Lame or embarrassing things you fapped to before you had internet porn

Elemonator

https://nicoleelle.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/boob-light.jpg

paleoperson

HalloweenJack wrote: »

On one version of the Smackdown video game, you could unlock loading screens of scandily clad girls for about ten seconds and also have bra and panties matches, where the idea was to get your opponent down to her bra and panties.

In fairness, I was a horny teen, about 14 or 15, but looking back now the people who made that game must be REALLY messed up.

Not sure how tongue-in-cheek this remark was but I would strongly disagree with you there.

HalloweenJack

paleoperson wrote: »

Not sure how tongue-in-cheek this remark was but I would strongly disagree with you there.

What part?

donegal.

tutti frutti on RTL

razorblunt

Ching Ching ching ching Italian Stripping Housewives on Bravo.

branie2

Sheryiln (sp?) Fenn in Ruby (1992)

branie2

Gwyneth Paltrow in Great Expectations

failinis

Can't even remember the name of the catalogue but it was one of those women wear including a nice bra and underwear section.

Rgb.ie

Tango and cash ... You know the part

ButtersSuki

holystungun9 wrote: »

The album cover for Power by Ice T. It was a cassette :-(

Have you seen that model recently? Still smokin' hot

brianregan09

I had a VHS of Wild things......Oh my it got well used my 1st time seeing Neeve Campbell outside of scream and man was it worth it...........Every Time

fryup

DazMarz wrote: »

to my utter amazement, I've never been caught dancing with myself by anyone (tho there have been some close calls sometimes).

and thats exactly what this song is about ....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG1NrQYXjLU

branie2

A lingerie segment on one episode of head 2 toe, where a dark-haired woman fastened her bra at the end of it.

armaghlad

When we first got Sky there was an obscure fashion channel that basically showed models walking down the runways of various international fashion shows on repeat. You'd see plenty of see-through garments and if you were very lucky the odd tit hanging out. This was prime daytime viewing to lash one out to on the sly when you'd the house to yourself; and manys a time the young armaghlad took advantage of what he essentially thought was day time porn

branie2

Ever fap to body suits in the Family Album?

Mister Vain

Wimbledon. Those short skirts on the female players.

funtime93

Mile high on sky one

syklops

funtime93 wrote: »

Mile high on sky one

I still watch that from time to time. Does anyone remember when Sky One was "fun"?

ohnonotgmail

Surely i'm not the only one here old enough to remember H&E magazine?

branie2

Le déjeuner sur l'herbe (Luncheon on the Grass)- a 19th century French painting by Edouard Manet.

Radharc na Sleibhte

Eurotrash
VOX
Family Album when you could see the pubes through the material
Mixmag clubbing photos
Redline Car Magazine
The 10 minute free view for Fantasy Channel etc etc
My cousins dirty knickers
Britney Spears I'm Not A Woman Girl song and Don't Let me be last to know
Marian Cariah pic on front of #1 album

Mister Vain

Radharc na Sleibhte wrote: »

Eurotrash
VOX
Family Album when you could see the pubes through the material
Mixmag clubbing photos
Redline Car Magazine
The 10 minute free view for Fantasy Channel etc etc
My cousins dirty knickers
Britney Spears I'm Not A Woman Girl song and Don't Let me be last to know
Marian Cariah pic on front of #1 album

Dirt burd.

The car magazines were great alright. Max Power was my fave. God be with the days when girls used to hang out in car parks and get their tits out for no reason.

branie2

Brigette Nielsen in a black one piece swimsuit in a magazine

kfallon

branie2 - over 10% of the posts in this thread by you, Jaysus I'd hate to have been the one washing your socks during your puberty years :pac:

branie2

kfallon wrote: »

branie2 - over 10% of the posts in this thread by you, Jaysus I'd hate to have been the one washing your socks during your puberty years :pac:

What are the total numbers of my posts here, then?

Howard the Duck

Before the internet the Gods of the bushes would leave us porn. Many a fine pornographic magazine was found under a bush and they usually contained their fair share of bushes.Good times

B.A._Baracus

Babestation back around 2001/2002

Actually I got an interesting story about babestation back then and honestly I do not know how they got away with this.
But the way it worked was (and I assume still?) is that when they started out on Sky Digital they gave you a free preview on the channel. Sometimes you would see boobs but for the most part you didnt. The idea was that the channel would then switch to PPV come midnight (or whatever time it switched)

So if you wanted to see the girls with their kit off you had to pay. However, I was scrolling through the channels one night (oh must have been around 4am) and the channel wasn't encrypted/knocked off... but was coming through for anyone who switched over. So one of the "models" (Dani O'Neal... Yes I remember her name she was fine I thought :pac: ) was on the screen. But she just didn't have her kit off.... she was bent over fingering her backside
You can imagine being a teenager and before having the internet that this was something else for me!

But as I say I don't know how they got away with that.

elfy4eva

Eurotrash is coming back for a one night special for the brexit vote.

Tempting....

Pinch Flat

elfy4eva wrote: »

Eurotrash is coming back for a one night special for the brexit vote.

Tempting....

A **** down memory lane :pac:

Arghus

This is one of the truest and best threads on the internet; I've cringed in embarrassment - and recognition - reading some of these posts. Times sure were different before the internet weren't they - we're really spoiled now.

Have to give a shout out to The Sunday World. They were pretty dedicated to giving you a steady supply of pictures of semi-naked women every single week. And in those Pre-internet days it was almost like a public service; they knew what they were at. Think of the potential consequences of a rural Ireland filled to the brim full of lonely bachelor farmers, who would also have been filled to the brim with pints of unused and backed up spunk - and with nothing to pour over, as it were. Testosterone fueled public disorder and nervous livestock would have become a much bigger feature of daily Irish life than they already were, if you ask me. And things were bad enough already...

I suppose the most lame thing that were a feature of my **** life as a teenager were books. It seems so quaint now - to be so horny and yet so starved of decent pornography, that I'd turn to the written word, if there was nothing else to be found. Sometimes all that I'd need would be a paragraph of sensually described fumbling, in order to get the job done. One book that'll always stick in my memory is Dare to Die by Gareth O' Callaghan. The blurb on the cover described it as, "A thriller with attitude". Obviously that impressed a very young me enough to buy it - no doubt thrilled with myself for wanting to read a book meant for adults.

Well, it was a totally trashy pot boiler of a book - I didn't know a whole pile about how to critically assess the literary merits of a work when I was eleven. But, even then; I knew it was rubbish. It was the first book in my life which I'd started and didn't finish. But having said that - I "finished" several times to particular sections of the tale. It was like the War and Peace of bad sex writing. There was endless multipage bonk fests between different characters - reams of pages in which ream was a frequently, and lovingly, used verb.

I thrashed it out fairly regular to that one. My embarrassment is acute, but what was I to do? - it was that time of life - I would have wanked over a particularly curvaceous fork back then . I actually feel more embarrassment for the author. Yes, that's the same Gareth O' Callaghan from the radio. Looking back, it strikes me how much sex there was in the book and how forensically it was described. I think he's spoken since about how that time in his life was a time of dark and deep depression. I suppose, looking back, I can see some of that in the book: it was full of murder and death, topped off with maniac sex. Emotions were running high, I suspect. All of which makes me feel a bit queasy looking back at my relationship with the book and, also, because of that associated muscle memory... slightly aroused.

Anyway. Where was I? Oh, Yeah -****!

I nod my head in acknowledgment to the fellow travelers who put in quality time with the weekly foreign film choice on RTE2 or TG4 - all in the noble pursuit of a few seconds of onscreen tits. Most of the time you hit the jackpot with TG4(Home of some absolutely cracking weather girls too). If the film was French, it was like there was an obligation that there be some sex at some time or another. Not always though, some of the bitterest experiences of my life were spent sitting there - VCR primed to record, lad close at/in hand - waiting patiently for the sex-scene, that never actually arrived. It always felt like it was just about to happen, like sunrise over a nearby hill, but it wasn't a complete certainty. To discover that you'd been duped like that felt like a low-blow, almost a personal insult.

Then again it wouldn't take much to keep me happy in those years of endless hormones and hard-ons. Even a hint of cleavage or leg would excite me to no end. And if I ever hit upon anything truly wondrous - like the trailer, on video back in 99, to Eyes Wide Shut - I'd nearly transform into a sort of Anti-Incredible Hulk: my clothes would stay the same, but my pants would near-literally burst with the pressure.