The Online Dating Thread Part II **Mod Warning** Read First Post/or Post 7389

mood

Polloloca wrote: »

Maybe I'm being naieve, but if you loved someone enough and you were sure that one day it would be finalised and you could get married, surely you would wait for that person, rather than setting yourself targets, ie. be married before you turn 30.

If you were confident enough that it is who you want to spend the rest of your life with, why the big rush? They will be going nowhere.

I'm sorry Mood, I don't mean to be picking an arguement with what you're saying, I understand what you mean and that its how some people feel, however, it's not something I truely understand the reasoning behind it, I don't understand how someone could want to marry a person, but be willing to walk away from a relationship because the marriage couldnt be immediate.

My friend wanted a large family which is why she wanted to marry young. She didn't want to have a baby before getting married. In her situation there was no point in her waiting until she was 40+. It turns out 8 years later he is still married and his wife won't give him divorce.

mood

Maguined wrote: »

That's a ridiculous argument to make. Firstly a separated person could propose to someone and wait for the wedding to take place after the completion of the divorce. Plenty of people have long engagements for multiple different reasons. If the wife had not even agreed to the divorce at that stage then how did she "honestly" think they would be married before her 30th birthday? Had she even talked to her boyfriend about it? Sounds to me more likely that your friend just entered something blindly full of assumptions regarding important life decisions and sounds quite immature to me.

Remember this was my friend situation not mine. Yes, she had entered the relationship blindly full of assumptions etc IMO (but he let her run away with herself as well) but I've have seen quite a few people do this. That is why I brought it up, in case the woman who posted about the separated man was one of these people. Everyone seems to have picked me up wrong.

Maguined

mood wrote: »

Remember this was my friend situation not mine. Yes, she had entered the relationship blindly full of assumptions etc IMO (but he let her run away with herself as well) but I've have seen quite a few people do this. That is why I brought it up, in case the woman who posted about the separated man was one of these people. Everyone seems to have picked me up wrong.

I am not having a go at you personally but you have said some disparaging things towards separated people so people are simply disagreeing with the comments you have put forth.

Your story which you offered as an anecdote does not even support your disparaging views of separated people but merely points out the immature natures of some people. Just because your friend assumed she would be married by X date does not mean the man she was seeing led her on? did he tell her he wanted to get married again? did he tell her he wanted to get married soon? I find it hard to believe any person who is undergoing the separation and divorce process would be so readily making promises of marriage so soon. I think it far more likely your friend made wild assumptions and then ended things when she realised they were just that, assumptions.

Honey-ec

mood wrote: »

It turns out 8 years later he is still married and his wife won't give him divorce.

His wife doesn't have to "give" it to him, a judge can still grant the decree of divorce even without the agreement of one party.

He sounds like a total chancer and your mate sounds extremely naive.

Anyway, back on topic; my poor mate had her second date with a guy from POF on Sunday. She really liked him, he seemed well keen. She hasn't heard from him since... life sucks, sometimes.

Rattlehead_ie

I can come across a bit too upfront and direct, think its gotten me in trouble when on a date before. I still though can't understand why someone can't just go "Hey was nice to meet you Sunday again, but I'm just not interested, just no spark(or some other reason)." Its just polite and a pet hate in me not knowing where I stand with someone.

PS: guys has anyone noticed how half of Brazil is on PoF?

That_Guy

Galvasean wrote: »

Hard luck all round ladies. There are approximately 4 genuinely decent fellows on POF go see if you can find them! :pac:

Galvasean wrote: »

That_Guy is another.

SLANDER!!! :pac:

Rattlehead_ie

Stone Him

LoTwan

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Was texting the girl who I didn't think was that keen about her weekend, and she said she had met up with good friends she hasn't seen in ages.

I asked her did they ask about men she may have and she said that she told her friends that she had met up with me a few times.....if I'm honest I was expecting her to say "not really" when the friends asked! So could this be a good sign that I'm being mentioned to friends?

Also I have been texting her every evening over the past week and she has been replying within a few minutes however this evening I have not txt her and she has not felt the want to text me. Is it always the fella who has to send the "how was your day" text to start the ball rolling every evening?

Couple of things in there... I haven't asked and didn't want to know if this guy has told anyone about me and when he volunteered that his sister had asked if there was a woman on the scene and he confirmed I had a little wig out. I personally am not ready to be the news among his siblings. Yes, I'm glad that they noticed he is happy but I'm OK with drawing the line there. On the flip side my best friend has known about this guy since day one simply because she's my emergency contact (the one I tell where I am going and who I am meeting in case he decides to chop me up and put me in the Dodder).

I am usually the first to text simply because I am awake at 7 with the kids and he is not up until much later. I haven't thought much into that. We do tit for tat texting (we take turns) which works well for us but it's all through the day some times rapid fire, sometimes with longer gaps but we do manage to get throughin the region of 150 texts a day! Don't over think who texts who first. Send her a text and see if she replies. You will tie yourself in knots over processing things and turn yourself into a lesbian (notorious for their processing skills).

Mood... I can see where you are coming from but in the situation you describe I think it is more so naiveity on the part of the girl rather than the guy stringing her along. Did she think he was going to propose without them discussing marriage first? As soon as you mention the possibility of remarriage to a separated person, from my experience, they clarify the 4 of 5 years before the divorce process can be started and where they are in that time frame.

LoTwan

Honey-ec wrote: »

mood wrote: »

It turns out 8 years later he is still married and his wife won't give him divorce.

His wife doesn't have to "give" it to him, a judge can still grant the decree of divorce even without the agreement of one party.

He sounds like a total chancer and your mate sounds extremely naive.

Anyway, back on topic; my poor mate had her second date with a guy from POF on Sunday. She really liked him, he seemed well keen. She hasn't heard from him since... life sucks, sometimes.

Yup. My friends ex kept not showing up so the judge called in a random solicitor from the waiting area and asked him to act on the exes behalf. The ex thought not showing up with prevent the process and instead he missed his own divorce. Irisih divorce is no fault so you don't even have to prove infidelity etc, you just have to wait the time and show up on the day. I just wish the time was a year out of two rather than four out of five.

mood

Maguined wrote: »

I am not having a go at you personally but you have said some disparaging things towards separated people so people are simply disagreeing with the comments you have put forth.

Your story which you offered as an anecdote does not even support your disparaging views of separated people but merely points out the immature natures of some people. Just because your friend assumed she would be married by X date does not mean the man she was seeing led her on? did he tell her he wanted to get married again? did he tell her he wanted to get married soon? I find it hard to believe any person who is undergoing the separation and divorce process would be so readily making promises of marriage so soon. I think it far more likely your friend made wild assumptions and then ended things when she realised they were just that, assumptions.

I'm not being disrespectful to anyone. I am simply stating that people need to be honest and know the legal difference between separation and divorce if they wish to get married in the future. However, there are a lot of people who don't want to get married so it will never be an issue for them.

My friend was lead on. He knew her wish to get married and have a large family etc and would nod and smile in agreement.

Can we just end this conversation? It's getting way off topic and I am still being picked up wrong. I could possibly explain myself better but I simple don't have time.

Panthro

Revert back to Online Dating discussion folks, and cut out the separation and divorce discussion.

Armaghmagic

Herrick wrote: »

Don't over think it for now. From what I've learned there are a lot of girls that expect the fella to be initiating all the texting in the early stages.

Personally I like to see a girl make some bit of an effort to text first. If that's what you want, maybe leave it another day or two and see if she does?

Thanks, I am meeting her on Thursday for a cinema date and she needs directions so will leave it till then and if she doesn't text or call and we miss the film then I am positive she has no interest!:D

Out Of The Night

Hi all, I'm new to this thread. I met a lovely man on OkC. We were only together for about 6 weeks but I'm really going to miss him. He told me Monday he did not believe we were suited. Of course I respect his decision and sure there are going to be people you just don't gel with. But he went from telling me he missed me and how much he liked me to us not being suited. I've had a tough old year and I'm really hurt that he believed me to be lacking in self-confidence and clingy. That's just not me. Anyways I think I will be giving the online dating game a miss for now, actually all dating.

That_Guy

Out Of The Night wrote: »

I'm really hurt that he believed me to be lacking in self-confidence

He actually told you that??? Jesus, that's an awful thing to say to someone. Sounds like you've dodged a bullet there lass.

EDIT: You say you're going to miss him. To be honest, why would you miss somebody who put you down like that? You can do a lot better than that. He's not even worth thinking about.

Mental Mickey

Out Of The Night wrote: »

Hi all, I'm new to this thread. I met a lovely man on OkC. We were only together for about 6 weeks but I'm really going to miss him. He told me Monday he did not believe we were suited. Of course I respect his decision and sure there are going to be people you just don't gel with. But he went from telling me he missed me and how much he liked me to us not being suited. I've had a tough old year and I'm really hurt that he believed me to be lacking in self-confidence and clingy. That's just not me. Anyways I think I will be giving the online dating game a miss for now, actually all dating.

a) What a d1ck.

b) You haven't met me yet.

ChannelNo5

Mental Mickey wrote: »

a) What a d1ck.

Well said that man:)

Don't worry you're among friends here. Pretty much all of us have had bad experiences (Me quite recently) So we vent by coming on here and telling the story and even have the occasional laugh

Mental Mickey

Seems to me that online dating is full of eejits(both Male and Female!!?? I think I might end up deleting my POF profile.....?? Nothing happening.

Honey-ec

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Seems to me that online dating is full of eejits(both Male and Female!!?? I think I might end up deleting my POF profile.....?? Nothing happening.

It seems to strip a lot of the humanity from people who are probably quite normal in real life, alright.

Rattlehead_ie

Honey-ec wrote: »

It seems to strip a lot of the humanity from people who are probably quite normal in real life, alright.

or allow the weirder people in real life become weirdererer (its a word)

Ankhyu

I think i'll give up trying to put effort into a first message. I messaged a guy saying his profile pic looked very professional and i asked him whether he was still a student or if he was a practicing doctor (there was nothing else on his profile i could use as a conversation topic), and he replied "Ah so the first thing you notice about me is that I'm a doctor, how charming". Making out that i'm some sort of goldigger. *sigh*

Also there's still no word from the guy i'm meant to be having a date with today. We hadn't set a time or exact place. But he has my number, i don't have his.

I'm losing patience with this dating business.

ChannelNo5

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

or allow the weirder people in real life become weirdererer (its a word)

Or the as$holes IRL to be even more as$holey (probably not a word:D)

That_Guy

Ankhyu wrote: »

"Ah so the first thing you notice about me is that I'm a doctor, how charming". Making out that i'm some sort of goldigger. *sigh*

If he didn't want people to know or mention that he's a doctor then why put it up there in the first place?

Ankhyu

That_Guy wrote: »

Ankhyu wrote: »

"Ah so the first thing you notice about me is that I'm a doctor, how charming". Making out that i'm some sort of goldigger. *sigh*

If he didn't want people to know or mention that he's a doctor then why put it up there in the first place?

I know right? He didn't have any interests listed, and his about me section gave no indication of what he was into. What else was i supposed to talk about?

KTRIC

That_Guy wrote: »

He actually told you that??? Jesus, that's an awful thing to say to someone. Sounds like you've dodged a bullet there lass.

EDIT: You say you're going to miss him. To be honest, why would you miss somebody who put you down like that? You can do a lot better than that. He's not even worth thinking about.

Amazingly enough there is always two parts to a story. When someone wants closure and pushes and pushes for answers then those answers can be more and more hurtful.

Armaghmagic

LoTwan wrote: »

Couple of things in there... I haven't asked and didn't want to know if this guy has told anyone about me and when he volunteered that his sister had asked if there was a woman on the scene and he confirmed I had a little wig out. I personally am not ready to be the news among his siblings. Yes, I'm glad that they noticed he is happy but I'm OK with drawing the line there. On the flip side my best friend has known about this guy since day one simply because she's my emergency contact (the one I tell where I am going and who I am meeting in case he decides to chop me up and put me in the Dodder).

I am usually the first to text simply because I am awake at 7 with the kids and he is not up until much later. I haven't thought much into that. We do tit for tat texting (we take turns) which works well for us but it's all through the day some times rapid fire, sometimes with longer gaps but we do manage to get throughin the region of 150 texts a day! Don't over think who texts who first. Send her a text and see if she replies. You will tie yourself in knots over processing things and turn yourself into a lesbian (notorious for their processing skills).

Mood... I can see where you are coming from but in the situation you describe I think it is more so naiveity on the part of the girl rather than the guy stringing her along. Did she think he was going to propose without them discussing marriage first? As soon as you mention the possibility of remarriage to a separated person, from my experience, they clarify the 4 of 5 years before the divorce process can be started and where they are in that time frame.

Thanks.....I am renound for over processing things so thanks for putting my mind at ease. I only work part time so I usually am finished a few hours before her and due to a broken hand I cannot do my kickboxing, biking, footie or anything so I am housebound and bored!

In fairness when I do text her she is right back with a reply, so think I will just send a text and if she replies all well and good.

On the telling her friends, I get what you say but the fact that I was even referred to when asked had she a fella means she is taking me semi serious!

Here's to date #4 tomorrow night! Woohoo

Mental Mickey

Ankhyu wrote: »

I think i'll give up trying to put effort into a first message. I messaged a guy saying his profile pic looked very professional and i asked him whether he was still a student or if he was a practicing doctor (there was nothing else on his profile i could use as a conversation topic), and he replied "Ah so the first thing you notice about me is that I'm a doctor, how charming". Making out that i'm some sort of goldigger. *sigh*

Also there's still no word from the guy i'm meant to be having a date with today. We hadn't set a time or exact place. But he has my number, i don't have his.

I'm losing patience with this dating business.

I've sent message(s) to different people mentioning different things in their profile(s) that we seemed to have in common, but never got a reply - not even an acknowledgement. :mad::rolleyes:

Pembily

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I've sent message(s) to different people mentioning different things in their profile(s) that we seemed to have in common, but never got a reply - not even an acknowledgement. :mad::rolleyes:

Ah the age old problem.

If they are not interested do you really want a reply saying "not interested"? Unless I like the profile, I won't reply, regardless of how much we have in common.

That_Guy

Viewtodiefor wrote: »

<mod snip>

Not that kind of thread mate.

Mental Mickey

Pembily wrote: »

Ah the age old problem.

If they are not interested do you really want a reply saying "not interested"? Unless I like the profile, I won't reply, regardless of how much we have in common.

Something along the lines of "thanks for taking the time to contact me, but..............." would be curteous, I would've thought??

Or maybe I'm completely out of touch with the whole thing....?

missbelle

Well, I normally don't reply to people I'm not interested in - I did once, and the guy pestered me with about three or four messages in a row about why didn't I like him. Block button - Next!

Just got to approach online dating with a pinch of salt, until you meet the person in real life, you can't fully know what they're like. and people can be rude, or dismissive, or inappropriate, but then they're not right for ya