Kids - what's the point?

Kasabian

Ray Palmer wrote: »

I dog will do that and never grow out of it.

Are they made by Apple?

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

full on resentment. people that had unplanned pregnancies or those who had kids because it was what was expected of them, or to try keep a relationship intact. and yeah, I pity those kids too.

Do you think it is mostly unhappiness with the situation.
Or do you think that there is something else wrong mentally with those parents.
Even if you couldn't see any good in the situation.
I can't fathom not eventually coming to terms, with a disappointment like that. Especially when it redfines your life. Surely you would lose the will to resist in the long run.

travelledpengy

black francis wrote: »

They're very handy for cleaning chimneys this time of year in fairness.

LOL

I'm a bit young to be worrying about kids, maybe some day. my former roommate in college just learned she is pregnant.

bbam

Abi wrote: »

Children don't ask to be born, I pity the parents they're born to.

Seriously, you make it sound like having a child is imposed on some people... I'd say there are multiples of children to feel sorry for compared to the number of crappy parents we should feel sorry for...

It's so common to see parents shout/swear and hit their kids and generally treat them like crap, some parents are a bloody disgrace..
As selfish and narrow-minded as OP is at least they made a wise decision not to bring a child into the world only to resent it for changing their lifestyle.

nlgbbbblth

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Hi all. I was reading on personal issues about women worrying about being too old to have kids etc, how they want them so badly, and their life would never be complete without them. I also know a few girls in their 30s that are deeply depressed by the fact that they're single and still don't have kids, it seems they want kids to make their lives complete. Why is this such an issue? Is there something programmed into women that make them broody and depressed if they don't have kids? Isn't it a bit dangerous to be pinning your happiness on the birth of a child?
I'm 31 and never want kids, I don't see the appeal. In fact, the appeal of never having any just seems fantastic, hassle free life without the horrible little bastards ruining everything and sapping your resources.

HIPSTER ALERT. :rolleyes:

DEFTLEFTHAND

Someone has to inherit my vast business empire.

Abi

bbam wrote: »

Seriously, you make it sound like having a child is imposed on some people...

What are you talking about?

I'd say there are multiples of children to feel sorry for compared to the number of crappy parents we should feel sorry for...

I never said otherwise, I was talking about a very specific circumstance here, resentment.

Acoshla

I'm a girl and I can't have kids....because I hate them.

Can't stand the feckers, as it is now unless the "I'm 30!" hormone switch suddenly flicks in my head I won't be having them, I like my sleep, my relationship, my freedom, and my ability to cough without peeing. Without the biological urge to reproduce kicking in I will still think they are noisy, dirty, annoying, expensive and boring, that does not make a good mother.

Kiera

Acoshla wrote: »

I'm a girl and I can't have kids....because I hate them.

Can't stand the feckers, as it is now unless the "I'm 30!" hormone switch suddenly flicks in my head I won't be having them, I like my sleep, my relationship, my freedom, and my ability to cough without peeing. Without the biological urge to reproduce kicking in I will still think they are noisy, dirty, annoying, expensive and boring, that does not make a good mother.

Made me laugh out loud

Aurum

Choosing to have children is a very personal thing, and people should think very carefully before deciding to have them. Unfortunately, it's impossible to know how you're going to react to parenthood until you've actually had children, and then it's too late to decide that it wasn't for you after all.

I've never wanted children, I'm completely devoid of maternal instinct. To be honest, I've always actively disliked them. People who believe that people never resent their children are incredibly naive. I know two women who have told me that, if given the option, they would prefer to have their pre-children lives back and to have taken a different path in life. It wasn't said in a moment of despair or anger either, they were quite serious. Also, it wasn't because they wanted more sleep or disposable income, it's just that they realized too late that motherhood just wasn't for them.

And the "at least you won't be alone when you die" argument is stupid. Both because, as others have said, very few children actually care for their elderly parents on a permanent basis. And even if they do, why would it be considered a good idea to spend one's life caring for children if it's something that you really don't want to do, and get minimum enjoyment or fulfillment from, just so you can spend the last few months of your life not lonely. Do what makes you happy for the many decades before decrepitude sets in, don't plan your entire life focusing on the last short part of it.

bbam

Abi wrote: »

What are you talking about?

.

Perhaps I misread your comments but you seemed to be showing pity for people who were crappy parents?? I'd tend to pity the children and throttle the parents

AudreyHepburn

I want children some day and in general I won't judge anyone who doesn't. It's a personal choice OP and not one you should look down on anyone for.

However if all you can say about children is they ruin your life and are pointless then perhaps you are better off without them.

wandatowell

What the point of having kids???


Why free social housing and vast handouts from the government................... all in the name of the unwanted b@stard children of this country.

God bless Ireland and its fatherless children

Kiera

wandatowell wrote: »

What the point of having kids???


Why free social housing and vast handouts from the government................... all in the name of the unwanted b@stard children of this country.

God bless Ireland and its fatherless children

Bastards.

saa

wandatowell wrote: »

What the point of having kids???


Why free social housing and vast handouts from the government................... all in the name of the unwanted b@stard children of this country.

God bless Ireland and its fatherless children

Social housing isn't free, you'll be glad to know having a kid doesn't necessarily get you a house anymore, plenty of homeless bastard children.

Don't worry I detected your sarcasm.

Sittingpretty

It's perfectly ok not to want children. It's not selfish, it is responsible not to have children if you don't really really want them.

What is not ok is to condescend to those of us that do have children, to suggest that they are all dirty brats and lives with them are lives somehow compromised.

As a mother I find that deeply insulting, I know this is AH but statements suggesting that mothers are only holding onto their continence by a thin thread make my blood boil.

CathyMoran

I love watching a little person grow up and trying to help them as much as possible along the way. There is also the baby stage which while tiring is incredibly enjoyable - seeing your child smiling is wonderful.

I have always wanted to be a parent, I only dated men who wanted children. I was petrified that I would not be good enough.

We went through a lot to have ours and I am loving being a parent.

krudler

I'm indifferent to having them tbh, if I wound up marrying someone (something else I'm indifferent to) and we had one I wouldnt be opposed to it, but I dont think its essential I have kids either, its not like the world is underpopulated or anything.

Acoshla

Sittingpretty wrote: »

As a mother I find that deeply insulting, I know this is AH but statements suggesting that mothers are only holding onto their continence by a thin thread make my blood boil.

Some women are! A relative of mine has had two surgeries to help her attempt to hold onto her continence with not much success, I wasn't exaggerating. But y'know, you used the "as a mother" line, so I must be the wrong one.

Edit: Also, I said I think kids are all those things, I never said they actually were, perfect example of my perception of parenthood, not the reality.

Frank Black

Acoshla wrote: »

I'm a girl and I can't have kids....because I hate them.

Can't stand the feckers, as it is now unless the "I'm 30!" hormone switch suddenly flicks in my head I won't be having them, I like my sleep, my relationship, my freedom, and my ability to cough without peeing. Without the biological urge to reproduce kicking in I will still think they are noisy, dirty, annoying, expensive and boring, that does not make a good mother.

They sure are, at least I've found everyone else's kids are.

Mine are obviously adorable though.

sam34

Abi wrote: »

In cases like these, do you know of any that gave up their children, or are they just continuing dragging them up? I hate to think of kids growing up in that kind of an environment.

Sorry for picking your brain on this one, just genuinely interested.

Moonbaby wrote: »

Do you think it is mostly unhappiness with the situation.
Or do you think that there is something else wrong mentally with those parents.
Even if you couldn't see any good in the situation.
I can't fathom not eventually coming to terms, with a disappointment like that. Especially when it redfines your life. Surely you would lose the will to resist in the long run.

I suppose I think that if someone has kids for the wrong reasons (such as blindly following what everyone else does, because a partner wants them, because they think it will save a relationship etc)there's a good chance it will come back to bite them on the ass. some people can make the most of a situation, and just get on with it, but some can't. yet they're trapped cos it's not really the done thing to admit that you don't really want your kids - what would the "once you have them you'll never regret it " brigade say then?!

I have seen a few put their kids into care voluntarily but only a handful- again, there'd be a big taboo surrounding doing that.

very sad situation all round.

Acoshla

black francis wrote: »

They sure are, at least I've found everyone else's kids are.

Mine are obviously adorable though.

Same way my godchild is the most perfect child ever

Abi

bbam wrote: »

Perhaps I misread your comments but you seemed to be showing pity for people who were crappy parents?? I'd tend to pity the children and throttle the parents

Dont worry about it, I'd be of the same line of thinking as yourself, so you definitely misread!

I was just inquiring as to what normally happens in those circumstances, and was picking Sam's brain on it.

People are discussing parenting here like it's a job you just choose to do or not to do, when there's a lot more involved. A parent must be able to say with conviction that its what they want, and are willing to give up their own time (for a while anyway) to love and care for a child. Its not something to be done half-assed, as children need guidance through all stages of their growth, and it has to be from the start. How you nurture a child will pay off / come back to haunt you when they become teenagers. You're basically setting them up for life in how you bring them up.

I'm definitely one to rule the parent with the iron fist, not the children

Tayla

eviltwin wrote: »

Actually barbie there is no reason why every person needs to have a child. Some people can't just the way some can't see, walk etc.

We don't need to mess around with nature just to satisfy the wants of people who think they can't exist without a child.

For some people it's devastating not being able to have children, I think your post is incredibly ignorant and IVF in most cases simply just gives nature a helping hand.

BraziliaNZ

I guess what I really mean is, why do so many people seem to think life is unfulfilled if you don't have kids? Not just women, men too. It's a sad world if you can't be happy without creating children I think. I have no interest now, and didn't when I was in love with women in the past and I'm nearly half way through my life. I can't see it changing.
I come from a small family and never have had any exposure to kids so screaming babies make me want to run a mile, I don't see the appeal of having them around you, but I don't mean to knock anyone who does.

krudler

you know who get on my tits? people who "as a parent" now think they're some vessel of knowledge about life because they made a kid.

and serial breeders, the ones who have 5 kids and another one on the way, 2-3 kids, fair enough, average family, but 5? 7? 8? all packed into a minivan driven by a woman who is like a baby conveyor belt, churning one out every year.

BraziliaNZ

Tayla wrote: »

For some people it's devastating not being able to have children, I think your post is incredibly ignorant and IVF in most cases simply just gives nature a helping hand.

Why would it be devestating? I can't understand that. Why don't they find something else that is fulfilling? Basing your happiness on kids is really sad IMO.

BraziliaNZ

krudler wrote: »

and serial breeders, the ones who have 5 kids and another one on the way, 2-3 kids, fair enough, average family, but 5? 7? 8? all packed into a minivan driven by a woman who is like a baby conveyor belt, churning one out every year.

Like that evil selfish bitch Miriam O'Callaghan

Acoshla

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

why do so many people seem to think life is unfulfilled if you don't have kids? Not just women, men too. It's a sad world if you can't be happy without creating children I think.

Gwyneth Paltrow recently said that having children gives your life real purpose. Cheers Gywnnie, how to kick infertile people when they're down!

krudler wrote: »

you know who get on my tits? people who "as a parent" now think they're some vessel of knowledge about life because they made a kid.

+1,000,000,000

krudler

that pisses me off too, as if people who cant or dont have kids are living pointless lives, fcuk off.