Dental plan!

corblimey

Otto: "Alcohol increases your ability to drive" [looks up the answer] "False"!? Oh, man!

the purple tin

[after one of Bart's prank calls to Moe's tavern]
Homer: You'll get that punk someday, Moe.

Moe: I don't know. He's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name.

El Siglo

Fallout Boy: Billowing backpacks, Radioactive Man: it's the worst villain of them all -- the Scoutmaster!

Radioactive Man: I see him, Fallout Boy.

Scoutmaster: Go get 'em, scouts. Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!

the purple tin

Marge: Careful of that apple pie on the back seat.

Grampa: Uh-oh!

Marge: Grampa, are you sitting on the pie?

Grampa: I sure hope so.

ha ha hello

(Simpson family after watching a movie about Noah's ark)

KENT BROCKMAN: You've seen the movie, now meet a real-life Noah! Only this Noah has been accused of KILLING two of every animal!

Funglegunk

Carl (wearing a very large pyramid shaped hat): So...uh...ain't you guys gonna ask me about my hat?
Lenny: Ohh! Hey Carl, what's with the hat?
Carl: Oh, what, this thing? I got it down at the museum. It's what the ancient Egyptians call a 'souvenir'.

the purple tin

Groundskeeper Willie: Now, the kilt was only for day-to-day wear.
In battle, we donned a full-length ball gown covered in sequins. The idea was to blind your opponent with luxury.

Vicxas

*Homer reading thermostat sign*

Homer: Don't touch Willy, Good advice!

Conall Cernach

Vicxas wrote: »

*Homer reading thermostat sign*

Homer: Don't touch Willy, Good advice!

I wonder if this is meant to be "Don't touch Willy" as in Groundskeeper Willy or "Don't touch willy" as in obvious penis joke.

Release the hounds.

mackeire

Me fail english, thats unpossible.

BlimpyBoy

Conall Cernach wrote: »

I wonder if this is meant to be "Don't touch Willy" as in Groundskeeper Willy or "Don't touch willy" as in obvious penis joke.

Rainier Wolfcastle: That's the joke!

Conall Cernach

BlimpyBoy wrote: »

Rainier Wolfcastle: That's the joke!

What I mean is are we advised not to touch Groundskeeper Willy or not to touch penises? Would American's get the double entendre and did the writers even think of it at the time?

PerrinV2

Conall Cernach wrote: »

What I mean is are we advised not to touch Groundskeeper Willy or not to touch penises? Would American's get the double entendre and did the writers even think of it at the time?

I'm certain this was a work of the writers,they were brillant back then.
But was there a coma in there?,I thought it read
"Don't touch,Willy"
And Homer just read it wrong

"Hmm good advice"

SEPT 23 1989

Krusty the Clown: He's spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it! Take it!

im invisible

PerrinV2 wrote: »

I'm certain this was a work of the writers,they were brillant back then.
But was there a coma in there?,I thought it read
"Don't touch,Willy"
And Homer just read it wrong

"Hmm good advice"

yeah, explain it. That will make it funny

the purple tin

Lisa: You know, Nancy Drew says all you need to solve a mystery is a keen intellect and two good friends, and I've got a keen intellect.

Marge: Lisa, Honey I think you're a little young to be investigating attempted murders. If you want to solve a mystery, why not find out who put mud in the freezer?

[Bart comes in with two bowls]
Bart: Who wants chocolate ice-cream?

Homer: Oh! Me! Me!

Valentina

From Homer's Phobia:

Homer: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I danced with a gay! Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise me!

Galway K9

This will never get old.

http://www.myspace.com/video/vid/30892316

Cina

I've only noticed this thread, and it's too long to read everything, but here are some of my favourites!

Chief: "You're off the case McGarnagle"
McGarnagle: "No you're off your case chief!"

McGarnagle: Damn it Billy, you gotta testify.
Billy: But I'm scared, McGarnagle.
McGarnagle: We're all scared billy.
Billy : OK then, for you, McGarnagle.
...
Police Chief: Well McGarnagle, Billy's dead! They lit his throat from ear to ear.
McGarnagle: Hey, I'm trying to eat lunch here.

Chief Wiggum: "This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless. "

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

Homer: You'll have to speak louder, I'm wearing a towel!

Homer: I thought you were dead
Mother Simpson: I thought you were dead
Gravedigger: Dang Blasted! Isn't anybody in this dad-gummed cemetery dead?
Hans Moleman: (popping out of coffin) I didn't want to make a fuss, but now that you mention it...

Mr. Burns: Now, to the Plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose (Mr. Burns' wooden model plane)! Hop In!
Mr. Smithers: But Sir!
Mr. Burns: (pulls out pistol and aims at Smithers) I said...hop in!

Troy McClure: Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

Lisa: Dad, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under...
Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!
[Homer bursts into Bart's room]
Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!

Lollers

Homer: How is education supposed to make me smarter ? besides, every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Do you remember that time I took the home winemaking course and forgot how to drive ?

Marge: that's because you were drunk.

the purple tin

Lab Guy: Nice eyelash. Yours?

Wiggum: No! We need to find out who it belonged to. We want a DNA test.

Lab Guy: Ooh! That takes uh, eight to ten weeks.

[Wiggum sighs and hands over 200 fags]

Lab Guy: Hey, did I say weeks? cause I meant seconds.

im invisible

Lollers wrote: »

Homer: How is education supposed to make me smarter ? besides, every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Do you remember that time I took the home winemaking course and forgot how to drive ?

Marge: that's because you were drunk.

Homer: and how!

Riddle101

They had the 138 episode on today. It was the clip show episode where they show old clip. Why didn't they wait until the 150th episode to do it, would have been a lot more suitable. Especially since the 150th episode was in the same season.

Anyway some quote from the episode.

Matt Groening: Get out of my office!!!
*Pulls out revolver and fires at the camera*

Lisa: Then, with your last ounce of strength, you pointed to W and S: "Waylon Smithers".
Marge: Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and that you've recovered and that we can all get back to normal.
Burns: Not exactly. Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a 5% pay cut.
Smithers: I]howling[/I Ohh!
Troy McClure: But of course, for that ending to work, you would have to ignore all the Simpson DNA evidence. I]laughs[/I And that would be downright nutty

Also from the actual ending of who shot Mr Burns
Lisa:Then, with your last ounce of strength, you pointed to W and S: "Waylon Smithers" or M and S Maggie Simpson.
Mr Burns:No with my last ounce of strength I swallowed my gold fillings. Those paramedics have sticky fingers.

pljudge321

Lousy Smarch weather!

Sea Filly

I always loved "I brought my own mic!".

mackeire

well if it isn't my friend mr mcgreg,
with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

"Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you HoJu."

".........I'll get back to you on that"

im invisible

Homer: I'm tired of being a wannabe League bowler, i wanna be a League bowler

G.K.

Chief Wiggum: Hey, Teeny, you know where 123 Fake Street is?
Teeny: <I don't know what you're saying.>
Wiggum: Ah, it's okay. Hey, we got the same hat. [drives off]