Deal Breaker in a Relationship

catallus

If somebody were a regular viewer of "Eastenders" I think that would be a dealbreaker for me.

ToniTuddle

I am a friend wrote: »

Also could not cope with someone who has bad habits like farting etc.

:eek:

But farting is natural!

And funny :pac:

Snowie

ToniTuddle wrote: »

:eek:

But farting is natural!

And funny :pac:

don't ever sit near me

JimmyCrackCorn

Id never date a woman with dirty runners!:D

Famous radio interview

coco_lola

I think for me, a deal breaker would be someone self centred, or unwilling to compromise. After all the fuzzy honeymoon phase is over, there will be work involved, and someone who is unable/unwilling to talk about it or meet halfway is a real deal breaker for me.

Another dealbreaker is an unwillingness to let me have my own life. I have my own hobbies that are just for me, and my own friends that I love spending time with. I will share my life with someone, but I need time just for me too.

lesserspottedchloe

A guy who enjoys watching any soap opera or x-factor crap..or too much tv in general..non affectionate or pda phobics-you gotta hold my hand! Prejudice, pessimism or lack of empathy...must love animals!

cyrusdvirus

Lies.

Especially badly covered up lies.

cos right now i am fucking furious

Nothingbetter2d

Out Of The Night wrote: »

Absolute utter laziness. Cheats on me. A complete lack of consideration for another's feelings. Being stupid.

i really don't understand why people cheat on their partners... if you want to be with someone else then it's clear your relationship is over with your current partner because your actively looking elsewhere.
if that is the case then you should end your current relationship sooner rather than later and create alot of heartache, resentment and feelings of betrayal.

i have been cheated on by a previous partner and it is by no means a pleasant experience. i have never cheated on any of my previous partners as when i am with someone i don't feel the need to look elsewhere, nor do i want to ever make anyone go thru the feelings of betrayal that i went thru when i found my ex was cheating on me.

leggo

Nothingbetter2d wrote: »

i really don't understand why people cheat on their partners... if you want to be with someone else then it's clear your relationship is over with your current partner because your actively looking elsewhere.
if that is the case then you should end your current relationship sooner rather than later and create alot of heartache, resentment and feelings of betrayal.

I've been on both sides of the equation, so know both how it feels and what goes through the mind of someone doing it.

And the reality is that sometimes stuff just happens. The suppositions you're making above is that people are consciously aware that they want the relationship to end, that they do actually want the relationship to end or that they are completely capable of resisting temptation if otherwise happy. None of which are necessarily true.

Looking back on when I cheated, I know now that the once-good relationship had reached its natural end. But back then, knowing no better I was determined to make it work, convinced we could go back to the way it was, had no tangible reason to end it other than a gut feeling and was desperately afraid of being alone. Add a lot of alcohol and an available, interested girl to this confusion and boom, there's your end product.

Hindsight is 20-20, so it's very easy to look back on it and say "You should've done this, this and this." But that isn't always clear at the time.

So, while I don't agree with it, I completely understand how and why it happens. We're not perfect so we're not always able to make the perfect decisions.

PS: Apologies to the mods for hijacking the thread a bit with this post, just felt it was worth saying. Maybe it might be worth splitting this into a new 'Why Cheat?' topic?

starlit

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=78094736&postcount=40

My above link to a post to another thread on the relationship thread would be relevant in this case and in more detail.

To sum it up major deal breakers for me be:

• The guy has a good sense of humour particularly similar to mine and that would not be insulting or offensive, being jokey jokey is ok but its good to know where to draw the line and be serious too!
• Has ambition, motivation, determination and aspirations other qualities be caring, kind, genuine, thoughtful, passionate, loyal and honest. Mature, immaturity what ever age is a turn off.
• Someone who I can have an intellectual conversation with but doesn’t have to be an Einstein but smart to an extent, well rounded and all that.
• Well educated and has a reasonable standard of living.
• Share similar values, views, principles, opinions and interests but not on everything but most things so that we have some things in common but also have something new, different and old to talk about too!
• Someone who can be themselves and I can be myself around with if we don’t click early on it could make or break it whether it lead to something or not even just lead to friendship if we don’t gel it be harder to keep a relationship going with me.
• Good dress sense and style that suits the person.
• Personality is more important to me than looks but looks well if he cute, nice and respectful then I be happy. Then again, it depends on the guy really I don’t have a particular type but I do go for certain types but various ones not the same not totally based on looks but weigh up more factors than looks in this case though I would go for certain looks over others in terms of style and so on.
• Is happy with oneself and with others enjoys their own company but likes other people's company too. I like my space and independence, do my own thing and I like them to do the same if they aren’t willing to do that then I wouldn’t want to be with them. Needy and clingy not good. I like that he hang out with his mates does his own thing and I do my own thing hang out with my friends and so on and not necessary do everything together and share every interest but I would like that we can trust each other and confide in each other too.
• Certain things would put me off, excessive tats, excessive smoking/drinking would be a turn off, being controlling, and possessive and overly groomed I like a guy with hair on his chest but not too much either. Though if it were one or two flaws I could cope with it but if there are a range of them depends how minor or how easily I could get pass them. When it comes to religion and politics and sport not a major fan of any of them but support someone to an extent but sport is part of most guys lifestyles so can deal with that sort of thing, If I can chat to him about GAA and Rugby be good a start! Then again politics I rather stay out of it. Religion I am not overly religious myself and would hope the guy in question be the same. I cannot change who I am and I cannot change who he is. Being unique and different is good others might not like that.
• I like a strong guy who can speak his mind but at the same time I like a guy who is a real guy whether he younger or older but I do tend to be attracted to younger guys and they to me more so. So age might have a bearing on it too for me! Sorry about that.
• Someone who is compassionate, confident and open, I like to have kids some day and if a guy isn't at least open to it then that could be a deal breaker for me too but that he is not afraid to show his feelings, its good to talk! One other thing is, if we want different things or want to go different paths or ways in life that could be a major deal breaker!

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Must be open minded to having kids - not ready for them yet myself but would want kids eventually

Must have ambition

Must be on the same level intellectually - doesn't have to be a genius but intelligence is a major turn on, and just a basic enthusiasm for learning would be sufficient

Must share basic social/political opinions - don't have to agree on everything but, for example, could never be in a relationship with somebody who was anti-gender equality or pro IRA or against immigrants etc.

Must share some (not all) common interests

Ideally, be female and hot (good luck to me finding that) :pac:

Pretty much on par to this but it the other way around, I am female so it be a male sharing similar to above.

Giselle

doovdela wrote: »

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=78094736&postcount=40

My above link to a post to another thread on the relationship thread would be relevant in this case and in more detail.

To sum it up major deal breakers for me be:

• The guy has a good sense of humour particularly similar to mine and that would not be insulting or offensive, being jokey jokey is ok but its good to know where to draw the line and be serious too!
• Has ambition, motivation, determination and aspirations other qualities be caring, kind, genuine, thoughtful, passionate, loyal and honest.
• Someone who I can have an intellectual conversation with but doesn’t have to be an Einstein but smart to an extent, well rounded and all that.
• Well educated and has a reasonable standard of living.
• Share similar values, views, principles, opinions and interests but not on everything but most things so that we have some things in common but also have something new, different and old to talk about too!
• Someone who can be themselves and I can be myself around with if we don’t click early on it could make or break it whether it lead to something or not even just lead to friendship if we don’t gel it be harder to keep a relationship going with me.
• Good dress sense and style that suits the person.
• Personality is more important to me than looks but looks well if he cute, nice and respectful then I be happy. Then again, it depends on the guy really I don’t have a particular type but I do go for certain types but various ones not the same not totally based on looks but weigh up more factors than looks in this case though I would go for certain looks over others in terms of style and so on.
• Is happy with oneself and with others enjoys their own company but likes other people's company too. I like my space and independence, do my own thing and I like them to do the same if they aren’t willing to do that then I wouldn’t want to be with them. Needy and clingy not good. I like that he hang out with his mates does his own thing and I do my own thing hang out with my friends and so on and not necessary do everything together and share every interest but I would like that we can trust each other and confide in each other too.
• Certain things would put me off, excessive tats, excessive smoking/drinking would be a turn off, being controlling, and possessive and overly groomed I like a guy with hair on his chest but not too much either. Though if it were one or two flaws I could cope with it but if there are a range of them depends how minor or how easily I could get pass them. When it comes to religion and politics and sport not a major fan of any of them but support someone to an extent but sport is part of most guys lifestyles so can deal with that sort of thing, If I can chat to him about GAA and Rugby be good a start! Then again politics I rather stay out of it. Religion I am not overly religious myself and would hope the guy in question be the same. I cannot change who I am and I cannot change who he is. Being unique and different is good others might not like that.
• I like a strong guy who can speak his mind but at the same time I like a guy who is a real guy whether he younger or older but I do tend to be attracted to younger guys and they to me more so. So age might have a bearing on it too for me! Sorry about that.
• Someone who is companionate and open, I like to have kids some day and if a guy isn't at least open to it then that could be a deal breaker for me too but that he is not afraid to show his feelings, its good to talk! One other thing is, if we want different things or want to go different paths or ways in life that could be a major deal breaker!

.

If thats only the major dealbreakers, I'd hate to see your exhaustive list of exclusions!

Good luck with that.

cson

Giselle wrote: »

If thats only the major dealbreakers, I'd hate to see your exhaustive list of exclusions!

Good luck with that.

"Send CV with a Cover Letter to...."

:pac:

starlit

doovdela wrote: »

To sum it up major deal breakers for me be:

• The guy has a good sense of humour particularly similar to mine and that would not be insulting or offensive, being jokey jokey is ok but its good to know where to draw the line and be serious too!
• Has ambition, motivation, determination and aspirations other qualities be caring, kind, genuine, thoughtful, passionate, loyal and honest. Mature, immaturity what ever age is a turn off.
• Someone who I can have an intellectual conversation with but doesn’t have to be an Einstein but smart to an extent, well rounded and all that.
• Well educated and has a reasonable standard of living.
• Share similar values, views, principles, opinions and interests but not on everything but most things so that we have some things in common but also have something new, different and old to talk about too!
• Someone who can be themselves and I can be myself around with and click with.
• Good dress sense and style that suits the person.
• Personality is more important to me than looks, depends on the guy really I don’t have a particular type but I do go for certain types, though I would go for certain looks over others in terms of style and so on.
• Is happy with oneself and with others enjoys their own company but likes other people's company too. Likes own space and independence, do own thing that he hang out with his mates does his own thing. Not necessary do everything together and share every interest but I would like that we can trust each other and confide in each other too.
• Certain things would put me off, excessive tats, excessive smoking/drinking would be a turn off, overly groomed, religion and politics and sport not a major fan of any of them but support someone to an extent but sport is part of most guys lifestyles so can deal with that sort of thing, If I can chat to him about GAA and Rugby be good a start! Being unique and different is good others might not like that.
• I like a strong guy who can speak his mind age might have a bearing on it too for me! Sorry about that.
• Someone who is compassionate, confident and open though wanting to want different things would put me off continuing a relationship with someone as we be likely to drift apart at some point!

These are just the key things and explained in detail what's wrong with that?? Not a lot to ask?

cson wrote: »

"Send CV with a Cover Letter to...."

:pac:

LoL, just being realistic!?

christmas2012

someone who is discreet and respectful (knows how to show respect easily)doesnt loudly announce things to others knows how to keep private conversations private.

someone who isnt clingly or possessive or controlling

someone who doesnt constantly joke and knows how to be serious doesnt do put downs etc

someone with a good lifestyle and has some interests outside work etc

someone who isnt put off by their partner wanting kids

Monkeybonkers

Phew, don't know if most of the posters here are male or female (seems to be a few of both) but I can honestly say after reading this thread that I am destined to be single forever. Do the type of people that are being looked for even exist or is this a fantasy type of person that you would want in an ideal world? I can see how someone might have a lot of the characteristics that a poster is looking for but then fall down on one item out of 10 (in some cases) and BOOM!, you're outta there. Time to head for the 'Are you happy being single?' thread methinks and bemoan the fact that I'll never find anyone :(

coco_lola

doovdela wrote: »

These are just the key things and explained in detail what's wrong with that?? Not a lot to ask?

I think because you said they were dealbreakers

starlit

coco_lola wrote: »

I think because you said they were dealbreakers

They are the key dealbreakers for me....:o

leggo

Monkeybonkers wrote: »

Phew, don't know if most of the posters here are male or female (seems to be a few of both) but I can honestly say after reading this thread that I am destined to be single forever. Do the type of people that are being looked for even exist or is this a fantasy type of person that you would want in an ideal world? I can see how someone might have a lot of the characteristics that a poster is looking for but then fall down on one item out of 10 (in some cases) and BOOM!, you're outta there. Time to head for the 'Are you happy being single?' thread methinks and bemoan the fact that I'll never find anyone :(

I wouldn't get too down tbh, most people are willing to compromise what they see as their 'ideal relationship' once they meet someone decent. In other words, a lot of the 'dealbreakers' here are just words and guidelines rather than gospel.

Monkeybonkers

leggo wrote: »

I wouldn't get too down tbh, most people are willing to compromise what they see as their 'ideal relationship' once they meet someone decent. In other words, a lot of the 'dealbreakers' here are just words and guidelines rather than gospel.

Ah yeah, I'm not down about it really. Just scary see what some people are looking for in a potential new partner. Not saying there's anything wrong with it, it's just terrifying! :pac:

seenitall

leggo wrote: »

I wouldn't get too down tbh, most people are willing to compromise what they see as their 'ideal relationship' once they meet someone decent. In other words, a lot of the 'dealbreakers' here are just words and guidelines rather than gospel.

No, all of mine are actual deal-breakers, as most of them are major character flaws (AKA "red flags") IMO, that I couldn't put up with in a partner ("couldn't" as in both the past tense and the conditional )... after that, once the person is, as you say, decent (and there is attraction), we can see where we stand.

IMO, the more dealbreakers there are, the less chance of settling for someone unsuitable, and the better the chance of the next partner being a really good match. "Know thyself". But it took a long time to learn that.

Bring on the dealbreakers, I say!

leggo

seenitall wrote: »

No, all of mine are actual deal-breakers, as most of them are major character flaws (AKA "red flags") IMO, that I couldn't put up with in a partner ("couldn't" as in both the past tense and the conditional )... after that, once the person is, as you say, decent (and there is attraction), we can see where we stand.

IMO, the more dealbreakers there are, the less chance of settling for someone unsuitable, and the better the chance of the next partner being a really good match. "Know thyself". But it took a long time to learn that.

Bring on the dealbreakers, I say!

Aye, I'm sure everyone truly believes that they're all definite dealbreakers when writing them, but if Georgia Salpa approached them and chewed with her mouth open, they'd scratch that off the list fairly snappy. :P

tonyangelino

any sort of facial hair

seenitall

leggo wrote: »

Aye, I'm sure everyone truly believes that they're all definite dealbreakers when writing them, but if Georgia Salpa approached them and chewed with her mouth open, they'd scratch that off the list fairly snappy. :P

Sure. Daniel Craig chewing with his mouth open in my case! :cool: But I haven't yet met a Joe Soap who chewed with his mouth open where it wasn't a deal-breaker... and I'm getting on a bit, as well, so I don't expect I ever will.

YumCha

Some people have interesting concepts of what a dealbreaker is... I used to have lots, combined with lots of 'non-negotiable' traits. And then one day I realised I was in my 30s and single, and none of my relationships had worked out.

It kind of occurred to me then that the things I thought were dealbreakers/non-negotiable were actually leading me to the same (read: wrong!) type of guy over and over again and I should probably change tact if I wanted a different result.

So I ditched all my silly dealbreakers, a couple of the ones that are left (besides the big, obvious things like drug use, believing in the flying spaghetti monster or anything else in the sky) are:

- Neediness/clinginess: I'm pretty independent, and am useless with people in general who need hand-holding/pandering to all the time. I like the party test - if I take a guy to a party full of all my friends and he won't leave my side and/or sulks the whole time - it's a big no no.

- Not being able to get over stuff: This isn't to say I don't have sympathy for people who have genuinely gone through bad things, but either holding grudges or endlessly bringing up something that happened years ago and not working towards any resolution or acceptance is just something I couldn't deal with long-term.

cson

YumCha wrote: »

- Not being able to get over stuff: This isn't to say I don't have sympathy for people who have genuinely gone through bad things, but either holding grudges or endlessly bringing up something that happened years ago and not working towards any resolution or acceptance is just something I couldn't deal with long-term.

Oh yeah. Bringing up stuff that happened ages ago and using it as part of an argument. That ****ing does my head in.

Daveysil15

An attractive girl who's down to earth. There's nothing worse than a girl who loves herself.

Cassidy28

tonyangelino wrote: »

any sort of facial hair

She looks nice

Captain Graphite

Wanting a family would be the biggest dealbreaker for me. I never want kids of my own and being a father is my idea of hell.

On a similar note, I couldn't deal with someone who wants to settle down in the one place for the rest of their lives without exploring other avenues. I wanna travel to lots of different places during my life, try new things and explore new ways of life. So someone who wants to settle down in the suburbs with a 20 year mortgage and the 9 to 5 job until retirement is someone I could never end up with long term. My ideal partner, like me, has to be willing to drop everything instantaneously and move to the other side of the world if something new and shiny comes along! :pac: My father is a perfect example of the type of person I could never end up with; he's perfectly happy to stay in his little corner of the world without ever wanting to see what else is out there. And obviously I'm happy that he's happy but I cannot understand his mindset at all in this regard.

Also can't deal with people who bail on a relationship at the first sign of trouble. Two years in a row I've been dumped by people out of the blue who only days earlier had told me that they loved me. :rolleyes: Problem is you can't really spot those people until you've already let them get close enough to hurt you. (Both dumping incidents also occurred within days before my birthday; my track record with relationships thus far is somewhat poor to say the least! ) If you're gonna get somewhat serious with someone, at least talk things out before resorting to "Ok ur dumped now, kthanxbai."

newbee22

Clingyness- I couldnt go out with someone who was clingy and wanted to be with me all the time, need my own space.

Cheaters- i could never go out with someone who has cheated/ gone out with someone knowing that they were in a relationship. In my view, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Rudeness- I could not go out with someone who was rude towards me/ other people. Being polite doesnt cost anything

larrymickdick

Someone who has balance - that can take the good with the bad - knows when I'm being serious - its not appropriate to be cracking jokes to lighten the mood cos sometimes things need to be said and dealt with - and when they're dealt with we can move on.

Everyone needs their own space - but balance in that too - ok go off and do whatever on our own but don't leave the other person feeling ignored (cos you take too much space) or suffocated (cos ya don't give them enough)

Telling someone you love them and showing it - actions sometimes do speak louder than words. When you say you love me - it means all of me - not just the good times. A person that shows appreciation for what you do for them is good - anyone who lies, cheats, puts me down or treats me like I'm insiginicant is not worth my time - I want respect and if I don't get respect - thats the deal breaker