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It's damn rude to ask, damn rude
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What's wrong with asking where someone is from?
I don't often use the phrase 'political correctness gone mad' but that's what this sounds like. Maybe if your aunt didn't think you were going to tell her off further she would have engaged in further conversation with him.
I went to Cyprus years ago to visit my sister. We were in a restaurant and the waitress, who was Polish, asked us where we were from. When my sister told her we were Irish she said "I thought all Irish people had red hair and freckles".
I didn't find this a bit offensive. However I'm 35 years old (I was 29 or 30 when this happened). I find it bewildering what some young people find offensive (I assume you're younger than me). I think young Irish people are growing up with the misguided impression that just noticing someone is foreign or of a different race is offensive.
I miss the times when Irish people didn't try so hard to appear politically correct.0 -
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Irish Guitarist wrote: »What's wrong with asking where someone is from? I don't often use the phrase 'political correctness gone mad' but that's what this sounds like. Maybe if your aunt didn't think you were going to tell her off further she would have engaged in further conversation with him.
I went to Cyprus years ago to visit my sister. We were in a restaurant and the waitress, who was Polish, asked us where we were from. When my sister told her we were Irish she said "I thought all Irish people had red hair and freckles".
I didn't find this a bit offensive. However I'm 35 years old (I was 29 or 30 when this happened). I find it bewildering what some young people find offensive (I assume you're younger than me). I think young Irish people are growing up with the misguided impression that just noticing someone is foreign or of a different race is offensive.
I miss the times when Irish people didn't try so hard to appear politically correct.
There's very few people on this thread that find that question offensive.0 -
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But if I met someone and the first thing they asked me is 'where you from anyways?' I'd wonder whether that's the most important thing about me in their eyes and why that's so. From there its a pretty natural assumption to make their interest in that particular fact is not entirely positive. At the very least it seems a bit insensitive and ignorant if not sligtly rude
I'm sorry but I really fail to see how asking someone where they're from is insensitive and ignorant. What's wrong with asking that at the start of the conversation? It's part of getting to know someone and can lead on to more conversation if you've travelled there yourself or know someone from that area. Would you prefer they started the conversation with something like 'Do you believe in God' or 'How much do you weigh'?
How would you start a conversation with someone new? And when would you think its appropriate to ask them where they're from, and why? 0 -
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I'm sorry but I really fail to see how asking someone where they're from is insensitive and ignorant. What's wrong with asking that at the start of the conversation? It's part of getting to know someone and can lead on to more conversation if you've travelled there yourself or know someone from that area. Would you prefer they started the conversation with something like 'Do you believe in God' or 'How much do you weigh'? How would you start a conversation with someone new? And when would you think its appropriate to ask them where they're from, and why?
Ah well, not calling YOU ignorant, but sometimes it would help if people would read what someone writes and not just skim over it.
I'm NOT saying that asking someone where they're from is insensitive and ignorant. What I'm saying is that the manner and the tone matters.
If I meet someone and the first thing they say to me 'where you from anyways?' I'd have trouble assuming he's being friendly.0 -
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Eve_Dublin wrote: »To ask someone where they're from if they're obviously foreign is the most common conversation starter in every country I've ever visited or lived in. I get asked virtually every day here by the locals. Not just Ireland.It all depends on the intent of the asker.
Most of it is the way it's asked. I only knew a few people who really dislike being asked where they're from and that's because they're sensitive about being adopted or something(which is understandable). I don't mind people asking, I mind when I tell them and get stupid remarks implying that I'm lying (see below) or about 2000 follow-up questions. Asking a complete stranger their entire family history is totally OTT, in my opinion. As I mentioned in an earlier post, a lot of people are sensitive about that stuff. I don't really mind explaining if the person isn't being a twat, but I have a friend who is half African and I know it really hurts him when people pry and dig because he never knew his father and was brought up by his white Irish mother in Dublin. He gets asked how he likes it 'over here' all the time. I don't think he's ever been further abroad than England.southsiderosie wrote: »I agree that "where are you from" is both common and generally innocuous, but where it becomes more problematic/annoying is when you respond with "Irish" or "American" or whatever, and then get asked "But where are you really from" because your physical appearance doesn't meet with that person's expectations of what someone from Ireland or the US is supposed to look like. That's what I think starts to drive some people batty.
+1I'd say its just bad phrasing of the question they want to ask, I can't even come up with the proper way of asking myself right now, but they probably mean from where are your roots or what is your family history that would see you born in Ireland for example but with a physical appearance that is not typically Irish. It can come across as ignorant and prying but I would imagine, in most cases, it is just basic curiosity.
But it's bad manners to ignore someone else's feelings to satisfy your curiosity. It's what small children do. I've been in situations where I was very obviously uncomfortable and the person kept digging - so rude! I absolutely understand being curious about someone's background if they don't look Irish. But it's all about the way you go about asking. I met an Irish guy at a pub quiz here in South London last week and when I said I was Irish, he said 'if ya say so, love'. The entire table (mostly my workmates and my bf's mates) just looked at him and of course he couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. He carried on being a d1ck for the rest of the night, asking me about 100 times 'how it was possible' that I was Irish. Jesus Christ, I'm a bit tanned and Spanish looking, I'm not an alien from outer space.I don't take it personally. And yes almost all of the time it is showing an interest and it is meant to be friendly.
But like I said it's the tone and the manner. Its not that difficult to pick up the vibe of such an enquiry and I had enquiries that clearly carried an undertone of 'nother fkn foreigner so, where the fk are you from then...'.
+1
It's actually really insulting when people who weren't even there tell you how you should feel about a comment. It's incredibly easy to read the tone and intent behind remark.0 -
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But it's bad manners to ignore someone else's feelings to satisfy your curiosity. It's what small children do. I've been in situations where I was very obviously uncomfortable and the person kept digging - so rude! I absolutely understand being curious about someone's background if they don't look Irish. But it's all about the way you go about asking. I met an Irish guy at a pub quiz here in South London last week and when I said I was Irish, he said 'if ya say so, love'. The entire table (mostly my workmates and my bf's mates) just looked at him and of course he couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. He carried on being a d1ck for the rest of the night, asking me about 100 times 'how it was possible' that I was Irish. Jesus Christ, I'm a bit tanned and Spanish looking, I'm not an alien from outer space.
I dont think its acceptable to be constantly pestered about your family history, I merely was trying to explain how some people who asked "but where are you really from" might just be trying to get an insight into where a persons physical characteristics came from, albeit asking in a clumsy way. I can understand how it would feel intrusive if someone continually asked questions that you were uncomfortable with but 99% of people would pick up that they were overstepping the mark, "mind your own business" would sort out the other 1% I imagine.
That bar man probably thinks all Irish have red hair and freckles, as someone mentioned in an earlier post :rolleyes:0 -
I dont think its acceptable to be constantly pestered about your family history, I merely was trying to explain how some people who asked "but where are you really from" might just be trying to get an insight into where a persons physical characteristics came from, albeit asking in a clumsy way. I can understand how it would feel intrusive if someone continually asked questions that you were uncomfortable with but 99% of people would pick up that they were overstepping the mark, "mind your own business" would sort out the other 1% I imagine.
That bar man probably thinks all Irish have red hair and freckles, as someone mentioned in an earlier post :rolleyes:
I just wish people would consider how it would make them feel to constantly be treated as an outsider in their own country, because that's what it feels like when people ask where you're really from. It's a constant reminder that other people don't see you as one of them. Some people think it's oversensitive to be upset by that, but I think it's incredibly unsettling. It's like being in another country on holiday and treated like a tourist, but all the time. My boyfriend never really got it until we spent a whole weekend together in Dublin last year and he heard some of the stuff people come out with. It drove him mental and that was just a couple of days.0 -
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