It's damn rude to ask, damn rude

mattjack

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

My Mam is always going on about this. Kinda. In fairness she says 'never reheat rice. EVER!!!'. I'm not sure if this is in any way relevant of course.

But old people, they are a law onto themselves. And the OP's auntie was probably not trying to be racist, just trying to understand a little more about the restaurant owner (or whoever they were). Such inquisitiveness is not generally an attempt at rudeness, just curiousity born out of lack of exposure.

very relevant...never, ever reheat rice...nasty things happen..

positron

mattjack wrote: »

very relevant...never, ever reheat rice...nasty things happen..

I must be a zombie. Been eating rice for over 3 decades, excess rice goes to the fridge, comes out for next dinner - either microwave it or reheat it with the freshly cooked rice. Never been poisoned, never had as much as a tummy ache from eating rice - ever!

Mickeroo

positron wrote: »

I must be a zombie. Been eating rice for over 3 decades, excess rice goes to the fridge, comes out for next dinner - either microwave it or reheat it with the freshly cooked rice. Never been poisoned, never had as much as a tummy ache from eating rice - ever!

Yea I've reheated it loads too, even though I was aware you weren't supposed to.

mattjack

positron wrote: »

I must be a zombie. Been eating rice for over 3 decades, excess rice goes to the fridge, comes out for next dinner - either microwave it or reheat it with the freshly cooked rice. Never been poisoned, never had as much as a tummy ache from eating rice - ever!

I believe ya..lots do....though I had a sister who ended up in hospital after reheating rice..and doctors ,more or less blamed that, though they say they couldnt be 100 %,sorry for derailing thread

Fremen

mattjack wrote: »

I believe ya..lots do....though I had a sister who ended up in hospital after reheating rice..and doctors ,more or less blamed that, though they say they couldnt be 100 %,sorry for derailing thread

Yeah, but where was that rice from?

mattjack

Fremen wrote: »

Yeah, but where was that rice from?

Artane....

IzzyWizzy

Mickeroo wrote: »

I'd have asked their name first and given them mine probably, might have even shook their hand. I'd also expect them to ask me where I'm from and I wouldn't be offended by it because I don't have double standards when it comes to mine or anyone elses culture. I have yet to meet someone who is offended by being asked where they're from. Suggesting I would only be able to ask where someone is from in a rude dismissive and insensitive manner because I'm Irish is pretty fcuking racist actually.

Suggesting that someone claiming to be Irish when you think they're not is 'rude' gives me an idea of the way you ask the question.

If someone has a foreign accent is it not normal to assume they're from a foreign country? Your attitude is ridiculous. If I ask someone where they're from it's nothing to do with wanting them to explain themselves, it's probably because I find them somewhat interesting not because I'm some sort of crazed xenophobe.

Yes, but if they then say they're Irish, it's not normal to challenge them on it. That's what my personal issue with the whole topic is. Suggesting to someone's face that they're not Irish when they've said they are is xenophobic at worst and ill-mannered and insensitive at best. I wouldn't expect any born-and-bred Irish person to really understand just how sh1t it makes you feel to be constantly explaining yourself in your own country.

Fremen wrote: »

I get what you're saying, and I can see how it would get on your nerves. Most people probably don't mean to cause offense though. In the case I mentioned, the girl clearly grew up somewhere other than Ireland, and I was a bit disinhibited at the time.

I know they probably don't mean to, but it's no excuse. Consider that many non-white Irish people would have been bullied at school for being different and grown up being asked where they're 'really from' - how do you think it feels to have that all dragged back up when you're just trying to have a nice night out? Consider the fact that a lot of non-white Irish people are actually adopted from elsewhere and have spent their entire life feeling out of place - is it really that hard to understand why they would be prickly when someone is giving them the third degree about their background? Same goes for people with Irish parents who were born/brought up abroad. Why not just take their word for it and move on or ask some less intrusive follow-up questions that would satisfy your curiosity without making the person feel uncomfortable?

I live in edinburgh at the moment, and there are a lot of second-generation people with indian or chinese ancestors here. If I was talking to someone like that, with a big mad scottish accent on them, I wouldn't ask.

A lot of people would ask. Or do something stupid like compliment them on their English. I'm always getting stupid comments like that even though I have an Irish accent and surname. My boyfriend used to think I was oversensitive until he heard some of the ridiculous things people say.

Mickeroo

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Suggesting that someone claiming to be Irish when you think they're not is 'rude' gives me an idea of the way you ask the question.



Yes, but if they then say they're Irish, it's not normal to challenge them on it. That's what my personal issue with the whole topic is. Suggesting to someone's face that they're not Irish when they've said they are is xenophobic at worst and ill-mannered and insensitive at best. I wouldn't expect any born-and-bred Irish person to really understand just how sh1t it makes you feel to be constantly explaining yourself in your own country.

For the record I'd never be rude to person I just met. If somene obviously wasn't from here and they told me they were I wouldn't challenge them on it, I'd wonder why they felt the need not to tell the truth but I guess they might have their reasons. If I went and lived somewhere for a few years, even if I gained another nationality I'd still say I'm from Ireland if someone asked, I don't see why anyone would or should do any different. If I meet someone in Ireland who is not white I wouldn't automatically think they were not Irish, but if they don't have an Irish accent or have poor english then it would seem pretty obvious that they weren't born here no?

IzzyWizzy

Mickeroo wrote: »

For the record I'd never be rude to person I just met. If somene obviously wasn't from here and they told me they were I wouldn't challenge them on it, I'd wonder why they felt the need not to tell the truth but I guess they might have their reasons.

But how do you know they're not Irish? Is it not really condescending of you to just decide you know better than they do?

If I went and lived somewhere for a few years, even if I gained another nationality I'd still say I'm from Ireland if someone asked, I don't see why anyone would or should do any different. If I meet someone in Ireland who is not white I wouldn't automatically think they were not Irish, but if they don't have an Irish accent or have poor english then it would seem pretty obvious that they weren't born here no?

But that's oversimplifying things. The majority of foreign people (born and raised abroad without an Irish passport) living in Ireland would not claim to be Irish, but there are plenty of people who don't fit the narrow definition of what Irish is. People with divorced parents of two nationalities who grew up in the other country, people who were adopted by Irish parents, people with Irish parents who grew up abroad, people with a foreign parent/grandparent, all kinds of reasons.

I didn't have an Irish accent for a lot of my life, I don't look Irish at all but I am Irish. It doesn't bother me that people find it surprising, it bothers me that they think they have the right to question me, as if they think I'm lying. That's really quite rude. A lot of it depends on the way it's asked. I'm not going to hold it against someone if it's misplaced friendliness or curiosity, but a lot of the time it's really patronising.

WoollyRedHat

OP, you should report this matter to the police, they'll set the old wench right

And I hope they spat in her food, the inqusitive, racially insenstive bitch!

southsiderosie

I think it's the tone that matters. Sometimes people are just being friendly, but some people can be very accusatory.

I think the thing that gets annoying is when people try to challenge where you say you are from. I have a very obvious American accent, but I'm not white, and that seems to cause a lot of confusion, particularly in Ireland. I've been asked "But where are you REALLY from?" more times than I care to count. I find it to be a bit curious that so many people in Europe seem unable to fathom that there are non-white Americans roaming around, particularly given who our president is, but oh well.

To be fair though, I find that other immigrants - particularly non-white immigrants - are just as curious, if not more so, than natives.

Spread wrote: »

One of the best books that I've read in the past twelve months. Where Are You Really From. http://www.culturenorthernireland.org/article/3249/book-review-where-are-you-really-from

Haha, I saw that in a bookstore in Belfast and snapped it right up. I feel like people have been asking me that my whole life!

Mickeroo wrote: »

One thing, if someone clearly is not Irish and you ask them where they're from and they answer Ireland, they're the ones being rude.

But what does 'clearly not Irish' mean? Are you only from the place where you were born? At what point do you get to say you are 'from' somewhere?

southsiderosie

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

I didn't have an Irish accent for a lot of my life, I don't look Irish at all but I am Irish. It doesn't bother me that people find it surprising, it bothers me that they think they have the right to question me, as if they think I'm lying. That's really quite rude. A lot of it depends on the way it's asked. I'm not going to hold it against someone if it's misplaced friendliness or curiosity, but a lot of the time it's really patronising.

^^^This.

Mike 1972

Bit of an awkward moment recently when a friend of my housemate here in Belfast on hearing my (Southern) Accent recently asked me if I was a foreigner. Seemingly in his somewhat intoxicated state he got it into his head that I might be from Poland or somewhere

doomed

You need to revisit your definition of rude.

Mickeroo

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

But how do you know they're not Irish? Is it not really condescending of you to just decide you know better than they do?



But that's oversimplifying things. The majority of foreign people (born and raised abroad without an Irish passport) living in Ireland would not claim to be Irish, but there are plenty of people who don't fit the narrow definition of what Irish is. People with divorced parents of two nationalities who grew up in the other country, people who were adopted by Irish parents, people with Irish parents who grew up abroad, people with a foreign parent/grandparent, all kinds of reasons.

I didn't have an Irish accent for a lot of my life, I don't look Irish at all but I am Irish. It doesn't bother me that people find it surprising, it bothers me that they think they have the right to question me, as if they think I'm lying. That's really quite rude. A lot of it depends on the way it's asked. I'm not going to hold it against someone if it's misplaced friendliness or curiosity, but a lot of the time it's really patronising.

I'm not in the habit of disrespecting people I've just met. All the points you've just made are spot on and I think you're absolutely right.

Mickeroo

southsiderosie wrote: »

But what does 'clearly not Irish' mean? Are you only from the place where you were born? At what point do you get to say you are 'from' somewhere?

Dunno, I'd never say I'm from anywhere I wasn't born in. *shrug*

Clearly not Irish means clearly not from Ireland.

ShadowHearth

Hmmm I am foreigner and I newer ever got offended by that question.

At work we
Messing around. Sometimes they call me polish ( I am Lithuanian ), so then I call them English ( they are Irish ) .

We have a good lough and back to work...

Racism is awesome!

Mike 1972

Mickeroo wrote: »

Dunno, I'd never say I'm from anywhere I wasn't born in. *shrug*

What if you hadnt lived there in years (especially if youd moved away at an early age) ?

Mickeroo

Mike 1972 wrote: »

What if you hadnt lived there in years (especially if youd moved away at an early age) ?

"I'm Irish originally but I moved here with my family when I was five or so."

Probably say something like that.

CramCycle

ShadowHearth wrote: »

Hmmm I am foreigner and I newer ever got offended by that question.

At work we
Messing around. Sometimes they call me polish ( I am Lithuanian ), so then I call them English ( they are Irish ) .

We have a good lough and back to work...

Racism is awesome!

LOL one of the girls in work calls me English (Irish), I call her Mexican (Spainish) and we both call one of the lads a scumbag (Dubliner) :pac: :pac:

LK_Dave

grow some ffs

Mike 1972

Mickeroo wrote: »

"I'm Irish originally but I moved here with my family when I was five or so.".

Its an answer which In a lot of circumstanses would be accurate but longwinded.

IzzyWizzy

Mickeroo wrote: »

"I'm Irish originally but I moved here with my family when I was five or so."

Probably say something like that.

That's still the simple '100% foreigner living in another country' scenario, though. What if your parents were Irish and you were born and brought up in Spain and went to Ireland for college? Would you say you were Spanish? If you were born in Korea and adopted by your parents as a baby, would you say you were Korean?

up for anything

Chinasea wrote: »

Was in a local restaurant with aging visiting country aunt - we are friendly with the owner; he has been in Ireland for over 30 years.

When he came to our table in his usual friendly manner I introduced him to said aunt who rudely and bluntly asked him where he was from? engaging no further then this. I told her off after but alas it fell on clueless deaf auld ears. You just don't ask but there is no getting through to this type of set in their ways Irish person.

The implication in your description of your aunt leaves me almost speechless. So obviously apart from having an ignorant 'some sort of racist' aunt, she has an ageist, anti-culchie niece with hospitality skills failure. Lovely family! :eek::D

My mother has lived about 60 years in this country and she still gets asked where she is from. Depending on her humour she will either divulge the information or say Ireland. Sometimes it isn't nice being obviously different for her. Once in the early days of refugees and asylum seekers, when she went into a petrol station to get a few things and misheard something the young lad behind the counter said, the little ****e got impatient with her and muttered that "she should fuck off back to her own country if she couldn't learn the language here". His manager had come up silently behind him and heard and read him the riot act telling him that she had been in the country and Irish longer than he'd been alive.

Comparing Ireland to America doesn't work. There have really only been lots of 'foreigners' in Ireland for the last ten or so years, so 'Where are you from?' is a more of conversation starter than an accusation. America is known as "the melting pot" of the world. It began as a place of refuge where people could escape from intolerance/injustice/poverty in their own countries and start again as Americans rather than Greeks/Irish/British/French etc living in a foreign country. If they used "Where are you from?" as conversation starter it would get messy and most of them would say Ireland.

southsiderosie

Mickeroo wrote: »

"I'm Irish originally but I moved here with my family when I was five or so."

Probably say something like that.

I guess I kind of feel like I don't owe strangers detailed explanations of my background, and they don't owe them to me either. So if someone says they are Irish (or Spanish or German or French), even though they are black, I take it at face value, and I would hope that others would have the same respect for me in return.

BluesBerry

Poor old Auntie it was probably her first time out in ages for a night out in the big smoke in a fancy restaurant , she got a little excited at seeing a foreigner something she never see's in her rural hometown and excitedly asked where he was from, then seen the look on her nephews face and became aware he was not happy at her friendly banter and promptly STFU afraid she would get sent back to the home

Mickeroo

Mike 1972 wrote: »

Its an answer which In a lot of circumstanses would be accurate but longwinded.

If I was in a hurry I'd say Irish.

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

That's still the simple '100% foreigner living in another country' scenario, though. What if your parents were Irish and you were born and brought up in Spain and went to Ireland for college? Would you say you were Spanish? If you were born in Korea and adopted by your parents as a baby, would you say you were Korean?

These questions are pointless. I already said I agreed with your last post above.

CorsetIsTight

I used to work in Waterford and have an accent that is obviously not-Waterford, but not obviously anything else. I was frequently asked where I was from.

Does anyone know of a support group I can contact....?

CaliforniaDream

I live abroad and get asked multiple times a day 'where are you from?'.
Can't see how someone would think it's rude. I have a different accent to most people here so once they hear it they're curious.
It comes across as an interest in the person they're conversing with. If someone takes offence from the question then they're extremely sensitive.

Bottom line: Get over it!

southsiderosie

CaliforniaDream wrote: »

I live abroad and get asked multiple times a day 'where are you from?'.
Can't see how someone would think it's rude. I have a different accent to most people here so once they hear it they're curious.
It comes across as an interest in the person they're conversing with. If someone takes offence from the question then they're extremely sensitive.

Bottom line: Get over it!

It may come across as interest to you, but as many other people have noted on this thread (including others who live abroad), at times it comes across as clearly hostile, rude or badgering, depending on the context.

It's nice that you've generally had a good experience living abroad, but not everyone else has (or at least not 100% of the time).