Why do you want to be thinner?

Princess Peach

Sappa wrote: »

Watch the food you eat and you will be fine,no man wants a stick insect or a beached whale but something in the middle,

My reasons to be thinner have never once been to please men.

I do apologise incessantly to my boyfriend, but its cause I've gained weight since we got together. Trying to lose it now, but absolutely not for him.

LenaClaire

Sappa wrote: »

Watch the food you eat and you will be fine,no man wants a stick insect or a beached whale but something in the middle,

Most of the women in this thread have mentioned lots of reasons for weight loss that have nothing to do with men. It is about feeling healthy and self confident and the fact that the clothes get hideously ugly as you get larger since designers seem to think all large women long to wear sheets in flower prints.

Also, if watching what you eat was the simple answer I seriously doubt we would be having this long discussion. Most people that have a weight problem have some emotional reason so simply watching what you eat is not necessarily easy.

Sappa

jujibee wrote: »

Sappa wrote: »

Watch the food you eat and you will be fine,no man wants a stick insect or a beached whale but something in the middle,

Most of the women in this thread have mentioned lots of reasons for weight loss that have nothing to do with men. It is about feeling healthy and self confident and the fact that the clothes get hideously ugly as you get larger since designers seem to think all large women long to wear sheets in flower prints.

Also, if watching what you eat was the simple answer I seriously doubt we would be having this long discussion. Most people that have a weight problem have some emotional reason so simply watching what you eat is not necessarily easy.

Maybe it is 'glandular' your as you imply but self control is all it takes to curb the extra pounds.
Off course a lady wants to look good for her fella and herself,designers are the ones pushing this extreme thin look as it is cheaper for them to cater to one market and the better a woman kooks the more she will shop to keep this look current.

LenaClaire

Sappa wrote: »

Maybe it is 'glandular' your as you imply but self control is all it takes to curb the extra pounds.

I did not say glandular, I said emotional. These are very different things. Glandular implies that the person is eating healthily, working out, etc and still struggling with weight. Emotional is using food as a crutch when you feel bad or blue, or using your weight as a shield to protect yourself.

Off course a lady wants to look good for her fella and herself,designers are the ones pushing this extreme thin look as it is cheaper for them to cater to one market and the better a woman kooks the more she will shop to keep this look current.

If someone wants to look good for "her fella" that is all well and good for her. What I was stating what that most of the women on this thread have stated other motives.

And yes, I agree that designers push the thin look. One of the most popular models right now is an androgynous man. It is easier to make clothes drape well when there are no curves to get in the way.

However, your generalization about women looking better and shopping more does not have a direct correlation. Some women shop when they are feeling the need for a boost, they buy new clothes in the hopes that this outfit will make them more confident. Some women just like to buy clothes or new things regardless of their weight and some women hate to shop regardless of their weight.

Sappa

Sappa wrote: »

Watch the food you eat and you will be fine,no man wants a stick insect or a beached whale but something in the middle,

Sappa wrote: »

Maybe it is 'glandular' your as you imply but self control is all it takes to curb the extra pounds.

Banned from the The Ladies' Lounge

Itwasntme.

Ladies, I apologise if this is off topic but I thought it might offer some semblance of perspective on the issue of body image for all of us.

Acacia

Kinda been struggling with the weight over the past year or so...

So I think I may have lost a bit of weight, I've been getting compliments over the last few weeks and my clothes are getting looser )although at size 16, they'd want to be feeling looser!) Obviously, it's nicer to have people comment positively on my weight, but sometimes I actually get self-concious, like when they say something like, "Oh, you're looking really well these days!", I can't help but think "How bad did I look before, then?" Maybe I'm just being fussy!

I can't weight til I'm at a size where I don't have to feel guily every time I eat a biscuit. Sometimes the guilt is so overhelming when I've eaten 'naughty food', I've (shamefully) googled how to make myself sick. I didn't actually go through with it, but that's how bad I feel sometimes. I want to be able to walk down the street and not compare myself to everyone who walks by me, "Oh I wish I had her legs" or "Her jeans must be size 4!" It's so head-wrecking. Oh, it would be amazing to not dread everytime I get tagged in a photo on Facebook- "How fat will I look this time?":(

Sorry for the possibly TMI post, I just had to vent somewhere! Basically I want to be thinner so I'll be happier. Possibly a futile endeavour, but that's how I feel.

validusername1

so that clothes would fit better/look better and so make me more confident! more choice of what clothes to wear if you know they'll look good on your body.

Honey-ec

Acacia wrote: »

So I think I may have lost a bit of weight, I've been getting compliments over the last few weeks and my clothes are getting looser )although at size 16, they'd want to be feeling looser!) Obviously, it's nicer to have people comment positively on my weight, but sometimes I actually get self-concious, like when they say something like, "Oh, you're looking really well these days!", I can't help but think "How bad did I look before, then?" Maybe I'm just being fussy!

I get this all the time. Up til about Christmas last year I was 10s 4lbs - I'm 5' 7". My marriage broke up over Christmas and obviously this affected my appetite; I went down to 9 and a half stone and I haven't put the weight back on. People are always commenting on how great I look and I used to often go "Jesus, I must have been a heifer beforehand" (even though I know I wasn't), but you just have to shrug it off and accept the compliment in the spirit it was given - they're not saying you used to look awful, they're saying you look good now. There's a big difference between the two and sometimes it can be hard to remember that.

Acacia

Acacia wrote: »

"Oh, you're looking really well these days!", I can't help but think "How bad did I look before, then?" Maybe I'm just being fussy!

Honey-ec wrote: »

"Jesus, I must have been a heifer beforehand" (even though I know I wasn't),.

I used to feel exactly the same, and I realise that in fact I do look better now, but not because I'm thinner, because I'm happier with my body, and confidence can make you look better than any diet every could

Honey-ec I know your weight loss wasn't intentional, but maybe you have more confidence recently and that's what people are noticing.

Honey-ec

Deleted User wrote: »

Honey-ec I know your weight loss wasn't intentional, but maybe you have more confidence recently and that's what people are noticing.

Ha ha, confidence was never an issue for me, as anyone in my family will tell you! I think it's more that people are looking to say something nice to me after the whole marriage breaking up thing, and that's what they generally go for. In fairness, "You look great" can encompass a whole load of things, not just weight-loss, but maybe women can sometimes seize on the idea that they must be referring to our weight, I don't know.

Honey-ec

Honey-ec wrote: »

Ha ha, confidence was never an issue for me, as anyone in my family will tell you! I think it's more that people are looking to say something nice to me after the whole marriage breaking up thing, and that's what they generally go for. In fairness, "You look great" can encompass a whole load of things, not just weight-loss.

Fair enough, sorry if you though I was being condescending, I wasn't

Honey-ec

Deleted User wrote: »

Fair enough, sorry if you though I was being condescending, I wasn't

Not at all!

Handsome Bob

Acacia wrote: »

I can't help but think "How bad did I look before, then?" Maybe I'm just being fussy!

I never thought about that side of the coin until reading it here a while ago. Bleeding boards...ruins everything. :pac:

LenaClaire

Do you ever have the realizations that kind of shake you up?

I went and got a body fat analysis done. Yes, i have too much body fat but what I just realized as I sit here looking at the numbers is that I have been way too hard on myself all my life.

My current fat free body mass (muscle + bone) is only 10 lbs less than my goal weight was all in high school and college. I was so mad at myself for not getting to that weight.

I was very, very active at the time so I can assume I had the same or more muscle mass then as I do now. That means that all of those years of hating my body - I was actually way low in body fat - like 15% body fat.

I never could have gotten to my goal weight in a healthy manner. I think I need to re-adjust my current goal weight to something more realistic given that information as I was setting myself up for the same trap.

beks101

jujibee wrote: »

Do you ever have the realizations that kind of shake you up?

This was sort of what kicked me out of the dark when it came to my food issues.

I've always been blessed with good health (despite years of treating my body like shit) and never had any health issues, medication, doctor visits, reasons to worry etc.

Not so long ago my period went haywire for a while, just all over the place, from totally irregular to mid cycle bleeding for weeks at a time etc and it scared the hell out of me. After a few months of this I went to the doctor and had to go through a round of tests, ultrasound, bloods, another ultrasound, etc..before finally getting the all-clear in terms of it being anything sinister.

It freaked the holy shit out of me at the time, I was abroad with no family by my side and every day I found myself praying and pleading with a God I never even realized I still believed in to take care of my health. I made all sorts of bargains, one of which was that I would treat my body with the respect it deserves, quit skipping meals and bingeing on junk, quit depriving my body for the sake of a number on the scales, quit the sleep deprivation, the late night workouts when everyone else was in bed, the 'fasting' and ensuing binges and depression and that I would eat with my body's health in mind, first and foremost.

I am nowhere near as healthy as I aspire to be, I still struggle with bad food habits as a result of a decade of just dietary chaos - but I don't train on empty anymore, I train with a fitness goal rather than a 'target weight' goal in mind, I eat my vegetables, take my vitamins and I've started doing yoga which helps with the physical and emotional stress I put my body through for years.

And incidentally, my menstrual issues were related to a hormonal imbalance as a result of what the doctor called 'extreme physical and emotional stress'. I just beat my body up for years, that in turn beat my brain up and took its toll. I was an anxious mess and could never be good enough. Probably the strongest symptom of my eating disorder - I had to do more, more and more. I had to train more. I had to eat less. I had to be thinner. The next step was a total loss of my period, and after that, fertility issues.

The desire to hit some random number on the scales that I had just plucked out of some dumb magazine, in comparison to that, suddenly seemed like the most retarded thing in the world.

mdbatches

I'm only 21 and I can put my hand on my heart and admit that Ive had body issues regarding my weight for over ten years. I am not unique. Many young girls as young as ten or eleven develop their body image issues that young. I got my period at 11 and I was always taller and more developed than the other girls in my class. Anyway I carried this low self esteem with me right through secondary school. I was 5' 6'' by the time I was fourteen, outgrowing most of the boys in my class. I was always roughly a size 14, It made me feel down, naturally the teenage years are tough because we don't have the mental capabilities or maturity to deal with life's problems at that age.

I went to college and ballooned to 14 and a half stone. I was so sick about it but I had a lovely boyfriend who made me feel very comfortable with myself. I lost two stone around two years ago but I really need to get another two stone off to be a healthy weight.

Anyway a bad break up and a nightmare year landed me in counselling to confront all of my issues that had been accumulating for a while. I believe it was one of the bravest moments of my life so far when I admitted I had been experiencing a silent battle with depression for a long time. Sometimes you can just get overwhelmed by the problems life throws at you and there is no shame in admitting this to yourself. My doctor suggested medication but I didn't fancy the idea, instead I met with a counselor once a week for a few weeks until I felt I was ready to take on the world again! I highly recommend it to anyone out there that feels under pressure or stressed. You dont need to put a label on it and get 'diagnosed' as having depression or having a mental health issue. Talking to a professional every now and again is good for your mind. And I firmly believe that once you deal with the inside you can easily tackle the outside. I have confronted all of my demons and now it is time to restore my body to its full potential and become the goddess I was always intended to be!

The reasons I want to be thinner are:
1. I want to stand in a photograph with my friends and not be the fat one.
2. I want to be able to go into a shop and pick out what ever I want to wear for a night out.
3. I want to be able to sit down and not have to cross my arms or use my handbag to hide two rolls of belly fat.
4. I want to be able climb a stairs without going into cardiac arrest.
3. And finally I'd be lying to myself if I didn't admit that I want to be thinner so that I can strut past my ex and see the look on his face when he realises that he's lost a total babe!

So you see mostly I want to lose it for myself but there's a little part of me that would be greatly satisfied to see the look on other peoples faces!

Now I just need to get my ass in gear and try and put a lock on the fridge! I'm no longer interested in 'fad diets', counting points and being financially punished for skipping 'meetings'. I've decided to give the calorie/exercise deficit regime a go, Its time to overhaul my relationship with food.

mariaalice

Thats a great post!

leahyl

Great post mdbatches! If I'm honest with myself I've been feeling really **** myself lately and of course I've been comfort eating - on holidays at the mo but didn't go anywhere this year so just been hanging around at home and it's made me want to get back to the gym again and start eating right again!

I think I just want to be slim so that I can wear pretty much what I want and I don't feel uncomfortable in every item of clothing I put on! I'd love to have a stone lost by Christmas.

Your post was very inspiring, thanks :-)

LegacyUser

I've spent my life letting my weight hold me back.

I have basically zero self confidence. I know when people see me the first thing they see is my size.
I won't apply for some jobs I want because I think "What if I'm too big to do that?"
I've always wanted to get involved in Drama but think "What if they don't have costumes that fit me?"
I'm embarrassed to go clothes shopping with friends.
I don't feel desirable to guys.
I don't go out at night because I can't find nice clothes to fit me, and I don't want people to see me dancing and laugh.
All of these things combined have led to me having practically no social life.
I'm fed up of being the fat friend.
I'm fed up of having to wear cardigans in the middle of Summer because of my giant upper arms.

I just don't know where to start. I feel down about not going out, so I eat. Which makes it worse.

It felt good to write this, I never say any of this out loud and I pretend that I'm fine with how I am but I hate it. I feel trapped.

LenaClaire

Plus size wrote: »

It felt good to write this, I never say any of this out loud and I pretend that I'm fine with how I am but I hate it. I feel trapped.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist? A lot of times weight issues are tied to emotional issues, and dealing with the emotional issues can help you lose weight.

Also, just having someone totally on your side, that will not judge you, to talk to can really help you get an honest perspective.

Da Shins Kelly

I'm quite slim in general, but I have noticed I've put on a bit of weight recently around my stomach. My problem is that I love to eat, and especially sweet things. So I love biscuits, cakes, chocolate, ice-cream, etc. I need to try and curb that, but I'm still in the process of trying to figure it out. I genuinely believe that my issue is with self-control and just having a bit of discipline when it comes to this stuff - just not eating ice-cream after having a big dinner, or not having biscuits with tea because I'm not actually hungry or whatever it is. I find it hard to resist the urge, so I'm still trying to figure it out.

Nymeria

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I'm quite slim in general, but I have noticed I've put on a bit of weight recently around my stomach. My problem is that I love to eat, and especially sweet things. So I love biscuits, cakes, chocolate, ice-cream, etc. I need to try and curb that, but I'm still in the process of trying to figure it out. I genuinely believe that my issue is with self-control and just having a bit of discipline when it comes to this stuff - just not eating ice-cream after having a big dinner, or not having biscuits with tea because I'm not actually hungry or whatever it is. I find it hard to resist the urge, so I'm still trying to figure it out.

Same here. I'm a size 10 so I know that I'm not unhealthily overweight, however in the last year or two since starting college I have found myself gorging on snacks while trying to do assignments and constantly sitting on a computer doing research.

I was always slim as a teenager and in my early twenties but lately I have started to fill out a bit. It's sad because I will probably look back in 10 years and think 'what was I worried about', but I feel that we are always pushed to want to improve our bodies, even if we don't really need to.

Mostly I would love to be really fit and active, and I am going to join the gym again this year because I know I always feel better when I'm active. Fingers crossed I manage to go more often than last year.

One thing I found really great before was to always have healthier snacks around the place, like cashew nuts, yoghurts or rice cakes. Just something for when I needed to nibble and didn't want to make another trip to the evil vending machine that would tempt me everyday with its delicious goodies.

sky2424

I want to be thinner to be happy with my body. I want to be able to choose and wear nice clothes comfortably. I also set high standards for myself and am always trying to 'improve' myself within reason. I appreciate that sometimes as people get older, married, have kids- and naturally become busier etc, they have less time for themselves- but I dont want to be like that. I am fearful of someone saying, whether to me or to someone else, that I've let myself go. That would really upset me actually because I'd feel like I'd let myself down. I try to be the best version of myself. Not super skinny, just a healthy weight etc and respectful of my body. I still remember a throwaway comment years ago about me putting on weight. People should appreciate the sensitivities of weight and keep their sentiments to themselves! Unless they genuinely feel an intervention is needed.

I've also become a lot more health conscious, and so whilst I still enjoy home cooked food and chocolate as a treat etc, I wont order takeaway or buy pizza or touch frozen dinners (unlike 2 years ago!). I also try and work out 5 times a week. I drink less alcohol as other than contributing to a more relaxed demeanour I cant reconcile any benefits of its consumption. I do enjoy the odd binge admittedly buy I miss the days where I could enjoy a casual drink and now not think 'empty calories' or how its undoing my hard workout that morning.

I'm a healthy weight at 9.5 stone and enjoy food too much to ever be too skinny. I was at my heaviest over a year ago at 11 stone. Hadnt realised I put on so much weight and ignorantly ate what I wanted when I wanted. I'm a lot more conscious of the foods I put into my body now and am alot more educated on diet and changed my lifestyle.

I am however beginning to resent the Irish attitude towards drink and the look of disdain when I try and order a diet coke. I wish people could just appreciate that my life does not revolve around drink and I just want to be healthy. Dont get me wrong, I have my binge filled alcohol weekends- I just try and minimise them and cherish them too much to 'waste' at any opportunity!

Butterface

A few years ago when I was simultaneously in a bad relationship, had moved country and was under stress while studying. I put on about a stone and a half, and it was noticeable on my frame. What annoys me about that year is that people close to me didn't call me on it. My sister told me that she'd noticed but didn't want to say anything in case she upset me, but in retrospect it would have been welcomed.

I knew I was putting on weight, but I really felt I needed somebody else to tell me that. I think sometimes you can just lose control and not want to admit to yourself what's happening. Then when you do admit it, it makes you feel bad and you comfort eat.

In the end, my stressful situation abated and I managed to take control again. I had avoided the gym that entire year, and for me keeping active is the key to maintaining my weight.

Before that weight gain a few years ago, I don't think I paid too much attention to what food I ate. Now like sky2424, I am always very conscious of what food I put into my body. Of course there's room for the weekend wine and cheese-athon, because I eat healthily and work out I don't feel any guilt over it.

I have one friend who is dangerously overweight. She seems to be an emotional eater, and she's not very active. I would hate to upset her by suggesting anything, but I know she's not happy with herself and it seems to be getting worse. Would any of you consider approaching a friend about this issue?

Ilyana

Butterface wrote: »

I have one friend who is dangerously overweight. She seems to be an emotional eater, and she's not very active. I would hate to upset her by suggesting anything, but I know she's not happy with herself and it seems to be getting worse. Would any of you consider approaching a friend about this issue?

Tbh I think it would depend on your relationship with her. If you think that she's an emotional eater, maybe you could ask her first about any problems she might be going through, and then suggest that the weight issue might be a side-effect of that.

I'm an emotional eater myself, for me the emotions lead to the eating. If I'm relatively happy with my life, I eat normally and my weight stabilises or even drops a bit. If I'm stressed or unhappy, that's when I reach for the biscuits.

If I was worried enough I'd try say something, but for your friend I'd imagine that the first thing to tackle is her state of mind, and then her weight after that's been resolved.

xDramaxQueenx

To answer the threads question without going through it -

Because I feel ugly. Damned if its because im afraid ill die young or have a heart attack, because I would be lying if i said it was.

eviltwin

Well I haven't lost a bit of weight since going on my exercise kick.

Now I must admit I am not dieting, I'm just listening to my body and eating well but still having my treats every so often. I run and I cycle and I can feel how much fitter I am and I am more toned but I am still a size 16 and you know what I don't care. I feel a lot better and that's what its all about, I'm actually a lot happier too and more at ease with food than I ever was in my size 12 days when I was trying to stay within my WW points and just obsessing about food all day.

Its liberating.

I do want to lose the weight because its not good health wise but I feel I can be patient and love myself as I am while its happening and not feel like a failure because I don't look stunning.

Butterface

Ilyana wrote: »

Tbh I think it would depend on your relationship with her. If you think that she's an emotional eater, maybe you could ask her first about any problems she might be going through, and then suggest that the weight issue might be a side-effect of that.

I'm an emotional eater myself, for me the emotions lead to the eating. If I'm relatively happy with my life, I eat normally and my weight stabilises or even drops a bit. If I'm stressed or unhappy, that's when I reach for the biscuits.

If I was worried enough I'd try say something, but for your friend I'd imagine that the first thing to tackle is her state of mind, and then her weight after that's been resolved.

I don't want to derail the thread or anything with this. She lost a good bit of weight a couple of years back and you could then tell that she was much happier in herself, but I think it's a bit of a vicious circle for her and she put it back on since Xmas. She's definitely stuck in a rut in her life, and does talk about that quite a bit, but I feel a lot of her emotional eating then comes from how she feels about her appearance.

I'm one of her closest friends, but I do think it would be a very awkward thing to bring up. I don't live close to her anymore though, and I think it would be great if one of her other mates would encourage her to get a bit more active, go for walks with her etc. When she lost the weight 2 years ago, she had been living at home and her mother had paid for a personal trainer for her which obviously was a fantastic help.

I just finished reading Caitlin Moran's How To Be A Woman, and she discussed compulsive overeating as a silent addiction that should be spoken about akin to other addictions. So it does seem that the relationship with food should be questioned, before it can be fixed. It's just speaking up about it is obviously still very hard for most women, especially bringing it up to friends. And then, it's also very hard to be the person calling somebody out on it lest you cause offence. I just don't know!

Butterface

eviltwin wrote: »

Well I haven't lost a bit of weight since going on my exercise kick.

You say you're exercising, so you could take into account the muscle weight that you've built up. I think you've got the right, healthy attitude in that you're being active and feeling better for it!