing is more objective - height is height. There are all sorts of variables though within the entire female population of a small country. I wouldn't understand a woman ruling our every guy who isn't taller than her, either.

OK I probably exaggerated a bit when I said must be foreign. I should have said preferably foreign, as I wouldn't rule out dating an Irish girl if I were to meet a nice one, and there are nice ones out there. It's just I've had better luck with the foreign girls.

But a lot of women will say "must be tall," even though they haven't met all short men - or even men the same height as themselves for that matter. But again I wouldn't judge someone's preference.

Madam_X

Daveysil15 wrote: »

OK I probably exaggerated a bit when I said must be foreign. I should have said preferably foreign, as I wouldn't rule out dating an Irish girl if I were to meet a nice one, and there are nice ones out there. It's just I've had better luck with the foreign girls.

totally understandable.

But a lot of women will say "must be tall," even though they haven't met all short men - or even men the same height as themselves for that matter. But again I wouldn't judge someone's preference.

I've gotten the opposite impression tbh - the "must be over 5ft 8" discussion for instance. But a woman putting that specific figure on her profile seems awfully unreasonable to me too. I don't see anything wrong with judging preferences that enter the realm of preventable discrimination.

seachto7

Not being a c**t would be the main one.

LLU

retroactive wrote: »

I've been with Clondalkin hairdressers and Barristers , from my experience of those relationships, I would have to say my deal breakers would be

-Inability to challenge me - When I go off on a mini rant about politics / economics / not having the right pen, I think it's attractive when someone advocates for the other side. If they were just sitting there, smiling and nodding along, I would get bored.

-Pliancy - Being able to knock me don a peg or two - See above. (I just like argumentative girls)

-Coldness - A girl should like my pets, the zoo etc. Anyone not cooing at my German Sheperd or at Tigers and Red Pandas in the zoo would raise flags in my mind. Not believing in 'love' or romanticism would raise further flags.

-Lack of motivation - In every sense, herself, her career, her life. A girl must want to go out and do things, have fun and experience things. Sitting at home and watching t.v is fine once and awhile but if its on a constant basis, I get bored. This also would translate into her work / educational life. Motivation to further oneself though experience and work is very attractive.

-Lack of imagination - Little things like lying to American tourists about once owning the tiger in the zoo, reenacting the Ikea scene in 500 Days of Summer and other imaginative jokes are the memories that will make you smile at the end of a relationship. A sense of fun and imagination is very attractive

-Clingy-ness - 300 texts a day is a deal breaker and is usually indicative of her lacking in another area of life. When were apart, at least of of us are busy. Lack of attention when we're together is also a dealbreaker. When were together we should be in our own little world, not texting looking over the other shoulder.

While that list may seem a little extreme, there is the questions of nature and extent. It would take an extreme form of the traits listed for it to be a dealbreaker. However, there is also a cumulative effect.

(So I want an argumentative, educated, successful, space-cadet... well that's me condemned to singledom forever)

When I first started reading that, I thought you were stating who your employers were, and was struck by how unusual a name it was!

boomtown123

Here's mine. 21 female - single: I perhaps am either too fussy or just attracting the wrong sorts -

Some degree of ambition.

A guy that that can be considered to be my rock - but also be not too proud to know I'm his.

Independent and like his space just as I like mine.

A guy that will know I'm s fairly quiet person and not constantly think there's something wrong with me.

A guy that respects me and not just treats me like a trophy or piece of arm candy.

A guy that doesn't try force his interests on me

Orim

Is it too cliche that my dealbreaker would be someone having dealbreakers going into the realtionship?

It just smacks of an inability to compromise and deal with situations as they are. It's all well and good having preferences/ideals (which seems to be what most people are describing as opposed to full on dealbreakers) but if I'm going to go out with someone then I think they have to be able to realise that life isn't perfect and sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation.