It's damn rude to ask, damn rude

Spread

I think the OP is quite insecure in his/her newly established sophisticated pedestal. As an Irish person that worked in several non-English speaking countries for about 18 years, I was always glad to answer that question - which I was asked innumerable times. Most people asked it out of curiousity and a way of breaking the ice. And in the early stages of learning a new language, some people felt embarrassed for me and spoke to me through my indigenous companion. The person in the OP's post, would have been asked that same question dozens of times ........ and would have been glad to answer, unless having a chippy personality like the OP.

Freyja

Just wondering...Did anyone stop to think that it may have been the tone and intonation used in asking the question was the problem...not the actual words used.
The olde adage of its not what you say.....its how you say it?

sunflower27

Freyja wrote: »

Just wondering...Did anyone stop to think that it may have been the tone and intonation used in asking the question was the problem...not the actual words used.
The olde adage of its not what you say.....its how you say it?

Yes, mentioned it a few pages back

sollar

Chinasea wrote: »

Was in a local restaurant with aging visiting country aunt - we are friendly with the owner; he has been in Ireland for over 30 years.

When he came to our table in his usual friendly manner I introduced him to said aunt who rudely and bluntly asked him where he was from? engaging no further then this. I told her off after but alas it fell on clueless deaf auld ears. You just don't ask but there is no getting through to this type of set in their ways Irish person.

This is an example of the ultra Political Correctness that we are beginning to see more and more. In peoples effort to seem up to speed on whats acceptable and whats not they have completely lost all perspective. Asking where the man was from is not racist.

If you were in America for 30 years yet still had your Irish accent would you be offended if someone asked you where your from?

If he was white and from Germany or Australia you most likely would not have batted an eyelid. You were being over protective of this man because he was most likely not white..... which is perhaps a little racist on your part.

Spread

Freyja wrote: »

Just wondering...Did anyone stop to think that it may have been the tone and intonation used in asking the question was the problem...not the actual words used.
The olde adage of its not what you say.....its how you say it?

I had a good few country aunts and they were never aggressive in their demeanour ........ except when thinning turnips . That generation had a natural set of social mores. Making small talk was the entry to conversation. Is it not still the same today?

Chinasea

positron wrote: »

I might get slated for saying this, but I work with a lot of non-EU people, and most of them have been living here for over a decade and they are not happy when someone who they have just met asks them where they are from. It makes them feel uncomfortable as it's sounds unfriendly as it kinda, ever so slightly, insinuates that you are not from here (and not one of us etc perhaps). Call it being overly sensitive or whatever, but this is how it comes across - and this is only when then person asking is a stranger / just met.

Bingo

sollar

Chinasea wrote: »

Bingo

Ah ha.. one out of 67 posts... long wait

Spread

positron wrote: »

I might get slated for saying this, but I work with a lot of non-EU people, and most of them have been living here for over a decade and they are not happy when someone who they have just met asks them where they are from. It makes them feel uncomfortable as it's sounds unfriendly as it kinda, ever so slightly, insinuates that you are not from here (and not one of us etc perhaps). Call it being overly sensitive or whatever, but this is how it comes across - and this is only when then person asking is a stranger / just met.

I know an older gentleman who joined my office when he was being introduced to other staff one by one, the only question he was this exact question to non-Irish looking people, although in a very friendly way, but later on everyone said they all disliked him straight away for that (he's a nice guy by the way and still works with us). Most of the answers he got were like Lucan, Santry, Swords etc anyway!

I imagine your colleagues are not front of house workers. And when the old guy asked where they were from ...... they were being facecious in answering thus. They knew what he meant. Jesus, people should chill a little. And when a worker from a foreign country asks a work colleague from another foreign country where he/she is from (to establish a mutuality) is that regarded as a conversation stopper? Reverse racism methinks.

Fremen

I was in town a few years ago, drunkenly chatting to a woman who was not ethnically 'white'. I asked her where she was from, and in her non-Irish accent, she said "Ireland". I asked "yeah, but where are you from originally?".

She comes back with "So just because I'm not white doesn't mean I can't be Irish". As I said, I was a bit drunk at the time, so the old brain/mouth filter wasn't in proper working order. I tried to explain that Ireland was almost completely monocultural in the pre-celtic tiger years and that based on that, and her accent, and her appearance, I could conclude that she probably wasn't Irish. Queue ten minutes of accusations of racism.

Goddamnit.

Mickeroo

Fremen wrote: »

I was in town a few years ago, drunkenly chatting to a woman who was not ethnically 'white'. I asked her where she was from, and in her non-Irish accent, she said "Ireland". I asked "yeah, but where are you from originally?".

She comes back with "So just because I'm not white doesn't mean I can't be Irish". As I said, I was a bit drunk at the time, so the old brain/mouth filter wasn't in proper working order. I tried to explain that Ireland was almost completely monocultural in the pre-celtic tiger years and that based on that, and her accent, and her appearance, I could conclude that she probably wasn't Irish. Queue ten minutes of accusations of racism.

Goddamnit.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

sollar

Fremen wrote: »

I was in town a few years ago, drunkenly chatting to a woman who was not ethnically 'white'. I asked her where she was from, and in her non-Irish accent, she said "Ireland". I asked "yeah, but where are you from originally?".

She comes back with "So just because I'm not white doesn't mean I can't be Irish". As I said, I was a bit drunk at the time, so the old brain/mouth filter wasn't in proper working order. I tried to explain that Ireland was almost completely monocultural in the pre-celtic tiger years and that based on that, and her accent, and her appearance, I could conclude that she probably wasn't Irish. Queue ten minutes of accusations of racism.

Goddamnit.

If your ever working in Outer Mongolia you can throw a strop when they ask where your from and you respond - Outer Mongolia.

The old racism card is being brandished about a bit too freely these days.

Spread

Fremen wrote: »

I was in town a few years ago, drunkenly chatting to a woman who was not ethnically 'white'. I asked her where she was from, and in her non-Irish accent, she said "Ireland". I asked "yeah, but where are you from originally?".

She comes back with "So just because I'm not white doesn't mean I can't be Irish". As I said, I was a bit drunk at the time, so the old brain/mouth filter wasn't in proper working order. I tried to explain that Ireland was almost completely monocultural in the pre-celtic tiger years and that based on that, and her accent, and her appearance, I could conclude that she probably wasn't Irish. Queue ten minutes of accusations of racism.

Goddamnit.

One of the best books that I've read in the past twelve months. Where Are You Really From. http://www.culturenorthernireland.org/article/3249/book-review-where-are-you-really-from

IzzyWizzy

Mickeroo wrote: »

If someone has an odd accent one of the first things I do is ask them where they're from. I find it's better than guessing or making presumptions.

Why do you need to know? I don't think I've ever asked a waiter or a stranger where they were from. Who cares?

positron wrote: »

I might get slated for saying this, but I work with a lot of non-EU people, and most of them have been living here for over a decade and they are not happy when someone who they have just met asks them where they are from. It makes them feel uncomfortable as it's sounds unfriendly as it kinda, ever so slightly, insinuates that you are not from here (and not one of us etc perhaps). Call it being overly sensitive or whatever, but this is how it comes across - and this is only when then person asking is a stranger / just met.

It's not overly sensitive. It very obviously insinuates that 'you're not one of us'. It's a grand question to ask when you know someone, but as the FIRST question? Pretty rude, IMO. Even if it's not intended to be rude.

I know an older gentleman who joined my office when he was being introduced to other staff one by one, the only question he was this exact question to non-Irish looking people, although in a very friendly way, but later on everyone said they all disliked him straight away for that (he's a nice guy by the way and still works with us). Most of the answers he got were like Lucan, Santry, Swords etc anyway!

It is rude. Why are Irish people so obsessed with where people are from? Why can't they just accept people as people? I've lived all over the place and I've never felt as uncomfortable I do as when I'm in Ireland. I'm going over for a wedding at the weekend and just waiting for all the stupid, irritating questions. They ask your name and then it's 'where are ya from, love?' 'Ireland? Ah ya can't be Irish, you don't look Irish. Where are ya really from?' :rolleyes: Great way to make someone feel at home in their own country. What if I were adopted and had some tragic backstory (I know plenty of people in this situation)? It's just rude and insensitive to pry like that and not to take someone's first answer as the truth.

Fremen wrote: »

I was in town a few years ago, drunkenly chatting to a woman who was not ethnically 'white'. I asked her where she was from, and in her non-Irish accent, she said "Ireland". I asked "yeah, but where are you from originally?".

She comes back with "So just because I'm not white doesn't mean I can't be Irish". As I said, I was a bit drunk at the time, so the old brain/mouth filter wasn't in proper working order. I tried to explain that Ireland was almost completely monocultural in the pre-celtic tiger years and that based on that, and her accent, and her appearance, I could conclude that she probably wasn't Irish. Queue ten minutes of accusations of racism.

Goddamnit.

She's right. Plenty of Irish people my age and even older (I'm 26) who aren't white and don't look Irish. If she didn't identify as Irish, she wouldn't have told you she was Irish. I certainly wouldn't have asked further questions until we were firm friends. The accent thing I get, but a lot of Irish people, white and non-white, grew up overseas and don't have the Irish accent.

What's the obsession with foreigners? I've worked in countries where I spoke my second/third/fourth language with an accent and still wasn't asked where I was from unless I really got talking to someone. It's really odd that so many Irish people think interrogating someone about their racial background/accent is socially acceptable.

the groutch

should should have said "Eres sin hogar?", at least she'd know if he was Spanish (and might have had a chance of pulling him)

lastlaugh

take everything wrote: »

This feels like a troll to rile up over-PC types.
Admittedly bit better than most troll efforts here.

You're good. Sharp eye for that kind of thing.

Let us all know if you detect anything like this again.

Mickeroo

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Why do you need to know? I don't think I've ever asked a waiter or a stranger where they were from. Who cares?

If I'm having a conversation with them and want to know more about them it seems like a logical question to ask.


One thing, if someone clearly is not Irish and you ask them where they're from and they answer Ireland, they're the ones being rude.

Snakeblood

Chinasea wrote: »

Was in a local restaurant with aging visiting country aunt - we are friendly with the owner; he has been in Ireland for over 30 years.

When he came to our table in his usual friendly manner I introduced him to said aunt who rudely and bluntly asked him where he was from? engaging no further then this. I told her off after but alas it fell on clueless deaf auld ears. You just don't ask but there is no getting through to this type of set in their ways Irish person.

As long as she doesn't follow up with 'AND IT BETTER NOT BE FUPPING JAPAN' I'm not certain I see a problem.

Biggins

Chinasea wrote: »

Was in a local restaurant with aging visiting country aunt - we are friendly with the owner; he has been in Ireland for over 30 years.

When he came to our table in his usual friendly manner I introduced him to said aunt who rudely and bluntly asked him where he was from? engaging no further then this. I told her off after but alas it fell on clueless deaf auld ears. You just don't ask but there is no getting through to this type of set in their ways Irish person.

I...
Well you see...
I think...
Maybe you shoulda...

A fcuk it!

MEH!"

~I'm outa here...

IzzyWizzy

Mickeroo wrote: »

If I'm having a conversation with them and want to know more about them it seems like a logical question to ask.

Only in Ireland is 'where are ya from?' the very first thing you ask a stranger. Usually in that same overly direct way as well.

One thing, if someone clearly is not Irish and you ask them where they're from and they answer Ireland, they're the ones being rude.

Eh? How is that rude? And how do you know if someone is 'clearly' not Irish? Your attitude says it all really and it's one of the things I really despise about Ireland. Nobody should ever feel like they have to explain themselves or their appearance or their family background to some stranger they've just met. How f**king arrogant is it for you to decide whether someone else is allowed to be Irish or not?

My name is URL

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Only in Ireland is 'where are ya from?' the very first thing you ask a stranger. Usually in that same overly direct way as well.

Only in Ireland would someone see that as an overly insensitive question to ask. When I lived in the States there were plenty of people that asked me where I was from.. I certainly never took it as anything other than simple curiosity.

Some people are too quick to see the 'harm' in everything.

Fremen

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

What's the obsession with foreigners? I've worked in countries where I spoke my second/third/fourth language with an accent and still wasn't asked where I was from unless I really got talking to someone. It's really odd that so many Irish people think interrogating someone about their racial background/accent is socially acceptable.

It's a pretty natural conversation starter. You start with "where are you from?", they tell you, and it opens up the chance of establishing a new topic of conversation. Maybe you've been to the country. If not, you can ask questions about it. Maybe the place has been in the news recently. It's hardly a taboo subject, and it's certainly not an obsession.

Amber Lamps

Living in Canada i get asked this question several times a day. why the fcuk would i be offended. only time is when people presume first like, "are you from england?', and even then im just feigning that im offended to be confused as english.

really cant wait to get home to the fcuked up held to ransom place i proudly proclaim as my home over here

Kevin Duffy

OP, unless you've asked him, or spoken with somone else about him behind his back, or noticed his arrival and took note of the passing years - how do you know this man is in Ireland for 30 years?

If the problem is in asking where he's from, why does it matter how long he's here?

Fremen

Snakeblood wrote: »

As long as she doesn't follow up with 'AND IT BETTER NOT BE FUPPING JAPAN' I'm not certain I see a problem.

HAIRY JAPANESE BASTARDS!

IzzyWizzy

My name is URL wrote: »

Only in Ireland would someone see that as an overly insensitive question to ask. When I lived in the States there were plenty of people that asked me where I was from.. I certainly never took it as anything other than simple curiosity.

Some people are too quick to see the 'harm' in everything.

Look, if it were that simple, there wouldn't be so many stories on here about people getting offended. I've lived in loads of places, dealt with loads of people from all over the world and I still hate that Irish way of asking where you're from and questioning how Irish you are.

Fremen wrote: »

It's a pretty natural conversation starter. You start with "where are you from?", they tell you, and it opens up the chance of establishing a new topic of conversation. Maybe you've been to the country. If not, you can ask questions about it. Maybe the place has been in the news recently. It's hardly a taboo subject, and it's certainly not an obsession.

It's more the way people ask it. And then when you say Ireland and they refuse to believe you, as illustrated by several posters on this thread who fail to understand how offensive that is. People aren't idiots. There is a very clear difference between asking somewhere where they're from in the context of a conversation and asking them in that accusatory tone before you've even said hello.

Amber Lamps

Its not what you said. Its the way you said it :rolleyes:

Toby Take a Bow

I don't really see the problem here, unless the tone was outwardly rude and offensive. Sounds like she was trying to start a conversation, no harm in that.

I was out last night and was asked where I was from by a French girl and then again by an Irish girl. I didn't find their accusations racist in any way. I think people are a little bit overly sensitive to this kind of thing.

When I was in America, I was asked constantly where I was from. Again, no offense taken.

Mickeroo

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Only in Ireland is 'where are ya from?' the very first thing you ask a stranger. Usually in that same overly direct way as well.

I'd have asked their name first and given them mine probably, might have even shook their hand. I'd also expect them to ask me where I'm from and I wouldn't be offended by it because I don't have double standards when it comes to mine or anyone elses culture. I have yet to meet someone who is offended by being asked where they're from. Suggesting I would only be able to ask where someone is from in a rude dismissive and insensitive manner because I'm Irish is pretty fcuking racist actually.

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Eh? How is that rude? And how do you know if someone is 'clearly' not Irish? Your attitude says it all really and it's one of the things I really despise about Ireland. Nobody should ever feel like they have to explain themselves or their appearance or their family background to some stranger they've just met. How f**king arrogant is it for you to decide whether someone else is allowed to be Irish or not?

If someone has a foreign accent is it not normal to assume they're from a foreign country? Your attitude is ridiculous. If I ask someone where they're from it's nothing to do with wanting them to explain themselves, it's probably because I find them somewhat interesting not because I'm some sort of crazed xenophobe.

Teyla Emmagan

strobe wrote: »

Rice once it's been cooked can often still contain the Bacillus cereus strain of bacteria. These bacteria start to multiply again immediately after cooking and can cause pretty serious food poisoning. The longer the rice is left the more bacteria will be present. I don't think he was being racist, just exaggerating a bit.

{This has been a public service announcement on behalf of the FSAI}

My Mam is always going on about this. Kinda. In fairness she says 'never reheat rice. EVER!!!'. I'm not sure if this is in any way relevant of course.

But old people, they are a law onto themselves. And the OP's auntie was probably not trying to be racist, just trying to understand a little more about the restaurant owner (or whoever they were). Such inquisitiveness is not generally an attempt at rudeness, just curiousity born out of lack of exposure.

Fremen

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

It's more the way people ask it. And then when you say Ireland and they refuse to believe you, as illustrated by several posters on this thread who fail to understand how offensive that is. People aren't idiots. There is a very clear difference between asking somewhere where they're from in the context of a conversation and asking them in that accusatory tone before you've even said hello.

I get what you're saying, and I can see how it would get on your nerves. Most people probably don't mean to cause offense though. In the case I mentioned, the girl clearly grew up somewhere other than Ireland, and I was a bit disinhibited at the time.

I live in edinburgh at the moment, and there are a lot of second-generation people with indian or chinese ancestors here. If I was talking to someone like that, with a big mad scottish accent on them, I wouldn't ask.