LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

Princess Peach

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

Do any of use cry during your therapy sessions?

I feel I'm on verge of breaking down sometimes during them.

That's why there are always boxes of tissues next to your chair!

SharpshooterTom

Princess Peach wrote: »

That's why there are always boxes of tissues next to your chair!

Is there? Right I must notice that the next time I'm in there. I'm usually so wrapped up in the person (and me) I don't notice my surroundings.

Roadtrippin

Thought I'd share a link in case anyone is interested: saw this really interesting programme on Channel 4 called "World's Maddest interviews".

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/worlds-maddest-job-interview/4od

It's basically about how many people including employers have preconceived notions about mental illnesses. the result of this set of interviews and tests is fairly interesting.

SharpshooterTom

Does anyone here find it hard to make friends in general? Like one of my problems with therapy is the expectations that are set upon me.

So far I've put all my problems down to me, I'm ignoring the world, I'm not giving the world a chance, its my distorted views of the world thats the problem and I'm avoiding people etc.

But what if its that I'm not actually good enough to make friends?? Maybe I don't have a likeable personailty, I mean I'm 26 nearly maybe there's a reason for some of this stuff. I've never had a girlfriend either, and maybe I'm just not boyfriend material?

This is my fear is that I'm worried that the therapy will give me unrealistic expectations that with 6 months of these guys, I'll start making friends all of a sudden, get a girlfriend within a year etc. Its just not like that I don't think. And I fear what exactly I'm supposed to getting out of this sometimes.

DeVore

Change is scary, even when its change you want to have happen. You have to lose that fear (you can tell your counselor exactly these things, it will help)... its all to easy to pull the sheets over your head and wallow in your depression as a comfort-blanket. Its much more courageous (and consequently, hard) to embrace the change and see what comes.

Snowie

i agree change is scary but try to embrace it stepping on a invisible stepping stone can be worth it...
My life's gone a bit nuts I was hopping to return to college to study something smilier to what I was studying but in the right direction...

I didn't get in not because of a reflection of my work and current projects but because there was no room... I've decided to leave Ireland In, November and travel again... Its kinda a big leep but what else do I have for me, slogging it in this country for the next 4 years being miserable and stuff.. So I'm Making some changes...

Ive got two weeks till my next appointment, should be interesting... wonder how Im going to hold up...

Mucky.Bucky

There's a small bit of a spark coming back to me now.

Still didn't make any progress with an appointment with a psychotherphist but I will. I promise. Cost is definately a huge problem. I'm on a low income with no medical card or medical insurance and an appointment will definately take a huge chunk of money away where I'll be left with fcek all for the remainder of the week. But I need this. Although right now I am ok, dropping and crashing will probably come about again. I'd be very surprised if I don't drop again. Money too, that I could spend on a small pick me up like a bite to eat out or the cinema or something.

SerialComplaint

Mucky.Bucky wrote: »

Still didn't make any progress with an appointment with a psychotherphist but I will. I promise. Cost is definately a huge problem. I'm on a low income with no medical card or medical insurance

Hope you get to make progress soon. Not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but medical insurance probably wouldn't help you. It generally only covers inpatient services, with some limited cover for consultant visits, but no cover for counselling or psychotherapy.

I did hear one good story from an older gent this week. He told me how he was taken in through Tallaght Hospital A&E earlier this year with soaring blood pressure relating to mental health issues, or as he called it, a breakdown. They kept him in Tallaght for three weeks, and he resisted pressure from family to move to private service at St Pats or St John of Gods. He attended out-patient services at HSE in Crumlin for a good while, and now he is getting CBT therapy through this service. He hasn't put his hand in his pocket once for the entire episode. It was good to hear that the services are there for some people.

Mucky.Bucky

I'm travelling to Galway later in the week for the day. If anybody has any recommendation for a psychotherphist in Galway that would be great. There's very few, if any in my town and I'll need to teavel anyways for an appointment. So I'm picking because I am close to Galway.

I'm having a look online and the phonebook but there are so many. I don't know what and who to pick. It's coming up to five now so probably finishing time for many but if I pick one tonight, phone tomorrow morning and hope for the best that they can fit me in on Friday.

guitarzero

Was just thinking today about the nature of my depression.

Apathy has always been a feature in my life and more apparent in recent years. I have always felt as though life's events and occurrences never really absorbed me as much as it did to others. I've never had any 'go' in myself, never felt drawn to going anywhere, doing anything etc. Any time I ever really did anything was down to perhaps education or being asked or push into doing something.

I see people talking about going to do this or that, looking forward to here and there but for the life of me, there has never been an impulse to do anything or achieve a goal. I often feel like very little actually compels me, which is quite frightening.

I keep hearing of "Just do things..", "Get up and get out", "Of course you're apathetic, you dont do anything", but this real cart-before-the-horse stuff. Even when I do things I'm often bored and feel like I'm merely dragging myself around. I really dont know what to do about it. I want to be interested in things and for life to leave imprints on my experience but I really feel like a corpse.

I know apathy is a symptom of depression but apathy has also always been their, perhaps much like my depression. Studies have suggested it could be a problem in the frontal lobe etc, the reward centre of the brain.

Was wondering if anyone else can relate.

SharpshooterTom

Its my birthday today and I´m not going to hold back yes it does depress me. I hate the concept of turning 26 with all my existing problems, social phobia, social isolation, no friends, never had a girfriend so all it does is remind me the clocks ticking by and the problems more embarrasing the more older I get. I´ll be 27 next year and so on perhaps even more depressed.

I´m in Cordoda Spain right now, 40C heat. But obviously on my own, head to Seville the day after tomorrow then off to Madrid.

Its depressing because I was walking around the La Alhambra in Granada and you see lots and lots of couples holding hands and lots of young people having and you know theres a chance you may never be like that. Like there´s something gentically wrong with you, and its the sense of hoplessness that kicks in after. I´m such a social recluse its not true, the only time I go out in Omagh is to get a haircut or something.

I have an appointment on 20th and thats kinda when my CBT therapy begins. Its full time apparantly so thats good.

Just want to thank everyone who pm´ed me, I haven´t had the time to respond to people since I´m on holiday, (some people who messaged over a week ago!) I will get back to you though. Hopefully this cbt therapy will finally do me some good as I´m in desperate need of it.

marshbaboon

All you can do is laugh. If you're not willing to make an effort with people they won't be interested. You don't even have to be happy or enthusiastic about it, you can just pretend and let it fall into place as time goes on.

I've written a suicide note, and at the time all I could think of was "what if no one is able to read my handwriting". Had to tear it up and do it 3 times due to small grammatical errors. I considered typing it and printing it, but thought it might be too impersonal. I look back on that now and find it absolutely hilarious, even though it really wasn't at the time.

Seren_

ThomasFlynn wrote: »

Its my birthday today and I´m not going to hold back yes it does depress me. I hate the concept of turning 26 with all my existing problems, social phobia, social isolation, no friends, never had a girfriend so all it does is remind me the clocks ticking by and the problems more embarrasing the more older I get. I´ll be 27 next year and so on perhaps even more depressed.

I´m in Cordoda Spain right now, 40C heat. But obviously on my own, head to Seville the day after tomorrow then off to Madrid.

Its depressing because I was walking around the La Alhambra in Granada and you see lots and lots of couples holding hands and lots of young people having and you know theres a chance you may never be like that. Like there´s something gentically wrong with you, and its the sense of hoplessness that kicks in after. I´m such a social recluse its not true, the only time I go out in Omagh is to get a haircut or something.

I have an appointment on 20th and thats kinda when my CBT therapy begins. Its full time apparantly so thats good.

Just want to thank everyone who pm´ed me, I haven´t had the time to respond to people since I´m on holiday, (some people who messaged over a week ago!) I will get back to you though. Hopefully this cbt therapy will finally do me some good as I´m in desperate need of it.

Happy birthday!!!

I know exactly where you're coming from re: seeing couples everywhere and stuff and it being depressing... I get that a lot myself. But I know in myself that it wouldn't really be the best idea for me to be in a relationship right now because I have so much things I need to work on with myself. We have to learn to love ourselves first before we can love anyone else properly, or so my therapist is always saying Don't put too much pressure on yourself about your age - seriously, 26 is still young! You could live for another seventy years, just think how long that is :eek: there will be time for you to do everything you want to.

I hope the CBT goes well. It's important to do the homework you're given after each session too (something which I wasn't great at doing >.<). It can be really useful

woodyg

so after considering reading this thread for some time when i first saw it back at xmass i decided tonight to start going through it and have found it a wonderful use of Boards. DeVore tip of the hat.

the main reason i decided to finally read the thread was well basically an admission to myself that "no everything isn't just ok meh I'm all right sure isn't the sun out i'll be grand in the morning"

being brutally honest everything has been so far from fine over the years that i wonder some times if it would have been better of if i wasn't around at all.

what's brought on this is well i've known myself at the back of the dark void of my own head that things aren't right an haven't been for decades at this stage and i did something pretty drastic last year to try change it

i basically packed in my live in Ireland, quit my job, left my friends\family behind and headed west on a plane. now to this was pretty much a response to what i consider the most wonderful and destructive emotion a human being can have and that is Hope . Great when you have it awful when you loose it.

the leaving process was never going to be easy but it was over complicated by another human emotion that can bring you to the light and equally send you to the darkness and that's off course Love

i've always found it difficult to talk about what i feel or am thinking when i'm as they say in a "mood" till i thought i finally found that one person who got me an i trusted and felt for enough to share everything with every painful suppressed memory every moment of lost emptiness
i opened up fully to her and she opened up fully to me and felt a million ****ing times better for it as like everyone knows this world is made to share with some one special.

BUT and its a big BUT timing isn't my speciality because i over analyse every aspect of my life every decision meaning i did this the day before i was boarding the plane to the other side of a very large Ocean (YOU GIANT COWARDLY BASTARD).

it's a year since this happened an it's work wise been brilliant i love my job i like what i do a lot where before i hated my job i hated not being relied upon consulted with and listened to just added to my feelings of just being Meh
the only reason i stayed in it was this other person worked there and being able to see her and talk with her gave me Hope (there's that word again)

an over time that hope turned in to (love god dam it) great i hear you say ah no says I! she was in a long term relationship fantastic yea went an added to the no hope side of your brain you daft git. so i bared my sole to this person before i left and she bared hers to me and turned out we felt the same for each other (YAY oh wait ah noooooooooooo I'm leaving you behind ).

great thanks life for ****ing me over again just as im trying to make it better with a clean start.

im rambling here i know and people reading it are going this isn't depression this is a classic case of love lost. well no after reading whats been said on this thread i finally admit to my self you know this is just added to what's been whispering at the back of the void for many years of your ****ty life (yea there's been good times) but the bad far out weighs them

i kept always saying ah that's life pick your self up man yea have battled worse things over the years and that's the problem that's the whole ****ing problem and why i blabber here tonight

I HAVEN'T
(shouting at my self there)
i honestly haven't i just buried it deep away to fester to build to naw to niggle whisper scratch at me annoy and mainly depress me

i've been having the dark thoughts again when i was a child\teen\college\young adult
just questioning if it matters any of it, i was just sitting among a group of today about 10 people or so and they where all talkin away in the little couples and groups and i might as well have been on mars for where my mind was. some one would ask me something an i was zoned out miles away lost in the void again and tonight instead of joining them (big group of couples is horrible to be around when you feel depressed it just leads to awful feelings of jealously) i made up as many lame excuses as possible an sat in and watched the full moon an stars from my chair an started to cry for no reason just a few tears

SharpshooterTom

I'm on holiday at the moment and I can tell you dealing with severe depression whilst abroad on your own is an absolute killer.

I was in la alhambra in Granada and was pratically suicidal walking around at times (5 hours), 1000s of people everywhere its like a big theme park. I was almost in tears walking round. It was disgusting.

I was Cordoba as well too, I was ok for most of it, but one day I was so suicidal I was literally contemplating throwing myself off the main bridge there onto the rocks. I know some people say you shouldn't be abroad when thinking like this, but I had booked it anyway ages ago and had to get out of the house. So it was feeling depressed here, or depressed there. No win siutation, my depression had to come with me abroad.

I'm just trying to get through it, I've been on my own the whole time (not wise) but meet my parents on the 10th in madrid. Fly home on the 15th, counselling appointment on the 16th, cbt appointment on the 20th. I can't honestly wait for those I can tell you because its so painful right now and I'm struggling.

When people criticise my self perception, a lot of people dont realise that I actually do think the world dislikes me, so therefore thats the reason why I don't socialise, its the reason why I've never had a women in my life, and I don´t know if I ever will because I believe they will all freak out if I do with my severe shyness/weirdness.

I've never been in a nightclub as I know people wouldn't like me or go anywhere near me, I'm too socially awkward and clumsy, so just dont bother and do the whole of society a favour by having them avoid me.

Now people will criticise me saying "well if you don't meet people you wont make any friends" etc etc, but even if I do try I know people will try to avoid me anyway, so I have to be a recluse I feel, I have no choice. Some saddos like me are just born this way it seems.

I mean look ffs, I've never had any friends since being an adult, and never had a girlfriend, my quality of life absolutely sucks as I don't go out anywhere and can't go out so stay home all day. Its really sad and desperate, and my sense of hopelessness is rising as each day passes, thinking I wont win this battle, theres no chance in hell of me getting a girlfriend ever in my whole life, and the whole world will treat me like an outcast till the day I die. So thats when the suicidal thoughts kick in which I'm trying to avoid now, at least until the therapy begins shortly. My parents are here in two days so that should help to (god how sad is it to go abroad with your ma and da eh, well I appreciate them looking out for me anyway I suppose ).

Anyone here had severe depression when abroad, and how did you cope with it?

SharpshooterTom

Sorry for another annoying rant guys.

I'm just abroad right now and have no one to speak to, its incredibley lonely, also I can't contact samaritans right now as I'm in Spain.

I notice my posts are becoming quite repetitive, and I'm probably wasting too much bandwidth talking about the same sh*te lol. I'll try not to sound like a talking parrot eventually when the therapy finally begins.

HalloweenJack

Don't worry about ranting Thomas, it's important to let those feelings out and let other people know how you're feeling. It's a good way to start on working on your problems.

I have had bouts of depression while I've been living abroad, it isn't nice. It can be even worse because you become more aware of being a foreigner and feeling lost somewhere so far from home. It's not good. But I was working so that kept me busy and I was able to get over that spell. If it'd been at a different time in my life, it could've taken me under.

Spain is a beautiful country and you know you're on a holiday so try and enjoy it. If you don't want to be around other people, there's billions of sites to visit and see and some of those places in the south are lovely to walk around for hours.

I'm actually jealous of you being there.

steddyeddy

Depression and lack of famiy hitting me again-sorry for moaning about this.

Never, oh! never, nothing will die;
The stream flows,
The wind blows,
The cloud fleets,
The heart beats,
Nothing will die.

candycock

i wish today would end

bernardamaac.

This is gonna be weird for me as iv never writin or talked about this before. I suffer from depression/addiction since the age of 15 it started with playing video game's yano id come in from being out with friends have a game or two until it got to a point where id fallin out with some of my friends and my best friend at the time was turning 18 and going clubbing/pubbin with lads his own age which i deemed reasonable.So i stopped going out spent a whole summer inside until i went into 5th year and made a couple of new friends which i actually went out too and had yano a laugh and a bit of banter.That sticked for awhile as the group of friends got bigger i kind of felt bored doing the S.S.D.D And that some of the lad's we started hangin around with were shady charachter's.Then
the group basically split one of my best friends on one side and one on the other.Not knowing who too chose.So i started playing game's again and not goin out less and less and blaming me staying in due to my leaving cert. When we finished the leaving cert one of my so called "best" friends basically stopped talking to me and me him and another lad basically started this big group who basically ditched me.So i feel kind of **** over it. But then there's my other good friend who i spent most of a summer with who ask's me out regularly problem is most of the shady charachter are out with him and i hate them so much.So i cant bring myself to go out.wasted a whole summer in watching movies and playing games.i dont know if its a 100% depression but it's like a mood that you cannot get rid of a slump.At this rate i just want to go to college just to make my ma and da happy and then join some foreign army that will hopefully knock some sense in to me or atleast put me out of my misery.

And sorry for the big story it's just something i wanted to get off my chest.Im not usually the type to do this or express "feelings" but had to be done. Hopefully i dont see one of my so called "best" friends tommorow when i receive my leaving cert result's in fear of starting some sort of brawl.

bernardamaac.

guitarzero wrote: »

Was just thinking today about the nature of my depression.

Apathy has always been a feature in my life and more apparent in recent years. I have always felt as though life's events and occurrences never really absorbed me as much as it did to others. I've never had any 'go' in myself, never felt drawn to going anywhere, doing anything etc. Any time I ever really did anything was down to perhaps education or being asked or push into doing something.

I see people talking about going to do this or that, looking forward to here and there but for the life of me, there has never been an impulse to do anything or achieve a goal. I often feel like very little actually compels me, which is quite frightening.

I keep hearing of "Just do things..", "Get up and get out", "Of course you're apathetic, you dont do anything", but this real cart-before-the-horse stuff. Even when I do things I'm often bored and feel like I'm merely dragging myself around. I really dont know what to do about it. I want to be interested in things and for life to leave imprints on my experience but I really feel like a corpse.

I know apathy is a symptom of depression but apathy has also always been their, perhaps much like my depression. Studies have suggested it could be a problem in the frontal lobe etc, the reward centre of the brain.

Was wondering if anyone else can relate.

This pretty much how i feel only thing i have is sport only intrest or my pc as i dont move other than to play a match or go training. i couldnt have said it better myself what you wrote as i dont know the meaning of my depression or the term's used i just feel nothing.toward's everything.

Yearning4Stormy

Hey, folks,

I'm pretty sure I've stated that I'll come back to this thread a couple of times already, but I never have, too scared at writing things down. Had a pretty lousy week, and the only way I can sum it up is the following post I made to FB during the week. I guess any of the 107 friends'll now know that this is me. No matter.

Let's bring a bit of seriousness to FB for a moment.

Most of ye know I've had that old black dog a-nipping at my heels this last decade or so. Some of ye have stood by me and some haven't. Either way, it's all good. I think.

Anyway, yesterday (after somehow or other getting to Belfast, I *was* heading to work) I spent seven hours sitting on the beach in Newcastle, Co. Down, waiting for the families, the surfers and the stragglers to leave so as I could wander helplessly into the sea.

Needless to say, I didn't.

Today, my GP has finally referred me to a consultant psychiatrist to somehow or other test for bi-polar disorder.

It's small steps, but I think - I hope - I'm getting there.

God bless y'all.

Oh, I'll be posting this status to the ubiquitous "Let's All Laugh At People With Depression" on boards.ie as soon as I retrieve my laptop.

As previously noted, I am *not* ashamed nor embarrassed. If anyone needs to talk, I'm here.

The response I've got on FB, via wall posts and private messages, has been nothing short of miraculous. Talk to someone, folks. Please.

cloud493

My sisters housemate killed herself last night. I actually knew her, she was. Really, really great. Its shocking

rebel without a clue

Hope everybody doing well these days.......

DeVore

If I told you the last 6 months have been a rollercoaster, it wouldn't begin to communicate the amount of change that has come into my life. Its all been good though, even the bad bits
There have been ups and down aplenty but a large step back and a stern look at my life has led to me to take a number of difficult but necessary decisions. I'm much more content now. I dunno if this is "happiness" and things seem oddly muted emotionally but its not the downward spiral of depression nor the manic peaks of intensity. This is manageable and thats enough for now.

More than ever before, more than when I wrote the OP, I'm convinced that talking to another human being is the solution or at least the first step on a better journey.

Talk..... You can't fix a clock from inside the cogs.

pandaboy

Such a great thread. I don't normally post to AH because of hyenas but this has been an insightful day, and this thread has really opened my eyes.

I won't go into details but I have depression. For years I've pretty much avoided the "opportunities" to remedy some bad situations and tried to carry on thinking I was having a bad day. For quite a while, I was pretty much oblivious to what was happening, blaming long & late shifts at work, arguments with the ex, complete lack of energy or want for doing an activity. But, you notice that these things begin to repeat a lot more and the tiredness just doesn't seem to shake and a lot of nice things have basically turned to shyte! one of the hardest steps, I've come to realise, is being aware that you have depression, and then coming to accept it.

I grew up in a family, like most, where you worked and came home and you had your dinner, your few pints during the week and you paid your bills. There was no room for anything else, because it didn't fit! You were lazy, you didn't have the desire, what do you want to do with yourself? All of these things, never said directly but always floating around in the head. It was tough and it brings the confidence down, and low and behold almost 9 years later, Im pretty much coming to terms with it. Finally looking at getting help and just living my life.

There's no need for us to have a devil on our shoulder telling us what we should, and should not do. I'm pretty fed up with the sound of my own voice, especially in my thoughts. I've realised, that I'm the nicest person on face value but when it comes to myself I'm pretty much the biggest cnut going!

This is probably cheesey, but when I felt really low, like at my lowest and I just wanted the floorboards to eat me up, I'm always brought to this quote from Batman. It's not because of the movie that I like this quote, but the essence that's inside it. I've always been afraid to make mistakes, I still am, and I've punished myself for all of them and it makes you no better than when you started.

"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up"

Turtwig

Batman's fear was bats. Ours is the fear of ourselves being deserving of happiness. Unfortunately, Batman probably had it easier overcoming his.

pandaboy

Batman did have Alfred though, some hobbies, trips away and others that he could rely on. Without those, who know what would've happened with him. (Sorry, I'm not being facetious, it's just something I used to motivate myself when I had some pretty ****ty days/weeks/months.)

I found, that by trying to do just one thing different helped me a little bit. The hardest part was trying to understand that I wasn't letting anyone down. If I couldn't do something, then fair enough it couldn't be done. I did try to include little exercises to stop this from happening so I wouldn't avoid the world for days/weeks/etc. and it helped, a little bit. I'm pretty much in this for myself, I need to take care of myself and just like every other human on this planet, I deserve everything this world has to offer. It's taken me maybe 22 years of my life to understand this, but when I could see past my own self worth I felt better. Unfortunately, I still feel worthless at times, I'm letting people down, why haven't I achieved X,Y,Z?, why can't I laugh like I used to? why isn't this enjoyable anymore? It's a vicious cycle, but it's a lot more controllable than it used to be.

Colmustard

I find myself teeth grinding at night lately its so severe it wakes me up with a tension headache and pain around my jaws. I went to the doctor and he asked me, am I anxious, I don't think so was my answer, which is true. But maybe I am, the thing about disturbance in sleep it disarms you of the means to deal with tension and stress naturally, it saps your gumption and motivation from tiredness.

He gave me a prescription of 75mm of efflexor which is a mild dose and stillnoct another mild sleeping tablet. I have the prescription about 2 weeks and i am reluctant to start them, I keep hoping I can beat it naturally, by exercise and relaxation techniques, but its the motivation I need and to get that, I need restful sleep.

I am going out tonight so I have decided to start the prescription tomorrow and work on the natural stress reducing techniques while on the prescription. Hopilly that works.

But teeth grinding, since I went "public" about mine I was surprised at how many other have it or had it. It seems to be a problem out there at the moment. I suppose these are stressful times.

SharpshooterTom

Well my CBT therapy has finally begun, I'm one session into it, and I'm planning to have 20 sessions with her in total before I have psycologist.

She's appears enthusiastic and very interested in her job, which I like and so has taken a key interest in my problems and finding a way of solving them. Early days yet though.

I think the biggest thing about this therapy is that I'm not exactly sure what to expect out of it.

Obviously people here know I suck at making friends, never had a girlfriend at 26 which I feel totally embaressed about. But I'm not sure how realistic it is for me to get actually get a girlfriend, or how many friends I can potentially have and I'm worried people are placing to high expectations on me. I just don't think I'm good enough or likable enough to have a proper social life.

Anyway my next session his on wednesday at 2pm, so will be going over this again and again, it really gets boring after a while hearing me whine like this.