Kids - what's the point?

Sittingpretty

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

smash wrote: »

Because people want different things in life. If you're cock stopped working tomorrow would you just say "ah well, might as well take up a hobby to take my mind off it"? No you wouldn't. The same way people who can't have kids are devastated by it.

Well yes I'd be gutted that I would no longer be a sexual being but I'd like to think I'd deal with it.
My main point was that I don't understand why people think life is unfulfilled without kids. I know a lesbian couple who are determined to have a kid someday, could they not just pass up on this, I don't understand why it's necessary.

I think the simple answer is - they are not you. People are all different and want different thinks. Doesn't make you right and them wrong, or vice versa.

saa

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well yes I'd be gutted that I would no longer be a sexual being but I'd like to think I'd deal with it.
My main point was that I don't understand why people think life is unfulfilled without kids. I know a lesbian couple who are determined to have a kid someday, could they not just pass up on this, I don't understand why it's necessary.

Haven't you realised what "other people think" is shallow.

If you don't want to marry (eg) you're in the minority you'll always get hassle from social expectations in reality getting married or having children and the like never guarantee fulfillment or choosing not to do those things does not provide a lack of fulfillment unless you already had expectations.

To fulfill achieve or realise (something desired, promised, or predicted). You never desired promised anyone or predicted to have children so how can you be unfulfilled when it comes to the issue of having children.

Other people assume you have these expectations, people will usually assume you are in the majourity so therefore assume you are looking to have children and haven't succeeded opposed to the fact you've succeeded in avoiding any accidents.

If you got worried about or always went along with what other people expected on you and let your feelings be tampered by that you'd never get anywhere in life.

Dudess

bronte wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

It's obnoxious to pronounce your preference as the one everyone else should have - that applies to some parents AND some non parents. I understand people being pissed off about smug platitudes from certain parents, but I don't understand angry threads like this which start off essentially expressing resentment towards people who are parents. And the rash of thanks. If you don't want to have kids, fine - no need to feel the world should know about how you're making a stand though. I sometimes wonder whether, in some cases, that is symptomatic of actually deep down wanting them.

In fairness people talk about being parents all the live-long day.
Just log in to facebook or any of the innumerable sites dedicated to parenting.
Why should people who aren't not talk about it?
It's nice to talk to people you have something in common with especially when your parent friends are off being parents.

Oh god Brontz I'd steer clear of those parenting sites - they are hideous! :eek:

I guess I don't see as much baby-talk on Facebook, even though a good few of my FB friends have kids. Actually, thinking about it now, I do see baby-talk but it doesn't annoy me, I just think the pics are cute. I suppose it's so huge for parents when the kiddies are ickle. I'd actually be more struck by those parents who DON'T put up kiddie pics. Not that I'm implying anything by that.
It's a good way of sharing pics with relatives and friends abroad too.

BraziliaNZ

saa wrote: »

If you got worried about or always went along with what other people expected on you and let your feelings be tampered by that you'd never get anywhere in life.

I honestly think this is why a lot of people have babies and weddings, because of social expectations

Gilldog

This thread seems to come up every few weeks...

What I have learned is that parents and non-parents are never really going to see eye to eye because each side thinks the other is missing out...and any criticism is taken as a personal attack on their life choices.

The simple answer is if you really don't want lil' childers, then don't have them...I really love my niece and nephews, and have gone through a lot of the changing nappies, late night feeds, and more recently school run, football games and homework with them. And they're great, with their little personalities and funny stories and boundless energy - I really enjoy spending time with them and feel a strong bond with them that I hope will get stronger as they get older.....And still I have absolutely no interest in having my own children.

When I hear about other people go on about how fullfilled their lives are now that they have children, and how they didn't know what love/life/happiness was until they had their own little ones I honestly just zone out. I don't even mean it in a bad way, my eyes just seem to glaze over and I smile and nod and pretend to care but I don't. Im certainly happy that they are happy...but when the oh so smug 'you'll understand' comments start to flow I just make my excuses and leave.

All those 'reasons' that I tell myself; time, independence, freedom, extra money, less stress, freedom, the ability to travel and keep studing for my dream job, did I mention freedom.....to be honest, all of that wouldn't really matter if I actually wanted a child. And really if im honest, those reasons are more for others, to try and explain what they can't seem to understand....the not wanting, can for some be as strong as the wanting seems to be for others.

My own personal experience has been that in my family, even though im in my late twenties, it's often inferred that im still only a child or that im avoiding the responsibilites of growing up because I don't have children - very frustrating! Are they going to keep telling me this when im fifty and still dont have children??

I am an adult, the law says so, and I do not feel that I need to reproduce to discover lots of things about myself...and if I end up livng my life in a childish carefree manner, persuing my own adventures and fullfillment for the rest of my days then I will be a very happy lady.

bronte

Dudess wrote: »

Oh god Brontz I'd steer clear of those parenting sites - they are hideous! :eek:

I guess I don't see as much baby-talk on Facebook, even though a good few of my FB friends have kids. Actually, thinking about it now, I do see baby-talk but it doesn't annoy me, I just think the pics are cute. I suppose it's so huge for parents when the kiddies are ickle. I'd actually be more struck by those parents who DON'T put up kiddie pics. Not that I'm implying anything by that.
It's a good way of sharing pics with relatives and friends abroad too.

Sure, and likewise people who don't have kids often need to talk with likeminded folk too. I went through a major break up a few years ago over the kid issue and it was a bunch of lovely cf-ers that nursed me through it. Don't know what I would have done otherwise.

Nowt wrong with people talking about their experiences parenting, but there's nothing wrong with non-parents talking either. It's a community thing.

smash

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I know a lesbian couple who are determined to have a kid someday, could they not just pass up on this, I don't understand why it's necessary.

Why should they pass up on it? They probably see it as the most important thing in their lives. Children are what some people live for.

You know you're coming across as a really cold, close minded person in this thread don't you?

BraziliaNZ

smash wrote: »

Children are what some people live for.

How the hell could you live for something you don't even have yet? I don't care how I come across, it's an internet forum, i bet you'd like me in real life xxxx

smash

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

How the hell could you live for something you don't even have yet?

Ok not live for but thrive to have.

I'm sure you have goals and aspirations in life. Wouldn't you be put out if someone told you they were pointless and you should forget about it?

BraziliaNZ

smash wrote: »

Ok not live for but thrive to have.

I'm sure you have goals and aspirations in life. Wouldn't you be put out if someone told you they were pointless and you should forget about it?

I don't really have that many goals, I like to just cruise and enjoy life. Maybe that's why kids seem so unappealing.

saa

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I honestly think this is why a lot of people have babies and weddings, because of social expectations

But from your other posts seemingly you would like to see a social expectation and pressure not to have children? Just as bad.

Duckjob

I sometimes see noisy misbehaving kids and think to myself - "little b****x!".

Then I think that I was that little b****x once, and I think about how good my Dad was with me, and it inspires the nurturer in me to want to pass on the same magical childhood memories to my kids that I was given.

Also, slave-labour :pac:

BraziliaNZ

saa wrote: »

But from your other posts seemingly you would like to see a social expectation and pressure not to have children? Just as bad.

I can't make sense of what you've said here sorry

saa

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I can't make sense of what you've said here sorry

You seem to believe that people shouldn't have children because of ethical reasons = social pressure.

Which is just as bad as the social pressure to have children to please others.

smokedeels

I think I'll end up having one just to have something in common with my breeder-friends.

BraziliaNZ

saa wrote: »

You seem to believe that people shouldn't have children because of ethical reasons = social pressure.

Which is just as bad as the social pressure to have children to please others.

Well I think we need to strive towards our planet having less people yes, or else we're all f*cked. So that's more of a necessity than saving graces.

saa

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well I think we need to strive towards our planet having less people yes, or else we're all f*cked. So that's more of a necessity than saving graces.

Well then direct your pressures and judgements towards government because most babies are not planned so how can people plan to have less unplanned babies (from failed contraceptives or having no access to them).

BraziliaNZ

saa wrote: »

Well then direct your pressures and judgements towards government because most babies are not planned so how can people plan to have less unplanned babies (from failed contraceptives or having no access to them).

Less population is not good for capitalism, capitalist governments are only concerned with GDP and growth. They want us to produce more. I'm a nihilist.

smash

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well I think we need to strive towards our planet having less people yes, or else we're all f*cked.

Mass genocide?

BraziliaNZ

smash wrote: »

Mass genocide?

We don't need to go that far, just mass sterilization

smash

Just to put something into perspective here. You say you're a nihilist so:

"Most commonly, nihilism is presented in the form of existential nihilism which argues that life is without objective meaning, purpose, or intrinsic value."

So you believe in a life without objectives, values etc. Yet a lot of people have the objective in life of having children and a family and for that reason you feel the need to insult them by saying it's pointless?

saa

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Less population is not good for capitalism, capitalist governments are only concerned with GDP and growth. They want us to produce more. I'm a nihilist.

Gov's don't want this population boom within the context of the global recourse crisis opposed to an economic context, they just can't control it. So what you're saying is still tangential for the reason that its not really the crux of the issue here for you (or anyone here really). You do sound like you really want to be sufficient in a societal way and for not having children you do not meet the apparent "normal" requirements, so what, why are you reliant on society to approve or disapprove your life choices.