Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

u_c_thesecond

great

On September 31st, 2011 Facebook will start charging you for your account. To avoid this you MUST get NAKED, use a PERMANENT marker pen and write on your forehead the word S-U-C-K-E-R and then stand on your dining room table and do the Macarena, all the while singing ”I Will Survive”. After filming and posting it to your Facebook wall and YouTube, then, and only then, will Mark Zuckerberg come down your chimney to tell you that your account will stay free. Pass it on… it must be true because someone on Facebook I hardly know told me

dumb

If you have seen me drunk, like this status. Post this as your status. If you get more than 30 likes, you're a true piss-head!

cyrusdvirus

Following on from u_c_thesecond with his Great and Dumb ones....

& The In Between wrote:

IRELAND - HOME SWEET HOME......... The only place where........ • When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over, • If you die from alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight, • '**** off' means 'Are you serious?', ... ... • The person that you insult most is probably your best friend, • Saying 'I will yea' means that you definitely won't, • "**** it, its grand' means that you couldn't be bother finish it properly, • 'Hes fond of a drink' means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism, • Saying you're going for a drink means you might not be seen again for 3 days, • Crisps are called 'Taytos' and fizzy drinks are called 'minerals', • 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything, • The best cure for a hangover is more drink, • Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus', • 'Meeting' has a double meaning, • Tea is the solution to every problem, • And water is the solution to every GAA injury, • "I got stuck behind a tractor' is a perfectly valid reason for being late, • We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park, • You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or "I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner', • GAA is considered religion, • Its perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult, • Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation, • Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time, • You're scared of the wooden spoon, • The word 'like' goes in every sentence, • You can say "Any craic' to a garda and you won't get arrested, • 'The dogs' bollocks' means something brilliant

spider guardian

gatecrash wrote: »

Following on from u_c_thesecond with his Great and Dumb ones....

No wonder culchies are ridiculed on this forum. Glorifying alcohol abuse is funny if you're a 17 year-old student but to everyone else it is (or should be) idiotic.

cyrusdvirus

spider guardian wrote: »

No wonder culchies are ridiculed on this forum. Glorifying alcohol abuse is funny if you're a 17 year-old student but to everyone else it is (or should be) idiotic.

Is that directed at me??

spider guardian

gatecrash wrote: »

Is that directed at me??

No it isn't. Them type of gombeen humour messages have been flying around email inboxes for years now. They're getting old.

cyrusdvirus

spider guardian wrote: »

No it isn't. Them type of gombeen humour messages have been flying around email inboxes for years now. They're getting old.

Yeah, but there were one or 2 that were not as wrist slittingly cringe inducing as the rest...

spider guardian

gatecrash wrote: »

Yeah, but there were one or 2 that were not as wrist slittingly cringe inducing as the rest...

That's true. They usually involved Glenroe, tayto or 'hang sangwiches' in some form or another. Ah the memories... gettin all nostalgic now for when my dad used to bring me to the football matches and we'd go into some oul mans pub afterwards for a pint and a 'mineral'...

cyrusdvirus

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE !!~~ This year October has 5 Mondays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years. This is called money bags. So copy this to your status and money will arrive within 4days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui. The one who does not copy, will be without money

This is from a teacher...............god help us.

marcbrophy

gatecrash wrote: »

This is from a teacher...............god help us.

Seeing as the next time it happens is 2016, and the last time it happened was 2005, i think this may be wrong!!

cyrusdvirus

marcbrophy wrote: »

Seeing as the next time it happens is 2016, and the last time it happened was 2005, i think this may be wrong!!

Love it. That's going straight up on the sanctimonious twats page!!

Samich

*skip to bottom*

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful blue eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up. You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already. Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me I was okay but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy. Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart. I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy. Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy? You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay? It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more? I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait. Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you! Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop! Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion. Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live, smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you! I love you, Mommy. Every abortion is just… One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

# If you’re against Abortion, re-post

I haven't even read it apart from the last line. What utter tripe. Followed by looooads of likes.

Guill

IT'S

OFFICIAL! FACEBOOK USERS WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING THEIR FRIENDS COPY AND PASTE INTO THEIR STATUS MESSAGES! NOT ONLY WILL FACEBOOK START CHARGING YOU TOMORROW, THEY ARE ALSO GOING TO BILL YOUR CREDIT CARD FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS OF SERVICES. LUCKILY, EACH PERSON WHO COPIES AND PASTES THIS STATUS WILL RECEIVE A FREE UNICORN IN THE POST TOMORROW. IF YOU DON'T REPOST THIS STATUS, FACEBOOK CODE HAS BEEN SET UP TO AUTOMATICALLY SET YOUR COMPUTER ON FIRE AND HARM AN INNOCENT BUNNY IN THE FOREST! IT'S TRUE, IT WAS ON THE NEWS!!! (Please repost and don't forget the capitals, they are essential!)

It was on the news..........

overhead

30 more sleeps.. can't wait
29 more sleeps.. so excited


and so on

Wrecks my head. Needless to say I have her hidden now.

IvyTheTerrible

ColeTrain wrote: »

The Granny is a proper cnut for not buying the doll for him, she left him on his own in a shopping centre to probably go and spend her cash on a bottle of Powers and a pack of major..

I reckon the granny was secretly employed by the local florist...

flyaway.

IRELAND - HOME SWEET HOME......... The only place where........ • When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over, • If you die from alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight, • '**** off' means 'Are you serious?', ... ... • The person that you insult most is probably your best friend, • Saying 'I will yea' means that you definitely won't, • "**** it, its grand' means that you couldn't be bothered to finish it properly, • 'He's fond of a drink' means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism, • Saying you're going for a drink means you might not be seen again for 3 days, • Crisps are called 'Taytos' and fizzy drinks are called 'minerals', • 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything, • Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus', • Tea is the solution to every problem, • And water is the solution to every GAA injury, • "I got stuck behind a tractor' is a perfectly valid reason for being late, • We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park, • You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or "I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner', • GAA is considered religion, • Its perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult, • Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation, • Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time, • You're scared of the wooden spoon, • The word 'like' goes in every sentence, • You can say "Any craic' to a garda and you won't get arrested, • ♥ Proud 2 b Irish!!

coco_lola

...just had some lush cinnamon pancakes with golden syrup...Om nom nom...♥

Her status updates change from "Single" to "Its Complicated" to "In a relationship" every few days... or hours sometimes!

Blocked!

I removed her once as a friend, but she added me again. Sigh.

foxyboxer

flyaway. wrote: »

IRELAND - HOME SWEET HOME......... The only place where........ • When you were young, you went to bed when Glenroe was over, • If you die from alcohol poisoning, you're considered a lightweight, • '**** off' means 'Are you serious?', ... ... • The person that you insult most is probably your best friend, • Saying 'I will yea' means that you definitely won't, • "**** it, its grand' means that you couldn't be bothered to finish it properly, • 'He's fond of a drink' means he suffers from severe life-threatening alcoholism, • Saying you're going for a drink means you might not be seen again for 3 days, • Crisps are called 'Taytos' and fizzy drinks are called 'minerals', • 'For the craic' is the best reason for doing anything, • Nobody can go a day without saying 'Jaysus', • Tea is the solution to every problem, • And water is the solution to every GAA injury, • "I got stuck behind a tractor' is a perfectly valid reason for being late, • We eat Tayto sambos for lunch, and ham sandwiches on the way to Croke Park, • You can insert the name of a gardening tool into any sentence and it still makes sense, e.g. 'I had a rake of drink last night' or "I'll be out in a minute, I'm just shoveling down the dinner', • GAA is considered religion, • Its perfectly acceptable to call your mother 'mammy' even though you are a fully grown adult, • Saying 'Now we're sucking diesel' means that you are happy with the outcome of the situation, • Drinking 'tae' is everyone's favourite past time, • You're scared of the wooden spoon, • The word 'like' goes in every sentence, • You can say "Any craic' to a garda and you won't get arrested, • ♥ Proud 2 b Irish!!

*Cringes*

foxyboxer

coco_lola wrote: »

...just had some lush cinnamon pancakes with golden syrup...Om nom nom...♥

Her status updates change from "Single" to "Its Complicated" to "In a relationship" every few days... or hours sometimes!

Blocked!

I removed her once as a friend, but she added me again. Sigh.

I quit Facebook a few years ago, doesn't the ignore request not apply anymore?

Davidson2k9

Person 1: "ugh im so pissed off right now! :mad:"

Person 2: " aww whats wrong? "

Person 1: "nothing, im fine " or "i cant say over facebook"


**** off attention seeking fool

slick89

This just popped up in my news feed from 3 friends in a row..

"15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a "slut", no one knows she was raped at age 14. People call another guy "fat", no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man "ugly", no one knows he experienced a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 88 of you won't,the other 22 arent heartless and will. Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer . I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart. Put this as your status"

languagenerd

Everyone posting statuses about the weather today! Yes, it's sunny; yes, I can see that too, thanks - now if you love the sun so much, why are you inside on Facebook?!

Tayla

Not a status but someone i'm friends with with on facebook just created a photo album entitled 'September mushrooms'....

containing photos of yes you've guessed it...

Paddy Cow

Go to Google Maps put New York, NY as your starting point, and China as your ending point, now look at step 39.



Go to Google Maps put Japan as your starting point, and Shanghai as your ending point, now look at step 42.

Richard Hillman

People spamming news feeds with competitions for hotels :mad: Im reporting them all as spam.

falan

This comes under the "great" status updates...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if ...we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Saturday and sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. No NO you really do have enough clothes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping...

Ciderswigger

TL : DR
Can that even fit in a status update?!

RichieC

falan wrote: »

Man rules

I think that was a cover story on Nuts Magazine...

cyrusdvirus

I declare this thread over

But seriously i feel a bit lost knowing Steve jobs isn't with us anymore.........no one can walk in his shoes. I feel like I need to walk the holy mile or something.

This is from some idiot from these shores living in the States.

vangoz

Heres two I took screen shots of..... its the same person!!!

az2wp0sye65487

RichieC wrote: »

I think that was a cover story on Nuts Magazine...

In 2002