The Online Dating Thread Part II **Mod Warning** Read First Post/or Post 7389

blacklilly

you wha? wrote: »

Date number three today with nicest happiest most content(and quite handsome ) guy ever he really is lovely so hopefully something will come of this!fingers crossed!

Great news and slightly jealous but in a good way!

you wha?

LoTwan wrote: »

More excellent news

blacklilly wrote: »

Great news and slightly jealous but in a good way!

Thanks LoTwan....heres hoping it goes ok

and Blacklily, i know.i used to be happy to see people on here get on well but secretly hated them cuz it wasnt me haha!hang in there and if things fail with this guy ill be back and ill give u his number :P lol

Armaghmagic

chatterpillar wrote: »

Was this a first date? (Sorry, haven't been keeping up to date with this thread lately!)

I'd be extremely uncomfortable if a guy put his hand on my leg like that on a first date, if we hadn't already been kissing etc! Especially in the dark in the cinema ... if she doesn't know you, she could think you were chancing your luck! If anything, I reckon you should have gone for her hand, not her leg.

(My boyfriend will take the plss of me for saying that, because I wasn't exactly an angel on our first date, but that was different because there was very obvious chemistry on both sides! :P )

It was our 4th date and we have already kissed so didn't think placing my hand on her leg was ott.....wanted to go for the hand but the way we were sitting made it impossible as her hands were at her stomach so was a logistical nightmare. Also she was sitting on the side of my broken hand!

blacklilly

lol well best of luck you wha? Hopefully there will be no need to pass on his number;-)

Semele

Galvasean, I'll take a look at your profile if you want to PM me the link. I consider myself quite the connoisseur of profiles at this stage:D Your post was interesting in that it's not very different to my experience (am a girl, by the way).

I've been back online dating since January and have had a fair number of dates, all of which go great on the night but there are rarely any follow-ups. I either get the "I've met someone else.." text or I'm just blanked. I honestly don't know why. I'd consider myself good-looking enough, many of the messages I get say that my profile is one of the most refreshing and funny they've seen and I have no problem keeping up a conversation- haven't had an awkward date yet anyway! Haven't seen a kissing/no kissing trend energe yet...

sharper

Galvasean wrote: »

(that and I'm stubborn).

Ha ha this. I'm honestly not sure whether I'm entirely clueless about women and fundamentally don't understand what they want or whether I know exactly what they want and just plain refuse to change because that seems really dumb.

Pembily

Armaghmagic wrote: »

It was our 4th date and we have already kissed so didn't think placing my hand on her leg was ott.....wanted to go for the hand but the way we were sitting made it impossible as her hands were at her stomach so was a logistical nightmare. Also she was sitting on the side of my broken hand!

I don't think putting a hand on a knee is a bad thing. Ye were in the cinema and it shows you want to be with her. I am a very tactile person and a hand on a girl / guys knee / leg (not high leg) is nice and reassuring.

I am a total fidgiter so my hands are always in a different place so holding hands in the cinema is difficult but hand on leg is grand, especially as it wasn't a first date. I personally think it was normal and I would expect some touch / acknowledgement of affection in the cinema.

The Big Red Button

Armaghmagic wrote: »

chatterpillar wrote: »

Was this a first date? (Sorry, haven't been keeping up to date with this thread lately!)

I'd be extremely uncomfortable if a guy put his hand on my leg like that on a first date, if we hadn't already been kissing etc! Especially in the dark in the cinema ... if she doesn't know you, she could think you were chancing your luck! If anything, I reckon you should have gone for her hand, not her leg.

(My boyfriend will take the plss of me for saying that, because I wasn't exactly an angel on our first date, but that was different because there was very obvious chemistry on both sides! :P )

It was our 4th date and we have already kissed so didn't think placing my hand on her leg was ott.....wanted to go for the hand but the way we were sitting made it impossible as her hands were at her stomach so was a logistical nightmare. Also she was sitting on the side of my broken hand!

Oh that's fair enough, if it was the fourth date! Sounds like the girl just doesn't seem to know what she wants.

That_Guy

Adam wrote: »

Kickstarting my ID campaign tonight, wish me luck!

1 Direction???

sharper

Semele wrote: »

I either get the "I've met someone else.." text or I'm just blanked. I honestly don't know why.

I think this is where the "pick and choose" aspect of online dating lets everyone down. People meet perfectly nice, attractive and sane partners but feel no special connection relative to what they imagine might be "out there". I think what happens is they decide "Well this person is pretty nice and since I found one person this good I can probably find it again, it's worth the risk to see if there's someone even nicer out there".

If there was some sort of system in place that enforced a 10 date limit you'd probably find most people giving it a whirl with different people for the first 5 and then only giving it serious consideration as they got to the limit. In the real world there's no limit so reason to continue with the same person unless something really awesome happens.

branbee

Galvasean wrote: »

Larianne wrote: »

How long is long??

That's what she said! :pac:

and then she said ':-('

Sure thang. I'll PM yo a link sure. Any other takers while I'm still high on my own cloud of righteous indignation?

Im not on POF yet but Im going to set a profile up once i get round to taking a decent photo, you can pm me a link if you want, might help me with my own profile too!

blacklilly

Has anyone ever felt that spark on the first date from online dating?
I've had dates with a few men and never felt it but beverages expected it either as 1st dates can seem a little contrived.
It annoys me when you feel you're getting on with someone for them to then say there was no spark when the truth is they probably just arent attracted to you.

andreac

blacklilly wrote: »

Has anyone ever felt that spark on the first date from online dating?
I've had dates with a few men and never felt it but beverages expected it either as 1st dates can seem a little contrived.
It annoys me when you feel you're getting on with someone for them to then say there was no spark when the truth is they probably just arent attracted to you.

Yep, def felt the spark on a first date, with more than one guy. I think if its not there the first time you meet it prob wont be to be honest, just my experience on it.

Rattlehead_ie

I've defo felt in on other 1st dates, but that's not to say it was a good thing or should I say not a good thing to act on always.

Galvasean

andreac wrote: »

Yep, def felt the spark on a first date, with more than one guy. I think if its not there the first time you meet it prob wont be to be honest, just my experience on it.

There have been dates where I've felt a 'spark' and the opposite number did not and then there were others where we got on fine but no 'spark' came along until a later date. Personally, I'm beginning to think the 'spark is a bit of wishy-washy nonsense that people place WAY too much emphasis on from the word go.

Maguined

blacklilly wrote: »

Has anyone ever felt that spark on the first date from online dating?
I've had dates with a few men and never felt it but beverages expected it either as 1st dates can seem a little contrived.
It annoys me when you feel you're getting on with someone for them to then say there was no spark when the truth is they probably just arent attracted to you.

The "spark" for me is completely separate to physical attraction. I have gone on dates with girls I have found very much attractive but for me the "spark" is what happens when the date is over, am I excited about hearing for them again? do I get a little thrill when I get a new text/mail from them? Am I anxious about seeing them again soon?

If the spark is there I can't wait to hear from them again, if not it's nice but more like getting a text off a friend rather than someone I am crazy about.

Armaghmagic

Pembily wrote: »

Armaghmagic wrote: »

It was our 4th date and we have already kissed so didn't think placing my hand on her leg was ott.....wanted to go for the hand but the way we were sitting made it impossible as her hands were at her stomach so was a logistical nightmare. Also she was sitting on the side of my broken hand!

I don't think putting a hand on a knee is a bad thing. Ye were in the cinema and it shows you want to be with her. I am a very tactile person and a hand on a girl / guys knee / leg (not high leg) is nice and reassuring.

I am a total fidgiter so my hands are always in a different place so holding hands in the cinema is difficult but hand on leg is grand, especially as it wasn't a first date. I personally think it was normal and I would expect some touch / acknowledgement of affection in the cinema.

Well that's what u thought as she had her hands clasped together so the only place I could put my hand was on her knee and she just smiled and giggled when I did it......she might just have been nervous I dont know as it is relatively early days and the only other time we kissed was when she had a few!

Think she may not like Public Displays of Affection as when we kissed it was at night outside her house in my car!

Recessionbust

blacklilly wrote: »

Has anyone ever felt that spark on the first date from online dating?
I've had dates with a few men and never felt it but beverages expected it either as 1st dates can seem a little contrived.
It annoys me when you feel you're getting on with someone for them to then say there was no spark when the truth is they probably just arent attracted to you.

Better off without people like this, Not to go over what I said already but there are and always will be the "I am a selection box" element.
Those people who seem "nice" but yet they go on looks and looks alone.
Attraction and spark takes time , you become attracted to the person who is inside and this creates the "Spark" looks are great yes but they dont keep people together, imho a relationship built like this is doomed to fail in most cases. People should get to know someone before making such statements as "No Spark" or "Not attracted" , Why can't they just say I don't think we have that much in common etc?

blacklilly

Galvasean wrote: »

andreac wrote: »

Yep, def felt the spark on a first date, with more than one guy. I think if its not there the first time you meet it prob wont be to be honest, just my experience on it.

There have been dates where I've felt a 'spark' and the opposite number did not and then there were others where we got on fine but no 'spark' came along until a later date. Personally, I'm beginning to think the 'spark is a bit of wishy-washy nonsense that people place WAY too much emphasis on from the word go.

I also think there is far too much emphasis put on it. Tbh im disillusioned with the whole online dating, maybe I've just been unlucky but don't think its going to work for me

Armaghmagic

chatterpillar wrote: »

Armaghmagic wrote: »

chatterpillar wrote: »

Was this a first date? (Sorry, haven't been keeping up to date with this thread lately!)

I'd be extremely uncomfortable if a guy put his hand on my leg like that on a first date, if we hadn't already been kissing etc! Especially in the dark in the cinema ... if she doesn't know you, she could think you were chancing your luck! If anything, I reckon you should have gone for her hand, not her leg.

(My boyfriend will take the plss of me for saying that, because I wasn't exactly an angel on our first date, but that was different because there was very obvious chemistry on both sides! :P )

It was our 4th date and we have already kissed so didn't think placing my hand on her leg was ott.....wanted to go for the hand but the way we were sitting made it impossible as her hands were at her stomach so was a logistical nightmare. Also she was sitting on the side of my broken hand!

Oh that's fair enough, if it was the fourth date! Sounds like the girl just doesn't seem to know what she wants.

Think you hit the nail on the head as in some ways she is very honest and up front but other times she is frustrating me by not letting me know what she wants....

I'm in 2 minds of thoughts.....is she going to keep dating me until it fizzles out or does she want something to come of it? She made the effort to make the 1hr drive to see me last night but then isn't in a rush to txt during the week or anything! Confused.com!!

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

Polloloca

To be honest, I wouldn't take her not responding as a bad thing. Personally, if a guy put his hand on my leg in the dark, I'd probably freeze too, whereas if he took my hand, I'd probably hold his hand. If that makes sense? I just wouldnt know what to do with a hand belonging to someone who I didnt know realllly realllly well if it found its way onto my leg!

The Black Oil

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Tbh Mickey,Id imagine its because the majority of people wouldnt be interested in someone that has a disability.

In an ideal world most people would be able to overlook it but we dont live in an ideal world.

Mental Mickey wrote: »

So am I wasting my time then? Surely there are people who would look past that??

Honey-ec wrote: »

Of course there are, but I'm not sure POF is the place to find them. I'm beginning to think it's the Jersey Shore of the dating world.

All of this is probably true, unfortunately. Unless there is something in how you address it in your profile which might make some people view it in a different light. If you were to say rockin' along in a wheelchair since 19__, no NCT required, etc. :pac: (Not to disrespect your situation, btw). Mind you, I don't have an online dating profile so I could be talking crap. :cool:

That_Guy

Polloloca wrote: »

To be honest, I wouldn't take her not responding as a bad thing. Personally, if a guy put his hand on my leg in the dark, I'd probably freeze too, whereas if he took my hand, I'd probably hold his hand. If that makes sense? I just wouldnt know what to do with a hand belonging to someone who I didnt know realllly realllly well if it found its way onto my leg!

And this is why I hate cinema dates... Unless I'm going out with the lass in question and was very comfortable around her.

Going to the cinema with a girl you have only been seeing for a little while (for me anyway) could be very very awkward.

blacklilly

Any previous relationships I've had haven't started with an immediate spark. I just think its a cop out to say it. Any guys i met where there is a mutual attraction from pof have then told me they're not looking for anything series so Im kinda at the point of giving up

branbee

My last relationship started without a spark on my part but we fell head over heels in love and had a child, and then- oh the irony- he broke up with me coz the spark was gone! I honestly think people focus too much on the spark and romance side of things, imo relationships of all kinds are always changing so to dismiss one straight away coz you're not completely blown away at first is a waste.

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

randox

I agree. The spark can be very over rated. Although its a wonderful thing to experience it doesn't come along that ofter. I dated a guy for 6 months who I liked but wasn't instantly attracted to. But as time went on and I really got to know him and his personality the attraction grow incredibley. Unfortunately, he anounced he fancied someone else and wanted to see if anything was there .

So I'm back fishing . . . maybe there will be sparks this time!

ladylost

blacklilly wrote: »

Has anyone ever felt that spark on the first date from online dating?
I've had dates with a few men and never felt it but beverages expected it either as 1st dates can seem a little contrived.
It annoys me when you feel you're getting on with someone for them to then say there was no spark when the truth is they probably just arent attracted to you.

I felt a spark on the first date with one guy I met from Internet but for the others it usually took until the second date or more. I'd only meet them for a second date though if I felt there was some potential for chemistry and we got on well enough on date 1. Could be just me though. I am a very cautious person.

Semele

Yeah, I think the immediate spark thing is crap too. I haven't felt any great "spark" with guys I've been on first dates with, but for me finding them attractive, entertaining and interesting is enough to make it worth at least a second date. I don't believe in this idea that it should be love at first sight, thunderbolt-from-the-skies, have found The One, malarkey that some of my friends subscribe to!

To put it in context, I have a mad schoolgirl-style crush on a guy at work at the minute. Cannot stop thinking about him. Can barely talk to him without blushing and imagining what our babies would look like (and I don't even like children), vomit, vomit, etc! Now, on paper this guy is not a patch on some of the guys I've met from the internet: he's not my type physically, there's a massive cultural difference which means we don't get the same jokes, have few shared interests and so on. And yet currently I'd take him in a second over any of the totally compatible guys I'm messaging/meeting. But that "spark" took over a year of seeing him every day in order to suddenly (and inexplicably, really!) ignite.

I wouldn't have ever gone on a date with him, never mind have stuck it out for a year to find out if it was going to work.

I don't know what my point was anymore. I think it was meant to be motivational, but I've confused myself here! :rolleyes: Gah to it all.