Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

tfitzgerald

I'm not on Facebook I am afraid of what I'd post after a few too many drinks . So I am not a Facebook friend of my daughter

kitty9

tfitzgerald wrote: »

I'm not on Facebook I am afraid of what I'd post after a few too many drinks . So I am not a Facebook friend of my daughter

any sexy pics of urself?

Defiler Of The Coffin

kitty9 wrote: »

horny i am

kitty9 wrote: »

any sexy pics of urself?

You're on the wrong site! Try <snip>

Battered Mars Bar

OMG! the draaaaama, my life's so complex.

frozenfrozen

I have my sister blacklisted because she kept asking me about things she had seen in my pictures and stuff on my wall

Joe10000

No but I'm friends with yours.

kitty9

frozenfrozen wrote: »

I have my sister blacklisted because she kept asking me about things she had seen in my pictures and stuff on my wall

what's that? do u mean blocked? or put in a room with black stuff such as people, monkeys, friesian cows and charcoal?

H2UMrsRobinson

I don't mean to sound like a square but if you wouldn't want your mum/dad seeing something you've put on Facebook, why would you put it out on the internet FOREVER, for the whole world to see. I'm friends with my mum, it's our main way of keeping in touch. Phonecalls to UK still cost a fortune when you've only got a mobile.

I love FB for keeping in touch with the reli's back home, sharing what I've been up to that week etc, but some people have their whole lives out there for the world (and their parents) to see. Talk about exposing yourself. A little decorum goes a long way !

EDIT: just read that back and I sound like a right ol' codger, btw i've been defriended by my daughter so guess it's an age thing.

I-Shot-Jr

My aul dear is blocked purely because we don't get along and I don't want her seeing what I'm doing, where I'm living etc.

I'm friends with my Dad on facebook, he has achieved hero status among some of my mates thanks to his admittedly sharp put downs, puns jokes etc whenever I post anything.

Palytoxin

Thank fúck my parents are not on facebook, they're fairly social networking illiterate though so I think I'm safe enough.

Lia_lia

Friends with my Dad alright. But to be honest he posts more inappropriate stuff than I do most the time so I don't really care. And I only see him once or twice a year so it's a good way to keep in touch!

My Mother can't even turn on a computer.

newbee22

Im friends with my mum on facebook, she doesnt really comment that much but when she does its a witty oneliner, my sister has her blocked though, guess she doesnt want her seeing her drunken snaps!

falan

Not really a status update, but two people on my friendlist have joined this group to win tickets to Disneyworld. All you gotta do is invite 50 friends and you get a free ticket to Disneyland...Tards.
https://www.facebook.com/events/203137413139014/

slowmoe

Parents on facebook?!?

What is the world coming to....

paddyandy

Parents as Friends ..........i'll have to try and figure that one out ...collusion ?

mackg

Refused my mother, wouldn't be too bothered about it but I know the lads would make me regret it. Found out later that my privacy settings were non existent for ages and she was just stalking me anyway.

superstoner90

falan wrote: »

Not really a status update, but two people on my friendlist have joined this group to win tickets to Disneyworld. All you gotta do is invite 50 friends and you get a free ticket to Disneyland...Tards.
https://www.facebook.com/events/203137413139014/

:eek: How do I enter?

Oh god, please tell me how to enter.

Jesus Wept

Piss poor poll.

MickySticks

Andy Carroll wrote: »

Piss poor poll.

Shocking waste of £35M alright.

x_Ellie_x

My parents both joined it so I blocked them - my stupid sister showed them how to use it :mad:. I have it set that they can't even see that my account exists.

emigrate2012

Domo230 wrote: »

Friend of mine was fraped and someone posted a serious sounding post about him coming out as gay (he's straight). His parents must have seen the post as two weeks later when he returned home from college he was surprised to find they had organised a coming out party for him.[/Quote

Classic,NEVER stay logged in on common use pc,leave ur phone unlocked etc.imagine de parents "I'm not gay" its ok,we read your fb "but I'm NOT gay!" hilarious,evil genius.

kellogscoffey

Yeah, I think i'm one of dads 3 friends... We're a tight knit bunch obviously :pac:

Eggy Baby!

This story begins with Once Upon A Time, because the best stories do, of course.

So, Once Upon A Time, and imagine if you can, a steep sided valley cluttered with giant, spiky green pine trees and thick, green grass that reaches to the top of your socks so that when you run, you have to bring your knees up high, like running through water. Wildflowers spread their sweet heady perfume along the gentle breezes and bees hum musically to themselves as they cheerily collect flower pollen.

People are very happy here and they work hard, keeping their houses spick and span and their children's faces clean.

This particular summer had been very hot and dry, making the lean farm dogs sleepy and still. Farmers whistled lazily to themselves and would stand and stare into the distance, trying to remember what it was that they were supposed to be doing. By two o'clock in the afternoon, the town would be in a haze of slumber, with grandmas nodding off over their knitting and farmers snoozing in the haystacks. It was very, very hot.

No matter how hot the day, however, the children would always play in the gentle, rolling meadows. With wide brimmed hats and skin slippery with sun block, they chittered and chattered like sparrows, as they frolicked in their favourite spot.

Now, their favourite spot is very important to this story because in this particular spot is a large, long, scaly rock that looks amazingly similar to a sleeping dragon.

The children knew it was a dragon.

The grown ups knew it was a dragon.

The dogs and cats and birds knew it was a dragon.

But nobody was scared because it never, ever moved.

The boys and girls would clamber all over it, poking sticks at it and hanging wet gumboots on its ears but it didn't mind in the least. The men folk would sometimes chop firewood on its zigzagged tail because it was just the right height and the Ladies Weaving Group often spun sheep fleece on its spikes.

Often on a cool night, when the stars were twinkling brightly in a velvet sky and the children peacefully asleep, the grown ups would settle for the evening with a mug of steaming cocoa in a soft cushioned armchair. Then the stories about How The Dragon Got There began. Nobody knew for sure, there were many different versions depending on which family told the tale, but one thing that everybody agreed on, was this:

In Times of Trouble
The Dragon will Wake
And Free the Village
By making a Lake


This little poem was etched into everybody's minds and sometimes appeared on tea towels and grandma's embroidery.

The days went by slowly, quietly and most importantly, without any rain. There had been no rain in the valley for as long as the children could remember. The wells were starting to bring up muddy brown water and clothes had to be washed in yesterday's dishwater. The lawns had faded to a crisp biscuit colour and the flowers drooped their beautiful heads. Even the trees seemed to hang their branches like weary arms. The valley turned browner and drier and thirstier, every hot, baking day.

The townsfolk grew worried and would murmur to each other when passing with much shaking of heads and tut tuts. They would look upwards searching for rain clouds in the blue, clear sky, but none ever came.

"The tale of the Dragon cannot be true," said old Mrs Greywhistle, the shopkeeper.

"It hasn't moved an inch, I swear," replied her customer, tapping an angry foot.

It was now too hot for the children to play out in the direct sun and they would gather under the shade of the trees, digging holes in the dust and snapping brittle twigs.

"The Dragon will help us soon," said one child.

"He must do Something," agreed another.

"I'm sure he will."

They all nodded in agreement.

A week went by with no change, the people struggling along as best they could. Some were getting cross at the Dragon and would cast angry, sideways looks at it when passing. The villagers were becoming skinny eyed and sullen.

Meanwhile, the children had a plan.

Quickly and quietly, they moved invisibly around town, picking and plucking at the fading flowers. With outstretched arms and bouquets up to their chins, they rustled over to where the giant rock lay, as still as ever.

The boys and girls placed bunches of flowers around the Dragon in a big circle. They scattered petals around its head and over its nose, then danced around and around it, skipping and chanting the rhyme that they all knew so well.



In Times of Trouble
The Dragon Will Wake
And Save the Village
By making a Lake.


The searing heat made them dizzy and fuzzy and finally they all fell in a sprawling heap at the bottom of the mound. They looked up at the rock.

Nothing happened.

A dry wind lazily picked up some flower heads and swirled them around. The air was thick with pollen and perfume. A stony grey nostril twitched.

"I saw something," cried the youngest boy.

They stared intently.

An ear swiveled like a periscope.

The ground began to rumble.

"Look out! Run!Run!"

The children scampered in all directions, shrieking and squealing, arms pumping with excitement.

The rumbling grew and grew.

The Dragon raised its sleepy head. It got onto its front feet and sat like a dog. It stood up and stretched, arching its long scaly back like a sleek tabby cat. It blinked and looked around with big kind, long lashed eyes.

And then its nostrils twitched and quivered again.

The older folk were alerted by the screams and shrieks. The ladies held up their long skirts to run and the men rolled their sleeves up and soon the whole town stood together in a tight huddle at the foot of the hill, staring up at the large beast with mouths held open.

"AHHHHH AAHHHHHHHHH!!"

The noise erupted from the Dragon.

"AHHHHH AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

The families gripped each other tighter and shut their eyes.

"AHHHHH CHOOOOOOOOO!!"

The sneeze blasted from the Dragon like a rocket, throwing it back fifty paces, causing a whirlwind of dust and dirt.

"AHHHHH CHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The second blast split open the dry earth, sending explosions of soil and tree roots high into the sky like missiles, and something else too ...

The people heard the sound but couldn't recognize it at first for it had been such a long time since their ears had heard such tinkling melody. As their eyes widened in wonder, their smiles turned into grins and then yahoos and hoorahs.

Water, cold, clear spring water, oozed, then trickled, then roared out of the hole, down the hillside and along the valley floor.

The torrent knocked over a farmer's haystack, but he didn't care.

The river carried away the schoolteacher's bike shed but she cared not a jot. It even demolished the Ladies Bowling Club changing rooms but they howled with laughter and slapped their thighs. When the flood sent pools of water out towards the golf course, filling up sixteen of the nineteen holes, the men just hooted and whistled and threw their caps up in the air.

What used to be a dirty, brown dust bowl, now gleamed and glistened in the sunlight, sending playful waves and ripples across the lake and inviting all to share.

"HMMMMM," sighed the Dragon sleepily, and showing his perfect movie star teeth. "Seeing as I'm awake ..."

And he lumbered forward with surprising grace and style and disappeared into the cool dark water with a small wave of a claw and flick of his tail.

They never saw him again.

After the families had restored and rebuilt the village, and set up sailing clubs for the children, and scuba diving for the grandparents, they erected a bandstand and monument in the spot where the Dragon used to lay. Every year to mark the occasion, they would bring garlands of flowers and herbs and arrange them in a big circle. The children would have the day off school, for it was known as 'Water Dragon Day' and wearing the dragon masks that they had been working on all week, would skip and clap and sing.

The Dragon helped Us
As We said He would Do
Hooray for The Dragon
Achoo, Achoo, ACHOOOO!


And that is the end of the story.

*remove friend*

whirlpool

My thread had absolutely nothing to do with status updates. But please, go ahead and merge it with a thread about status updates.

marcbrophy

Why the hell has this thread been merged with one that had a poll on a completely separate subject?

Ruin threads much? :mad:

Thwip!

Eggy Baby! wrote: »

*remove friend*

For some reason i expected this to end up being farmville

blatantrereg

"Just heard Pep Guardiola is joining Liverpool - in order to fulfil his much publicised ambition to take a break from football."

made me lol

birdlake

I just can't figure out if I'm cringing more for him or for her...

QUOTE:
I want to wish a Happy Birthday to my Extraordinary Wife! For the past 19 years, she has been the backbone to my life. Without her, I would not be where I am today. Sure there are ups and downs and as so, yings and yangs. Baby, you're my ying and together, we make yingyang. A whole that makes everyone we touch, more in tune to "our way". That is, do what you can do in life, take advantage of what you can, when you can, and always, always, ask... How can I make things better. Here's to another 19 Babe. Cheers!

Yingyang??? Seriously?

blatantrereg

birdlake wrote: »

I just can't figure out if I'm cringing more for him or for her...

QUOTE:
I want to wish a Happy Birthday to my Extraordinary Wife! For the past 19 years, she has been the backbone to my life. Without her, I would not be where I am today. Sure there are ups and downs and as so, yings and yangs. Baby, you're my ying and together, we make yingyang. A whole that makes everyone we touch, more in tune to "our way". That is, do what you can do in life, take advantage of what you can, when you can, and always, always, ask... How can I make things better. Here's to another 19 Babe. Cheers!

Yingyang??? Seriously?

When I read things like that I think the person is secretly terrified of their partner.

The King of Moo

"I had whon of those!" (in reference to a picture of a mood ring)

I know people's spelling generally isn't what it used to be, but how do you misspell "one??"

This isn't the first time this person's misspelled it either.