Why do you want to be thinner?

girlonfire

Really interesting thread.
I've struggled with eating disorders for 11+ years and I often feel that my preoccupation with my weight will always be lurking in the background.
Initially, all those years ago, I thought if I lost a few lbs I'd be a happier person. I thought I'd feel more comfortable and that I'd fit in more. I thought I'd look better in clothes and that people would like me more. I thought I'd like myself more.
Gradually, it became an all-consuming obsession. My moods were dependent on what the scale said at any given time. It was literally me & my eating disorder - everything else fell away. I was a shell of my former self. At the root of the eating disorder was a desperate need to control something/anything in my life. It became a sick mode of expression (although, I did not have that level of awareness at the time) as I was unable to articulate the emotional pain I was feeling.
I continued to lose weight, get treatment, gain weight and relapse for years. It led to mental health problems as well as physical ones. I'm often surprised and very grateful that I'm still here today.

I'm aware of the issues that led me to develop my eating disorder as a result of treatment and therapy over the years. While it was a coping mechanism for me, I believe there's myriad factors regarding my development of the disorder. While many women will continue to diet and not develop an eating disorder, the influence of the media on young girls regarding body image, beauty and the "ideal" woman is incredibly strong. By being constantly exposed to such myths surrounding beauty, the mental development of young girls becomes distorted in a sense. It's incredibly sad and worrying.
It would be amazing if schools could teach young girls and boys alike the importance and value of self love and self-acceptance as opposed to looking to the outside to "fix" something that's wrong/missing on the inside. If children understood the concept of empowerment from an early age, it might decrease the chances of developing an eating disorder later on.

Apologies if I've gone off topic.

lindtee

Going to take a read through this thread later as the posts I have read are very interesting. For me, controlling my weight is a never ending battle. I would like to be about 10 pounds lighter but it is such a struggle to even maintain what I am now. I have a bmi of 21.6 so am not overweight but as any excess weight goes first on my tummy and face, even now I would say I look chubby. I would certainly say that I have emotional issues with food and now it is the only vice (besides tea!) I have left.
Edit - The reason? I don't know....not be be fat...maybe, got bullied as a child for my weight amongst other things so I never want that to happen again. I do feel (slightly) better when I am lighter.

Princess Peach

I guess for me eating disorders that developed from emotions and mental illness have now just formed into habit. Thinking of lately my bingeing and purging doesn't seem to be triggered by any change in mood or something in my life, it's just kind of ingrained in me at this stage as a way of doing things.

And trying to beat his means I am the heaviest I ever was what bothers me most now is not getting healthy, but for people to not think badly of me for gaining weight.

I really like how people want to be a healthier weight, I just hope people can do this a happy way and not become obsessed by it like me. Watching what you eat and counting calories can be good, as long as it doesn't take over your life. Everyone needs treats

username123

Princess Peach wrote: »

.....but for people to not think badly of me for gaining weight.

Why would people think badly of you for gaining weight? Why would they think about it at all?

Princess Peach

username123 wrote: »

Why would people think badly of you for gaining weight? Why would they think about it at all?

You ever been among a group of women who talk about how such a person gained a lot of weight, or let themselves go? I definitely have.

Ilyana

username123 wrote: »

Why would people think badly of you for gaining weight? Why would they think about it at all?

When I stopped starving myself and I put on about half a stone (thankfully that's all I've regained), I was awfully worried that all the people who'd complimented my weight loss would notice the gain, and think that I'd gotten lazy or greedy, or had let myself go. I definitely noticed the compliments dry up, even though it was a relatively small gain. Then again, being short, any nominal loss or gain is noticeable on me.

I know this is all in my head, and that people really are not paying that much attention to my weight. But when you start thinking of your weight as the only important part of you, it's much more difficult to be rational about it.

Honey-ec

username123 wrote: »

Why would people think badly of you for gaining weight? Why would they think about it at all?

My mother would be the first to say it to me if I put on a few pounds. Mind you, she'd also say it if she thought I was getting too thin too.

username123

Princess Peach wrote: »

You ever been among a group of women who talk about how such a person gained a lot of weight, or let themselves go? I definitely have.

No, not really. Certainly maybe in conversation with one or two other people, but it wouldnt be 'thinking badly' of the person, itd be more just a general observation.

Its difficult to explain actually, but like the difference between saying 'princess peach cheated on her husband, isnt that terrible' - and passing a moral judgement or

'princess peach changed her hair, I dont really like it' - with no judgement, just an observation with perhaps the fact that I dont like it tagged on the end. But I wouldnt class that as 'thinking badly' about someone. Is it?

Noticing or commenting on weight gain or loss would be more like the second one, in any conversations Ive had about it. Usually Id be more inclined to be envious of someones figure and thats what Id pass comment on tbh!!

Even if I thought someone was saying mean things about my weight, I really wouldnt be too bothered because I wouldnt have a lot of respect for someone who would be like that so I wouldnt really care what theyd say - my sister in law for example is a nasty individual in that way, but I just dislike her and dismiss her opinion as rubbish because I wouldnt have any respect for her anyway.

I mean in life, people talk about each other, thats the way life is. Id only be upset if someone I loved and respected was mean about me. Not some fool who doesnt know me.

Princess Peach

I'm probably overly sensitive to it but there often this negative view of overweight people. A while back there was a thread on Boards called something like "Fat girls in hotpants" and some of the language used in it was saddening, people saying how disgusted they were to see overweight people showing a bit of skin. While I don't wear tight shorts, I do wear loose shorts and short skirts, and it really just went to my head that people might be disgusted by the sight of my non shapely legs.

And I know people who just have a weird view, and even hatred of overweight people. I'll just name one example. A few years ago there were 6 girls in my main group of friends, and I started seeing someone. Another single girl was moaning to me that she was the only single girl in the group now. I said what about "Mary" and the girl said she doesn't really count "because she's really fat and couldn't get guys anyway".

And I could name other people but I'd just be going on. So in my mind that's not the healthiest things like this really stick out to me, and remembering these examples are what worries me most of how people will think of me.

Princess Peach

username123 wrote: »

Even if I thought someone was saying mean things about my weight, I really wouldnt be too bothered because I wouldnt have a lot of respect for someone who would be like that so I wouldnt really care what theyd say - my sister in law for example is a nasty individual in that way, but I just dislike her and dismiss her opinion as rubbish because I wouldnt have any respect for her anyway.

I mean in life, people talk about each other, thats the way life is. Id only be upset if someone I loved and respected was mean about me. Not some fool who doesnt know me.

Bare in mind weight is a really unhealthy mental issue for me though, so I tend to have a warped perspective on these things.

username123

I agree there is a negative view of overweight people, but (perhaps Im naive), is that not more about VERY overweight, morbidly obese people, and driven by the idea of how bad it is for their health - not really about aesthetics?

I seem to be in a permanent state of needing/wanting to lose a stone - my whole life! But I never really thought anyone else noticed, cared or talked about it. I mean, Im sure they do to a degree, but its probably just silly meaningless babble.

Id say if we all heard the things that people say about us and not just about weight, we'd be devastated!

WesternNight

username123 wrote: »

I agree there is a negative view of overweight people, but (perhaps Im naive), is that not more about VERY overweight, morbidly obese people, and driven by the idea of how bad it is for their health - not really about aesthetics?

This is a bit off-topic (and has probably been said before in this thread) so I'll be brief, but I'd argue that for an awful lot of people this isn't what drives negative comments/opinions/judgements.

We're very appearence-focussed in general as a society, and people's sense of value is often intertwined in how they look and how they present themselves. I'd argue that negative views of overweight people isn't driven by concern about health*, but by assumptions about their characters (ie, that they're lazy, greedy, irresponsible etc).

*With the exception of family and friends who may very well be genuinely concerned about health.

Ilyana

username123 wrote: »

I agree there is a negative view of overweight people, but (perhaps Im naive), is that not more about VERY overweight, morbidly obese people, and driven by the idea of how bad it is for their health - not really about aesthetics?

I seem to be in a permanent state of needing/wanting to lose a stone - my whole life! But I never really thought anyone else noticed, cared or talked about it. I mean, Im sure they do to a degree, but its probably just silly meaningless babble.

Id say if we all heard the things that people say about us and not just about weight, we'd be devastated!

I know my mum would get on at me about my weight when I was younger, but that was because I was approaching 12 stone at the age of 17. It was out of genuine concern for my health. When I see an overweight person eating bad food or whatever, I do wonder about whether they realise just how badly they're treating their body. But at the same time I'm thinking 'Jesus I'd hate to look like that'.

Tbh if someone doesn't have a large amount of weight to lose, people probably aren't talking about it, unless said person is squeezing themselves into clothes that don't fit. But as I said, when you have these insecurities, you feel like your weight is the only thing people judge you by.

username123

WesternNight wrote: »

I'd argue that negative views of overweight people isn't driven by concern about health*,

Just to clarify, I didnt mean concern for their health, but disgust that they had allowed themselves to get so heavy as to be a health risk to themselves. But Im talking about morbid obesity here.

username123

Ilyana wrote: »

Tbh if someone doesn't have a large amount of weight to lose, people probably aren't talking about it, unless said person is squeezing themselves into clothes that don't fit. But as I said, when you have these insecurities, you feel like your weight is the only thing people judge you by.

I suppose I dont really know what people mean when they say overweight. There are so many variables with height and weight, one persons 10 stone could be slim to another looking chubby.

Maybe people do judge me by my weight, its not really something I ever thought about actually, I have always felt I was my own worst judge!

Ilyana

username123 wrote: »

I suppose I dont really know what people mean when they say overweight. There are so many variables with height and weight, one persons 10 stone could be slim to another looking chubby.

I suppose a lot of people are on the verge of being clinically overweight, even if they don't look it. My BMI is about 25 but I'm a size 10-12, go figure. When I say someone is overweight I mean that, in my eyes, they look heavier than what is probably healthy for them. But someone else could have a different yardstick for it. But I think most people can agree on what classifies someone as obese.

I read somewhere (probably the Daily Mail :rolleyes:) that people with eating disorders can judge other people as overweight or normal quite accurately; it's only when it comes to themselves that their perception of 'fat' becomes warped. I've no idea if there's any truth in that, but from my experience it actually rings quite true.

username123

Ilyana wrote: »

When I say someone is overweight I mean that, in my eyes, they look heavier than what is probably healthy for them.

Yeah its very subjective. I have noticed that as I age (im close to 40), that my friends of a similar age have become more forgiving of a few lb here and there. As people get older the metabolism slows, perhaps a few pregnancies have taken a toll, perhaps the sweet tooth is indulged a little more

I often wonder if I could take my today self and insert me into my 1990s life, would I magically lose weight just because I was so much busier then! I was constantly on the move, walking to and from the bus stop, walking round college or town, out dancing etc... I rarely sat still. Whereas now, with the exception of the time I actively spend in the gym or running, my everyday life is not nearly as active.

Stench Blossoms

Ilyana wrote: »

I read somewhere (probably the Daily Mail :rolleyes:) that people with eating disorders can judge other people as overweight or normal quite accurately; it's only when it comes to themselves that their perception of 'fat' becomes warped. I've no idea if there's any truth in that, but from my experience it actually rings quite true.

I'd fully agree with that.

In fact, I'd say that's 100% me.

Ilyana

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

I'd fully agree with that.

In fact, I'd say that's 100% me.

When I was dieting, if someone told me they were on a diet, I would tell them not to do it - that they didn't need to, that they'd only get too thin. And there I was, surviving on eggs and baked beans. There was no way I'd take my own advice.

There was an element of competitiveness to it as well. If a friend of mine put on a few pounds - the freshman 15 :pac: - I was secretly delighted. It was just one more person I was 'beating' to thinness.

girlonfire

Princess Peach wrote: »

it's just kind of ingrained in me at this stage as a way of doing things.

Yeah, I understand this fully.

As for worrying about what people think of you for gaining weight, while I do understand that frame of mind, your recovery is about you. It's your journey. Those who really care for you will have admiration for you for dealing with such a difficult and complex illness. Stick with the supportive ones.