Deal Breaker in a Relationship

Blisterman

Thought this might be an interesting discussion.

Are there any things that someone must have before you'd embark on a relationship with them? Be it physical/personality or interests?

For me they are:

Ambition
Doesn't have to be work related, but a girl has to have some passion in their life. I find it hard to respect people with no ambition, and you definitely need to respect a person you're going out with.

Not be religious
I've nothing against religion. But I've gone out with religious girls in the past, and it's always gotten in the way. Plus if we were to some day get married and have kids, it'd just be too big an issue.

Not be Jealous or clingy
I like a girl who's independent, can go out do her own thing, and let me do mine without worrying and being possessive.

Not be prudish
I like a girl who's confident and happy in the bedroom. I couldn't go out with anyone sexually repressed. Like the religion thing, it'd just end up getting in the way.

So what are yours?

Otis Driftwood

Just to pre-empt any possible attempts at smart arsey "humour",we all enjoy a joke however anything derogatory or any other nonsense will result in swift and brutal justice.

leggo

Have plenty when I'm in a relationship with someone, but none beforehand really (except don't be an uggo ).

I think if you go into a relationship with a list of things you won't accept, regardless of who the person is, you're closing off a lot of doors that could benefit you in ways you'll never know. Often some of the best relationships I've had have been with people completely different to me.

shopaholic01

Must not want to get married and have children.
Auburn hair and brown eyes is a definite bonus.
After that I agree with OP, except I would look for this in a man (I am female btw)

Sky King

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Must not want to get married and have children.

Just about to post good luck finding a woman with that approach, and then, POW:

shopaholic01 wrote: »

except I would look for this in a man (I am female btw)

Not the norm, but fair play. I also do not want kids. I hate kids and I hate what they do to your life. I even hate my own hypothetical kids what what they will do to my hypothetical life.

shopaholic01

Sky King wrote: »

Just about to post good luck finding a woman with that approach, and then, POW:



Not the norm, but fair play. I also do not want kids. I hate kids and I hate what they do to your life. I even hate my own hypothetical kids what what they will do to my hypothetical life.

Yes, I think we're a rare breed. What's really annoying is when men agree with me 'oh yeah I don't want that either' and then, 6mths in they're proposing when drunk and suggesting baby names!

Pembily

The main one for me is ambition, without that it's a huge NO for me!? Fake ambition is worse :mad:

MagicMarker

I also don't want kids, but feel I have to at least keep an open mind as a man, because women who don't want kids appear to be a rare breed.

Other than that I can't really disagree with the OP, although I don't really like that word ''ambition'' because as soon as that word is mentioned it's immediately linked to a profession or ''career'', I realise that the OP didn't specifically mean this though.

I personally don't have any career ambitions, and I'd go so far as to say that someone who focused too much energy on their career would be, maybe not a deal breaker, but a real turn off.

Ambition to me means never being happy with what one has. :pac: Accepting mediocrity is a huge turn-on for me.

jaffacakesyum

Must be open minded to having kids - not ready for them yet myself but would want kids eventually

Must have ambition

Must be on the same level intellectually - doesn't have to be a genius but intelligence is a major turn on, and just a basic enthusiasm for learning would be sufficient

Must share basic social/political opinions - don't have to agree on everything but, for example, could never be in a relationship with somebody who was anti-gender equality or pro IRA or against immigrants etc.

Must share some (not all) common interests

Ideally, be female and hot (good luck to me finding that) :pac:

jimmurt

Blisterman wrote: »

Thought this might be an interesting discussion.

Are there any things that someone must have before you'd embark on a relationship with them? Be it physical/personality or interests?

For me they are:

Ambition
Doesn't have to be work related, but a girl has to have some passion in their life. I find it hard to respect people with no ambition, and you definitely need to respect a person you're going out with.

Not be religious
I've nothing against religion. But I've gone out with religious girls in the past, and it's always gotten in the way. Plus if we were to some day get married and have kids, it'd just be too big an issue.

Not be Jealous or clingy
I like a girl who's independent, can go out do her own thing, and let me do mine without worrying and being possessive.

Not be prudish
I like a girl who's confident and happy in the bedroom. I couldn't go out with anyone sexually repressed. Like the religion thing, it'd just end up getting in the way.

So what are yours?

I'd have all of these apart from the religion one. I'm not religious but wouldn't mind if my partner was and wanted to bring up our kids that way. Like most kids they'll probably lose interest after a while anyway.

Main one for me would be the ambition one, a relationship wouldn't work if one person is ambitious inside and outside of work while the other isn't (IMO).

qz

Criteria 1: Must make me happy.
Criteria 2-100: see Criteria 1.

Not in the sense that they have to worship me, but I genuinely want to feel happy around them. It's artificial having a checklist of things that a girl has to have before you'll even consider her. My previous girlfriends have been nothing like me. I'm very career driven, but if I'm having fun with a girl I'm not going to suddenly stop because I find out she's perfectly content doing what she's doing and doesn't aspire to make a ton of cash.

Yeah, when the relationship ends I'm sure I've looked back and thought, well yeah, there's the problem, lack of ambition, religion, prude etc etc. But honestly, to have a checklist of deal breakers is putting the cart before the horse don't you think?

Biggest thing for me is someone who doesn't take life too seriously, ambition would need to be there, but someone who realises that life is for living. Someone fun. I need fun! Someone who laughs a lot. There are probably other subconscious things that I'm unaware of but that's my biggest one

awec

This post has been deleted.

LeeHoffmann

Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

Dealbreakers before getting into a relationship? ... making sexist/racist jokes (any jokes that mock vulnerable people etc) - as well as sexist/racist/elitist attitudes. He´d have to really believe in equality, and be very compassionate.

jaffacakesyum

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

I think you've just been extremely lucky. The amount of lazy people I've met, who are happy to live as long as possible off the dole is unbelievable.

LeeHoffmann

I wouldn´t limit the term ´ambition´ to financial gain and career development. People can be on the dole and still be ambitious

jaffacakesyum

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I wouldn´t limit the term ´ambition´ to financial gain and career development. People can be on the dole and still be ambitious

I never said people on the dole can't be ambitious@

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I think you've just been extremely lucky. The amount of lazy people I've met, who are happy to live as long as possible off the dole is unbelievable.

People who try and live as long as possible off the dole, without bothering to look for work are not ambitious in my opinion.

Anyway, that's a topic for another thread!

karl_m

I don't really have a criteria before, besides maybe an interest in learning.
I'll date anyone who I'm physically attracted too and I like their personality.
I'm only 19, But marriage I'm wary off and kids are a no, I don't think I will ever want kids.

mooeygooey

I couldn't go out with a girl who was cruel to animals. Just couldn't do it!

karl_m

mooeygooey wrote: »

I couldn't go out with a girl who was cruel to animals. Just couldn't do it!

I read that completely wrong and though you said "who is cute to animals" :pac:

herisson

i want someone who has ambition in his life and doesnt want to be stuck in a tiny village for the rest of his life...i dont think i could stand living in the back arse of nowhere for the rest of my life
i want someone who is willing to see the world and who is funny!
i really want someone who can i connect with if i cant then there is no point
and if he doesnt want kids all the better i can live without them!

mooeygooey

karl_m wrote: »

I read that completely wrong and though you said "who is cute to animals" :pac:

She would have to be cute to THIS animal!!

Giselle

No tendency to dramatics, some sort of drive and ambition, curious and interested in the wider world, steady natured and even tempered.

Add shared values and a similar sense of humour and you have perfection.

Daisies

whoopsadaisydoodles wrote: »

Biggest thing for me is someone who doesn't take life too seriously, ambition would need to be there, but someone who realises that life is for living. Someone fun. I need fun! Someone who laughs a lot. There are probably other subconscious things that I'm unaware of but that's my biggest one

+1. I want someone I can have fun with.Someone who can make me laugh when I think I'd never be able to smile again.

Smoking actually makes me think a lot more about getting into a relationship with someone.It's not an instant deal breaker but everything else would have to be in his favour.

mood

Must not be unreliable / selfish / self centered / sexist / rude.

Must believe in marriage and want kids.

Must have similar sense of humour.

(I'm female)

Captain Havoc

Independence would be the big one for me. I'd still like to have a life away from the relationship by playing football, cycling and once a week heading down the pub with the lads. I'd also like her to have her own life too, I think when some people get into a relationship and it ends later down the line, they've lost touch with their friends and almost need to get back into a relationship.

Galvasean

Has to be willing to put up with my peculiar infatuations with dinosaurs and Transformers.

tatumkelly

Has to be sarcastic and funny as hell

herisson

Captain Havoc wrote: »

Independence would be the big one for me. I'd still like to have a life away from the relationship by playing football, cycling and once a week heading down the pub with the lads. I'd also like her to have her own life too, I think when some people get into a relationship and it ends later down the line, they've lost touch with their friends and almost need to get back into a relationship.

totally agree with this!
i couldnt bear to be in relationship with someone who wants to be around me 24/7. i need my own space i could never cling to a guy and forget about my friends..
it is nice to have a relationship but its nice to have independence within said relationship!
i have seen it too many times with people where they become so clingy and obsessed its creepy!

I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years now and one of the deal breakers that she had to get over is my habit of going out to get groceries and instead coming back with some rare/obscure film or toy. As I tell her, someday she will send me out for the basics with out last 20 euro and I'll come home with magic beans.

For me a deal breaker would be someone who won't put in that lil bit more effort to make sure that something they are working on is great. I really can't stand people who will start something and only give it the bare minimum.

seenitall

Dealbreakers: rudeness, impatience, arrogance, insensitivity, proneness to any kind of aggression, emotional immaturity, low self-worth, lack of intelligence, lying, cheating, snideness, selfishness, lack of physical attraction, effeminate demeanor, delusional personality (religious etc.)... I'm sure there are many others but it's late and this will do...

Alas, a good man is hard to find. IME

(Also, a hard man is good to find.) (tee-hee)

krudler

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

Dealbreakers before getting into a relationship? ... making sexist/racist jokes (any jokes that mock vulnerable people etc) - as well as sexist/racist/elitist attitudes. He´d have to really believe in equality, and be very compassionate.

I believe in equality, its why I make fun of everyone.

for me, someone who does drugs would be up there, not the odd smoke or whatever, that wouldnt bother me, but someone who spends weekends off their tits on pills or coke, instaturnoff.

someone with no sense of humour, or who takes offence, or even worse, fake offence, to everything, and who can't poke fun at themselves.

overly religious, wouldnt work.

someone with crappy taste in stuff I like :pac:

krudler

Deleted User wrote: »

I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years now and one of the deal breakers that she had to get over is my habit of going out to get groceries and instead coming back with some rare/obscure film or toy. As I tell her, someday she will send me out for the basics with out last 20 euro and I'll come home with magic beans.

For me a deal breaker would be someone who won't put in that lil bit more effort to make sure that something they are working on is great. I really can't stand people who will start something and only give it the bare minimum.

like this :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeXJ7dDtjj4

The Big Red Button

Independence is a big one for me. For example, I would find it VERY difficult to date someone who still lives at home.

Self-confidence ... I like a guy to be able to be himself, and know what he wants, and not care too much about other peoples' opinions of him, e.g. what his friends think, etc. Someone who can is openminded and can take on board advice and opinions, but who has confidence in their own beliefs and ideals.

I can't ever see myself dating anyone religious. I just can't understand that mindset, and anyways it would cause all sorts of problems long-term.

I couldn't date a workaholic. Been there, done that, never again! I'd much prefer someone who works to live, rather than vice versa.

A bit of a shallow one But I don't think I'd date someone shorter than me. (I'm only a shortarse myself though, so that's an easy one!)

I don't think I'd date someone involved in drugs. Never done them myself, and it's just not something I'd want to be involved with. (Smoking and drinking are fine!)

Jealous, possessive, controlling guys are the biggest turn-off in the world to me. I've never been involved in that sort of a relationship, but I've seen friends who have, and it's scary! I'd run a mile if I ever saw a sign of any of that sort of crap. It just shows a complete lack of trust and respect, in my opinion.

Other than that ... It's all about this mysterious "spark" that everyone talks about. If that's not there, then no matter how perfect the person is on paper, there's no point in trying to force a connection that doesn't exist!

krudler

krudler wrote: »

like this :pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeXJ7dDtjj4

She just reminded me of the time I went out to get milk, bread, tea bags, chocolate and some beer and came back with a J Rocc vinyl, an ealy B.o.B mixtape and nothing else.

JimmyCrackCorn

Heavy drinker is a no no.
Someone who moans and moans rather than does something about a problem.
Lack of drive or ambition.

A willy

Taltos

My dealbreakers in no particular order.

1. Someone who wants kids
2. Religious to any degree, I am tired of having to explain why I don't agree with their beliefs.
3. Doesn't like Star Trek / Star Wars
4. Wants to change me - "stop playing that console etc"
5. Bigots. Enough said.
6. Cheaters - or someone who has had a relationship with a married man.

However the worst dealbreaker I ever hit was when I was in a bar with a girlfriend and her best mate having a drink when her "boyfriend" from the young-IRA strolled in with all his mates. This was not a good night, needless to say it was the last time I went out with her. Worst and longest night - and will leave it at that.

Edit:
Smoker / Druggie - immediate nope. Have ended relationships in the past for this, not a single regret especially seeing these folk 20 yrs later. Amazing how some folk age when abusing their bodies so much.

BigDuffman

Noisey eaters..absolute no no for me.

herisson

i actually couldnt go out with someone who doesnt like console games!
id like someone to play the 360 with me sometimes

awec

This post has been deleted.

grames_bond

I have 2 mega bug bears:

1) someone who is overly clingy
2) someone who cheats

I was in a relationship with a girl who would text about 7 million times a day (the girl would go through 20 euro credit in a few hours) and if I didn't reply within a minute I would either get another text or I "didn't care enough about her".

It's an insecurity I know but it was just too much, one day I was out with the folks and was told to "get off your f*cking phone" - so I told the gf I would talk to her later....at that stage she "got lonely".....and number 2 above happened!

she was a c*nt! (suppose that could be number 3 - "someone who is a c*nt")

herisson

awec wrote: »

What's embarrassing about that?

If that's what you like to do, it's what you like to do.

i dunno maybe because its not that much of a girly thing to do haha

I've been thinking about this recently and the deal-breakers for me would be:

Drugs - while I don't mind hash as such, it's not entirely for me, but any sort of hardcore drug use would be definite walk-away material

Smokers - I'm a non-smoker, hate the way it smells, tastes when you kiss someone and how it leaves your room feeling afterwards.

Party-Girls/heavy-drinkers - I have no problem going out and getting drunk sometimes, but I wouldn't like to date someone for whom it was a pretty regular thing.

Messy people - I'm generally a neat person and it would really bother me if the person I was seeing was overly messy. I don't mind clothes thrown around the place, but like say if a cup of half-drunken tea was still there a week after the person had last drank from it. Then it gets a little silly.

Judgmental people - this really bothers me. I try and give everyone a chance, until they do something really wrong to me. But I hate people who judges someone straight away.

People who are stuck in their ways - OK, I love trying new things. Whatever it may be, I love experiencing them. It would annoy me if someone wasn't at least a bit adventurous as well.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Judgmental people - this really bothers me. I try and give everyone a chance, until they do something really wrong to me. But I hate people who judges someone straight away.

This is definitely one of my pet hates too. I know the "never judge a book" saying is a cliche but it's true. I would also never judge someone on someone else's experience of them.

And in agreement with some other posts, I would never ever be friends with or go out with a racist or a bigot. End of.

KamiKazeKitten

Off the top of my head:

Clingy people - I need my space dammit!

Smokers - I just hate the smell of it, it sticks everywhere.

People who get jealous easily - I am a flirt, I admit it. Specially when I've been drinking... Usually I just don't even realise I'm doing it, so the guy would have to not get jealous easily.

Overly religious - because I can see some brilliant rows starting then.

Kind of on the same level intellectually - I'm no genius, but I did go out with a pretty but dumb guy once, never again! Oh, and banter. Gotta be able to banter!

celticcrash

Deleted User wrote: »

I've been thinking about this recently and the deal-breakers for me would be:

Drugs - while I don't mind hash as such, it's not entirely for me, but any sort of hardcore drug use would be definite walk-away material

Smokers - I'm a non-smoker, hate the way it smells, tastes when you kiss someone and how it leaves your room feeling afterwards.

Party-Girls/heavy-drinkers - I have no problem going out and getting drunk sometimes, but I wouldn't like to date someone for whom it was a pretty regular thing.

Messy people - I'm generally a neat person and it would really bother me if the person I was seeing was overly messy. I don't mind clothes thrown around the place, but like say if a cup of half-drunken tea was still there a week after the person had last drank from it. Then it gets a little silly.

Judgmental people - this really bothers me. I try and give everyone a chance, until they do something really wrong to me. But I hate people who judges someone straight away.

People who are stuck in their ways - OK, I love trying new things. Whatever it may be, I love experiencing them. It would annoy me if someone wasn't at least a bit adventurous as well.

Your a whole contradiction in yourself.:D

Galvasean

KamiKazeKitten wrote: »

I did go out with a pretty but dumb guy once,

Hey! :mad:

j/k, but I agree that intelligence is a big deal for me. I adore an intelligent woman. I'm no genius myself (I still cant figure pout magnets), but any potential partner for me needs to have something substantial going on between the ears.

BigDuffman

BigDuffman wrote: »

Noisey eaters..absolute no no for me.

I was gonna say that but thought it would be a bit too petty.

celticcrash

celticcrash wrote: »

Your a whole contradiction in yourself.:D

How so?

KamiKazeKitten

Galvasean wrote: »

Hey! :mad:

Hehe, unless you've ever said anything along the lines of "I'm so glad I met you...most people I meet out are from the Northside" then I think you're safe enough.

Dead serious by the way, the one lonely brain cell in his head had enough to be doing without taking sarcasm out for a test drive too. :P